Life gets so hard sometimes 

There are days where I wake up and I don't like what I see, and it's not cos I think I'm fat or ugly it's more than that it's as if I don't even like being me 

I get so frustrated at myself that I take it out on others and then when I think about what I've done, I feel so guilty because I know deep down that person isn't me I look at how I've been living life lately and I haven't accomplished any of the things that I've wanted, all I seem to do these days is work and sleep, the same exact thing every single week I try to be positive and keep it together, but man I am struggling It just feels so hard to be happy lately I mean I haven't uploaded as many videos because I just don't have the time, and when I do I feel so tired and exhausted cos I've been working crazy shifts every night and I worry that soon enough I'll lose confidence and give up completely settle for something average and become the person I never wanted to be 

Even as I'm saying this all I keep thinking is god I sound so depressing and soon enough people will get bored and eventually you'll leave and so I have to force every bit of my energy in to be super enthusiastic and happy when that is so far from the reality 

The other night I came home from work and I just completely broke down - Just crying by myself alone in my room at 6am but I woke up the next day and carried on living life as if everything was fine in the denial that if I keep repressing these thoughts, somehow it'll get easier in time It won't. It's sad cos all people see is what I show them on the outside, they have no idea about all the hurt and pain I hide how I cried myself to sleep last night or the fact that I've been avoiding skyping my best friend, cos I don't want to show her this side the side where I just can't keep it together and the most fucked up part is that I have no idea why? I feel both overwhelmed and empty all at the same time 

See where I live people don't go on to do great things, they stay in the same place they grew up and have kids, and then they grow up and do the same exact thing, it's just an endless cycle and before you know it you're tied down with commitments and responsibilities. No one around here makes their dreams a reality, they just sit on it and come up with a million excuses, how life isn't fair or how they were never given the opportunity. And when you see that every single day, you become disheartened you think that maybe your dreams are just that - they're just dreams. But it's in that moment when you're most down that you need to keep on going. 

I know it sounds cliche, but I think sometimes we need to be reminded that it's okay to not be okay Our biggest problem as a society is that we just don't communicate We'd rather pretend everything's fine and suffer silently Come home after a tough day and break down when no one else is looking we don't even think about it anymore, it's just become part of our daily routine shut out the deepest parts of ourselves and put on our bravest faces it's the sad reality of modern society If you're going through a tough time right now and you are putting all of your energy into just getting through another day, just know that I think that you are incredibly brave cos I know how hard that shit is We'll be okay, in fact, we'll be fucking great and one day we'll look back on this time and be so proud of ourselves thinking that we're glad we went through the tough times cos it made us the person we are today.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you so much for 1K readers!!:) Don't forget to vote and check her youtube and other social media out;)