*song does not belong to me*

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some nights i stay up, cashing in my bad luck. some nights i call it a draw.

john had left you, had left all the x-men, to join the brotherhood. he just disappeared, no note, no warning, no goodbye. it had left you heartbroken for days, the heartbreak hit him a few days after his adrenaline rush. why did he do it? he stayed up late asking himself that exact question, but deep down he knew the answer, he was power hungry, he wanted to be bigger, do better. john knew that he couldn't do that at the school. he stayed up late most nights, wondering how you were, how things would be if he had stayed.

some nights i wish that my lips could build a castle, some nights i wish they'd just fall off.

john was an egomaniac. he talked game, bragged about his abilities and what he would do when he, quote, "got out of here." this time, though, he couldn't take back what he said and did. he was screwed. it had only been a few months, but he couldn't help but worry about if you had moved on. little did he know, you were wondering the exact thing. you both knew that you were perfect for each other, he just couldn't accept it.

but i still wake up, i still see your ghost. oh lord, i'm still mot sure what i stand for. what do i stand for, what do i stand for? most nights, i don't know anymore.

john had always been one to defy expectations and break rules. he hated the way mutants were treated and stereotyped as aggressive murderers. by acting out though, he unwillingly played right into that stereotype. many had warned him that his actions would have consequences, but he didn't listen, and now his entire world came crashing down. he lost his friends, his family, and you. he told himself that the brotherhood was his new family, that he would be better of with them. all the things he told himself were total bull. sometimes john would wake up, hearing your voice and feeling your hands ghosting his. that's all it was though, a ghost. the ghost of you. he heard your voice whisper in his ear late at night, crying in agony. he tried to shrug it off, but every time he closed his eyes he felt haunted. doubt filled his head each time. at first, he was certain that he did the right thing, but now he didn't know.

this is it boys, this is war! what are we waiting for? why don't we break the rules already? 

the time was drawing closer and closer, a revolution was coming. magneto had been hyping up the brotherhood for forever, but most of them were only now starting to feel the excitement of the entire ordeal. the x-men were stressed, not at all feeling prepared. rogue was dealing with some of her own issues, trying to keep it together for the sake of those around her. bobby felt uncertainty and self-doubt, he didn't think he was strong enough for what was coming. he prepared all he could, but he wasn't ready to face his so called best friend like this. sure, they had seen each other before, but it wasn't as intense then. the brotherhood was determined to win the war, at all costs. the x-men? well they were just trying to stop a massacre.

i was never one to believe the hype. save that for the black and white. try twice as hard and i'm half as right, but here they come again, to jack my style.

you couldn't even recall what they were fighting over anymore. obviously, mutants wanted an end to their years of oppression, but they went about it in all the wrong ways. innocent people lost their lives, on both sides of the war. people went to extreme measures to try and get what they wanted. on top of all that, rogue was getting antsy. bobby was getting closer with a new girl, kitty. she was torn. bobby told her that he loved her, and was fine with not being able to touch her. she couldn't help but worry that bobby would stray. she wanted to get the so-called cure, thinking that it would make her life easier, but everyone around her seemed to be so against it. you were always there for her though. you would always be. rogue and you  stuck together through thick and thin. you yourself was also having issues. even surrounded by kids like yourself, you felt alone. like you had no one to talk to. you didn't think it was a big enough issue to pester your friends or mentors about it because of the amount of stress everyone was under at the moment. and your stupid boyfriend was long gone. the cure was stupid, magneto was stupid, everything was stupid! your safe haven left you when you needed him most. why couldn't things just be the way they were?

and that's alright. i found a martyr in my bed tonight. she stops my bones from wondering just who i am, who i am, who i am. oh, who am i?

john thought he was willing to die on this hill. that mutants were superior and that humans could suck a big one. but now he was unsure, he was second guessing himself. no matter how hard he tried to let go of you he just couldn't. magneto tried his best to keep him under control, but he could tell he was losing john's interest. nevertheless, john stayed by his side, there at his beck and call.

well some nights i wish that this all would end, cause i could use some friends for a change. and some nights i'm scared you'll forget me again some nights i always win, i always win.

john had had a few encounters with bobby since he left, just threats and petty fighting. protesters crowded the streets 24/7. many thought that the cure was unnecessary and cruel. surprise, surprise, bobby had run into the the person you thought you hated the most, and the person you wanted to see the most. he took a jab at rogue and bobby's inability to start the fight. you shoved yourself between the two of them, not wanting it to escalate any further. you told them to "cut it out," and "calm the fuck down." it was bad enough that mutants and human were even more of a world divided, and you desperate didn't want mutants turning on each other. pyro was awestruck, his hands fell to his sides and his jaw went slack. he snapped out of his daze rather quickly though, regaining his posture and furrowing his eyebrows. you gave him one last longing glance before ushering bobby away. this wasn't the last time you'd be seeing him, but you really didn't feel like seeing him right now. hasta luego, johnny boy.