𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐊, 𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐀

ELEANOR

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When I stirred back to reality, I was sweating profusely and my heart beats sounding like drums in my ears. The silence was instantly deafening as soon as I felt the empty bed-side beside me and the rumpled mattress strewn over the ledge like someone had given the struggle to get out of. I was out of the bed in a daze, the nightmare was forgotten, and nausea hit me like a truck. I swallowed it down forcibly. I blindly found a shirt, tugging it on as I marched my around the bed to glance at the empty, openly-planned bath. My legs were swift on their search around the warm room, eager to make their way down to the living room where I found who I was looking for.

My footsteps must've been rigid, his neck craning to me as I descended the stairs, two at a time. My eyes caught traces of colour littered around him like it had rained construction paper. I moved closer only to realize they were sticky notes. He didn't say anything more, turning back to whatever scratching down he was into. I merely rolled my eyes.

'Hey,' I said softly, rounding up the sofa and paddling to his side. I had already started to see the glow reappear in his skin, his eyes picking up the usual woodsy colour. He smelt warm and inviting, I found it hard not to wrap my arms around his torso and just stay there while breathing him in.

'You were exhausted and I uh,' he droned off, penning down something else that wracked his mind. 'I uh... just a sec.'

Or he would lose his train of thought. I peeped over, trying to catch a glimpse. He was efficiently hiding it from me, placing the pad over his thigh and inditing vigorously. I crouched from under the crook of his arm, fitting myself between his arm and body to break him out of his physical reverie.

'A little room for the peas in a pod, thanks.'

He laughed lowly, shifting to bring me into a one-arm embrace. 'There you go, baby momma. Get comfy.'

Just when I did, I let my innermost desires get the worst of me. Maybe it was pregnancy, maybe it was the house—but I was craving for a kiss from him. I let my lips caress his softly and he didn't waste time in returning it with just the right amount of softness, smiling. I swallowed his breaths, my heart fluttering when I felt him curve a hand over my waist to pull me closer. Running my hands up his hair, the glid with something smooth, like metal, and I let out a gasp.

'What?' He mumbled, ending up as a groan when I pushed his head forward to examine the opening to his the drive that was his mind. It was a two-pronged, rectangular opening at the nape and I felt a gag coming to me.

'Okay, that is a total cockblocker,' he grumbled when he saw my horrified expression. I hummed a laugh as I cosied myself on his side, inspecting one of the post-its. The tip of the pen had exerted so much force that I could feel the welts from the opposite side of the page. 

'What's all this?'

'It's ah,' he responded, gathering a few into a lonely pile on the corner. His handwriting was comparable to chicken-scratches. It would take me an entire lifetime to decode that. 'I'm leaving notes for myself. For later.'

I smiled with nuance. 'You kept the world's secrets in your head and now, you're listing them on sticky notes? Sloppy.'

'Hardly any secrets. More like,' he sighed, dropping the pen on the table. 'Like know-hows to common actions carried out every day. Example, here's how to use a wrench.'

Tony had mentioned to me about how his memory decay was something that couldn't be cured. It would keep going on and on until someone came up with a method to get into his head and pull back the haywire strings in the brain to suck the thoughts back into him.

That was the thing about his condition. The memories, or thoughts, weren't lost. They were in his mind presently but just getting locked away one by one so that no one would be able to access it. As soon as it was eroded, he would dump it into a drive and burn it to hell. 

My fingers tightened around his bicep in eerie fear. Feeling my tension, he placed a hand over mine to soothe me. I mustered the courage to whisper out a question.

'Is it,' I croaked, 'is it that bad? Will it get worse?' I fought the question I wanted to ask the most—would he forget me? 

Bleary-eyed and beat down, he used his palms to rub his eyes tiredly. As if he were dreading this question, his shoulders slouched with effort and I decided to rest my cheek over his collarbone. I felt him breathe me in leisurely albeit soothingly.

'I-it's happening right now,' Tony murmured. 'Chunks of...stuff just go. I can't remember what I had for dinner yesterday. I can't remember the names of any cars. They're just...cars.'

I bit my lip, the gears in my head rolling to figure out what emotion was being played out in him. Was it relief? There was desperation and that was an underlying peace. He was hiding but to me, it seemed like he had accepted the fact that this had to happen.

'I have thirty-three cars all over the world,' he exclaimed, 'but, I can't remember the signs of a single one. I know I have thirty-three,' he sighed out with a shake of his head. 'It's like I'm losing my superpowers, Elle. I didn't recall making you the Maiden until you spoke.'

