Two-Bit and AJ didn't notice the expression in his voice, but Ponyboy and I did. 
     It's true, I thought numbly, He's dying. I didn't want to believe it, but there was no use giving myself false hope.
     "AJ, maybe Zack and Theo should stay out here," I told her quietly. If the boys heard me, they would throw a fit. AJ looked confused.
     "Why? They like Johnny and they want to see him real bad." I shook my head, she didn't understand.
     "Didn't you hear how the Doctor was speaking? It sounds like Johnny is pretty banged up and maybe it isn't the best choice to let the boys see him right now." She just shrugged me off and waved me away with her hand.
     "I don't know what you mean, the Doc was talking like he always does and besides, the boys have seen Soda and Dally and Steve after they've been jumped so cuts and stuff like that don't bother them." I decided to give up, she won't listen no matter how hard I try to convince her.
     When we entered Johnny's hospital room, I could feel my eyes burn with tears but I refuse to let them fall. Theo hid his face in my hair and Zach did the same to AJ. A nurse was tending to Johnny, but he just laid there with his eyes closed. It didn't even look like he was breathing.
     "Hey, Johnnykid," Two-Bit greeted. Johnny opened his eyes and looked at us, trying to grin.
     "Hey, y'all."
     "So he can talk after all," the nurse, who was pulling the shades open smiled.
     "They treating you okay, kid?" Two-Bit looked around.
     "Don't..." Johnny gasped, "Don't let me put enough grease in my hair."
     "Don't talk," I soothed, playing with his hair. Two-Bit pulled up a chair and sat down, "Just listen."
     "We'll bring you some hair grease next time. We're having the big rumble tonight," Two-Bit announced. Johnny big black eyes widened but he didn't say anything.
     "Did you know you got your name in the paper for being a hero?" I showed him the article that Soda had cut out of the paper for me. Johnny almost grinned as he nodded.
     "Tuff enough," he managed, and by the way his eyes were glowing, I knew that those Southern gentlemen had nothing on Johnny Cade.
     I could see that even a few words were tiring him out; he was as pale as the pillow and looked awful but Two-Bit and AJ pretended not to notice.
     "You want anything besides hair grease, kid?" Johnny barely nodded.
     "The book," he looked at me, "Can you get another one?" Two-Bit looked at me too. I hadn't told him about Gone with the Wind and I guess Ponyboy hadn't either.
     "He wants a copy of Gone with the Wind so Pony and I can read it to him," I explained, "You want to run down to the drugstore and get one?"
     "Okay," Two-Bit said cheerfully, "Don't y'all run off." Before Two-Bit left, AJ and I put down Zach and Theo. "Come on, boys, let's go!" The two children followed him out of the room as he left. I sat down in Two-Bit's chair and tried to think of something to say.
     "Dally's gonna be okay," I said finally. Pony was standing behind my chair, with his hands on the back of it.
     "Darry and I, we're okay now," he smiled. I knew Johnny understood what he meant. The three of us had always been close buddies, and those lonely days in the church strengthened our friendship. He tried to smile again, and then suddenly went white and closed his eyes tight.
     "Johnny!" I said, alarmed, "Are you okay?" He nodded, keeping his eyes closed.
     "Yeah, it just hurts sometimes. It usually don't... I can't feel anything below the middle of my back..." He lay there, breathing heavily for a moment, "I'm pretty bad off, ain't I?"
     "You'll be okay," Ponyboy said with fake cheerfulness, "You gotta be. We couldn't get along without you."
     The truth of that last statement hit me. We couldn't get along without him. We needed Johnny as much as he needed the gang. And for the same reason.
     "I won't be able to walk again," Johnny started, then fal­tered, "Not even on crutches. Busted my back."
     "You'll be okay," AJ spoke for the first time and when she did, she spoke firmly.
     Don't start crying, I commanded myself. Don't start crying, you'll scare Johnny.
     "You want to know something? I'm scared stiff. I used to talk about killing myself..." he drew a quivering breath, "I don't want to die now. It ain't long enough. Sixteen years ain't long enough. I wouldn't mind it so much if there wasn't so much stuff I ain't done yet, so many things I ain't seen. It's not fair. You know what? That time we were in Windrixville was the only time I've been away from our neighborhood."
     "You ain't gonna die," Pony exclaimed, trying to hold his voice down, "And don't get juiced up, because the doc won't let us see you no more if you do."
