Tivoli Gardens
Kingston
Thursday October 12, 202*
3:45pm

Kelesi Martin 17.

*8 days later*
Today made 9 days since Dessi's passing and since I lost my child so as a Jamaican tradition night their nine-night will be held at Cockburn pen.

Only my family and friends knew about my miscarriage so it's originally Dessi's nine-night but at the end of the night family and close friends will be releasing lanterns for Dessi.

But both me and Omario will be releasing two for both my unborn child and Dessi.

I wasn't taking it well but no one knew because I was so good at acting as if I was fine.

I have a long history of self harming and I've been clean for a year. Only my family and Kyla knew about it and since I had good skin my scars weren't visible well unless you took a close look.

"B weh mi bag deh" Omario appeared at my room door and I pointed into the closet as I watched him head inside for his bag.

He's been sleeping over since my uncles were staying in the Cayman Islands for business and my sister was mostly staying with her boyfriend.

"Yuh good ma?" He walked over to where I was on the bed with the bag in his hand.

I nodded with the fakest smile planted on my face and he kissed my forehead before leaving the room once again.

Ever since I've had my miscarriage my mind has been all over the place like right now.

Using elastic bands as my method to not relapse but it's not helping like it used to and I'm at my breaking point.

"B gwaan guh put on Yuh clothes nuh memba we affi guh help out ova eh yaad" Omario rushed me when he realised I still had my towel wrapped around me.

I heard what he said but didn't budge.

"Shake mi head dwg mi cyan bomboclatt badda inuh" he said because he had grown impatient.

Not looking at him once I got up and headed into the closet to retrieve my nude jumper then returning to the bedroom to get dressed.

Feeling his arms around my waist but I pushed him away.

"Baby I'm sorry" he said with a soft but audible tone but I jus hummed in response.

Hearing him kiss his teeth and shortly after the door was slammed shut I felt a burning sensation leading up my throat followed by a few tear drops falling from my eyes.

Wiping the tears away I walked to the mirror to fix my messy bun and to analyse my figure.

Gyal shape nice eeh mn.

Coulda swr a you jus did a bawl...

Memba me issa top gyal, not a flop gyal.

No u issa mad bloodclatt gyal.

Correction, we issa mad bloodclatt gyal.

Walking out of the room with all my belongings including my brown purse and my brown Gucci slides on my feet.

As I entered the living room I saw Omario seated on the couch with he attention focused on his phone.

"Open Yuh car suh mi can guh sidung fimme nuh please" I said gaining his attention.

"No"

A weh di rass dis.

Nah fight nuh fire wid nuh fire. Breath kelesi breath..

In. Out. In. Out.

As soon as I calmed my nerves to restrict myself from lashing out I simply smiled as I took my phone out to dial a number onto my keypad.

Listening to it ring while still standing in the living room but Omario was still focused on his phone.

Bet.

Soon the person picked up.

"Hello can you come and pick me up right now I need to make my way to cockbu-"  before I could finish my sentence my phone was snatched from me and I heard the call end.

Looking at omario standing over me I was shocked cause I didn't see when he moved from the couch.

Neva know mi deh wid flash.

My name is omario Mc'koy and I am the fastest man alive.

"Stop test mi bomboclatt faith kelesi Yuh hear how mah warn Yuh" he said with his fingers pointed in face until he pushed back my head.

Staring at him unfazed as he did the same.

"Yuh done?" I asked because I grew irritated with this one sided convo.

"Kelesi Yuh know mi will fuck Yuh up inuh suh stop try show Yuh colours yah suh." He laughed sarcastically.

"Oh?" I continued to push his buttons.

"Seet seh a some hard fuck Yuh wan inuh, Yuh man nah satisfy Yuh?" He tilted his head awaiting my response.

"Him mi wan guh link right now fi some love up and kiss up since u as di side nah rub mi di right way" I matched his energy.

Seconds after these words left my mouth his hands were now around my neck as he stared at me with flames in his eyes.

"Yuh life a scratch Yuh?" He asked with a cold tone that sent a shiver down my spine but I stood firm.