I let him continue his venting. My hands softly traced the hair that curled over his ears, listening to him quietly.

'It's like—okay, how do I say this?—in the Iron Man line of work, there's always guys losing their powers. By a ray, or a mishap or abracadabra! It just happens. And I'd think—me, a guy who made a suit in a cave—I'd think, damn it, now, you're just a normal guy in a clunky suit which is the worst thing in the world. Standard. Average, y' know. What I'm trying to say is,' he swallowed tightly and his face screwing up with tension, 'I'm like everybody else, now. Elle, I'm ordinary.'

The extent of the mental reduction on Tony was on full show to me. He struggled in crafting his mere sentences and the confusion more heavier than ever. His dewy eyes were crazed as I scratched his scruff to mumble again under his breath. 

'I'm sorry, that sounded,' he bit his lip, 'mean and outrageously condescending.'

I managed to break out into a small smile. 'We're used to it by now. It's all good.'

He half-laughed, turning to meet my considerate gaze. They were darkened, earthy hues, not indulged in lust like in cheesy bodice-rippers, but with a beauty that evolved a moment into eternity and became the bliss, I wished to be a part of. 

'I want to marry you.'

Dark eyes that were stained with hot chocolate on coal became lighter with confusion. They were sunken in, imprisoned in secrets which I was yet to unfurl. I let out a small smile, playing with the corners of his lips which were wavering out ripples on his cheeks. 

'Did,' he laughed in disbelief, 'did you just propose to me?'

'I did.'

'Oh my god,' he shook his head, 'such a doofus.'

A choked laugh left me, harmonizing with his own. 'A nice dress, a beautiful suit, a quiet chapel—you, me and Rhodey.'

He chuckled. 'Vegas?'

'I wouldn't mind,' I shrugged. 'I just want you to be mine. But you know,' I droned off as the laughs died out, rubbing a hand over my stomach mindlessly. It was warm where I touched my abdomen while I wondered how small the little blip was right now. 

'I'll be fine,' I tried to convince myself. 'We can not continually get lucky.'

'Elle.'

I took this as my cue to put forth my end of the idea, hoping he would say yes. The odds weren't stacked in my favour but I pushed forward to try my best. My hands entangled into his, and he gripped it back just as crushing.

'What's on your mind?' He asked softly. I looked up at him, my heart hammering but forcing no hints of hesitation in my concerned expression. He waited for me to say what had been bothering me since the night before.

'I—' I tried to say, 'I want to say this while you're still—while you can—'

'Honey,' he said, using his free hand to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. 'You practically proposed to me two seconds ago. It cannot get worse.'

I nodded in compliance, sucking in a deep breath despite the humour-indued atmosphere. I once again faced him, my eyes steady and focused. 'Let's stay here, Tony.'

His soft expression dropped. I scrambled to put my next words as harmless as possible. 

'It's perfect,' I attempted, 'we have this home, a secure lab a few yards from here, the Maiden, JARVIS, HELEN—you have me. We'll have this baby and then move to England in a few weeks. We—we'll work something out with your mind in the meantime.'

He stayed silent. I proceeded.

'I can't do this alone, Tony. I can't. Even if I did, I wouldn't do it right. I don't know the first thing about being a mother. I am not ready. What if I lose the plot? What if something happens to her? I don't want my child to be born out of wedlock—'

'Elle, hey, ssh,' he grappled my shoulders to make my frenzied eyes focus on his. 'I got you.'

I looked at him expectantly.

'It's a solid plan,' he accepted drearily. 'But, there are so many unconsidered factors.'

'I don't care about that,' I whispered. 'I just need you. I don't know if I can do this without you.'

'You have no idea how much I want to say yes,' he sighed, looking miserable, 'but I can't. You know I can't. I have to keep moving.'

I tried to hide the hurt with a small quirk in my lips, looking down at our entwined hands. I breathed toughly knowing it was worth a shot. It was understood that it was on my order that I had put high hopes in a circumstance that could never exist. This was on me.

'It's alright,' I shook my head, prodding the spoon back into the half-eaten pint. 'Silly of me to think so naive.'

'I thought of it, too,' he contributed silently. 'Not any different from you. But yes, it's not exactly feasible.'

I wasn't listening to him. I was lost in my thoughts, thinking from a different perspective. Different outlook, different solution—right? 

All of it - Osborn, Zeke, the baby, Tony's memory—was something that had sparked from my doing. If I hadn't left Zeke that day, accepted my position as a default maybe Tony wouldn't be running. Maybe this baby wouldn't be here, suffering midst the trials outside. The very tribulations Tony Stark was being put through was behind the core reason. Me. 