     Sixteen years on the streets and you can learn a lot. But all the wrong things, not the things you want to learn. Sixteen years on the streets and you see a lot. But all the wrong sights, not the sights you want to see. Part of me understood, but the other part was confused. I didn't have a rough life like Johnny; I had a safe home and loving parents, along with three siblings that cared deeply for me. Johnny only had the gang and before that, he had nothing. Just himself.
     Johnny closed his eyes and rested quietly for a minute. Years of living on the East Side teaches you how to shut off your emotions. If you didn't, you would explode. You learn to cool it. I was so deep in thought that I almost didn't notice that nurse that had come to the door way.
     "Johnny," she said quietly, "your mother's here to see you." Johnny opened his eyes. At first they were wide with surprise, then they darkened.
     "I don't want to see her." His jaw was clenched and his voice was firm.
     "But she's your mother," the nurse persisted.
     "I said I don't want to see her," his voice was rising, "She's probably come to tell me about all the trouble I'm causing her and about how glad her and the old man'll be when I'm dead. Well, tell her to leave me alone. For once," his voice broke, "for once just to leave me alone." He was struggling to sit up, but he suddenly gasped, went whiter than the pillowcase, and passed out cold.
     "Johnny!" I scrambled out of my seat and stood beside him. "Johnny?" The nurse tried to push us out of the room, but I wouldn't budge. Finally, Ponyboy wrapped his arm around my shoulders and guided me out. The three of us ran into Two-Bit and the boys, who were coming in.
     "You can't see him now," the nurse told him, so Two-Bit handed her the book.
     "Make sure he gets it when he comes around." She took it and closed the door behind her. Two-Bit stood and looked at the door a long time. "I wish it was any one of us except Johnny," he confessed. His voice was serious for once. "We could get along without anyone but Johnny."
     I couldn't have agreed more. Johnny may be quiet and such, but he was our friend. No. He was our family. Our little brother. Our rock and our reason to stick together. Without him, we would fall apart, whether it be slowly or right away, I'm not sure. Two-Bit turned abruptly and started walking down the hall.
     "Let's go see Dallas." As we walked out into the hall, we saw Johnny's mother. I knew her. She was a little woman, with straight black hair and big black eyes like Johnny's. But that was as far as the resemblance went. Johnnycake's eyes were fearful and sensitive; hers were cheap and hard. As we passed her, we heard her talking.
     "But I have a right to see him. He's my son. After all the trouble his father and I've gone to raise him, this is our reward: He'd rather see those no-count hoodlums than his own folks..." She saw us and gave us such a look of hatred, "It was your fault. Always running around in the middle of the night getting jailed and heaven knows what else..." I thought she was going to cuss us out. I really did.
      Two-Bit's eyes got narrow and I was afraid he was going to start something. But truth be told, she would deserve every bit of it if he did.
      "No wonder he hates your guts," Two-Bit snapped. He was going to tell her off real good, but Pony shoved him along. I felt sick. No wonder Johnny didn't want to see her. No wonder he stayed overnight at Two-Bit's or at our house, and slept in the vacant lot in good weather. I remembered my mother... beautiful and golden, like Soda, wise and firm, like Darry, and dreamy and artistic like Pony. "Oh, lordy!" There was a catch in Two-Bit's voice and he was closer to tears than I'd ever seen him. "He has to live with that." If I had to live with her, I would have gone crazy.
      She thought that Johnny was a pain in the neck, someone who constantly gave her trouble. Johnny was nothing like that. If anything, she should've felt blessed to have such a kind son as Johnny. But no, she was an ungrateful woman who can go to hell for all I care. I almost told her that, too, but Ponyboy dragged us away from her.
     When Zach and Theo saw her, they were scared, terrified even and AJ looked about ready to strangle the woman. I don't blame her though, if we weren't in a public place and Zach and Theo weren't here, I would've done just that. Johnny deserved better. She was scum on the bottom of our shoes, and when that is coming from a greaser, the lowest people of society, that means that she really is the lowest of the low, along with her no good husband.
      As we hurried to the elevator to get to the next floor, I silently begged that the nurse would have enough sense not to let Johnny's mother see him. It would kill him.
 
 
 
     Dally was arguing with Susie when we came in. He grinned at us and Susie left, seeming excited to get away from him.
     "Man, am I glad to see you! These hospital people won't let me smoke, and I want out!" We sat down, grinning at each other. Dally was his usual mean, ornery self. He was okay.
     "Shepard came by to see me a while ago," he told us.
     "Yeah, that's what AJ said," I replied, remembering our conversation.
