I woke up to the ringing of my phone. It was a rainy, Saturday afternoon and I was attempting to be lazy. Too bad life had other plans for me. Slapping the device with a groan of frustration, I answered with a sleepy murmur, "Hello?"

"We are hanging out today," It was Lauren, and she was informing me, not bothering asking if I'm free. Shifting at the sound of her voice, I gave out a puff of breath and said, "I can't, me and Lucy are supposed be going out to dinner with her–."

"Cancel it." She replied simply.

With a small frown, I opened my eyes to try to wake up fully. With my vision blurring, I yawned and sighed out, "I can't. We're having dinner with her parents. We've planned it for a week."

"Oh, you don't say?" She mocked in a sarcastic sort of way. "I bet it was stressful trying to find time to plan a date since you hardly ever see her and everything, right?"

A deep frown tugged at my lips. Sitting up, I mumbled, "Okay, I get what you're implying, but it doesn't change the fact that we have plans."

"Fine, Camila," She snapped, obviously annoyed, "Then I will force you to cancel it."

My eyebrows scrunched together as I started slowly, "What are you..."

Aw fuck. She had those–

"Remember those three things you have to do no matter what just because you wanted me to cancel on Brad that one night," She asked, and I could almost see the smug little look on her face, "Well I am calling one of those in."

I sighed. With a hand through my hair, I looked at the time. It was still pretty early, early enough to call off the date without it being at the last minute. God, I should have never agreed to that promise. With another breath, I mumbled, "Alright. You got it."

"Great, see you in 30 minutes," And with that she hung up.

Fuck... was she always a bitch or am I just noticing?

With a small tug on my lips, I brushed off what I was thinking. It wasn't right for me to call her a bitch just because she wanted to spend some time with me. In truth, I had hardly seen her for the past few weeks. I can only imagine how annoyed she was growing with me.

Swinging my legs over the bed, I made my way to the bathroom. With the run of water, I stepped into the shower. I washed myself off, dried, and brushed my teeth. When I was done I made my back to my room, went to my mp3 player, turned on my speakers, and played a song that just portrayed my mood perfectly.

I took my time getting ready, because I knew that eventually I would have to call Lucy to tell her I wouldn't be going on our date. And, well it was something I didn't want to go through because I was so tired of fighting with her. When it was good, it was great. It was heaven on earth. But when it was bad, we were toxic.

I put on my ripped black jeans as I hummed to the gentle sad tone, dreading tonight and the phone call. I tugged on a tight black long-sleeve and nodded to the music. With a sad sway, I attempted to comb my hair to look at least somewhat decent. I took a final glance at the mirror. All black, perfect for my funeral, because death is what was waiting for me once Lucy was done with me.

Fishing my phone from my jeans I continued to hum. Then with the work of my thumb, I called Lucy and prepared for the train wreck that was coming.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hey," I mumbled, staring at myself in the mirror as I sighed and spoke, "I can't make dinner tonight."

"What?" she asked, surprised, "Why not?"

Without a blink of an eye or a second thought, I replied, "Because Lauren came up with plans."

"What?" She breathed in disbelief, "So you are cancelling dinner with my parents just to go hang out with her?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, glancing down at my hands as I waited for her to blow up.

"What the hell Mila," She didn't shout, but I could tell she was furious, "That's not ok."

"It doesn't matter." I snapped back softly.

She paused, caught off guard by my reply. Then, with a couple of seconds of silence, she started quietly, "Are you alright?"

I blinked at the question, a bit surprised. With a small frown I replied, "Yeah, why?"

"Because..." She started, but slowly fell off. With another moment of silence, she sighed and said, "Because recently you've been really distant and out of it, more than before. And, well now you are just cancelling dinner and telling me flat out that you are doing it for another girl... Just a moment ago, your tone. I... I just know that isn't like you so I'm asking, are you ok?"

I sighed, glaring at my hands as murmured, "I'm fine. I have to go, bye."

With that, I hung up. I made up my mind. I tossed my phone on the bed and left it there as I walked out of the room. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I was out of it. This wasn't me. This isn't how I usually acted. Whatever it was, it was taking over slowly, because I was starting not to give a fuck.

