Things were slowly getting back to normal in some aspects of my life. I was excused from soccer practice for however long I needed to process everything that happened, but I had made a decision to return to the pitch the week following my return to town. It was going to be different with Konstantin's absence.

Most people knew some of what had happened to him. They knew I was there. What they didn't know was that he'd tried to kill me and I'd watched him die. My teammates knew we didn't get along so the incident was probably a major talking point with lots of speculations. Some of my brave teammates were going to ask questions when I returned.

Classes were okay. We weren't a close-knit class like the relationship I had with my teammates so most people didn't talk or ask about the incident.

My mind focused on the present when I realized I had put more honey than I had intended to on the pancakes. It wasn't too much but the plate was being coated as the honey spilled onto it. I hoped Felix didn't mind.

I located a tray and put the plate of pancakes in and a cup of coffee. I'd made the pancakes for Felix only, deciding I would be okay with an omelet. I wasn't a big fan of pancakes. I enjoyed them, but unlike Felix, I didn't envision eating them every day for the rest of my life.

Rain was still coming down from the sky. I could see trails of water making its way to the ground on the kitchen window. It had increased slightly since I'd woken up.

I grabbed the tray with both hands and made my way to the bedroom, hoping Felix was awake. I walked in just as he turned to lie supine. He had a smile on his face.

"Nice dream?" I asked as I set the tray on the nightstand.

"I dreamt you kept your end of the deal, and you did", he said grinning as he sat up.

"I'm trustworthy", I said sticking my nose in the air.

"And awesome", he added.

I chuckled and shook my head. I handed him the tray and he placed it neatly on his lap.

"Is it raining?"

"Yep, started last night", I said. "It's not bad. It's actually really beautiful out there".

"I sleep like a baby when you are in my bed", he said before sticking a fork in his pancake.

"It's a good thing. You do need to rest", I said sitting on the bed with one of my legs tucked underneath me.

He took a sip of his coffee. "This feels so good and tastes even better".

"The package says it is Brazilian coffee. I just threw it in the cart", I said.

I'd gone shopping for my "getaway" with Felix. The guy may have been very skilled at protecting himself, but he was clueless at caring for himself. The last time I had come to the place there wasn't much food there. I came prepared, knowing Felix wouldn't bother with shopping.

"It's not scotch, but it is good", he said.

I was learning things about Felix little by little. The saying was true, you can never say you really know someone, but it's good to know more than less. As with my friends, the more time I spent with Felix, the more I got to know him.

He'd for 3 days straight complained about how there hadn't been Scotch on the hospital menu. I would have been appalled if there had been. He clearly had a taste for whisky, something I had never tasted.

"I borrowed your sweater. I hope you don't mind", I said.

"You seem to have a thing for big things", he said and winked suggestively.

My cheeks burned in mortification. If he didn't have a cup of warm coffee next to him I would have hit him with a pillow. He was looking at me like he expected me to say something. There was triumph in his slight cocked eyebrow.

I stood up and went to get my camera from my bag, deciding not to entertain him. I hadn't bothered unpacking my bag. We'd arrived late the previous night and had cuddled for a few minutes on the couch in the living room with the fire crackling before we went to bed. I had packed more clothes for my stay, but I intended to come back again the next weekend.

I opened the camera bag and got the camera, walking a few feet away from the bed. I was about to take a picture of Felix when I spotted something lying against one of the walls. It was on the floor, leaning against the wall.

It was a painting. I walked closer to look at it. It was of a grey flower against a black background. It looked beautiful.

"This wasn't here the last time I was here, was it?" I said.

He shook his head, his mouth full of food.

"It's beautiful. It's not hung up, are you going to sell it?" I asked.

"No. I was planning on hanging it up sometime, but you got yourself kidnapped and those plans flew out the window", he said after swallowing.

I pouted and stuck out my tongue in annoyance, which when I think about it made me seem like a little kid. "I didn't think flowers were your kind of thing".

"They aren't. It reminded me of something", he said.

"Please share. I do need to gaze into your soul", I said grinning with eagerness.

He laughed, like really laughed. The sound was melodious. "You".

"Me?"

"Yeah".

"A flower reminded you of me? I know I'm gay, but how does a flower remind you of me?"

"Your eyes are grey", he said.

I just stared at him and wondered if he could see the love in me bubbling out. If we were in a cartoon my eyes would be depicted with hearts, big red hearts.

I walked to the bed and sat next to him. "When did you buy it?"

"...The week before your game. That time I told you I was going to the art viewing".

I grinned like an idiot. And like an idiot I was in danger of shedding a few tears.

"You..." I started and he jumped in.

"I was already crazy about you then", he said.

"...And I went on that stupid date", I said in regret.

"It doesn't matter Pancakes. We both did some stupid things", he said.

