Sunday, 6 March, 1988

I stumble into the group's apartment with the key they gave me in May, in search of Leo to tell him about a drag queen I saw on the way over to this place, having learned throughout the almost twelve months that I've been here that he is obsessed with them, but I find him absent and the rest of the group members silent around the dining room table.

"Where is Leo?" I ask, looking around the apartment as if he's going to show up out of thin air and say that it was all a plot to surprise me, and then we would laugh and have a marvelous time from there, but the countenances of the people around the table suggest otherwise.

"Harlow..." Juniper starts in a classic voice that signals bad news, her vision towards the table as she forms a plan about how to tell me that some sort of tragedy has struck.

Fright twists tight knots into my stomach, obstructs my throat, strikes sharply upon my heart and its beating. It only increases its threat against my body as time drags on, and all I want is for someone to relieve me of my wondering.

"Someone explain to me what's going on," I demand as my hands begin to quiver.

Juniper looks to Charlie to answer this one, and he performs the same things that Juniper did, the approach of gently laying out the scene to lessen its impact on the listener, but every second he wastes trying to sugarcoat it is one more second that I am tortured by apprehension. Charlie speaks. "You saw Leo getting weaker and weaker over the months you've been here, and it was only a matter of time, really..."

I clamp my hands over my mouth to stuff the pained noises back inside, though it doesn't work very well. "Oh god." The noises escape along with a few tears. "Why do so many good people have to die because of this fucking disease?"

Leo was an amazing person. From the moment I met him, I was captivated by his flamboyant charm, his welcoming personality. He was the person I trusted the most in the beginning few days of my involvement in the group, the person I knew would always be there to answer my questions and show me the ropes of this protesting business. And now he's gone, stolen by a disease that no one in the essential job positions is doing anything about curing. It's not fair, and now I truly understand what the group is fighting for. But it shouldn't have to take a death to show me or the government that.

Mac, who has been speechless for the entire time that I've been here, finally throws some unfortunately true words into the conversation. "That's just how the times are."

I thought Mac would be more resistant to Leo's death and wouldn't just pass it off as a common occurrence of the 1980s. They were best friends, not just political partners. Is Mac incapable of feeling despair? Is that it? I expected more of a reaction from him instead of a complacent comment.

Solemnly and without a word, Elijah pulls out his half-used pack of cigarettes and selects one. He then finds his lighter and almost accomplishes the act of lighting the cigarette before Mac notices what he's doing and flips the fuck out on him.

"Elijah, are you fucking serious?" he yells, shifting from a depressed mood to a furious one in a matter of milliseconds, and no one knows how it happened or why.

Elijah puts down his unilluminated cigarette and lighter. "Um..." he draws out with no clue what Mac is talking about, which only offends him more.

"Leo just died from a sickness, and you're over here propelling yourself towards the same fate by making unhealthy choices!"

"One cigarette isn't a big deal," Elijah tells him in an attempt to reassure him, but he's already past saving on this topic. "I'm no chainsmoker, as I'm sure you know."

"Cigarettes pile up!"

Juniper rolls her eyes, once again fed up with her brother but not yet taking the situation seriously. "Mac, calm the fuck down."

Mac is feeling as though we are all circling around him to gang up on him, and he needs to defend his position until the death. He's emotionally unstable at the moment, continuing his argument as if it's the sole divinity in a world of lies. He feels alienated from us and disgusted with us at the same time. "I thought you all would be more concerned about your health after you lost a friend to a disease. Do you even care?"

The entire group loves and appreciates Mac, but they know that it's not healthy for him to be acting like this towards another member. There can't be any more civil wars in America, even on a small scale like this.

"Of course we fucking care, Mac," Charlie says. "Leo was just as much our friend as he was yours, but you don't need to take your anger out on Elijah. He hasn't done anything."

"I'm not taking my anger out on him," Mac claims, becoming more and more frustrated that, at least in his mind, his point isn't being understood. "I'm criticizing him for intentionally ruining his health. He'll get sick faster that way."

"Mac," I pipe up, my first word in the debate, one to calm him and to bring him back to reality. "Mac, Elijah is your best friend. Stop yelling at him."

Mac's fury is replaced by the grief that everyone comprehended that he would get eventually. He no longer raises his voice. "Yeah, he's my best friend, and that's why I don't want to lose him like I lost Leo."

"I know, but don't push Elijah away from you by shouting at him." Elijah looks at me gratefully, and I nod to him to acknowledge his thanks. "Enough things have been lost today, and Elijah's friendship doesn't have to be one of them."  

~~~~~

A/N: i'm yelling that harlow is the only one who can calm him down omg

~Dakotoe