I did this. I was going to be the death of him. Not his suit, not Osborn but me. I was the reason this baby was here. I was to blame. 

Reckless.

My stomach churned with the onslaught of thoughts, something erecting painful icicles that clenched and grew up to my throat. Everything my nose picked was repulsive—grease, wood, snow—I had to go away. I pushed myself off the stool, my chest constricting with oncoming nausea and my shaking palms clasping my gaging mouth.

'Elle!'

I stumbled up the stairs, blindly reaching for the bannisters and feeling my shivering kneecaps hit the staircase edges painfully. My head kept screaming at me, the same words on repeat and my eyes burning with the nauseous assault. Finally, I reached the toilet bowl and steeling my hands on the basin. I heard his footsteps follow close behind, my feet kicking the door shut.

You did this, Eleanor.

'Let me in,' his command was compelling yet commanding. 'C' mon,' he banged the door again, 'Elle, open the door!'

I wasn't listening. My ears were clustered with the thoughts that kept rushing back and my stomach emptying the contents until I felt my contracting stomach strain into my heart. My airways crushed like someone had inflated an unpoppable bubble, the turbulent pressure exerted on me was too much to handle.

'At least,' he breathed out. The handle jangled with force. 'Say something.'

'You d-don't have to see this,' I whispered out heavily, embarrassed about the scene I caused. I glimpsed at my hand which had turned a sickly white, warm where I touched the toilet seat. 

'Just leave me.'

'Like hell, I am!'

You did this, Eleanor. This one's on you. 

Everything hurt. I managed to croak out an answer. 'I'm fine, Tony.'

'Okay,' he breathed out in relief. 'You're fine. Let me in.'

'I don't want you here,' I cried out. I was a teary, bile-filled, greasy mess and he definitely did not this on his plate. 'Please leave.'

'I'm not leaving,' he yelled back, going to a hurting whisper when he did. 'Not again.'

I dry-heaved again, even when there was nothing left to go. The stench was acting on me, causing nausea to rise so I dutifully flushed the remnants down. I swallowed down one last retch before I sunk to the floor and my back hit the bathtub. To wad off the dizziness, I fit my head between my knees and tears dripping down on the gleaming marble tiles. 

The door blew right open with a squealing thud. I didn't bother to look up at his frustrated figure, his pensive footsteps coming into view. I pulled my knees tighter into my chest, disgusted.

'Elle, hey, look at me,' he murmured, kneeling in front of me and touching my arm. His skin brushed mine with a skid, knowing it was the sweat from my body. I felt him rise up again, hearing glass chinking and the tap turning open. In mere seconds, he was by my side again and nudging the cool mouth of the glass into my tightened arm.

'Hey,' he coerced. 'I've seen worse.'

I shook my head.

'Oh, you're doubting me?' He said with hints of a laugh in his voice. 'Listen to this: I went on a chlorophyll frenzy one time and had a projectile-vomiting bout... you didn't need to hear that.'

I broke out into a small laugh. 

'Don't you dare pull the Stinkerbell move on me,' he threatened. 'I'll get handsy, Preece.'

I stretched out a hand and felt him fit the glass into my palm. The water calmed the queasiness and I couldn't get past half the glass as I passed it back it to him.

'Wow, if expelling my guts was on the pregnancy agenda count me out.'

I lifted my head to shoot him a glare. His eyes brightened a bit when I faced him and that made me feel a tad bit better.

'Okay, sorry,' he murmured. 'Not helping. How about a hug?'

A smile climbed onto my lips as I found it hard to push away. Warm arms embraced me as soon as he spotted my joy, setting his chin over my head, not before pressing a kiss to my forehead. He rubbed my back gently to soothe me and it was working. Until he spoke.

'I would've gone for a kiss but you stink,' he said, his voice morphing into a laugh at the end. When he didn't hear me laugh, he cleared his throat. 'I'm never gonna learn.'

I breathed out my nose, answering small. 'I know. But you did okay for a future dad.'

'Okay?' He scoffed. 'I'm amazing. I bust down the door for you.'

I smiled larger. I loved that he had made me feel better with just a few words with his own magic. For some reason, I didn't want this moment to end. After weeks, we were falling back into ourselves and I was beside Tony.

'Happy would be proud,' I teased. 

Silence.

'Who's Happy?'

∞

[ not ready to break them up just yet. tsk, aw, I can't with these two. ]

edited!