I kissed him. He had just drunk coffee and I didn't like coffee, but I kissed him. I caught him by surprise too. He initially thought I was going to hit him but melted to the kiss. For a few seconds I forgot he had coffee in his hand until my hand touched the cup.

I jumped back from pain. "Ow".

"Sorry. You could have told me you were going to suddenly kiss me. This would be long gone", he said indicating the cup.

"I'll remember that next time", I said standing up and massaging the back of my hand.

I retrieved my camera from the end of the bed, and was glad Felix hadn't moved his leg. It had been in a very dangerous position. I took a few steps back from the bed and positioned the camera properly, looking through the lens and greeted by my boyfriend sipping his evil coffee.

"You better be taking a picture of the wall", he said.

I grinned and shook my head like a little kid.

"I just woke up", he said.

"And you look very handsome", I said.

I snapped a couple of pictures. Felix at first tried to hide himself, but gave up when he almost spilled his coffee. He didn't look at the camera though and thought that would deter me. It didn't. The best pictures were taken with the model unaware – or in this case, feigning indifference.

"Your hair is long", I commented.

I was looking at the last picture I'd taken. Felix was leaning a bit, so his hair moved a little in front of him. It was a bit shaggy, which gave him quite a sexy look. He hadn't shaved in a while and that complemented the look.

"I have something else that's long", he said.

"You have really long toes, I've seen them", I said and walked back to the kitchen before the conversation got to a certain stage. I had forgotten all about my omelet and it was cold.

Felix was done eating, and soon I was too. I joined him in bed, not bothering to take off his sweater. I was clearly marking it as mine and telling him there was nothing he could do about it.

"Is there anything you want to do today?" I asked.

"This"

I waited in anticipation as he leaned over, placing his hand on my side so he could support himself. His head lowered, and I tilted mine up so I could help reduce the distance between us. Our lips touched slightly and everything around us dissolved. Its existence didn't matter. I could feel Felix's lips on mine and the compressed air between our bodies.

Our lips moved. There was something in the way every tiny movement sent my heart racing, something in the way the feel of his tongue asking for entry made my fingers curl around his hair. There was just something I couldn't describe, and it was driving my body insane.

I could feel his warmth even though our bodies weren't touching. It could have been the feel of his warm mouth that sent fire through my body. I clung to his lips and his hair as he explored my mouth. The kiss was getting more and more erotic.

I felt his leg move between mine, and I raised my right one slightly to allow him more room. He grunted softly, a sound that had my stomach tightening. I thought it was the sound, and it could quite possibly have been it, or it could have been Felix's hand underneath my clothes. He'd gone all the way in, ensuring no barrier between him and my abdominal skin.

His long capable fingers started a sensual journey to nowhere in particular, and I raised my body up to put more pressure into his touches. Every movement was filling me with even more need. I was raising my body up to meet him, trying to...

Raising

It was the best and worst time to remember what I had read in one of Felix's medical textbooks. He'd reluctantly lent it to me the night I'd left for home. I'd gone through his bag at my apartment to pick out fresh clothes for his discharge when I came across the book. It looked interesting and I was still educating myself about what had really happened to Felix so I asked him to borrow it to me.

Felix had just had heart surgery two weeks back. If his heart beat forcefully, he could reopen the hole in his heart. His heart rate had probably already increased. Sex wasn't just pleasurable; it demanded more from our bodies in return. I wasn't sure Felix's heart could handle that. The doctor had advised him to take it easy.

My head snapped back, moving my lips away from Felix's. He missed my reluctance, nestling his head in my neck. He bit my collarbone and kissed along it to the base of my neck. He placed sweet torturous kisses there. He found the spot and I nearly forgot why I'd pulled back. I wrapped my leg around his.

"Felix wait", I said breathlessly.

He raised his head a little. "Don't worry, I won't tell every Tom, Dick and Harry your weak spot. It's my secret".

"We can't do this", I said.

He looked at me. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes...no! I mean, I want this. I want you, but you are sick and I don't want you back in hospital", I said.

There was amusement in his eyes. "Pancakes I'm fine".

"That's what you think. The doctor hasn't said so", I said.

"You are paranoid", he said.

"I know", I admitted. "I'd rather just wait until your appointment. I almost lost you once Felix".

He gave me a peck on the lips. "It feels like a long wait, but it's only a week. I'm not happy, but I'd rather do it when you are comfortable. I'll wait however long. You are worth it".

I smiled. "I hope it's not long".

"My heart is strong Pancakes", he said.

"I know it is love. I've touched it", I said. "Speaking of your heart, I have to change your dressing".

