Dead. I am dead. Or at least I feel dead. But in reality I'm not. I'm just running. My heart's still beating. I am alive. But I am dead. My heart is besting faster and faster, picking up the pace by the second. I can feel myself start to hyperventilate. I hiccup, and I hiccup again. Tears stream down my face. Am I dead yet? I feel dead. Do I want to be dead? I always wish that I die but why haven't I done it? Because of Maybelline. But now, now it's different. Would I still jump off a cliff right now? With nothing holding me back, would I still jump? The thing is we all want to die, but the killing makes us too scared. And that's just the truth. Only the people with true guts kill themselves. Would I still jump?

I loose my breath quickly. I run fast and far, my breaths very quick and choppy. I wonder how I'm still alive. It would seem like I would die because of how inconsistent my breaths are. It feels like I'm dead though. It's like my body has died but I'm still alive. After the resent passing, how could I feel alive again? How could my eyes light up again? How could I giggle at anything again? How could I ever love again. How could I put my trust and motivation in another person again. How can I do anything at this point! I wish someone would reach out to me and tell me, because it really seems like nothing can work at this point.

The wind carries all the sound. The pressure makes me crack, tears welling up in my eyes as I run. I can hear them chasing. I can hear the sirens. I can hear everything. From the gasps of people in may way, to the inaudible things like the stares. I can hear and feel all the eyes on me, but I keep running till they can't see me anymore. I can hear the groans of pain from my sister. I can hear the voice of my mother while she was dying. Everything comes at me at once. Why are they chasing me? Do they want me to be there to see my dead relative? Do they want me present so I can pay her medical bill? What do they want from me? Do they want to ask me about my bitch of a father? Do they want to arrest me for nothing? What do they want? Whatever they wish for, I'm not giving it to them. I'm running for miles and never looking back. Because I don't want to talk right now. All of these people are already talking to me in my ear, and it's overwhelming. I don't want to talk right now. And I don't need to.

The grass shuffles beneath my feet. The sun sets and cast an array of nice colors to the sky. Pink sherbet skies and nice pale clouds, what more could a person ask for? I could answer that in so many ways. A guardian. Someone to look out for me and care. A sister. No one to replace, just the original little girl I truly loved. An escape. A way out of this cruel world. A way away from the noises and screams, bottles and moans. A way away from the violence, and a place near freedom. A place I feel comfortable calling home.

I'm running for a reason, but I don't know what it is. Am I running from the cops and the sirens? Am I running from the horror of the corpse? Am I running from my taken away dad? Or am I running from my fears? The fear of loosing someone as close as her. The fear of ever going near my house again. Or the fear of loosing the on person on the other side. I keep running, telling myself I don't know why. And I really don't, but I have a clue it has something to do with you. Karl, my mind runs on you. We've been separated, and I'm unsure when we will return. Maybe I'm running in hopes I will find you again. But you've already said goodbye, and made it clear that there's not a chance of return.

I remember our first time exploring. We visited shop of all kinds. The people seemed so nice. I wish that I worshiped that kindness more. I wish in that moment I acknowledged my so called father existed, and made every single citizen feel like a walking gold mine. I wish I let myself go earlier. I wish I loosened up. I wish I realized that these could be my new friends. Now that chance is gone, and life moves on. All I can do is wish to go back. Wish to go back before that monster attacked. Wish to go back before my mother deceased. But now here I am, running from a dead body and police sirens, going past the flower field. I'm breaking boundaries, going onto untouched land, wishing I could turn back time.

I felt like I could never believe again. My imagination was put in restraints, prevented from realizing it's true energy. All I wanted to do was yell. I wished to scream into a room of vantablack, which would consume all the negative energy. So I did, only in a flower field. But how can I do that again? I want to put all my tears in a ball and make problems seem so small. Shrink time in a hour glass, waiting for my soon impending doom. Things have changed, the bath appeared. I experienced life without my mother, but what about my sister?

Maybelline, my sweet sweet Maybelline. Your name rolls of my tongue like sweet saccharine. Heart too big for a world too small. I've learned so much in twenty four hours, I blame myself for not bringing you with me. If only you could see, if only you could meet. Happy birthday Maybelline.

I walked back to the relaxation in defeat. I hoped you would take me back with open arms once again, but I have confirmed our time has ceased. I would swim hours to go back to that ethereal place. My home has died, so I wish to return to yours. My home was never a home without Maybelline, and now that she's gone I invite you to allow me in. Where are you Karl Jacobs?

I dived into your arms, receiving a welcoming home. If I knew a puddle of sunflowers was all that stood between me and perfect, I would've splashed in it sooner. If I knew a puddle of sunflowers had limited use, I would've dried off later. How do I navigate back to our universe?