"How was today" Ellie asked as we pulled out of the car park.

"It was really good," I replied, I felt so upbeat and positive. "They're really lovely women," I said softly. Then Lara interrupted my thoughts again. "Lara," I said pausing to think. "She's had a bad time hasn't she."

Ellie just nodded her head and listened. "I know you can't talk about her or anything like that due to confidentiality." Ellie smiled knowingly, nodding to me. "I noticed the first time we met, all her scars. At first, I thought she was self-harming, only because one of my school children had done this to themselves. But she said it was her ex-partner!" My voice started to lower as the horror of her wounds invaded my mind again.

"She's found a friend in you." Ellie said gently.

I smiled to myself. I've found a friend too.

"Why do men do things like that Ellie?"

"Are we talking generally?" Ellie said with hesitation.

"Yes." I replied confidently. I made a note to myself not to enquire about others in the group as I knew I was putting Ellie in an uncomfortable position.

"Well it goes back to the story of narcissism really. Narcissism is all about being the best, being admired and adored. The core aspect of their personality is fragmented from an earlier trauma and the only way to live and love is to take it by force. Narcissism is in the shadow aspect of the personality and when the shadow is given full control. Their persona is overtaken by the darker side of their psyche."

"Like Jekyll and Hyde!"

"Yes, I suppose it is. People who dominate others by force or manipulation are really revealing their darker side. They reveal all the ugly parts of being human. We all exist as a balance of opposites. The persona is the face we share with the world. The shadow erupts through emotions. A narcissist can't deal with their emotions at all, they're afraid they will lose control, so they immediately jump into defence, projecting anger, frustration and irritation."

"So, they don't think there is anything wrong with emotional outbursts?"

"They can't allow themselves to be vulnerable. They have to control their anxiety and the only way they know how to do this is to maintain their power, by control."

"Do you think that when they start to feel love or intimacy, they feel vulnerable and begin to build up their defence!"

Ellie shook her head. "It's the ego's mind trick. Just look back at the story of narcissism, he was sanctioned due to his own vanity and over inflated sense of self. He was eternally condemned to feel that way, because he didn't believe anyone else was worthy of him."

"Oh," I replied, fascinated. "Do you think Freud and Jung were both relating to the same concept. Jung with the shadow, Freud with narcissism."

Ellie pondered on what I said then nodded. "It could be yes."

"What if your husband wasn't exactly good looking or drive a posh car or have a great job. Where does it fit into society then?" I asked. I could understand the concept from an hierarchal perspective. But struggled to comprehend how this could affect my students parents?

"Well if a man expects his significant other to be a doting wife or expects certain privileges that are not equal or fair to both parties involved, then narcissism begins to rear its ugly head. The same applies to women too." Ellie added, "it can begin in childhood where the child had to behave in a certain way, either good or bad, to obtain attention, they then interpret this as affection and grow up being what they were taught to be!"

"What about child abuse?" I asked.

"Define child abuse?" Ellie added, raising her eyebrows inquisitively.

"I'm talking extremes, like what happened to Lara's ex by the hands of his father?" I said.

"It can force a child to see the world as a violent and hostile world. They grow up either internalising their pain and hurting themselves or repeating and reinforcing their upbringing and projecting this into society."

There was a short, brief silence as Ellie changed lanes.

"Do I come across as depressed to you Ellie?" I asked, changing the conversation.

"No," she said, her face alarmed. "Why do you ask that? Are you feeling depressed?"

"I just wondered if I presented as a depressed person." I replied gingerly.

Ellie was frowning as we pulled up outside my house, she turned off the car engine and faced me. "When we first met, you were really distressed and presented as depressed. But over the past six weeks, I've seen you acquire courage, over adversity. You're nowhere near the woman I first met. Your changing, getting stronger in both mental and emotional health. That's a massive leap in terms of your psychological health. Your determined to conquer your fear of going out alone, and that's worth celebrating." She said softly.

"My husband doesn't share the same opinion!" I said absentmindedly.

"That's a different issue maybe?"

Yeah. I think it is.

As we pulled up to the house, Ellie was quiet as she looked to her right out of the window. She was looking at my house when I saw her face change from pleasant to worried instantly. "Ellie. I think something is going on in your house?"

My hand clutched my heart as she spoke, I saw the en-suite window was open?

"I swear that was closed when I left," I said in a shocked pitch.

"It was." Ellie confirmed.

Immediately, I felt a sudden pause in my heightened state of panic.

It's not me!

I thought to myself, it's not me... If it's not me... Then who is it?

"There's an explanation to this?" Ellie said assertively, trying to comfort my pending panic.

"Please share," I uttered desperately. "Because I have felt like I'm losing my mind these past six months or so?"

Ellie turned to face me, her mouth agape with shock. "Six months? Has this been happening ever since your accident?"

I felt a wave of relief as she said it. "Yes," I answered without thinking. "Ever since I."...I suddenly had a thought. Could Harrison be doing this?

"Oh my god. This is devious!" I blurted.

"This is criminal," Ellie replied quietly, I heard the sadness in her tone. She unplugged her seat belt and stepped out of the car with me. "Is it ok if I come in with you to make sure you feel safe?"

I nodded gratefully then looked back to the opened window, my racing heart slowed down.

We walked into my home and Ellie noticed the CCTV monitor. "There you go. That's where you'll find the evidence," she said cheerfully. I paused for a second and then remembered Harrison scoff when I asked him to check. Well at least Ellie was here, and I had to play the video back. I made us a hot drink and we sat in the study watching the screen.

We paused it as we saw something change. We both leaned forward as we fixed our eyes on the screen.

It was Harrison!

Harrison came home and then left after going upstairs and returning back down after a minute. My mouth dropped as I absorbed what I saw on the screen. Shock took hold of me and I froze.

Ellie turned off the screen and guided me back to the lounge.

"This is just overwhelming." I mumbled. I felt tears sting my eyes. I willed myself to stay strong and hold back the water. "I have to get out of this?" I murmured. "It's not me. It's my environment." I said finally, turning to look into Ellie's compassionate eyes. She took my hand and squeezed it firmly. I took two deep breaths in and asked Ellie about shadows again. "I just want to consolidate my thoughts with it. While the shock sinks in." My mind was spinning off in all directions.

Ellie hesitated at first, but relented after I asked her another couple of times. I've just opened pandora's box, there was more to come, I could feel it, I just didn't know what?

"Your animus/anima and shadow are the voice of you. They complete the whole person. So, in dream world, If you facing your animus, it's character or image is something you relate to unconsciously. It's the voice of reason and spirit in females which contains all of women's ancestral experiences of man. So, it has a male image... Is the monster male or female?

Your shadow is the black side of your personality. We see this every day in our projections upon others. Our shadows are our own repressions. In dreams it can be any aspect of your personality, in its opposite form. So, if your naturally shy and timid. Your shadow is where you find your power to roar, or where you project your anger. The danger of the shadow is being taken over by it!"

I nodded as I listened, staring down at a blank space. I think I see why Harrison would do something like this. "It's his shadow?" I whispered, barely audible for Ellie to notice. Then I increased my tone. "Thank you for staying with me Ellie." I replied sincerely.

"Is there anybody you can call?"

"I'm going to call my friend. Try and find out what happened six months ago." I said assertively.

"Let me go and find out a bit more about your dreams," she said urgently. "I'll text you, will that be ok?"

"Yes." I smiled gratefully.

Ellie left, and I sat down in the dining room looking at my spare stems. I mused on whether to get the ingredients out and start making them. Would I get some head space for a while, so I could make a clear decision?

I figured I could do with some calming activity, so I got out the ingredients and set about making the flowers.