About anything.

I thought about grabbing my phone again before leaving my apartment, but when I thought of Lucy possibly calling me back, asking me with a worried tone what was wrong, I just suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of 'fuck it all'.

I didn't want to deal with her, not tonight, not until I was able to get a hold of myself. So, I left the cell phone there and went to Lauren's.

The drive there was always a short one. I hummed the all the way there, but it wasn't a happy tune. It was the same sad melody that I had played at home. It danced in my mind in a haunting type of way. With its sad little tune, I fell into a state of obscurity. I was slowly becoming numb. I have been for a while.

There wasn't much of a wait when I knocked on the door. Lauren seemed to be waiting on me, because the door swung open only seconds after my soft knocking. She didn't greet me with a smile, or a happy little wave, and I think that was because she noticed my mood. With a small frown, she simply stepped aside and let me in.

I walked towards the living room, not expecting much but to listen to some music and talk with Lauren all day. That was until I saw a spread out of wine and liquor. With a confused little scrunch of my eyebrows, I glanced back at Lauren who was standing behind me, watching my reaction with a cross of her arms.

She didn't say anything, so I knew I had to ask. Slowly, I started, "What is all this?"

"We are drinking tonight." She replied simply, surveying me carefully.

I shook my head slowly, "No. No we aren't. I mean you can, but I'm not."

"Why not?" Her challenge was obvious but her voice was soft.

Swallowing, I glared lightly and stated, "Because I'm not in a drinking mood."

"Liar," replying simply as she took a step towards me, "So go ahead and try to answer that question again."

I bit my lip, growing annoyed as I snapped, "I'm not in a playing mood either, Lauren."

"And who said you were?" She snapped back with a glare, "This isn't me playing a game with you, Camila, this is me being a best friend."

"How?" I asked, turning around completely and throwing my hands up in the air as I glared back at her, "How is this being a friend? You just made me cancel a date with my girlfriend just so you can force me to drink when I'm obviously not up to it? Shitty ass friend if you ask me."

She didn't blink to my insult or the raise of my voice, no matter how slight it was. Instead, she steadily watched me as she waited. When she was sure I was finished, she spoke slowly, "Remember when I was telling you that girls have this thing where we just pick things out, read between the lines, take the signs that are given to them?"

I tore my gaze away from her and allowed it to fall on the wall, not answering.

"Well Camila, as crazy as this is going to sound, I am a girl and I'm pretty good at picking up on the signs," When I continued to refuse to look at her, she took a step towards me and said carefully, "I have noticed your behavior, I have noticed the way you zone out and get quiet. All the car rides, I don't care how hard you try, have been obviously distant and quiet. Sure you can laugh and smile, but in the end I know you."

I remained quiet. She continued to take steps towards me, right until she was a breath away. Then, with a poke at my chest, she mumbled, "And I know what caused it. I know when it all started, but I pretended not to notice for your sake. I refuse to look away while you bottle all these feelings in, Camz. Not when you show signs of getting worse with no hopes of getting better without help."

I shook my head slowly, the hairs at the back of my neck rising. My heart thundered hard as I murmured, "I don't Lo– I don't want to talk about it."

"Too bad," She whispered back, watching me, "I'm done letting you do this to yourself."

Swallowing, I took a step back, "I've got this, Lo. I just need a bit more time."

"I don't believe you," She answered, allowing me to take my space, "I don't believe you will fix yourself and this situation we're in, so I'm here to fix you myself."

My jaw tensed as my teeth pressed against each other. With another shake of my head, I clenched my hands to try to remain steady. But I couldn't, I couldn't when she was doing this. The pathetic progress I made for the past few weeks were tumbling down like a sand castle hit by an incoming wave. It was hard to pretend my feelings weren't there when she was doing things like this.

"I'm leaving," I mumbled, motioning to leave.

"No, you aren't," She replied with a step in front of me, "And if you were, where would you go? To Lucy? Is she going to make you better in some way that I can't, Camila?"

