robin buckley

word count: 915


prompt: "I don't want to hurt you."


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I was sitting in my best friend Robin's room, watching a movie that I had stopped following 10 minutes in but pretended to be engrossed by because it was Robin's favourite movie. We were sitting on her bed, leaning against her headboard. We usually hung out at Robin's since she had her own TV in her room. I always thought that was cool.


It was a black and white film and I couldn't for the life of me understand what Robin liked about it, it was long and boring and not to mention: it was French. I was completely astounded by it, but I let it be because Robin would get so invested in weird things like that and it was incredibly endearing. Plus, I got to tease her about it.


I peeked over at the clock on her nightstand. 12:04 am. I estimated there was still an hour left of the movie, and I just then realised how tired I was getting. I allowed my head to drop and rest on Robin's shoulder. It wasn't anything unusual, nothing I hadn't done before, but I felt her stiffen up. It was strange, but I didn't mention it.


Eventually, I could feel her muscles relax under my head. I glanced up at her and her eyes were still fixated on the screen. But then, so smoothly I almost didn't notice, her hand slithered into my own, intertwining her fingers with mine. I froze. This was not something we had done before. Sure, we had held hands, but not like this. This felt more intimate, like Robin was trying to tell me something without using words.


I didn't snatch my hand out of hers, I didn't move away from her, but I didn't actively hold her hand back either. I didn't know if I wanted to. What would that mean? Was I overreacting? Maybe it was a perfectly normal, friendly hand-holding.


I glanced back up at Robin, and this time I met her eyes looking back at me. Her eyes were glossy, not as if she were sad but as if she were tired. I figured my eyes were probably glossy too. "Hey." She broke the silence. Our eye contact stayed intact.


"Hey." My voice sounded restrained and dull. I could feel my heart beating faster, like I knew that this moment would be defining of the entire rest of my life before it even happened.


"I, uh- I've been meaning to tell you something." She began and I let out a deep breath that I hadn't realised I had been holding. She looked away, as if the information she was about to tell me made her feel uncomfortable. I sat quietly and listened. She was quiet then as well, but I observed her breathing. It was erratic and sharp. My eyes were still fixed on her, and the soft contour of her face. We had been best friends all throughout high school, she was the only person I ever looked forward to seeing every day. She was the most important person in my life.


"I don't know how to explain it." She said, squeezing my hand lightly as to imply that that was the it. "Whenever I'm with you, everything just feels... right. And I've been thinking lately that maybe there's a reason for it."


"That we're best friends?" I asked, ignorantly. I knew she didn't mean that, but I was scared of what she actually meant.


She let out a defeated laugh. "No. Well, yes, but-" She turned her head to make eye contact with me again. "But like there's something more. I guess what I'm saying is I- I like you, y/n." She stuttered. I lowered my gaze to look at our hands that were still intertwined. I desperately tried to collect my thoughts. I liked Robin, yes. As a friend. How could I tell if I liked her more than as a friend?


"Is that okay?" She almost whispered, as if she were scared to ask or scared of what I might answer.


"I don't know." I answered, and I could barely hear how she let out a disappointed sigh.


"I'm sorry, that was stupid of me." She forced a laugh and began to untangle her hand from mine but I stopped her. It did feel nice, holding her hand. And my heart did skip a beat when she said she liked me.


"It wasn't, I just- I don't want to hurt you." She looked at me confused, her furrowed eyebrows begged me to explain myself. "You've clearly had more time to think about this, and I don't want to hurt you because I don't know how I feel."


She nodded slowly at that, she was very understanding. That was one of her best qualities. "I mean, how can I even tell if I like you as more than a friend?" I asked, more rhetorically than not. I wasn't really expecting an answer. However, Robin's face lit up at that comment.


"I have an idea." She said. Our faces were already close to each other, but Robin began leaning in to make the distance smaller. She closed her eyes and as the gap between us vanished, her lips met mine in a soft kiss. I let my eyes fall shut and kissed her back. The butterflies in my stomach let me know without a doubt that we weren't meant to just be friends, we were meant to be much more than that.

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