Chapter Twenty-Two: Isaz

Nearly 18 years later
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"Jerrick, come eat!" Calder scolded as his son chased a gull from the yard.

The boy had been influenced by his Aunt Lagina and almost always preferred to be a wolf. According to Hemming, it was only natural and their son would likely grow out of it in a few years.

It made Calder slightly nervous though, as Jerrick was already coming into his eighteenth winter and seeing that Eira, or Freya, had realized her true nature nearing the end of last winter, it meant the boy was not far behind.

Calder and the rest of the pack had been doing their best, and the god could confidently say that there was only little he was worried about.

"Papa, the gulls grow braver every year. You would think with how many of their number are lost they would learn to steer clear of the farm."

Calder grinned and threw a pair of trousers and a tunic to his son.

"You should not kill all those poor birds, Jerrick. Your grandfather would be upset if he could no longer hear them; after all, it's the only thing that kept him sane while he was married to his wife." Calder chuckled and poured three bowls of stew out, setting them on the table round the fire.

"Well I do not kill them all, just the ones who need to be taught a lesson." Jerrick shook his head in innocence while taking one of the bowl from Calder. "Thank you. Where is Father?"

"He should be back soon. Making sure all the pigs are home before it snows too much is important so that we do not loose meat." Calder said and sat down with both of the other bowls across from Jerrick.

Jerrick nodded at Calders words and spooned some broth into his mouth.

"How have you been feeling, Jerrick?" Calder questioned nonchalantly even though he was curious to know whether or not his son was feeling more like Loki.

"Good, Papa. Though, the dreams have started to come back... the ones from when I was a child. They are becoming more vivid."

Calder froze from where he was almost about to take a bite of stew.

Odin had said it was normal that when Jerrick was a boy he would have dreams about being Loki, but once they began again it would be the beginning of his god ship. Calder faced the same thing as he did so too.

"The same things as before?" Calder asked, setting the spoon back into the bowl; he could really use his husband as of now.

"Yes and no. The ice is still there, though this time there are sounds of wolves and horses. There is a snake trapped within the ice and I try to get him out with a hammer nearby but there are two boars shielding it. I feel bad for the snake once I finally awaken." Jerrick stared off into the stew and Calder's heart pulled.

He would tell his son everything in a heartbeat if only to see him smile all the time.

Jerrick only knew so much, such as that Calder was a god and that Hemming was an Ulfhednar. They were stunned when Jerrick shifted for the first time at ten, but accepted it wholeheartedly.

His wolf form matched his real form perfectly, with bright red hair that had developed over time. Jerrick had started off with blond hair but around eight winters had slowly begun to have more red and orange tints within his curls.

Even if Calder loved his sons curls, the boy did not agree in that area and preferred to keep his hair short. It was still longer than Nadirs, but shorter than his Papas.

"Do you remember why your cousin changed her name?" Calder asked, his heartbeat quickening.

It was time to tell Jerrick about who he was. If Calder waited any longer then it would only give the boy a sense of distrust. He had only hoped Hemming would be here for it too.

"She remembered herself as another person; the goddess Freya. What does this have to do my dreams?"

Calder exhaled deeply through his nose and reached forward to take one of his sons hands in his own.

"She had the same dreams, though hers were a bit different. I did too, when I... when it was finally time for me to become who I truly was. So did Odin, and I am imagining Thor did also."

Jerrick stared for a long time, just thinking about what Calder had said; the latter was terrified that his son would react poorly, or that he would hate him for keeping the secret for so long.

"Do you know what that means? I would have told you sooner, but there was no-"

"Who am I?" Jerrick interrupted with a whisper.

"You will always be my son, Jerrick. But like your cousin, you have memories hidden away from a different time. In that time you were the god Loki. This changes nothing of who you are now, only of what you will remember when it comes time." Calder rubbed a thumb over Jerricks hand gently.

"Loki? The god that everyone hates?" Jerrick exhaled shakily, his face scrunching in a way that almost brought tears to Calder's eyes.

"No. No, people do not hate you, especially not here. Me and your Father love you more than anything else and the pack will say the same. Odin only regrets what he has done to you in the past. I would never let anything happen to you once more, and once you remember all from your past, I will still love you and keep you safe."

Jerrick frowned sharply and turned his gaze to the door. Calder did so too and watched as Hemming entered the house.

The man originally had a wide smile, opening his mouth as if to say something while setting a fire cloak down, though the moment he saw Calder and Jerricks expressions, his own fell.

Jerrick stood up quickly, looking away and pulling his hand from Calder's.

"Jerrick-" Calder tried, but in a moment, the boy was fleeing through the side door.

The door shut loudly behind the boy, making Calder flinch and look down at the table. He knew that Hemming was aware of what happened; their son would never act as such without good reason.

"Calder, we knew this would happen. Give the boy a time to think and everything with work out." Hemming spoke softly as he came to sit beside his husband.