Squeezing my fist, I glared at her, "Stop attacking her for no reason."

"No reason?" She asked with a little shake of her head as she raised her eyebrows in a fake confused sort of way, "Because she hasn't given me a reason to be furious with her?"

"She hasn't," I snapped.

"She is the very reason you aren't here at my place with me!" She shouted, moving in front of me again as I attempted to brush past her. I glared down at her as she continued to move in my way, but she only glared back, "Like she hasn't kept you all to herself like the selfish bitch she is."

"That's crossing the line, Lauren." I warned with a furious look.

"She crosses the line every freaking day!" She said with a furious look back. Poking my chest, she continued, "She thinks it's okay to take you away like this, but it isn't. I'm so angry with you. I want to yell and scream at you for allowing her to do that! For allowing her to keep you away from me! But you know what's sad Camila? I am angrier at her for doing this to you!"

I turned and walked away from her, knowing I needed my space in order to calm down. It didn't matter, because Lauren continued to shout as I moved to the living room, "She is taking advantage of how nice you are! She is sitting there, taking and taking and taking, knowing that you'll just give into her and she complains hard enough just to make herself feel validated! It kills me! No matter how many times I try to accept it all. No matter how many times I smile for you just to make it easier on you. It makes me so upset that she does this and no one says anything to her."

I sat down on the couch, fists shaking at my knees as I tried not to lose it completely.

"I sit here, Camila. Every day I sit here and allow this girl to keep taking you away, and every day I do it with a smile. Every time you look at me and say you have to go, you are busy, you can't be with me, I smile for your sake, because I know you'd hate it if I wasn't happy with you." She came into the living room, standing in front of me as I stared at the ground, body quaking.

"And it blows my fucking mind, that I do this but still get the short end of the stick. That I sit here and pretend I'm content with it all, but I still get shit on." She took a breath, and with a frustrated sigh, she continued, "No matter how angry I want to be with you. No matter how upset I am that you allow all of this to happen, I can't help but blame myself for all this..."

I couldn't take it anymore. Sliding up my eyes to Lauren, I said with a furious, shaky, quiet voice, "And how is this different from when I had to deal with Brad?"

The question forced her to scrunch her eyebrows in confusion. Rising from my seat, I leveled with her and demanded again, "How is this different from when I sat there and watched you run off with this guy every other weekend, and watched as it slowly turned to every weekend, and stared as it turned to every other day, and glared as it turned to every day?"

She was quiet, mouth open, as she attempted to answer. But it didn't matter anymore, because I was blowing up and there was nothing to stop me, no self-control to gain. I was exploding, and unfortunately for her she was at ground zero, "This guy, out of no fucking where, comes and whisks you away. I watched it happen but couldn't do anything about it. Do you know why?"

Her forest eyes looked into my angry brown ones. When she didn't answer, my broken rasp cut the silence. "Because of the look on your face when you were with him. I saw you smile Lauren. I paid attention to your reaction as this guy became a part of your life, I saw you laugh and gush about how great he was. So you know what I did, Lauren? For you? I sat there and smiled in your face. I sat and laughed for your sake. If you honestly believe you are the only one making sacrifices here, then you are fucking wrong."

With a furious roar, I whirled around and stepped away from her, "And no matter how angry and furious I was at myself. No matter how many times I beat myself up for not being able to do anything about it all, I accepted it and I was happy, truly happy, for what I could manage to have in the end. Because if I couldn't have you, at least I could have a piece of you."

I locked eyes with her, "Angry with me? Upset with Lucy? No Lauren, just no. You don't have a fucking right to sit here and be furious with anyone. Do you know why? Do you?"

With a step towards her, my voice cracked, "Because in the end, you turned away from me first, and I took my leave shortly after."

Her eyes were everything tonight. A stormy green, deep and vibrant. I always seemed to get lost within them. So beautiful, I would always think so. It was her eyes I wanted to remember the most. So I took them in. As much as I could, before I turned and left her there, as I walked out of the door.

Don't drop me in it's not my turn
If you cut deep then I might learn
If you scar and leave me
Like a sunburn