WARNINGS:
-fear of drowning/big bodies of water
-mentions of almost drowning (from an outside perspective) and the aftermath of watching someone important to u almost drown
-panic attacks
-trying to fight fears

Regulus was relieved to see that he wasn't the only one with a shirt on even if they were about to swim anyways. A cold shiver ran down his spine as he tried not to look at the water. It may not be a sea or a river with uncontrollable waves, but it was still a body of water, looking deep enough to reach up to Regulus' shoulders, maybe even to his chin. Suddenly the idea didn't seem too appealing anymore, Barty could suck dick but he would not overcome his fear of drowning just to brag. He wasn't going to do it. Nope.

"Okay, ready?" James asked, ripping Regulus out of his stream of thoughts. He smiled at him widely, eyes twinkling in the afternoon sun.

The curly-head meant to say no, he meant to refuse and tell him it was a stupid idea; that he would never ever get into water. But his body had its own mind, making him nod instead. It earned him an even wider smile and James looked so happy, so excited to get to teach him, Regulus almost didn't regret nodding. Almost.

"You see, I've actually never taught anyone how to swim so this is a first. But I think the best way is dry practising the movements!" He kept on mumbling about something that Regulus couldn't quite catch, but he thought he'd heard the words "child of Poseidon", "help" and "don't exist" somewhere in between.

If Regulus wasn't internally panicking about why the fuck he'd agreed to this, he'd probably feel stupid mirroring James' movements outside of the water. But the lake was also a little livelier, now that it was afternoon. They didn't stand out as much from the few kids swimming in the lake and the multiple friend groups getting ready to canoe across the lake. They all just wanted to enjoy the hot summer day cooling off in the lake.

Sadly, James decided far too soon that Regulus' movements looked perfect enough to practise them in the water now. In the water. His chest tightened at the thought and sudden pressure built behind his eyes. He was not going to cry right now. He just wasn't. But his hesitance had been long enough for James to notice, turning around to look at the boy. "Regulus?"

"Yeah?" he croaked, hating the way his voice sounded so close to crying. Honestly, Regulus wanted to crawl into a hole and die there. For the first time in the past two days, the whole situation actually crashed down on him. He actually processed what had happened, and he did not like it. Preferably, he wanted to have stayed in denial, pretend everything was okay and pretend he was fine with having met Sirius again even though he couldn't remember him. It wasn't fair. He was okay. Everything was okay. Then he lifted his head, seeing James looking at him with deep concern and speaking frantic words to him that his ears couldn't pick up. With a quick "sorry", he turned around and sprinted away.

Away from James, away from the lake and away from all the people. His first stop was the Aphrodite cabin, breathing ragged as he opened the door. But it was a mistake, because the only one in there was Sirius, who was going through his things as if he was looking for something. When the door flung open, he lifted his head to watch Regulus just stand there, chest heaving heavily. After a moment, Sirius lifted a brow, quietly asking what he wanted here. Shaking his head, Reg grabbed the door handle again, pulling the door closed as he ran off again, desperately trying to find a place with no one disturbing him.

In the end, he took off into the woods, sliding down a tree just a few metres after the treeline and sitting down there. With his head against the trunk of the tree, he closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breaths which didn't really work. Actually, it didn't work at all. So he just sat there, trying to get air into his lungs as he breathed quickly, panic finding every corner of his body, making him shake to the core. His hand trembled as he brought it up to his face, arm covering his eyes as the pressure behind them only worsened. Tears burned in his eyes and he finally gave up. Gave up on calming himself down, on trying to maintain steady breaths and his breathing grew more ragged by the second, as the tears rolled down his cheeks, blurring his vision completely.

It wasn't fair. He wanted life to be like it was the day before yesterday, thinking his brother was dead and spending most his waking hours with Barty, Evan, Pandora and Dorcas, complaining about never getting sent on a quest, having hardly ever fought a monster and certainly having never passed out from the mix of being injured and tired. He wanted the simplicity of it all back, even though his days back at the Black house were anything but. Those didn't really count, he never remembered them after coming back home- back to Camp Jupiter anyways. And he didn't go there for more than a week per year, instead staying home the whole time. Home with his friends, his found family. He didn't need an emotionally unavailable father and a supposedly dead brother if he had the pile of people that had been there for most of his life. He didn't need a clean but dark house, empty of human sentiment if he had a whole camp with the most different kinds of people sleeping in a cramped cabin full of stockbeds, so full of life. Camp Jupiter was his home and he wanted to go back there and forget all that had happened in the past two days.