"What if- oh, gods, what if he hates us? What if he remembers and all we have done is for nothing? He will remember and only want to kill us. Hemming, what have we done? We should have told him earlier, this is too late he is going to hate us and wish to fight Thor and I will have failed Odin and my father. I was born to keep him safe, what am I if I can not do that? I- I can't breath, Hemming-"

"Shh, love. Breathe with me. In...out, good. In. Out. You are doing so well, my sweet. Keep going." Hemming shushed gently and rubbed a caring hand across Calder's back.

Calder's head was swimming and buzzing with horrid thoughts. He could not help but think them as his mind turned against him. Hemming's hand on his back helped, but only did so much to quell the thoughts of Jerrick hating him.

It took Hemming helping him breath for a while after that, long enough that the fire had nearly entirely gone out, for Calder to calm.

"I think I would like to spend the night in the ocean. Perhaps Jörmungandr will have looped around and I can speak to him." Calder sighed and scrubbed a hand across his face.

"Of course, anything you need, love. If Jerrick comes back tonight I will be sure to talk to him." Hemming pressed a kiss to Calder's hair and stood.

Calder did so too, though he walked off to gather his cloak next to the door instead of where Hemming retreated to stoke the fire.

He gently pulled on the cloak before beginning to shed his clothes, setting them on a chair for safekeeping in the night.

Calder and Hemming shared one last sad look before Calder was out the door and closing it softly behind him, walking out through the snow and towards the ocean.

Through the light of the half moon, Calder could make out the silhouette of someone sitting on the shoreline; in one of the chairs that Hemming had placed there so him and Calder could watch the waves together.

Calder pulled the cloak tighter around himself as he neared, finally seeing that it was his son sitting there while looking off into the sea.

"May I sit?" Calder questioned lightly. Jerrick glanced over briefly and nodded before looking back. "I would like to know what you are thinking. If I could be of any help."

Jerrick did not answer at first, but Calder could see the tears in his eyes in the moonlight as he sat in the wooden chair.

Calder had wanted Jerrick to never learn of what Loki had done in the past, but Odin had insisted that Jerrick knew the truth of Ragnarök and how it came to be.

Jerrick never liked the lessons, and always would say that he did not need to know about the past because it was time for the present; Calder was gleeful when he said that, he hoped it would carry on to now, when that mindset was needed.

"I do not know what to think, Papa." Jerrick finally whispered, his arms coming to cross in front of his stomach as he leaned forward. "Out of all the tales and stories, Loki was always the one to cause trouble. Will that be me when these memories return? Will I become a traitor to my family and be hated by all I have wronged?"

Calder sighed and turned to stare out into the ocean also. Could he even comfort the boy, when he himself did not know the answer yet?

"There are things in this world that we cannot always control. The Norns create their road and leave us to walk it. When I learned of my true heritage, I was confused, as I did not know what I was yet. When I finally reached the ocean and talked with your grandfather, he was the one to tell me that I needed to have you."

Calder glanced at Jerrick, finding that the boys tears were still sliding down his cheeks; he had always been a quiet crier.

"I had never even held a child before your cousin, so to hear I had to bear one was hard to cope with. I was terrified that I would fail in raising you, that you would grow to hate us when you remembered and that you would find Thor and begin Ragnarök once more." Calder smiled slightly. "I hated being pregnant with you. I am a man, and it was demeaning to have to go through something only women do. I was called effeminate all my childhood by my false mother, but I had to birth you so that you could be raised in a home that would love you. You might be Loki, but the moment I held you in my arms, you were also my son and one of the best things to happen to me."

Jerrick looked over once more, his lips in a frown and eyes so frightened that Calder could feel his own tears start to gather.

"When you remember who you are, Jerrick. No matter what, you will still be my son. You will still be loved by your father, and me, and the pack, regardless of who you were in the past. Your sons and your daughter still will love you even if you are so many years younger than than them. You have grown to be a strong man, and we are so proud of you, so even when you remember another life, you had better not forget that, Jerrick." Calder leaned over and took hold of his sons hand, both of their faces slick with tears.

Jerrick sobbed quietly and stood, Calder doing so also to meet him in a hug. He shushed and gripped the boy tightly, rubbing a comforting hand up and down his back. His cloak was open, but they never really minded nudity anyway considering Hemming.

The waves lapped at the sand a short distance away, drowning out the small sounds that Jerrick was making in his fathers chest.

Calder placed a kiss to his sons red hair, inhaling the scent that was his family and pack. The smell that would not change for as long as he was alive.

"Your father is worried for you. I am sure we could finish the dinner that we started, yes?" Calder hummed and pulled back, giving a small smile to Jerrick and wiping the tears from both their faces.

Jerrick nodded and smiled back, sniffing slightly while he calmed his breathing.

Calder kept his arm around the boy while they walked back to the house, both feeling better from the talk.

Hemming greeted Jerrick back with open arms and a tight hug, saying how proud he was of the boy for being so strong.

Calder grinned and felt the warmth thrum through him.

This was his family, and there could be nothing that would stop him from loving them till the end of his days.

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