Thursday, Around 15:30

The flashing blue-and-red lights, and the blood. Those I remember, but everything else on that day was a blur. We were just driving to school. Halfway there, I suddenly remembered I left my hockey gear back home so she started to make a U-Turn. I don't even remember it happening until after they told me. They said the car flipped about five times before finally stopping. She was gone before they even reached the hospital. That's what you get when a semi-truck crashes into you at 60 miles an hour. I was fine overall, cuts and bruises of course, but they made me stay at the hospital overnight, and when they realized I wasn't talking, they made me talk to a shrink. It's not that I couldn't talk, it's that I didn't want to talk. The first words I did say were, "Could I have some more Jello?". I'm sure the staff were more than concerned for my mental wellbeing because I didn't show any signs of...well anything. I was just...there. But she wasn't. All my life, she was there. It was just me and her. My dad, the no-show who I never met, was who I was supposed to go with after she died. My mother didn't have any siblings, and her parents didn't want me. But someone did want me; a family of three.

Saturday, Around 09:30

I met them for the first time at the hospital. Jenn, and Noah Rose; the mother was an overly-happy Pediatrician, and the father was a serious-looking Professor at a nearby University. Jenn had dark brown eyes, dirty blonde hair, and slightly noticeable smile lines. Noah had emerald eyes, and dark brown (with some gray) hair. The son, Drew, was a junior in high school, and only two years older than me. He looked like a carbon copy of his father, matching his emerald eyes, but with messier hair. Apparently, he's the captain of the hockey team. Although this family would never admit it, I could see it in their eyes. Behind the smiles, and nonchalant looks, they felt pity.

Saturday, Around Noon

I went back home with Social Services, packed up my bags, and then I went to my new "home" for the first time. It was about a thirty minute drive. When I got into the car, my stomach began to hurt, just thinking about how long this drive was. Not another car ride. I just got out of the worst one of my life. I put my headphones on the highest volume, and tried to relax.

My "home" was much bigger than where we used to live, but they didn't have an extra room for me, so I had to share with Drew. Jenn, with her usual grin, said, "Drew, dear, could you show Lucas where his room will be?". Drew led me up the stairs, and explained each room as we walked past it. Note: The creaky steps are five steps before the bottom of the stairs. When we entered the room... Well, I gotta say, I was pretty impressed. One look, and you could tell he loved hockey. It seemed like every square inch of that place was somehow related to hockey. Posters, jersey's, trophies, even the blue paint on the wall. On my side of the room, there was a twin size bed, and underneath, drawers for my clothes.

Drew told me, "I know you like hockey, so you should know that tryouts are on Friday." I responded with a nod, while looking out the window to check the height.

He saw me eyeing my escape and said, "It's about ten feet up." Note: Window latch is a spinny wheel, and Drew's room is ten feet up. That was the first time I realized he knew what I was thinking without me saying anything, and little did I know, it would not be the last.

Sunday, September 17th, About Noon

I tossed and turned all night, and I probably got about three hours of sleep that night. I was debating whether I should get my switchblade from my backpack out like I used to, to try and numb...whatever this is. Note: Make sure no one finds the switchblade. Keep it in the hidden zipper.

I eventually fell asleep, with my headphones still in, and when I woke, it was already lunchtime. Jenn kept asking me about my interests, and Noah about school. After barely eating my food, I went upstairs and put on headphones. I just wanted to disappear.

But Drew started talking. "What?" I asked, when I didn't hear him. "Do you need help unpacking?" he said.

Unpacking? That meant I planned to stay. "No, I'm good." I don't know how to describe it, but it felt like this kid could see right through me. He was getting on my nerves.

Monday, 02:00

Me and Mom are singing songs from the radio. I look back, and I don't see my hockey gear.

"Oh no. Mom, I'm sorry I think I forgot my gear." She doesn't say anything. "Mom?" My mom rarely raised her voice at me, and she never swore at me.

But she said, "What the fuck is wrong with you? We're more than halfway there, and you remember this now?" She says all of this with a smile on her face. This shit was straight out of a horror movie. "I wish you were never born. You're useless. Can't even remember your own gear."

She begins to make a U-Turn. I knew what was coming. I reached my hand out to the wheel so she wouldn't turn. But it was too late. I looked to the left, and I saw a huge truck speeding straight towards us. The last thing Mom said was, "I die because of you." She screams, as the truck makes contact.

