The smell of antiseptic stung Amelia's nose. There was a dull throbbing pain in her wrists, and she had a headache. They had moved her upstairs to a private room. The reality of the situation was sinking in. She was alone, except for that resident. What was her name? Melonie? No. Mayala. Dr. Pineda. She was here in the chair in the corner, reading some medical journals.

Amelia cleared her throat and sat up. "I want to get out of here. Get me the discharge papers."

Malaya sighed, "I have special orders from Dr. Rorish not to release you until we get a psych consult, so unfortunately you're stuck here."

"You can't keep me here."

"I can for now."

"You must have screwed up bad to get stuck on babysitting duty, What'd you do? Kill somebody?"Amelia sneered. Her arrow struck the target because she could see the hurt in the doctor's eyes. But Malaya quickly recovered and looked up from the book she had been reading.

"I'm not going to take the bait. And frankly, what you're doing is not going to get you out of here any sooner."

"Oh, and what am I doing exactly?"

"She came all the way here, in the middle of the night with her kids to see you, and you just pushed her away."

Amelia shook her head and huffed, "Meredith didn't come for me, she came for some assurance that her dead husband's sister is still alive. And would you look at that? I am. So she can leave. She has enough crap to deal with on her own without trainwreck Amy barreling through her life."

"So why did you do it?" Malaya asked.

Amelia looked at her wrists. They were still throbbing. "I'm not suicidal okay? I wanted to feel something. I wanted to hurt, because I haven't felt anything since my brother died. I just wanted to feel something."

"Yeah?" Malaya said, "and now you probably feel alone."

xxx

The floor of the ER was a temporary monument to the lives that were saved in the last two hours. Covered in blood and discarded wrappers from syringes and tubes the sight of it would nauseate most people. But everyone pitched in to clean up. As the residents, nurses and orderlies swept the floor Rorish filled in her patients charts, one by one, until she got to the last. Dr. Meredith Grey.

The sleeping figure looked finally at peace. She had to admit she had a new respect for the woman after seeing her work only an hour ago. "Christa," Rorish called.

Christa looked up from the mop she was holding. "Yes?"

Rorish beckoned her over. "Present the patient."

"Oh. uhh Thirty-seven year old female, Meredith Grey, suffering from exhaustion and dehydration, treatment is IV fluids, warmth and rest. We ordered a blood work-up and lab tests to rule out any pre-existing conditions, otherwise her vitals are stable."

"Good, and her kids?"

"Jesse got a social worker to watch them till she wakes up."

Rorish nodded. "Good work out there, doctor."

"It was amazing- I mean I've never had much interest in being a surgeon, but she knew exactly what was happening with that patient- and she knew what to do- we didn't even get any scans or ultrasound- there wasn't time."

"And you kept calm under pressure."

Christa nodded.

Rorish looked past Christa's shoulder and saw Dr. Mark Taylor marching toward her. "Go find out what's happening with that patient. I'm about to be grilled."

As Christa left, Rorish walked toward Mark. She knew he was about to blow, and she wouldn't have that happen out here. "Not here- your office." They walked together in silence and she entered his office first as the door slammed behind them.

"What the hell was that?" Mark yelled.

"That was saving a life!" Rorish shouted back. Even though he was her direct supervisor, they knew each other well, and Rorish was not afraid of a little yelling.

"You let a stranger cut open our patient. How did you know she is what she says she is?"

"I just knew, it wasn't open for debate."

"Do you have any idea the potential lawsuit I could be facing?"

"If Dr. Grey hadn't operated, she would have died and there defineately would have been a lawsuit. That patient never should have been discharged." Rorish swallowed. "At least now she has a chance."

Mark rubbed his forehead. "I know, it's just...you can't do that Leanne. For all we know, she could have been a schizophrenic or something."

"I know."

"Well, I checked her out. I had to call her hospital in Seattle and confirm everything- but she is a board certified general surgeon, so I just need her to fill out some paperwork and we should be in the clear."

"Good."

"How's she doing?"

"She'll be fine."

"And her sister in law?"

"We're waiting on a psych consult, but the two of them want nothing to do with each other."

"Well, I know that won't stop you."

Rorish gave a small smile.

"Come on, I need to get Dr. Grey to fill out these forms. I had to fudge a few things, but it will be enough for HR and the legal department."

xxx

Meredith woke up suddenly. A bad dream had woken her, but it already escaped her memory. She looked around, "Where...?" she asked.

"Dr. Grey? It's me, Dr. Lorenson, Christa."

The face looked familiar, and then Meredith remembered that she had worked with her on the surgery. "That lady in the parking lot..." she started.

"She's in surgery, she'll be fine."

Meredith nodded. Suddenly she remembered Bailey and Zola had been in the backseat of her rental when it all happened. "My kids?!"

"They are fine too. A social worker is with them."

"Okay." She wanted to see them, but she was so tired.

"Dr. Grey?"

"Mm."

"I just wanted to say that it was really an honor to work with you on that patient, I have never seen such skill up close before."

"Oh." Meredith considered what to say, she could hardly remember it, it had been so instinctual-something that came to her as easily as breathing. "You weren't so bad yourself." She paused, "Did I pass out?"