Because he hated having found his brother again only to not be able to talk to him because he didn't remember. He didn't remember the nights they'd spent in the same bed, comforting each other. He didn't remember when they stayed outside in the backyards until the sky was painted in black, the first stars already peaking out when they went back inside, covered in dirt from playing the different games Sirius would come up with. He didn't remember any of that, not even the times they'd play footsies at the dinner table while their dad was scolding them for whatever trouble Sirius had come up with in school again that he'd dragged little Reggie into with him, just because it would be fun. It hurt. It hurt so badly.

Pain like he was impaled by a spear spread from his chest, filling every fibre of his being and if breathing had been hard before, Regulus certainly couldn't breathe at all anymore. He tried gasping for air, tried to desperately get oxygen into his lungs, but nothing worked. For a horrifying moment long, he thought he was going to die.

Then a voice came through to his ears, making Regulus realise his hearing sense had cut off at some point of his breakdown. The voice was nice, very comforting. As if he was holding a ball of sunshine that was talking to him. "Regulus, can you hear me?" A short jerk of his head, indicating a nod. "Regulus, you need to breathe," the voice said, and Regulus could only let out a small wheeze, because he was incapable of communicating properly right now. "Listen to my breaths, yeah? Try to mirror them as best as you can."

He tried, he really did. But the rushing of blood in his ears and his frantic gasps were too loud for him to hear the unidentified human's breaths. Then a memory flashed across his eyes, remembering how Barty would let him touch his chest, feel the way it moved slow and steady underneath his palm in moments like this. Without thinking much, he held out his hand, trying to grasp the one in front of him.

A breathy, unsure laugh escaped them, as they commented, "That doesn't work too well, does it? Do you want to feel my breaths instead?" Again, Regulus could only jerkily nod, and a big hand wrapped around his wrist, gently moving his hand so that his palm was placed on the human's chest, presumably on their breastbone. This time, it worked.

Only after a few breaths, Regulus managed to blink away his tears and clear his vision. Finally, he recognised the one helping him as James. His palm was covering the word "Half" on the orange shirt, still feeling the way James' chest expanded and contracted with every breath. The boy's whole presence was so calming, Regulus managed to regain a steady breath soon enough, finally relaxing against the tree he was leaning on and hand retreating to his side.

"Okay now?" James murmured, opting to sit down next to Regulus with a respectful amount of space, instead of crouching in front of him. Regulus didn't reply. He tried to maintain the quiet atmosphere, but soon enough, his thoughts started spiralling again.

James had seen him break down like that, had had to help him get through a panic attack. It was humiliating. He would start crying again but he didn't want to do it next to James again. Once was enough. Instead, he pulled his legs up to his body, resting his head on his knees so that his knees would fit into the sockets of his eyes. Describing it like this sounded a little creepy, but it was actually a rather nice position and it comforted Regulus, in a way. Like this, he could pretend James wasn't next to him. He could pretend none of that had just happened and that he calmed down by himself.

But that would be a lie.

"Regulus, if you were that scared to go into the water, why did you agree to me teaching you how to swim?" James asked, concern swinging along in his voice.

The problem was: Regulus didn't know. Not really. Well, he kind of did, but was that really a valid reason? Maybe it was, maybe he should tell James about how this wasn't just about swimming but the whole situation. Tell him about Sirius and his homesickness, and that he hated that he'd decided to follow his instinct. But he didn't. Rather, the boy lifted his head, staring ahead at the trees in front of him and said, "My brother almost drowned when I was five."

"Oh," was all James could manage, probably surprised that he had a brother at all. Regulus didn't let him enough time to come up with a proper response, to console him or whatever he would think Regulus wanted at that moment.

"We were at Coney Island, our nanny had taken us there to enjoy a day at the beach. It was fun, at first. But then the waves got higher and higher and Nanny Minnie decided to swim back to the beach with us. Of course, my brother was stupid and didn't follow us back to the sand. When we noticed, a huge wave crashed over him and- and he didn't swim back up. Nanny Minnie immediately went to get him and if it hadn't been for her quick reaction, he probably wouldn't have made it. She got fired anyway and Si– my brother soon got over what had happened, even if he still protested all the new nannies our dad tried to hire. I never managed to do that. Get over what had happened, I mean." Closing his eyes, Regulus replayed the memory in his head, the way Sirius had coughed up water after getting rescued and the look of fear in his eyes, the smell of disinfection when they went to the hospital to make sure Sirius was physically alright. He had been so small. That was the first time he realised his big brother wasn't as invincible as he had always thought he was.

