Harry could feel his stomach tighten and ache as he reached for Louis' journal on the end of his bed. Liam was at class and he had at least 30 minutes before he had to leave for the studio and class right after. It had been a week since he and Louis talked or seen each other last. He hadn't touched the journal since he layed it in nightstand drawer for safe keeping. He was afraid to until today he only grabbed it out the drawer when Liam left and sat it on his bed.

He grabbed it running his fingers along the worn leather binding and the tattered edges. He was nervous and scared all in one. He untied the leather string that held it shut. He swallowed and turned the page to the first entry. He kept replaying in his head what Louis told him before handing him it.

Dear journal,

I think often about how much of a disgrace I am to my family. They all yell at me and for what? Do they even care for me? I tried to stop the things I do, drugs and drinking, getting with people I don't even know....but I can't. My mum don't understand how I feel and why I do what I do. I feel she blames me for dad leaving us. I can only find escape of the damned thoughts and pain I feel when I do it.

Harry felt tears fall down his cheeks and down his neck. He saw the stain of tears on the page and his heart ached for the boy who wrote these words on this page. He couldn't understand why his mum could blame him for this. He continued reading his eyes still filled with tears.

Was it my fault? I've never bothered asking mum why she hates me so much because I know she'd only yell at me and possibly hit me. For the safety of my sister Lottie. The new twin sisters Daisy and Phoebe she thinks I don't care about them cause the way I shrug them off. I do, I care if only she knew.

21, May 2008

Harry didn't continue reading after that cause it was time for Ballet. He took the journal with him and grabbed his things he needed for the next two hours. Louis was young just fiffteen going through stuff. Did his mum abuse him?

Harry sat in the corner of the studio changing into his ballet shoes, wishing he had his wrap to cover the top of the tights but he didn't. He hated the tights without a wrap and he hated tutus because of how poofy they are. Ms. Bramble as usual made Harry go first.

"Let your arms naturally go with the move." she instructed as he did a few jumps and gentle spins.

Harry couldn't stop thinking of Louis, he wanted to run and hug him. He couldn't though he had other pages to read than just the one.

He ran and jumped perfectly, but he landed flat on the side of his foot making it sound in a loud crack. He immediately grabbed his foot, the pain was horrible. He tried not to scream Ms. Bramble came to his aid.

"Can you stand?" Ms. Bramble eyed his foot which was already swollen.

"N-no," Harry gritted his teeth "I don't think so. Call my mate Liam." he pointed to his phone on top his bag in the corner.

Ms. Bramble nodded and dialed Liam. Harry didn't want to see Louis until the journal was read.

"Hello?" Liam answered.

"This is Ms. Bramble, I think you best come to the studio and get Harry he's fallen wrong on his foot and can't walk on it." Ms. Bramble calmly explained.

"I'll be right there." Liam said hanging up the phone.

He scrambled with his shoes and walked well ran out. He ran all the way to the studio not stopping for anything. He reached the studio Harry was at and walked in kneeling next to the boy.

"Harry you dumb ass." Liam looked at his foot that was surely broken or really sprained one.

"Oops." Harry said trying to laugh.

"Well come on lets get you to the hospital." Liam grabbed his bag and phone hooking and arm around him and Harry threw his arm over Liams shoulder for support.

At the hospital he and Liam wait in the room to be examined.

"Wish they'd bloody hurry up my foot hurts a lot." Harry tryed hard to not swear.

Five minutes later a familiar white coat entered shutting the curtain behind him.

"Well Mr. Styles after looking at your x-ray it seems you've only fractured it," he held it up against the light pointing to the fracture "so I'm going to give you a boot brace. Which you'll wear for about 3 weeks and come back and we'll check on it again."

He left then came back with the brace. The doctor carefully put it on.

"Keep it on all the time and I wouldn't recommend any dancing or too much walking for those 3 weeks." he said putting the last strap down.

Harry sat up carefully getting off the bed. He grabbed up his stuff and walked out carefully. He could still drive cause it was his left he had hurt. He was thankful sitting around all the time would drive him mad.

The car ride back was quiet, Harry wanted to text Louis and tell him he was hurt but he didn't. Harry wanted to continue reading his journal that's all he really wanted. He wanted to keep reading something about the way he could imagine Louis saying these things pulled him in. He couldn't stand waiting anymore. So he carefully untied the leather string for the second time, turning it to the next page.

Dear journal,

It doesn't hurt as bad today it hurts worse. Mum hit me in the face because I wanted to know why he left. I want to scream what I feel, but what good will that do? I have no one, I feel so alone. So shattered..... I hate myself for being such a disgrace to my mum. I'll take the blame it's my fault...... I'm sorry.

