―

―

The gang sat around Monica and Rachels apartment, having just found put that Phoebe was married.

"This is unbelievable Pheebs, how can you be married?" Joey asked.

"Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card." Phoebe shrugged.

Monica shook her head, "I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything."

Phoebe sighed, "I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve."

"Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?" Monica scoffed.

"You see, and you thought she'd be judgemental." Ross sarcastically said.

"Well, Pheebs, don't you remember how heartbroken you were when he left?" Marty added softly.

Phoebe rolled her eyes, "Okay, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend."

Monica let out another scoff, "Please, when he left town you stayed in your pyjamas for a month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger," She pointed at the blonde, who froze, her friends gasping at her, "Well, didn't you?"

Phoebe gritted her teeth, as Marty rubbed her shoulder, "I might have."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Monica said again.

Phoebe rolled her eyes, "Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything."

Raising an eyebrow, Monica asked, "What have I not told you?"

A smirk made its way onto Phoebe's face, "Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace." She cried, pointing out to that direction.

"What!?" Rachel exclaimed, she and the rest of the friends - minus Monica and Chandler - rushing to the window to have a look.

"Wait a minute, who told you?" Monica gasped, before turning and pointing at Chandler, who was looking sheepish, "You are dead meat."

"I didn't know it was a big secret." Chandler tried to defend himself, wiggling the finger that she was pointing at him.

"Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know," Her nonchalant tone turned into a cry, "Having a third nipple!"

The group gasped, turning to him.

"You have a third nipple?" Phoebe exclaimed.

Chandler narrowed his eyes at the raven-haired woman, "You bitch."

"I wanna see!" Marty cried, wide-eyed with a grin.

"Whip it out, whip it out." Ross jumped up and down excitedly.

"Yeah, whip it!" Marty grinned, also jumping.

Chandler scoffed, "C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?"

"I can't believe you," Joey pouted, "You told me it was a nubbin."

Ross stared at the Italian man, "Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?"

Joey shrugged, "I don't know, you see somethin', you hear a word, I thought that's what it was," He then turned to Chandler, "Let me see it again."

"Yeah, show it."

"Show it."

"The nubbin, the nubbin, the nubbin."

The group encouraged him.

"Joey was in a porno movie." Chandler then abruptly shouted.

The rest of the group turned to the actor with shocked gasps.

"If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me." Chandler cried.

"You were in a porno?" Ross laughed.

"Ahh, alright, alright, alright," Joey sighed, "I was young and I just wanted a job, okay. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it." He smirked.

"That is wild." Monica shouted, before the attention was then rapidly turned back to Chandler.

"So what's it shaped like?" Ross asked him.

"What colour is it?" Marty wondered.

"Yeah, is there a hair on it?" Phoebe cocked her head to the side.

Narrowing his eyes at his best friend, Joey queried, "What happens if you flick it?"

―

Later that day in Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, and Julie were sitting on the couch, whilst Marty and Scott were cuddled up on the armchair and Joey was sat at the table.

"So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?" Ross teased Chandler about his nipple. Again.

Chandler rolled his eyes, "Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia."

"That would be so cool." Marty nodded, looking up at Scott, who smiled and nodded in agreement.

"You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility," Julie told the sulking man, "You get the best huts and women dance naked around you."

"Huh?" Chandler thought, "Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area?"

Ross smiled down lovingly at his girlfriend, "You know, you are so amazing, is there anything you, you don't know?"

"How to open the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia." Marty pointed out.

"I told you, I'm trying." Julie told her, the two woman sharing a chuckle.

Phoebe then entered the coffee shop, all dressed up.

"Woah." The group marvelled.

"Foxy lady." Joey nodded.

"Where you goin'?" Julie asked her.

Phoebe blushed, twiddling her fingers, "Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades."

"The Ice Capades?" Joey asked.

Chandler rolled his eyes, "No, no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls? Funny."

"I don't like it when Snoopy to falls." Marty shook her head in disagreement

"I can't believe you're dressing up for him," Turning to Phoebe, Monica shook her head with a scoff, "I mean, you're just, you're setting yourself up all over again."

"Okay, no." Phoebe scoffed, unconvincingly, "For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feeling behind me. Okay, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband."

Ross then frowned, looking into the cream pitcher, "Oh, darn it, we're all out of milk," He then held the pitcher in front of Chandler's chest and flipped the lid, "Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?"

Marty stifled a laugh in Scott's arm.

Chandler grimaced, "Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha."

―

That same night, the gang were going over to Ross', the get together being to get to know Julie.

Rachel smiled fondly at Marty's frown as they made their way up the stairs of Ross' apartment building.

"Aw, look at little Marty all sad because Scott couldn't make it tonight." The brunette woman teased as they were about to enter Ross' apartment.

"That's because she's in loooove." Joey sang with a smirk, poking the younger girl in the arm as they entered the apartment, coming face-to-face with Ross and Julie engaged in a steamy kiss, not having noticed the six people staring awkwardly at them.