His big brother. Always his big brother.

For a while, it was silent. It was enough time for Regulus to start regretting what he'd said, to wonder why he'd said anything in the first place. Then, finally, James whispered, "I'm sorry."

Shaking his head, Regulus finally dared to take a look at James. He had pulled up his legs to his chest as well, arms resting on his knees. "It's not your fault. I- I don't even know why I told you that. I'm sorry for trauma dumping on you like that. I shouldn't have done that. Truth is, no one at Camp Jupiter knows how to swim and I kind of wanted to brag about being the first Roman demigod that knows how to. I thought it'd be easier to leave that day behind me." But when he looked at the brunet like that, a comforting smile lingering on his face, his eyes shining like the sun after a rainy day, Regulus wanted to tell him more. He wanted to spread all his cards in front of him and let him know every single thing about him, letting the sun hug him and fill every corner of his existence.

"You know, spite is sometimes the best motivation. If you still want to do it, my offer still stands," James said, his knees moving to gently nudge Regulus' side. Somehow, the gesture felt comforting.

Regulus thought about it for a moment, seriously considering if he wanted to do it or just spend the rest of the day roaming around Camp, maybe trying out archery and seeing if someone would be willing to fight him in the arena and it sounded so much better than overcoming his worst fear. But then again, it would be an opportunity for him to finally make himself proud of... himself. Maybe he shouldn't miss out on that.

"Alright," the curly-head decided. "I'll do it."

James smiled and got up, offering one hand to help Regulus up as well. "Great. I know you'll nail it." Rolling his eyes, the curly-head accepted the hand, letting him pull him on his feet. "I have a question, though."

Letting go of the warm hand – and kind of wishing he hadn't – Reg looked up at the boy, eyebrows slightly raised. "What is it?"

"Can I hug you?" (I know, I know, you are cheering right now, because c'mon. They're so cute. I love them.)

Surprised, very surprised, Regulus replied with a violent blink. Quoi? "Uh. I mean. Yeah, I guess?"

Taking a step forward, James put his arms around Regulus, pulling him close. It was a little awkward and Regulus usually didn't do physical touch with someone that wasn't his friend. He hardly even hugged Dorcas and she was one of his closest friends. But then the warmth, James' warmth, lulled him in, comforting him in a way he didn't know was possible with a stranger. Slowly, Reg relaxed into his touch, returning the embrace. They stood there longer than what Regulus thought was appropriate for hugs, but he didn't complain. He felt as if every part of his body that James was touching right now had been touched by the sun, but in a good way. Like when you burn your tongue on a hot drink but you enjoy it. James' touches burnt, tingling gently on his skin. It was nice. It was comforting. It was something Regulus didn't know he needed.

After what felt like an eternity, James finally hesitantly pulled back and Regulus found himself yearning for more, wanting to chase his touch. No, stay. Don't let go. But instead of giving in to the strange pull toward the boy, he stayed where he was, letting James end their embrace. Only then he noticed the way his heart was racing, the way his palms had started sweating. "Thanks," he mumbled, suddenly not wanting to meet James' gaze.

"There's nothing you need to thank me for," James replied, and if Regulus would be looking at him right now, he'd see that James was still smiling at him. He was always smiling, it was such a strange contrast to Regulus who never smiled.

Finally raising his head, their gazes locked, Reg found himself saying, "That's not true. You helped me a lot today. Thank you."

The boy gave him a light shrug, looking a little unsure, but smiling at him like the sun anyways. "Okay. Ready to go back?"

...

Together, they left the woods, walking to wherever James led them – probably the lake, though. Actually, Regulus was quite sure they would be going there until they were almost there and James suddenly took a turn, leading them away from the lake and towards the- sea. James was leading him to the sea. The sea.

"James?" Regulus asked, not able to keep a hint of panic out of his voice. "James, I thought-" The walnut-skinned boy turned around to him, stopping so suddenly Regulus stumbled and almost ran over him. "Filius canis," he mumbled, the words slipping past his lips without a second thought. His heart stopped – in the metaphorical sense – when he realised he'd just said son of a bitch and it would probably come off as him calling James that and not as an exclamation like "fucking hell". But then he looked at James, saw his confused look and remembered he wasn't roman.

