Qing Qiu - Fox Den

-----------------------------------------Gungun-----------------------------------------------------

Everyone's emotions had been tumultuous and so overwhelming he could hardly figure out which flavour of grief he was feeling was his own.

He was grateful he had the excuse of taking care of his newly born little sister. It was a reprieve from the near relentless assault of emotions on his senses. It was hard for a baby to have much more feeling than 'tired' and 'hungry' so it was not taxing for him.

Reality felt fuzzy, far away and strange. Had it truly been less than a day since his mother had passed?

Gungun remembered one event from when he was a very small child. He had been perched on a tree branch that overhanged a lotus pond in the Nine Heavens. He had been so utterly engrossed in reading his newly acquired book titled 'philosophical theories of existence' that he had no sparse awareness for the outside world. His older cousin, through use of illusion magic and aura dampening, had finally been able to sneak up on him and scare him. This event had occurred so long ago that this older cousin had not yet been given his proper name of Bai Chen and at the time was still called 'A-Li' or 'Dumpling' by the adults.

The thousand-paged philosophy book, newly gifted and only half read, had plunged into the pond below. After a moment of dismay he had used magic to reclaim the now waterlogged book, the ink had bled, the book was ruined. He remembered very clearly his very next thought after accepting A-lis' apology and reassuring them it was okay, was to find his father. This was because Gunguns' father could help him restore the book. And his faith was rewarded when his father had managed to repair the book instantly.

His father could do anything, fix anything. This had been a fundamental constant of Gunguns understanding of the world, an immutable fact.

Gungun knew better now. There were some things that could not be repaired once broken or lost. He just hadn't expected to learn this fact in such a cruel fashion. His childish understanding of how things worked had been shattered. He could not deny his anger at the world. Wasn't losing his mother a bit too harsh of a lesson? To destroy his worldview in such a cruel fashion, Heaven's Will really was heartless.

For all his vaunted maturity, the research he'd done, the history book he'd almost finished writing and even the court documents his father had allowed him to look at, he had been very much still a child. He realised this fact only now his mother was gone, his father too. The ever present and loving, supportive factors in his life were no longer there.

Gungun had requested to see his mother, and the adults had allowed him to do so. Bai Chen had also wanted to go, but as he was facilitating between anger, disbelief and shock he could not be trusted to enter the room. To help mollify the situation Gungun had asked Bai Chen to look after their little siblings Fuzan and Xueyu while he was visiting his mo...his mothers body. After listening to the long list of things that he needed to be alert for when looking after Xueyu, Bai Chen was quite proud to be given the task, and promised to look after both very well. Even if realistically he would just be in the room as both children slept, it was enough to stop Bai Chen from attempting a fifth escape attempt from the Fox Den. Bai Chen had also been caught trying to read the report that had been left on the table in the main room, so he could know where to go and whom to 'enact vengeance' upon. Gungun had not asked to read that report, even though it was likely the adults would let him to, he did not need to know such details right now, he knew he would not handle them well.

After a careful warning on what to do and not to do, so as not to disturb his grandfather's precarious state, Gungun had been allowed into the room where his mother...his mother's body was being kept. His mother's death was strangely easier to accept, the body he'd seen was not his mother. He'd wanted to believe it was a statue, but his grandfather's hands were covering his mothers hand too tenderly for it to be made of stone.

His grandfather was motionless, and Gungun could almost believe they were both statues some macabre artist had carved. But he could not delude himself, even though his grandfather did not move, the fact he was alive was unmistakable. The minute unconscious processes of a living body were stark against the utter stillness of the hand that his grandfather unseeingly cradled against his chest.

It was a protective embrace, encompassing, delicate, as if the wax-grey hand was the most fragile and precious thing in the world. Gungun realised his grandfather must have cradled her in the same way when she had been born, perhaps many times after also.

Gungun remembered that his mother had been born early, small just like his sister Xueyu. Maybe there was curse on the female side of the Bai family? His Aunt Bai Qian's birth had also been complicated, a skilled midwife sent from the King of the East Sea had been sent to help.

But it was no use, the living could be protected, but not the dead. The hand his grandfather was cradling was not his daughter, small and sleeping.

