Even after three days I still didn’t get out of bed. I didn’t eat, I didn’t talk, I didn’t move. The only time I ever moved was to go to the toilet only a few times but after a while it was like my body was practically shut down, I couldn’t think straight and sometimes I’d find myself crying for no reason. I was out of my own body and watching myself lay there, vulnerable, helpless and miserable.

Why am I still here? I’d ask myself. Should I leave? Should I run away again?

The thoughts I had soon past and it was like my mind was somewhere else. My brain wouldn’t think anymore and time just slipped unnoticeable.

I was still confused and furious about why, of all people, Nick would be the one to hurt someone. I mean The Warden I knew would probably would, maybe even Billy, but Nick?

No way.

I was so worried about Jack it became aware to me that I still didn’t know if he was still alive or not. He’s okay, he is. Nothing happened; Jack just finally decided to leave. It’s better for him. I always said to myself. But the more I thought about it the more I started to give in.

I could never have imagined it; I can’t even think about it, let alone believe it at all.

I kept asking myself questions and every time I’d answer it I would get more and more stressed. I felt like I was crawling into this black hole, a place where I didn’t want to be but did at the same time.

At night I dreamt I was at the park with Jack but I had no mouth so I couldn’t talk, I tried to tell him something but I couldn’t, frustrated I walked off and found myself falling into a never-ending black hole I tried to scream but I had no mouth so all I could do was watch as the opening of the hole got smaller and smaller and soon all there was black all around me. I’d wake up shaking violently and crying into my pillow.

Sometimes when I’m awake I wanted to crawl into that black hole anyway, I hated it but it was so much more comforting then being in this distant world, lying in this big bed all alone and by myself.

On the sixth day that was when my body stated to feel like it shut down, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak and I could no longer cry as if all the tears were drained out of me.

I remember Daniel coming in and for some reason walking out straight after. I remember looking at the floor and saw pieces of glass spread everywhere, water dripping down the wall next to the door.

I hate you. I wanted to yell at him. I hate you!

I wanted to scream and shout so that everyone in the world could know. I wanted everyone in the house to see my hatred toward them, but my throat had dried up and I couldn’t even talk.

Sometimes I heard people shouting down stairs but I didn’t care anymore and after a while the voices soon grew forgotten and lost, I couldn’t remember whose voice was whose.

I felt so frustrated and angry, confused and scared, but then I thought – was laying here feeling like nothing a satisfaction to Billy, Daniel and The Warden – to all of them?

I lay there and thought for a while before deciding I should do something different: find out answers. Is Jack dead or alive? Was it Nick that almost killed him, or someone else? What Nick’s trying to build? What’s in his office? Why I’m even here? And most of all – where is my mother?

I sit up fast with the idea and only just remember I’ve been lying down for almost two weeks now, my head starts to feel light and the room starts to spin around me. I sit there for a moment to let it pass, but it doesn’t. Ignoring the dizziness I bring my legs out of my warm blanket and onto the thick carpet letting the coldness of the room devour me before standing up. For a second the dizziness passed but I then felt my stomach begin to rumble and flip horrendously, I think I was about to throw up.

I use all my strength and ran to the toilet lifting up the cover and getting onto my knees just in time to heave expecting the vomit to rise up but because I haven’t eaten or drunken anything I began to gag continuously. My body started to shake violently and my stomach wouldn’t stop heaving and pushing out something that’s not in there. I clutched at my growling stomach wishing the pain would go away and tried to stop the shaking as much as I could.

My throat burned and my stomach was unbearably painful. I sit down leaning against the wall beside to me and brought my legs up to my chest, rolling up into a ball as much as I could.

After what felt like forever, my shaking finally stopped but the furious growling didn’t, and that was what kept me sitting the for an extra-long time.

I lick my lips starting to feel thirsty and looked at the clear water in the toilet bowl next to me. Should I drink out of the toilet? I asked myself grimly. Disgusted at the thought I shuddered and started to gag again. My shaking began nonetheless, and I couldn’t help but weep at my own helplessness. I have never felt this way before and wanted it all to go away. I sat there waiting for my sobbing to subside but even when it stopped I just sat there staring into outer-space.

I hear footsteps coming up the stairs before stopping at my bedroom door. ‘Remy?’ I hear someone call my name. I listened and tried to remember who it was, ‘Remy?’ they say again their voice closer now. I sit there and pull my legs closer toward me as if it was shield that made me invisible. A head pops up from the side of the door and I recognise it as Daniel standing right in front me.

Why won’t you just leave me alone? I wanted to scream at him; instead I say nothing and stay there confused and vulnerable, my throat now drier from trying to puke.

Daniel squats down in front of me so we were eye-level, I look away. He stays quiet for a while assessing my condition. ‘Remy, I’m so sorry,’ he says finally, his voice soft and knowing. Tears swelled in my eyes but I blink them back.

I’m always trying to push Daniel and everyone else away from my life yet they keep coming back, Daniel especially.

‘Remy, please listen to me,’ he says pulling my chin toward him slowly. I shake off his soft and relaxed fingers and look away again starting to feel my stomach begin to rumble. ‘It wasn’t Nick’s fault,’ he says trying to make me feel better. ‘It wasn’t meant end up like this, and he’s really sorry.’

