Present Day

(I stand in front of the new Metroman museum, talking proudly into the camera.)

Roxanne: Happy Metroman day, Metocity! It's a beautiful day, in beautiful downtown, where we're here to honor a beautiful man...Metroman. His heart is an ocean, that's inside a bigger ocean. For years he's been watching us with his super-vision, saving us with his super-strength and caring for us with his super-heart. Now it's our turn to give something back. This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting live from the dedication of the Metroman museum.

Wow. If that wasn't a speech, I don't know what was.

(I swipe my hand across my neck subtly, and Hal lowers the camera while I straighten my hair.)

Hal: Wow. Ok, the stuff they make you read on-air...that's just un-freaking-believeable.

Roxanne: I wrote that piece myself, Hal.

Hal, anxiously: What I was trying to say was-I can't believe that in our moden society, they let, like, actual art get on the news.

Roxanne: Nice save, Hal.

(We start walking back towards the van.)

Hal: Alright! Let's just go and get a coffee or something.

Roxanne: Come on! It's time to get into the Metroman day spirit!

Hal: Well, if i were Metroman, Megamind wouldn't be kidnapping you all the time. That's the first thing.

Roxanne: That's sweet, Hal.

Hal: And I'd be watching you like a dingo watches a human baby.

Roxanne, nodding anxiously: Hmm.

What is he talking about?!

Hal: Ok, that sounded a little weird.

Roxanne: A little bit, yeah.

Hal: You're making a weird face and that's making me feel weird...

You mean you're embarrassed? I feel so sorry for that guy.

(A can shakes and sprays in my face, and even though I know exactly what's going on, I try to waft it away anyway. Then I suddenly feel drowsy and lose conciousness.)

(I wake to sounds of laughter and wriggle about, feeling my hands tied up and my head in a canvas bag again.)

Megamind: *gasps* She's awake! Quick-to work.

Roxanne, muffled: Megamind! I know who it is, I know it's you! Megamind! Ugh, this bag stinks.

(Finally Minion takes the bag off, and I gasp for air.)

Megamind, turning in his chair, with a bot on his lap: Miss Ritchi...we meet again.

Roxanne: Would it kill you to wash the bag?

Megamind: You can scream all you wish, Miss Ritchi! I'm afriad no-one can hear you!

(He hold his hand upto his ear, but i stay silent. He doesn't scare me.)

Megamind: Wha...? Why isn't she screaming?

Jeez. You're just making this worse for yourself.

Minion: Miss Ritchi...if you don't mind.

Megamind: Like this. (He strokes the bot and screams) But that's-that's a poor lady scream.

(The bot munches down on his hand, and he screams again-for real this time.)

Roxanne: He's a little better.

(I search around me again while Megamind flails in his chair, and something sparks inside me.)

Roxanne, continued: Is there some kind of nerdy supervillian website where you get Tesla coils and blinky dials?

Minion, grabbing the chair and leaning to my face: Actually, most of it comes from an outlet store in-

Megamind: -Don't answer that.

Minion, quietly: ...Romania.

Megamind, wheeling quickly towards us: Don't! Stop! She's using her nosy reporter skills on your weak-willed mind *I scoff* to find out all our secrets. *Minion gasps*

Yeah, right.

Megamind: Such...tricks...won't work on me.

Roxanne: Please talk slower.

Megamind: Temptress!

Roxanne: What secrets?! You're so predictable.

Megamind, wheeling back to the control panel: Predictable? Predictable?! You call this predictable?! (He jumps up and pulls a lever)

Roxanne, without looking down: Your alligators, yes. Yeah...I was thinking about it on the way over.

Megamind: What's this? Boom! (he pulls another lever and a machine gun stands beside my face) In your face.

Roxanne: Cliché.

Megamind, pulling another lever: No, look-watch!

Roxanne, as spikes spiral above her head: Juvenile.

Megamind, flicking another switch and throwing his leg in the air: Shock and awe!

Roxanne, as a rotating saw appears: Tacky.

Megamind, pulling a red-domed shaft: Oh it's so scary!

Roxanne, when a load of spiked-shoes come up: Seen it.

Megamind, mashing buttons: What's this one do?!

Roxanne: Garish.

*Megamind groans and collapses over the panel, and I try not to laugh until I see the spider crawling down in front of my face*

Roxanne: Ok, the spider's new.

I know it's not one of his. At least I hope it isn't.

Megamind: The spider? *Minion shrugs* Ah, yes. The spee-ider. (he steps towards it) Even the smallest bite from arachnis deathicus will instantly paralyse-*I blow at the spider and it lands in his eye, as I'd hoped* Oh! *Minion hits him in the face* Get it off! Get it off me! Ow, it bit me!

Roxanne, rolling my eyes: Give it up, Megamind. Your plans never work.

Megamind, standing up and groaning, the spider gone: Let's stop wasting time and call your boyfriend in tights, shall we? *He holds his finger up in the air, and a bot chomps on it again. He screams, even higher pitched than before, and I wince* GET OFF! *He throws the bot across the room*

Roxanne: You know, I can't help but feel sorry for you, Megamind. You practically spent your whole life doing the same thing.

Megamind, pulling a lever to activate the screens: And you haven't?

Somehow I didn't think of that. It's true...nothing's different. If only we could all live differently. Happily. Maybe even Megamind will stop kidnapping me.

(I see the thousands of people celebrating Metroman day and the opening of his museum. Then before all of them stands the Mayor and Metroman himself.)