It was not Gungun or Xueyu's mother either.

Not Dong Hua Dijun's beloved wife.

Not beloved niece, granddaughter or aunt of the large Bai family.

Not treasured friend of gods and demons both.

Nor the oft absent, but respected ruler of the Eastern Realm of Qing Qiu.

No, the hand was nothing, part of nothing, just an empty container made of blood and bone, muscle and sinew, bereft of the treasure it once held.

Gungun walked over to the other side and moved to touch the hand that his grandfather was not cradling. He could not tell if he did so out of curiosity, or if he needed the confirmation that touch would bring.

Gungun touched and quickly retracted his hand. He had expected it would be cold to touch; the same his fathers hands were always cool. He had been wrong, it was freezing cold, more akin to ice covered marble than anything else. It was unnatural, wrong.

The waxen-grey skin did not belong to his mother, her pale skin had always glowed with life. The freezing cold hand he'd touched was also not hers, his mother's hands were always warm. His mother was lively and animated, she'd never been still, even when sleeping she would throw the covers with how much she moved. Her aura had always been bright and warm against his senses, like stepping from the shade into the sun, there was no presence now.

He'd spent two hundred years in the mortal world as a toddler. No matter how well his mother had tried to keep him from knowing about death, it was unavoidable. Dying was just what mortals did.

But Gungun's mother was not mortal, and dying was not what she was supposed to do.

His mother wasn't mortal, she wasn't supposed to be dead.

His mother had always seen rules as mutable, more loose guidelines than anything.

A small ember of anger flickered in his chest, out of all the rules in the universe, why did she have to break this one.

She shouldn't be dead.

It wasn't fair.

His mother's primordial soul was gone, and not even the tiniest wisps of her spirit lingered. It really was too heartless of the universe to not even allow him a few days to say goodbye to the remnants of his mother's spirit.

He'd never understood how people could hate facts, but he did now.

Gungun did not have the luxury of a young child's inability to fully comprehend the situation.

He had isolated himself as much as anyone allowed him.

His mother was dead, he knew that, even if he did not want to fully think and analyse that fact, it was still fact. It was much harder to accept the man he knew as his father was gone. Dong Hua Dijun, Lord Shaoyang, The master of Heaven and Earth, this person was still very much alive. He could feel his aunt and uncle's emotions as they spoke about his father, there was sadness, wariness, worry and even pity, all intermixed. They were not lying, Gungun understood on a logical level that everything they were saying was fact. But his heart, and the childish parts of himself he often denied, railed against this new reality. The cruel and horrifying fact that he'd lost both of his parents. Not just him, but his tiny new-born sister had too.

It was his duty to help raise his younger sibling regardless of if his parents were around or not. It wasn't like they would be completely alone. Just as High God Zhe Yan had said, the Bai family was as large as it was close-knit. He would manage.

Gungun's great aunt Bai Qian had been busy adamantly pushing all her grief and anger at the situation aside and was focused on taking care of little Fuzan and Xueyu. He could only tell because her emotions were flaring and bubbling beneath the surface of her spirit so strongly that the last time he'd been close to her he had nearly thrown up. So he had retreated to his rooms to try and process everything without the constant barrage of emotions assaulting his senses from a gift he was not yet able to fully control.

He longed for the emotional calm of his father's presence.

It was only an hour later that Gungun's great-aunt Bai Qian and great uncle-in-law Ye Hua took both him and Bai Chen back to the Nine Heavens. Back to Xiwu Palace, not Taichen Palace.

Did his father even remember he had a son, and now a daughter? Could Taichen Palace still be considered his home? He had no hope that it was, not anymore.

Heavenly Tribe - Jiuchongtian - Heavenly -Palace - Xiwu palace

—---------------------------Gungun—----------------

High God Zhe Yan had stayed in the Fox Den to keep watch on everyone, while Gungun's grandaunt Bai Qian had returned to Xiwu Palace with him, Bai Chen, Fuzan and Xueyu.

As wallowing in self pity was not helpful to anyone, Gungun was trying very hard not to do so. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd had great difficulty doing anything, but this was proving to be extremely challenging.

Not only was his mother gone, and his father effectively also gone. It was not certain whether he would lose his grandfather Bai Yi too.