I woke up sweating, and confused. She was right, it was my fault. I remembered putting my gear in the kitchen, but I didn't bring it in the car. She died because of me. Guilt washes over me, and I put my hands on my head, shaking. I reached for my phone to check the time. My lock screen is still mom and I at the beach. Emotions overwhelm me. I can't do this anymore. When I went to the bathroom, I took my knife.

Monday, 07:00

First day of school + new kid = disaster. This just about sums it up.

I barely ate for breakfast, which was followed by disappointment from Jenn, and slight regret from me. Jenn offered to pack but I declined, and said I would buy from the Cafeteria. She gave me $20, which I would not be spending on food. I realized I had to take a car ride to the school, and I immediately felt nauseous again. I put my headphones on and closed my eyes the entire time.

Monday, 15:30

Just like that the first, and last, day at my new school was over. We drove back "home", and I was forced to answer questions from Jenn, who picked us up while Noah was still at work.

This time Drew joined; "I didn't see you in the Cafeteria." Being the new kid meant not having a place to sit at the Cafeteria. That meant I was a sitting duck for some insecure assholes. I learned that the hard way.

I lied, "I wanted to talk to the counselor about joining some Advanced Placement classes." Kissing ass was my specialty, and it seemed to work with Jenn, who gasped and said, "Wow! That's incredible, Lucas!" To my left, I heard a scoff from Drew. I got the sinking feeling that he knows. It's like he can see through me.

Monday, 20:00

It was time for dinner, and the last of my plans had been finalized. I made sure my phone was fully charged, and I made it look like I was unpacking, when I was really removing my unnecessary clothes so my backpack would be light for the journey. I counted my money, and looked at bus stops near me. There was one almost two miles away, which would take me almost an hour and half to walk. The bus leaves at 02:05 on Tuesday. The ticket is $8, which will be paid by Jenn's generous donation to the "Getting the Hell Out of Here Foundation" (all funds sent to one future runaway). Perfect. I leave at midnight.

Noah called me and Drew down to dinner. I felt a bit guilty about leaving Jenn and Noah. I mean, they did choose me, even if the decision was mostly a pity. We had a nice meal, and I actually finished my food. I guess knowing this would be my last home-cooked meal helped my appetite a little. Jenn took note, and was beaming when I was finishing up my plate. Most of the discussion was small talk; school, work, the news. I looked at my phone for the time. 20:34.

I finished my plate, and said "Thanks for the food. I'm gonna go upstairs."

Before I could leave, Jenn put her hand on mine and said with a big smile, "Oh honey, you're a member of the family now. What we do for you, isn't something you need to say thank you for." I looked at her blank and confused, and faked a smile so I could leave. Member of the family?

Monday, 23:49

I woke up from another nightmare, and checked my phone for the time. As usual my stomach lurched seeing my mom. 23:49. It's time. I couldn't afford Drew waking up and ruining my plan, so I left the room, with my backpack, as quietly as I could. I went down the stairs, and skipped the creaky step between step six and step four. I opened and closed the front door slowly, and tried to stay calm. I walked onto the lawn, when all of a sudden, I hear a plunk behind me. I whipped around to see Drew, gasping, as he just jumped off the roof. Shocked, I whispered, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Wow," he said, out of breath. "That's higher than I thought it would be. Oh, and I hope you don't mind if I join your little late-night adventure.", he said in a normal voice.

"Keep it down," I hushed. "Just go back inside, Drew."

"Nah, I'm good. This is gonna be fun." he stretched his arms. "So where you headed? A bus stop?"

I hesitated, "Uh-yeah?"

He continued walking, "Yeah, I figured. Well this ways Newhaven," he pointed, "which is your closest one."

"Hold on. You still haven't told me what the hell you're doing."

He turned around with a smirk, "What? I'm helping you." He turned around and kept walking. He continued, "I was born and raised here, so I know the turf. The bus stop is through the urban part of the town, where most of the crime is, and you don't know the shortcuts to take so you don't get mugged."

"So your helping me escape?", I said slowly, not fully comprehending. If one plus one is two, then what the F is this?

"There you go!", he slapped the back of my head, "I knew you'd get there eventually!", he laughed. I checked my phone, 20:55. My plan was golden...but this can still work out. I sighed, and followed Drew.

Tuesday, 01:11

This is harder than I thought. Drew was talking more than I've ever heard him talk, and about things I didn't want to talk about: "So, you're running after three days. That's got to be a record. What, you didn't like my parents?"

I looked up because he was a little taller than me, and immediately said, "No! Of course not."

"So why?"

I scoffed. "Jenn's not my mom, and she never will be. Same with Noah."