"Well, you were dehydrated and probably suffering from exhaustion, so you need to rest here for a few more hours, have some fluids. I'll get the nurses to bring you something to eat."

"Okay."

Their conversation was interrupted by the Appearance of Dr. Rorish and another doctor in a shirt and tie and white coat.

"Dr. Grey, I'm Doctor Taylor, ER chief. You're actions today saved a life and may have prevented a lawsuit, so I was wondering if you could do me a big favor for us and fill out this paperwork." He handed her a clipboard.

"Now?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Um, sure." She gave a little smile and looked over the papers.

"Dr. Rorish, you'll bring those back to me?"

"Yes Mark."

"Good, I got a stack a foot high on my desk I gotta take care of," and with that he was gone.

Christa finished writing in Meredith's chart and then excused herself to look after other patients.

Alone with Dr. Rorish, Meredith filled out the paperwork until her eyes hurt, and then she put the pen down on the clipboard.

She was thinking about the fight her mother had with Richard. Before he left her. Before she ran away to Boston. She was thinking about the night she had woken Zola and Bailey and left their home, and how she just drove south until she got to San Francisco. She got off the carousel. She put pause on her life, to find herself again. And then she thought about Amelia, how she left her. "I got off the carousel" Meredith whispered.

"What?" Rorish looked confused.

Meredith shook her head and sat up in her bed. "How do you do it?" She asked Rorish.

"Do what?"

"Today, those ambulances-that patient... you just called it. How do you decide? What if it's a mistake? What if you've waited too long? How can you do that every day?"

xxx

Rorish studied Meredith... these were not the questions of an experienced surgeon. She knew that Meredith had made those calls and managed to live with it. No, these were the questions of a grieving widow trying to hold it together.

What had Meredith seen that night that affected her so? Then she remembered the first trauma patient that had arrived. He had flail chest, massive internal injuries and probably head trauma. That was it wasn't it?

Meredith's questions brought up her own painful memories of the accident and her own hurt. She didn't take these things lightly, she just chose to spend her energy on what would live, rather than on that which was already dead.

She walked closer to the bed. "How did he die? Car accident?"

Meredith's eyes watered. "I pulled the plug"

Rorish nodded. "I'm sorry." Now she understood what Meredith was really asking. "I told you I lost someone."

"Yes."

"I lost everyone."

Meredith looked away and covered her face with her hand, but Rorish touched her shoulder to get her attention.

"Dr. Grey... Meredith, the hardest thing I do everyday is wake up. Wake up to an empty house and an empty bed. For the first hour of my waking life I hate everything. Everything." She sighed. "Then I force myself to look out the window, make a pot of coffee and get here because I'm not the only one in pain. And I'm a Doctor."

"I-I don't know if I can help her."

"I watched you today with that patient, and you weren't trying to decide if you should save her or not- you knew what you had to do and you did it. That's what we do at this hospital, we don't decide, we just do. We do what we can even when it hurts, and then we do the impossible even when it's unbearable. After that, it's up to the patient." Rorish straightened up. "Don't give up on her."

xxx

Amelia considered her options. She had feigned sleep until Malaya started to doze over her books. Maybe she should just leave, score some drugs... maybe she should just let herself overdose. Nobody cared anyway. Meredith didn't care. She wasn't here. And her family? They wouldn't have to worry about her anymore.

Where were her clothes? It was time to get out of here before somebody started to care. She swung her legs over the bed and pushed herself up. The room spun and she waited for it to stop. She just wanted to leave. Leave everything behind. Screw Meredith. Screw Derek. Dead Derek. Her brother was gone and she was here. If anything it should be the other way around. She was the screw-up. She could leave and forget everything- or pretend to forget everything. It was better than the alternative. Her wrists ached. Her bare feet found the cold floor and she slid off the bed. She reached for the counter where her clothes were bundled. She was leaving this godforsaken hell hole of a hospital.

"What are you doing?" Malaya asked, her books falling on the floor as she stood up from her chair

"I'm leaving. You can't keep me here." Amelia didn't care anymore.

Malaya stepped around the bed. "Please, don't do this. You need help."

Amelia ignored her, reached into the bag and pulled out her jeans. "So stop me." She fought a wave of dizziness as she lifted a leg and shoved it into ther jeans. She took a breath. She had never felt so weak before...

Malaya grabbed her arm to lead her back to the bed. "No, don't touch me!" Amelia ripped it away and grimaced in pain. And then she heard a voice that almost ripped her heart out.

"Mommy, it's Auntie Amy!"

The patter of feet caused her to look up past Mayala and she saw two black puffs of hair and a shiny brown forehead. She stumbled back to the bed. "Zola?"

Malaya stepped aside just as Zola bounded into view. Her smile flourescent against her soft brown skin. Amelia looked down at Zola in disbelief as the four year old hugged her legs.

She looked back up to see Meredith just a step outside of her room, one hand gripping an IV pole and another holding Bailey's hand.

xxx

A/N Cliffhanger! I know... So what are these guys gonna say to each other? Will they kill each other? We shall see... Comment and vote!