He gave me a blank stare, which was better than a frown. I hadn't expected him to be immediately open to the idea. He hadn't changed overnight and I didn't expect him to undergo a complete overhaul. He wasn't used to being cared for. I'd seen it with the way he'd tried dismissing his nurses but eventually let them do their job. He was used to doing things on his own, including the medical stuff.

"I have been practicing. I know you've been doing it, but I'd love to do it. You can help me if I'm not doing it right. For once, let me take care of you", I said.

He gave me a closed-lip smile. "Okay".

I smiled and got out of bed. I went to the bathroom, washed my hands and got supplies; including gloves, a small bucket of warm water, a washcloth, saline, a small bowl, fresh gauze pads, packing tape and dressing pads.

Felix had taken off his top in my absence. I could see little goose bumps on his skin.

"Is this everything I need?" I asked.

"You've got more than you need", he said. "I don't need so much gauze".

"Yeah well, I brought extra just in case", I said pouting.

I walked over to him. He was seated, which made things easier. I sat next to him. His chest was exposed to me and my body reacted to how beautiful it was. The lightly bronze skin shone in the room's light. He was a well-made specimen and my body almost overrode my mind, with my mind battling to focus on the task at hand.

His wound was a little below his left nipple. It was at that moment covered with dressing. I put on my gloves and carefully removed the tape. He winced a bit, but assured me he was okay with a slight smile. I successfully removed the dressing and the gauze pad underneath almost fell away. That was a sign the wound was healing properly.

"Told you I don't need that much gauze", he said smirking.

"Shh", I said sternly.

I put the old stuff in a bag and cleaned the wound with warm water. There was a little blood, but it didn't look worrisome. I looked out for signs of something being wrong, like an infection. I'd gone through bouts of literature about wounds I was certain to double-check for anything strange. Felix's wound was healing properly. I cleaned in and around the area, using slow gentle movements. There was silence around us except for the pitter-patter of raindrops. I could feel Felix's chest rising and sinking. I put my left hand on his chest. I could faintly feel his heartbeat.

He put his hand on my chin, raising my eyes to meet his. I expected him to say something like, "Checking if my heart is still beating?"

Instead he said, "You know, I have never been so exposed". His tone had a soft quality to it.

I'd had my finger in his chest as he'd lay cold on the floor. But I knew it wasn't what he meant. He wasn't talking about the physical stuff. He was talking about his emotions and feelings. He was talking about him letting me take care of him in such a primitive personal way.

"Does it feel terrible?" I asked.

He shook his head slowly. "It feels great"

I smiled.

"I never thought I'd be so exposed and so vulnerable, and still feel so secure", he said. "Thank you Pancakes".

"I'm only changing your dressing, no need to get mushy with me", I joked and saw his lips curl in a smile.

"You could hurry up before the wound gets infected. And I'm cold", he said.

"You are the one who..." I said and he interrupted.

"You can't argue with the patient", he smirked.

I rolled my eyes and continued cleaning. When I was certain I had covered every part, I packed fresh gauze and packing tape into some saline I'd poured into the bowl. I placed just one gauze pad on the wound and Felix nodded in approval. I placed the dry dressing over it and used the tape to hold it in place.

I inspected my work, pleased with my efforts. I took off the gloves and threw them in the plastic bag.

"All done".

"You did great", Felix said as he inspected the dressing.

I felt pretty chuffed with myself. Changing Felix's dressing wasn't a huge task, but it felt really great taking care of him. I had been worried about him being far from me. I'd found him in one piece and I intended for it to stay that way.

Changing his dressing was comforting. I realized I didn't mind taking care of him. He could spew everything he'd ever eaten and I would jump to his side. I wasn't fooling myself into thinking I wouldn't be disgusted, but it wouldn't be him I'd find disgusting.

He put his top on and pulled me into his arms backwards.

"I have to wash my hands", I said.

"Later. Since you changed my dressing, what can I do for you?" he asked nuzzling his head in my neck.

"Hmm...watch Daredevil with me?"

"I don't watch things. What's that? A stunt show?"

"No, it's a series about a guy who reminds me of you", I said.

I didn't really need a companion to watch Daredevil and I was quite ahead, but I thought Felix would like it. I knew he hated TV and the only thing he'd watched on his was me (wasn't surprised at all) through the camera he'd put in my room (Yep, mom hadn't been paranoid; someone had broken into our house earlier that year and stole nothing). I thought he'd identify with the protagonist.

"There's no TV here", he said.

"There's a laptop with downloaded seasons", I said grinning.

"Okay. Let's see this guy who- probably through a crazy reason- reminds you of me".

"When has anything with you ever been sane?" I teased.

He wrapped his arms tighter around me. "This. You and I. This is sane. It felt insane a couple of weeks ago, but there's nothing saner. I love you and you love me".

I didn't feel like turning so I looked up to look into his eyes.

"I do love you", I mouthed.

"And I love you", he said.

===