With his fathe-, no that wasn't right. Lord Shaoyang was busy with seemingly more important matters, and so it was left to his grand aunt Bai Qian and her husband Ye Hua to deal with the funeral arrangements. It was this seeming lack of care that convinced Gungun the person he'd known as his father really was gone.

He'd read every book worth reading, that included many that attempted to understand emotional concepts like grief. He had found these especially interesting, because he could not understand how losing someone often caused people to lose their senses. The greatest loss he'd experienced before now was having to move away from his mortal friends every few years while he and his mother had been living in the mortal world.

He understood now, experience really was the cruellest teacher.

He fell back on his book knowledge, one passage in particular was particularly comforting.

Grief would never go away, nor really lessen, but over time it would change. From sharp-agony that made him gasp in physical and emotional pain, to something less sharp, but still painful. Eventually the pain of loss would only sting, the emotional wounds would close and lessen, but never completely disappear. Eventually, one day he would wake up and the grief would be a numb sort of pain, there, but not overwhelming, he would be able to live and go about life, laugh, and be joyful.

The him before this loss, and the him that would emerge from it would be different.

Different

How innocent that word was, and how completely it encompassed Gungun's changed reality. He held back tears that threatened to spill over his eyelashes, what use was it to shed them? He needed to be in control of his emotions, and show maturity, especially as he was in front of this specific door for an important matter.

Gungun had come to ask if his great aunt or great uncle-in-law had any need of his help, or if he could be allowed to suggest any idea or input about his mothers funeral. The rules of the Heavenly Tribe were strict, those of the Nine Heavens even more so. The rites for such an event were clearly detailed, there was likely very little he would be able to change. He did not even know what he would change, he simply needed to be involved for a reason he did not want to analyse.

Gungun came to stand at the entrance of the closed door and announced himself.

He heard his aunt's voice answer, "Come in."

Always aware of propriety he bowed to both and greeted them, "I respectfully greet Uncle, Aunt."

Though technically they were his maternal grandaunt and granduncle-in-law, he had called them 'Aunt' and 'Uncle' for as long as he could remember.

Some unspoken words passed between his aunt and uncle. Then his uncle Ye Hua left the room informing them that he had other important matters to attend to. It seemed both adults knew why he was here.

A funeral was so...final.

Part of Gungun wanted to rail against it, to yell as his cousin Bai Chen had done. To scream that it should not happen, that maybe somehow, by some unknown forces Bai Fengjiu could come back. But he did not do any of these things.

Bai Chen had lost his mother 'susu', at birth, his father too had been 'dead' for three years before returning, and his mother in those three years had been in a dreamlike state, only a step away from non-existence herself. But then Bai Chen had received the grace of his parents being returned to him, back from the seeming dead.

Gungun held no hope he or his little sister would be so blessed.

His great aunt Bai Qian was very kind, and did not make him ask to see the papers detailing the rough plans for the funeral arrangements. She merely went to the nearby table to retrieve it for him without a word. It was a horrible irony that he was now being treated as an adult would, mature enough to handle weighty matters. The very thing he'd strived to earn throughout his childhood was now his. And yet he'd happily be treated as a toddler for the rest of his days if it meant he got his parents back.

As if remembering at the final moment his sensitivity to emotions was proximity based, the hand his great aunt was going to place on his shoulder retracted and he relaxed slightly. Instead Bai Qian motioned for him to sit and gave him the report. She then moved to sit nearby and prepared tea as he unrolled the scroll to read.

He did not remember when he'd started crying again. Nor did he remember exactly when his great aunt had come over to hug him, her grief came to colour his own a new strain of misery. His mother used to hold him like this a long time ago when he was very small, and did not yet consider himself too mature for such things. His grief overwhelmed him finally and he cried like the child he was, barely registering his aunts' emotions in the turmoil that was his own finally unleashed.

He wept, for his mother who was dead, and his father who was gone. And he also cried for his little sister, who would grow up without either, an orphan in all but name.

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A short holdover chapter while I finalise the next 3 chapter outlines!

A special thanks to my beta reader Mia for proofreading this chapter for me! this would not be posted this early without their hard work!