"Yah guh mek we guh up suh yes or no cause mi ready fi Tek off my clothes inuh suh talk fast." I said nonchalantly and he chuckled.

"Yuh gwaan mn since a ruff ramping Yuh want a it Yuh shall get, nah wile Yuh" he said with a smile before releasing my neck.

Oh.

"Pull eh car nuh" I said annoyed.

Soon he gave me his fob keys and I didn't hesitate to leave the house heading for the car.

Not long after I was situated in the passenger seat as Omario drove along Spanish town road.

We haven't said anything to eachother and it's definitely not bothering me at all.

Liad.

I'm being so fr. I guess..

As we pulled into Cockburn pen community he started to drive slowly and I could see a crowd jus a few houses up ahead.

Instantly I knew that's where the nine-night was because despite of how quiet Dessi was she was also very well known.

Mostly because she was one a st jago's fastest students and her fan base grew after leading st jago to victory at champs this year.

As soon as Omario parked his car on the side of the road since the community was a bit narrow.

I tried leaving but I heard a 'click' twice meaning he opened it then closed it right after.

Dutty germs.

"Love ramp? Yah puppy?" I asked with an dull expression.

"Mi know seh wah gwaan a tek a toll pon Yuh and shit but if Yuh continue behave like dis it aguh hard fimme continue trying this shit wid Yuh cause yah mek it seems like Yuh tiad a mi bro and mi nuh know wah else Yuh really wan eh killa fi do kmft mi all start sleep ova Yuh house and dat issa ting mi Neva yet do cause mi nuh trust nun wid weh name ooman yzt Yuh cyan jus seet seh mn a try kelz" I listen to him rant.

Feeling my throat starting to burn and my eyes tearing up I looked away to focus my attention on the over crowded yard right ahead as I sting myself with the elastic bands around my wrist.

"Kelesi if Yuh nuh talk tuh mi how mah guh know how fi help Yuh" he said as followed by a heavy sigh.

What should I say? How should I start?

Hearing his seat recline I was soon being pulled and I climbed over to straddle his lap.

"Talk tuh mi nuh b" he said wiping the few tears that fell from my eyes.

"I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know how to express how I'm feeling" I told him honestly.

"Throw out some random words and I'll put it together." He said trying to hold eye contact but I looked down at his belt buckle.

"It's not that easy."

I had a lot going on right now and it has my brain going in circles. First of all I was expelled from Kingston Technical since Shan's mother had links with the head of broad, secondly I lost my child and there's no one in the world who could tell me it wasn't my fault and I believed them.

I felt alone even though I had a large support team but I still felt the emptiness creeping in once where ever I was became silent.

"Stop dat" he held onto my hand stopping me from stinging myself.

"I spoke with Kyla and she told me about your long history of self harming." He said now examining my wrist.

Wtf.

She a get block cause why would she do that.

Quickly pulling away my hand I sat there in silence.

"B Yuh nah fi hide it from mi inuh cause mi nah guh judge Yuh ma plus memba mi deh yah fi stay suh nuh badda vex wid Kyla cause she tell mi, somehow later down the line I would have found out." He tells me and a smile slowly appeared on my face.

I love this boy so much.. but doh tell him dat.

Soon I took a deep breath and told him everything from my SH to how I was feeling and he jus sat there and listen to every word I had to say.

"I know it might sound dumb and you probably tell me that the reason I keep on. Relapsing is because I'm not trying hard enough to stay clean but I am-" before I could continue whatever I was saying he pulled me in for a hug and I melted in his arms.

"I'm sorry" he apologised

"It's fine honestly because you didn't know" I broke from the hug to look at him before pecking his lips.

"Wan stay ina eh car till eh candle light and the lantern release?" He asked but I shock my head.

"But we can stay here for a next half an hour" I smiled and he nodded before pulling me down to lay on his chest.

God knew I needed him.

Jus a pray him nah heal mi jus fi break mi all ova again.

To be continued ❤️

Sorry for the late update guys but I was at the hair Salon for the whole day and I'm so tired plus school starts on Monday but I'll try to update as much as possible tomorrow🤍