     "He mostly came to rub it in about the rumble. Man, I hate not being in that," he complained.
     Only last week Tim Shepard had cracked three of Dally's ribs. But Dally and Tim Shepard had always been buddies; no matter how they fought, they were two of a kind, and they knew it. Dally was grinning at Ponyboy.
     "Kid, you scared the devil out of me the other day. I thought I'd killed you."
     "Me?" Pony mumbled, puzzled, "Why?"
     "When you jumped out of the church, I meant to hit you just hard enough to knock you down and put out the fire, but when you dropped like a ton of lead I thought I'd aimed too high and broke your neck," he thought for a minute, "I'm glad I didn't, though."
     "I'll bet," Pony answered with a grin. He'd never liked Dally, but then, for the first time, I knew that he felt like he was his buddy. And all because he was glad he hadn't killed him. Dally looked out the window.
      "Uh..." He sounded very casual, but I heard the worry laced into his words. It was barely noticeable and you would have to know him real well, better than the rest of the gang, to hear it. "How's the kid?"
      "We just left him," Two-Bit said, and I could tell that he was debating whether to tell Dally the truth or not, "I don't know about stuff like this... but... well, he seemed pretty bad to me. He passed out cold before we left him." Dally's jaw line went white as he swore between clenched teeth.
     "Two-Bit, you still got that fancy black-handled switch?" he questioned.
     "Yeah." Two-Bit's voice was full of confusion.
     "Give it here."
     Two-Bit reached into his back pocket for his prize possession. It was a jet handled switchblade, ten inches long, that would flash open at a mere breath. It was the reward of two hours of walking aimlessly around a hardware store to divert suspicion. He kept it razor sharp. As far as I knew, he had never pulled it on anyone; he used his plain pocketknife when he needed a blade. But it was his showpiece, his pride and joy. Every time he ran into a new hood, he pulled it out and showed off with it. Dally knew how much that knife meant to Two-Bit, and if he needed a blade bad enough to ask for it, well, he needed a blade. That was all there was to it. Two-Bit handed it over to Dally without a moment's hesitation.
      "We gotta win that fight tonight," Dally exclaimed. His voice was hard, "We gotta get even with those Socs. We'll do it for Johnny, man, we'll do it for Johnny!" He put the switch under his pillow and lay back, staring at the ceiling. We left after that. We knew better than to talk to Dally when his eyes were blazing and he was in a mood like that.
     We decided to catch a bus home. I just didn't feel much like walking or trying to hitch a ride. Two-Bit left me sitting on the bench at the bus stop while he went to a gas station to buy some cigarettes. Pony wasn't looking too good and he was almost asleep on my shoulder when Two-Bit finally came back. When I put my hand on his forehead to feel his temperature, he almost jumped out of his skin. When I took my hand away, Two-Bit checked, too.
     "You feel okay? You're awful hot."
     "I'm all right," Ponyboy tried to convince us, and when we looked at him as if we didn't believe him, he got a little panicky, "Don't tell Darry, okay? Come on, Two-Bit, be a buddy. And Rosie, stop worrying. I'll be well by tonight. I'll take a bunch of aspirins."
     "All right," Two-Bit said reluctantly, "But Darry'll kill me if you're really sick and go ahead and fight anyway."
     "I'm okay," Pony argued, getting a little angry, "And if you keep your mouth shut, Darry won't know a thing."
     "You know something?" Two-Bit asked as we were riding home on the bus, "You'd think you could get away with murder, living with your big brother and all, but Darry's stricter with you than your folks were, ain't he?"
     "Yeah," Ponyboy replied, "But they'd raised two boys and a girl before me. Darry hasn't."
     "You know, the only thing that keeps Darry from being a Soc is us," Two-Bit suddenly pointed out.
     "We know," I said. I had known it for a long time and I knew Pony had, too. In spite of not having much money, the only reason Darry couldn't be a Soc was us. The gang. Sodapop, Ponyboy and I. Darry was too smart to be a greaser. I don't know how I knew, I just did. And I was sorry. Darry could have gone to college and been a popular guy if he had decided to let the social worker put Soda and Pony in a boys' home and me in a girls' home. We were holding him back and I felt real guilty for it.
     I was silent most of the way home. I was thinking about the rumble. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. It was the same kind of helplessness I'd felt that night Darry yelled at me for sticking up for Ponyboy. I had the same deathly fear that something was going to happen that none of us could stop. As we got off the bus Ponyboy said exactly what I felt.