"They know that, but at least they're trying to replace what you lost. Maybe you should stick around a little longer. 'Cause I can confirm, they're great parents."

I sighed, "I'm sure they are but their not mine." I hear sirens in the distance. "Do you think those sirens are getting closer?"

"Look I get it," he ignored. "You're still grieving but running away is gonna solve nothing. You need too..." His voice trailed on, but I could hear the sirens get closer. I pulled him and ran behind a barn. There is no way my plan is gonna be ruined because of a babbling idiot, or some wannabe cops. Drew continued lecturing me, while I took off my backpack, and put it beside me. "Will you shut up?", as I looked over my shoulder onto the street.

Drew was still rambling when I checked my phone. 1:16. I hovered looking at my mom. She was looking at me, smiling, while I was building a sandcastle. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Now's the best time to change it. I took a photo of a tree in front of me, and was about to switch out the photo when Drew finally shut up, but only to further annoy me.

He snatched my phone and said, "That was a nice picture. Why did you want to change it?" Can this guy get any more infuriating?

"Give me back my phone, asshole. And I want to change it 'cause...I look weird." He looked at me, unconvinced.

He started going through my phone as he said, "Well you can't change it to a stupid tree." He pointed the camera towards us, and smiled while I gave the camera a certain finger. "Perfect.", he said.

Tuesday, 01:36

Drew's never-ending questions are provoking me, more and more. "So why are we really here, Lucas?"

I rolled my eyes, and responded, "You already asked me this. Ran out of questions already?"

"You're tired of that question? Alright, then tell me what you did this morning." He knows.

"Well, technically today is the morn-"

"Your really gonna make me ask?" He paused, "Why are you cutting yourself?" I stop, and look back.

Shocked, I say "Wh-what?" "There was a drop of blood on the carpet. I know damn well your not on your period, so why the fuck are you cutting yourself?"

Drew grabbed my arm, and pulled up my sleeve, revealing the scars only Mom had seen before. I tugged my arm back, but it was too late.

His face was expressionless, and he whispered incredulously, "I knew it." He slowly pulled out something from his pocket. My switchblade. I lunged toward it but he was too fast.

"You want it back?" he asked. "Tell me why your doing it."

"No, I don't have to answer anything from you. My mom gave me that knife, so give it back."

"Why did she give it to you?"

"None of you buisness. Give me the damn knife." I reached, but he put it behind him.

"Why'd she give it to you?" he repeated.

I studdered, "Sh-she was working the late shifts so I had to walk home alone. She thought it wasn't safe, so she gave it to me, just in case."

"But why are you doing it?" No. No, I can't. I can't say it.

I looked up hopelessly, "Please, just give it back." "I promise, I will. But you need to tell me. I need to know 'cause I might never see-"

"I was bullied." I choked. My eyes were getting watery so I looked at the ground. "I went to this middle school for two years. My mom was struggling to pay rent and," I felt sick just thinking about it. "the-they, beat me up becasue I had to get my lunch paid for by the school. I don't know how it started, but I did it almost everyday. But I stopped when my mom found out, and I told her everything. I switched schools, and I made sure to fit in on my first day so it wouldn't happen again." I finally look up at Drew. All my emotions hit me at once; I felt broken. Tears were rolling down my cheeks.

Tuesday, 02:01

We reached the bus stop just in time. We walked in silence after the argument. But time was running out, and he could feel it. "Lucas. You could run. You could get away, but just 'cause she was here, doesn't mean all your feelings will leave when you leave . It's gonna take more that three days to move on, but we can help you until you do." He paused, trying to find the words, "We'll never replace her, but we can be there for you. We can you help, so you'll never cut yourself again. We can be on the hockey team together. You could try out on Friday, or you could leave now. Have your problems chase you wherever you go."

I turn around to look at him, "You don't get it. She took the U-Turn because of me."

"That wasn't your fault. It was the truck." He shook me so I looked at him. "Her death wasn't your fault. Do you understand?" I could hear the bus behind me. It was time to choose. ''What do you want to do?", Drew asked. I hesitated to say the words. All my life it was me and her, but she's gone, and there's nothing I can do about it. But Drew... he can be like the brother I never had. Jenn and Noah, one day, can be my family. I could do good at school, and at hockey. My life wouldn't be perfect, because Mom wouldn't be there, but... isn't life not supposed to be? Honk, honk. The bus was leaving. I was running out of time.

At last, I said, "Let's go home." Drew smiled, and put his arm on my shoulder, as we walked back home together.