"What did you just say?" the very Greek and very non-Latin-fluent boy wanted to know.

Ignoring the question, Regulus tried to focus on the more pressing matter. "Why are we going to the sea?"

Seemingly letting go of his own question, James explained, "Since your problem isn't not knowing how to swim but rather not being able to due to fear, I've decided to change my methods."

"And what are those methods?" the curly-head asked, raising an eyebrow.

James looked away at the sea, biting his lip, then turned back to Regulus, seemingly trying to find something in his face, maybe a hint of how he'd react to his following words. "I need you to trust me on this one. Can you do that?"

That was a good question. Did he trust James? But no matter how long Regulus stared at him, took in the slight curls in the mess that James called hair; studied the way his nose supported the glasses to help him see and no matter how long he looked at his eyes, watching the tiny golden sprinkles in his brown eyes glow with hope, he wasn't able to answer the question himself. All he knew was that he didn't want to crush the lovely glimmer of hope in those beautiful, beautiful eyes. So he said, "Yes." And the moment he'd said it, he realised that it was true. James had seen him having a panic attack and hadn't laughed at him for a single second. "Tell me what to do."

They took off to the sea again, and despite having decided to trust James about this, more and more anxiety bubbled up in his chest with every step they got closer to the big, wide, untamed sea. When they were on the beach, James didn't stop. He didn't even stop when he stepped on wet sand, having reached the part where the water would sometimes clash on the beach after another wave had come rolling.

Regulus tried to follow him, but when he was ankle-deep in the water – James almost knee-deep, though he'd significantly slowed down and kept looking back to check if Reg was still behind him – he couldn't anymore. He watched the way the water moved around James' legs, every movement sending off more tiny waves around him. Finally, the brunet stopped, turning fully around to look at Regulus. The water reached above his knees now, and he sent a comforting smile towards the younger.

Regardless of the cool temperatures of the sea, Regulus knew he wasn't shaking from the cold, but instead of the anxiety. His chest felt as if it was going to burst any second, his heart pounding so hard against his ribs that he could hear it in the blood in his ears. It was too much, he wanted to go back, hide underneath his blanket with Snuffles and never resurface again. Should he be embarrassed that he'd hardly had this stuffie back for twelve hours and he'd gotten super attached to it again anyway? Well, having an embarrassing attachment to an animal made of fabric was definitely better than going swimming in the sea.

"Regulus?" James' voice called him back to the here and now, though it was hard to hear him over the loud waves and the rushing in his ears. "This is the part where you have to trust me, okay?"

I want to go home, Regulus thought. But he didn't say it. Instead, he nodded, trying to look as calm as possible. Maybe he was shaking and maybe his heart was racing, but perhaps there was a chance you wouldn't be able to see that all just by his body language.

"Okay. Close your eyes," the older asked, and if Regulus hadn't been wanting to do that to at least not have to look at the water, he might've tried to protest. Now he just complied without arguing, waiting for further instructions. "Good. Next, you're going to think about your favourite human. Maybe it's a family member, or your best friend. It can also be a celebrity or a mentor or whoever you like. You know what, it doesn't even have to be a human. It could be a pet or someone in that direction."

The curly-head thought he heard James coming closer again, but he tried focusing on his task. He imagined his friend group. Or, well, more like his chosen family.

"Have that someone?" A nod. "Good. Now your favourite place. Think about how it smells, what it sounds like. Focus on the happy emotions you feel when you're there. Imagine your favourite someone is with you, and you're just enjoying your time there."

Gentle hands touched his as he imagined himself at the forum of New Rome, sitting together with Dorcas, Pandora, Barty and Evan in a café. They would joke about Dorcas' crush on Evans and the way Barty always flirted with Evan, who would pretend he didn't like it. But the blush on his cheeks was never subtle enough for the three uninvolved parties not to notice. Then Regulus would say something about how they were stupid and Pandora would add one of her wisdoms.

Suddenly, a wave of water crashed right into his face, his daydream tilting and the picture changing to him and James kissing behind a tree, James having buried one of his hands in Regulus' curls while Regulus clutched the back of James' shirt into his hand. Immediately, he ripped his eyes open, spluttering at the way the water unexpectedly reached up to his chest now.