"Uh, Julie." Chandler spoke up, making the couple abruptly break apart.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry, you had a palaeontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright." Chandler nodded.

Ross rolled his eyes, "Hi everyone."

"Hi."

The group dispersed, engaging in their own conversations.

Marty grinned as she greeted Julie with a warm hug.

"Where's Scott?" The older woman wondered.

"He's having dinner meeting with his agent and a publisher tonight, so he couldn't come." The redhead shrugged.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Julie frowned, "But I hope it goes well."

"Yeah, me too." Marty nodded, twiddling her fingers nervously.

"You look like you could use a drink." Julie pointed out.

"She only drinks on special occasions." Rachel butted in, sending a side glance to Julie.

"I think I may need one glass of wine tonight." Marty nodded, taking Julie's hand and being lead to the alcohol.

―

Later that night, after dinner, Chandler came out of the bathroom with a wide grin.

"What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie." He grinned, taking a video tape out of his pocket.

"Pop it in." Ross grinned, the group rushing to the couch.

Joey rolled his eyes as Chandler put the tape in "I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're okay watching a video filled with two nippled people."

"Great," Rachel sighed, "People having sex, that's just what I need to see."

"What's wrong with people having sex?" Ross chuckled.

"Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, and the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here." Rachel struggled.

"Hell, I wanna see Joey." Monica snickered.

"W-Well what about Marty?" Rachel rushed out.

"What about Marty?" The said girl wondered, taking a seat next to Joey.

"Well, sex always makes you uncomfortable," Rachel said, "And we wouldn't want to taint your innocent, virgin self." She added desperately.

"Why do you think I'll be covering her eyes for most of it." Joey smirked, as Chandler hit play on the remote.

"Take a breath, Rach." Marty whispered to the older woman, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze as cheesy porn disco music began to play, Chandler and Monica grooving to it.

"So is there like a story or do they just start doing it right- oh, never mind." Julie nodded.

"Oh, wow." Marty blushed with a giggle, Joey covering her eyes.

"Okay, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen." Chandler pointed at the screen.

"All I say is, she better get the job." Monica commented.

Ross cocked his head to the side, "Looks to me like he's the one getting the job."

"Shh, okay, here I come, here I come," Joy shushed them, excitedly tapping Marty's arm and taking away his hand so she could watch - which she did with wide eyes, "See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line-"

"You know that's bad for the paper tray."

Chandler nodded with a grin, "Nice work my friend."

"Thank you," Joey beamed, "Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am..."

―

Even later that night, everyone was still sitting around the living room, a tired Marty snuggled into Chandler's side, as Monica came out of the bathroom.

"You know, it still smells like monkey in there." She told her brother.

"Marcel." Marty frowned, Chandler rubbing her shoulder comfortingly.

"That saves us a conversation." Julie said.

Seeing Marty yawn, Chandler decided, "Well, listen, this has been great but I'm officially wiped. And Marty is going to her clingy cat stage of being tired."

"Me too, we should get goin'." Joey nodded, everyone beginning to get up.

"No, no," Rachel stopped everyone, "I mean, no, c'mon you guys, I mean, c'mon look it's only eleven thirty. Let's just talk, we never just hang out and talk anymore."

"Rachel," Monica deadpanned, "That's all we do."

"And I should have been in bed with my book hours ago." Marty added, her tired body leaning on Chandler for support.

"Maybe that's all we do, what about Julie?" Rachel asked.

Julie let out a small chuckle, "What about Julie?"

"Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We wanna hear everything." Rachel smiled.

"Well, that could take a while." Julie giggled.

"So. I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?" Rachel turned to her friends, sending them a hard look.

"I got the time to get to know Julie." Chandler nodded with a sigh, gently guiding Marty back to the couch.

"I got time." Joey shrugged, also sitting down.

"Rach, I know her pretty well, can I go?" Monica asked with help, earning a look from hell, "That's fine." She shook her head, sitting down, too.

"Okay Julie, so now let's start with your childhood, what was that like?" Rachel asked, sitting in front of the woman.

"Well, in a nutshell-"

"Nah, uh, uh, uh, uh." Rachel cut her off.

―

An hour and a half later, Julie was still discussing her life story.

"And my second grade teacher was Ms. Thomas, and my first grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb." She listed off.

"Mrs., Mrs. Gobb?" Rachel asked.

Julie shook her head, "No Cobb, as in cobb salad."

Rachel nodded, before wondering, "Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?"

Chandler stood up, "I'm goin' home." He declared, Monica and Joey following, Marty too tired to move.

"What?" Rachel frowned.

"Night guys." Marty muttered, Joey lifting her from the couch, the redhead wrapping her limbs around him like a koala as they left the apartment.

Joey turned to the others, "Boy that Julie's a talker, huh?"