I finally look at him and open my mouth, ‘End up like this?’ I wanted to scream at him, but nothing came out except air. Angry and irritated tears ran down my face and I had to dig my face into my knees and arms to hide my embarrassment.

He stays there listening to my small muffles of sobs and my hungry, rumbling stomach. ‘I’ll get you something to eat and drink,’ he says getting up. He stays there for another moment watching me before finally leaving.

Still angry but grateful, I sit there and wait before falling asleep on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

As I hear Daniel’s footsteps coming up I could immediately smell the delicious food, unsure what it was it still smelt nice and that was what woke me up. I remember I was still next to a toilet so I tried to get up but my arms and legs failed to pull my own weight up.

‘Remy, do you wanna go to your bedroom and eat there?’ Daniel asks before he even got through the door. I look at him for a moment with the big plate of food and a glass of juice before nodding my head slowly in pain, wondering if he knew I couldn’t get up let alone walk.

A second later he leaves through the door and my stomach twisted of hunger and anger. Come back! Where are you going? I wanted to ask him still staring at the door where he was once standing at. I look away and realise tears were going down my cheeks; I rub them away lazily as my stomach began its loud rumbling once again.

As I put my hand back to my side Daniel walks in without anything in his hands. He looks at me for a moment before standing beside me and crouching down. ‘I’m gonna pick you up okay? Just put your arm around my neck so it’s easier for me.’ He says coming closer and putting an arm under my knee where my legs bend, the other working its way around my shoulder, I do as he says and before I knew it I was in the air. He stays there for a moment as I hold his gaze before partly smiling and walking off into my bedroom.

Daniel watches me eating the meal he made as he leans against a wall in complete silence. Finally when I was done I went to take another long sip of my drink, Daniel stands up straight and walks closer to my bed. I put the drink down and look at the door in front of me avoiding his questioning gaze.

‘I guess you still hate me, right?’ he says softly standing in front of me so I had no choice but to look at him. I sit there holding his gaze before nodding my head slowly and looking down at the floor.

‘Figures. Guess I couldn’t blame you. I’d have hated everyone as well,’ he says sitting down next to me and looking at the door. We sit there in silence and I could hear his even breathing, and the intake and out of each breath. I wondered what he could hear from me. Is my breathing as even as his? Does he even care about my breathing? I wanted to laugh at my own thoughts but my stomach started to ache, I wanted to run to the toilet again but I knew my legs wouldn’t let me.

‘Daniel, I-’ I stop and clutch my stomach and feeling my face twist in pain. I groan and Daniel must’ve realised what was going to happen next, he grabs my arm and pulls it across his shoulder so that most of my weight was on him and the other half was up to me.

He helps me walk to the bathroom and I let him go before we get near the toilet, forgetting Daniel was practically carrying me I collapse to the floor straight away and only just had enough time to put out my hands. I groan and refuse Daniel's help moving to the toilet straight away and getting onto my knees just in time. Daniel stands there watching me in silence once again as I vomit out all the food I had just finished eating. I kept groaning and clutching at my stomach as if holding my body still would somehow help.

I flush the toilet thinking I was done but as I go to sit down properly more vomit rose up again. My stomach growled and heaved non-stop and I could feel it emptying and twisting with every movement I made, it hurt and my body started to shake violently as I finally finished puking.

I started to cry as I still clutched to my stomach, everything started to hurt; my stomach, my legs, my arms, my head – my heart.

I forgot Daniel was still here and when I sat down leaning against the wall his figure in front of me gave me a little fright.

‘Here,’ he says quietly handing me a small wet towel. I wipe my face with it slowly and hold it onto my cheek for a moment letting the coldness of it soak into my skin. When I was finished with it he takes it back and flushes the toilet before putting the small towel under the tap.

‘I shouldn’t have let you eaten so much. Your body isn’t used to it yet after almost two weeks of eating nothing.’ He says regrettably, he turns off the water and squeezes the towel half dry before walking back to me and handing it back.

I kept trying to look at anything but him but the bathroom was pretty small and I would find my eyes looking back at him anyway.

‘I know you still hate me Remy, but I just want you to know that whatever happens I’ll still help you. Whether or not you want me to,’

I look at the small towel in my hand and then back to Daniel, ‘why are you so nice to me?’ I ask quietly. He thinks for a while looking at the wall above me.

His jaw tenses and his brow furrows in thought, ‘I don’t know,’ he admits still staring at the wall plainly. ‘I guess its cause you’re probably the closest thing to family to me.’ He says slowly finally looking back at me and holding my gaze. I bite the inside of my lip before realising it started to bleed; the faint taste of vomit and blood went down my throat as I swallowed my saliva.

Was I meant to feel sorry for him after what he’s done to me? Am I meant to give him a hug? Do I smile? I look away unsure what to say to him anymore. I hear him chuckle to himself softly, ‘don’t worry, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me,’ he says sensing I wanted to say something apologetic. He turns away as I was about to say something but when he looked back at me I knew there was nothing more I could do or say.

Once again Daniel carries me to my room and puts me onto my bed softly before walking off without a word and leaving me in my bedroom alone – with no Jack.