     "Tonight, I don't like it one bit." Two-Bit pretended not to understand.
     "I never knew you to play chicken in a rumble before. Not even when you was a little kid." We all knew that he was trying to make Pony mad, but he took the bait anyway.
     "I ain't chicken, Two-Bit Mathews, and you know it," he exclaimed angrily, "Ain't I a Curtis, same as Rose, Soda and Darry?" Two-Bit couldn't deny this, so he went on, "I mean, I got an awful feeling something's gonna happen."
     "Something is gonna happen. We're gonna stomp the Socs' guts, that's what," AJ spoke up. Zack was asleep while she held him on her hip and Theo was the same way on my hip. Both Two-Bit and AJ knew what Pony meant, but doggedly pretended not to. They seemed to feel that if you said something was all right, it immediately was, no matter what. They've been that way all their life and I don't expect they'll change. Sodapop would have understood, and we would have tried to figure it out together, but Two-Bit and AJ just ain't Soda. Not by a long shot.
     Cherry Valance was sitting in her Corvette by the vacant lot when we came by.
     "Hi, Ponyboy, Rosie," she said, "Hi, Two-Bit, AJ." Two-Bit and AJ stopped. Apparently Cherry had shown up there before during the week Johnny, Pony and I had spent in Windrixville. "Have you told them yet, Rose?" I knew she was referring to the rumble, so I shook my head. I was going to tell them when we got home. "They're going to play your way; no weapons."
     "Thanks, Cherry." Two-Bit and AJ both turned and started home. I was about to, too but Cherry stopped me.
     "Ponyboy, Rosie, stay a minute." I stopped and went back to her car. "Randy's not going to show up at the rumble."
     "Yeah," Pony told her, "I know."
     "He's not scared. He's just sick of fighting. Bob..." she swallowed, then went on quietly, "Bob was his best buddy since grade school." I immediately thought of Soda and Steve. What if one of them saw the other killed? Would that make them stop fighting? No, I thought, maybe it would make Soda stop, but not Steve. He'd go on hating and fighting. Maybe that was what Bob would have done if it had been Randy instead of him. "How's Johnny?"
     "Not so good," I cut in, "Will you go up to see him?" She shook her head.
     "No. I couldn't."
     "Why not?" I demanded. It was the least she could do. It was her boyfriend who had caused it all... and then I stopped. Her boyfriend...
     "I couldn't." Her voice was quiet and desperate. For the first time, I put myself in her shoes. She was still grieving over Bob's death. She loved him and he was taken away from her. If Pony or Soda or Darry or any of the gang for that matter, was killed, I would be the same way. Cherry went on. "He killed Bob. Oh, maybe Bob asked for it. I know he did. But I couldn't ever look at the person who killed him. You only knew his bad side. He could be sweet sometimes, and friendly. But when he got drunk... it was that part of him that beat up Johnny. I knew it was Bob when you told me the story. He was so proud of his rings. Why do people sell liquor to boys? Why? I know there's a law against it, but kids get it anyway. I can't go see Johnny. I know I'm too young to be in love and all that, but Bob was something special. He wasn't just any boy. He had something that made people follow him, something that marked him different, maybe a little better, than the crowd. Do you know what I mean?"
     I did. But I don't think Pony did.
     "That's okay," he said sharply, "I wouldn't want you to see him. You're a traitor to your own kind and not loyal to us. Do you think your spying for us makes up for the fact that you're sitting there in a Corvette while my brother drops out of school to get a job? Don't you ever feel sorry for us. Don't you ever try to give us handouts and then feel high and mighty about it." He started to turn and walk off, but something in Cherry's face made him stop. He was ashamed. He hated to see girls cry. She wasn't crying, but she was close to it.
     "I wasn't trying to give you charity, Ponyboy. I only wanted to help. I liked you from the start... the way you talked. You're a nice kid, Ponyboy. Do you realize how scarce nice kids are nowadays? Wouldn't you try to help me if you could?"
     He would. I would, too. I'd help her and Randy both, if I could.
     "Hey," he spoke up suddenly, "can you see the sunset real good from the West Side?" She blinked, startled, then smiled.
     "Yeah, real good."
     "You can see it good from the East Side, too," we told her together.
     "Thanks, Ponyboy, Rosabella," she smiled through her tears, "You two dig okay." I noticed one thing as we walked away. She had green eyes. Pony barely ever gets along with anyone that has green eyes.
     We slowly caught up with Two-Bit and AJ, Theo still on my hip and Pony's arm around my shoulders.