23, May 2008

On this page evident a red dot of blood caught Harry's eyes along with the tear stains scattered about the page. The red dot made Harry cry right then. Poor boy Harry thought. No one would really listen to him. Harry closed the journal hugging it to his chest as the tears fell more.

"Ay mate you alright?" Liam placed a hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry shook his head looking out the window.

"No," his voice cracked "but if I could tell you why I would but right now I can't Liam." he hugged the journal tighter.

Liam patted his shoulder before putting his hand back on the steering wheel.

Harry wanted even more to go to Louis now and tell him he's not alone I'm here for you. I'll be the one you've needed for so long. Harry had an idea a perfect one at that. He told Liam to go to a shop so he could go get a small notebook. He didn't want to verbally tell Louis what he thought. He wanted to put it into hard heartfelt words so they can be permanent.

It was painful to walk around the store on his foot but they didn't have a wheelchair for Liam to push Harry in so he pushed on and found the right notebook and a nice pen and they left again. Once Harry was settled into his bed he began writing and sent Liam to get them dinner paying for the both of them.

Dear Louis,
I don't believe it was your fault at all. I believe everything happens for a reason, because nothing would happen if their wasn't a reason. It's as simple as that.

H

Seeing he was alone Harry started his second response to Louis.

Journal entry 2

Dear Louis,
I can't begin to imagine the things you went through because it just kills me. It hurts worse to know that she abused you the way she did. Louis even though I don't know you quite good yet, I want nothing more then to do just that. I kind of responded to your entry in my first entry by saying what I did. I'm not good at writing things especially to you cause you've done something to me. Something I can't quite understand if I'm honest. I'm writing a bunch of non sense...... when I saw the stains of your tears and pain something inside me broke. Louis I can't say I love you cause I don't know yet but I can tell you that right now I care so much for you and I do like you so much. I'm certain that when I'm done reading your journal I'll know......

Liam walked in carrying some bags of food. It smelled amazing.

Later Harry got to thinking about Louis of all things. About how all a sudden he and Louis liked each other. It was absolutely mad to him, Louis used to bully him constantly then they both started liking each other. It was something he couldn't understand.

Soon he thought. Soon I will understand. Liam was still on edge about it all but that was the natural protective best friend in him. He spent most of the night reading more of the pages of Louis' journal in return he wrote responses. All talked about his pain and childhood problems. Harry's entry's told his feelings about the boy who was a broken mess and his thought about it. There was two more to go until he was done reading it.

Something told him to think while you read the rest. Go with your heart not your mind. He thought as he slowly drifted off hugging Louis' journal tightly against his chest.

(To Liam:)

Liammmm!

Liam sat in silence briefly until his phone beeped with a message from Louis. 

(To Louis:)

What?

The message came back seconds later

Louis:

How's Harry? 

Liam:

Your texting me about Harry? Really? Why can't you text him yourself?

Louis:

Cause I promised him I wouldn't bother him until he was done reading.
Liam:

Reading that journal?  Well your journal?

Louis:

Yes my bloody journal I've been on edge about it since I gave it to him. I just hope he understands like you did.... can you please answer me now?

Liam:

He's alright I guess.....

Louis:

What do you mean by alright?  Why all the ...... ?!

Liam:

He fractured his foot in ballet earlier he can't do much on it right now and he's asleep right now being its 1:00 am just like we should be- other than that he's good.

Louis:

I know what your thinking Liam...

Liam:

And what's that?

Louis:

That all a sudden this starts happening.  It's absolutely mad to you I know. I was a total asshole to him and I can't make sense of it either.

Liam:

You keep saying that Louis. It should make sense, I mean it's obvious you fell for what you hated. It's as simple as that. You do like him don't you?

Louis:

More than what I thought Liam and I only want to make up for what I did to him.  Ughh I feel like so sappy and ew what am I talking about.... I like him and I know I love him Liam. 

Liam:

Alright then you it makes sense.. its now 2 in the morning good night.

Louis sent Liam back good night but he couldn't sleep. In fact he hasn't slept much since he gave Harry his journal. He felt silly for letting it bother him so much to the point that he couldn't sleep, but really he couldn't help it. He was afraid that when he fell asleep he would wake up to the worst or even dream the worst. He forced himself to think of all the food things that could happen especially about Harry.  He closed his eyes and went to sleep hugging the pillow imagining it was Harry he was holding.

He really needed Harry whether he realized it or not. He did.