I for one am not for fighting. I find the dastardly thing horrific! (And yes, Froggy is working on helping me expand my vocabulary.)

Wait a minute, you don't even know who I am! How terribly rude of me! I am Red Riding Hood of the Red Riding Hood Kingdom. Oh, excuse me again, I just recently got married to Froggy and I am desperately working on saying my right name. Please ignore that last name, I am now Red Charming of the Middle Kingdom. Or whatever it's called, I don't really pay attention to politics. It's more fun to pick out the dresses to wear to the political event. Besides, I have Froggy with me to do politics for me. Or for our kingdom or his kingdom, whatever works.

So, back to my Tragic Tale of Murder and Matrimony.

It all started with everyone on the roof of some building in New York, The Otherworld. Now, if you are already lost, I would suggest picking up a copy of Worlds Collide by Chris Colfer and read it, how boring, to be caught up. Or don't. My story-telling skills are superb! (See, darling! My vocabulary is getting better!)

So there we were, on the roof. The goat standing in front of us (Froggy just told me to call it Morina, but I still want to stick with Goat.) just about to choke my husband to death. (Whoops, I mean, soon-to-be-husband.)

Now, the sight of my almost-husband being choked to death was enough to make my blood boil. I was so mad, my brain started working. Surprising, right? I reached into my bag and brought out the Swiss Army knife I had gotten at the airport. Never know when random purchases are going to come in handy! I cut myself loose and, wait, I never mentioned that I was tied up, did I? Oh, well, that's alright. You should already know what happened before this.

So, I cut myself loose and turned to face the Goat.

"Leave the frog alone, you goat!" I yelled. I was very angry at Morina. (Look, Charlie, I can say her name.)

The witch turned around to face me, and let me tell you, I could see the fear in her eyes. Her black beady little goat eyes.

"Well, if this isn't the most pathetic thing I've ever seen," the goat said. "Do you actually think you can stop me?"

Well, maybe she wasn't that scared. But that's beside the point. I was still holding my ground like a goat predator, or whatever.

"Underestimate me all you want," I said confidently. "It's much easier than facing the truth, isn't it, Morina?" (See, I can say her name.)

"And what truth is that?"

"How sensationally jealous of me you are!" I shouted triumphantly. (Yes, that is a good word, Froggy! Especially when describing me.)

Unfortunately, the goat didn't agree with me. She howled in laughter, it was awful. I thought my eardrums were going to burst.

"You think I'm jealous of you?" the goat asked.

"So far you've ruined my wedding, cursed one of my best friends, and trapped my fiance in a magic mirror, and now you're strangling him in front of me," I said, laying out the obvious facts. "If that isn't a personal vendetta, I don't know what it is. Obviously, something is fueling your obsession with ruining my life, and it doesn't reek of jelly on my side of the ballroom!"

"Please explain how someone like me could be jealous of someone like you," the goat asked, giving me the exact intro I wanted. "I've gutted canaries with higher intelligence,"

"Like most aspects of my life, brains have nothing to do with it," I said. "Face it, you're envious of my beauty!"

"Excuse me?" the goat asked, clearly taken aback.

"You heard me!" I said. "I have flawless skin, beautiful eyes, fantastic hair, a naturally high metabolism- but I'm also kind, considerate, giving, and a good friend! I'm just as gorgeous on the inside as I am on the outside! And no matter how many potions you drink, no matter how many enchantments you make, there will always be a selfish, greedy, hateful, and ugly goat inside you!"

Thankfully, my well-spoken words hit Morina right where it hurt. She was outraged. Her black little beady goat eyes turned red and she looked like she was going to combust.

"You really are the biggest idiot in the universe," the goat said, which would have more offending despite the fact that we were on a roof in New York, and I was almost dead. "I consider this a favour to mankind."

The goat pointed both hands at me and her witchy magic erupted from them. Well, my mind had shut down after it had started working earlier. I had the idea to check how I looked because no one wants to die looking bad. As I used my fast reflexes to grab my mirror, I remembered an article I had read in a magazine. It had said that if a woman wants to be saved, she'll find her greatest saviour in the mirror. I pointed the mirror away from me, deflecting the blast of witchy magic back to Morina. The blast hit her right in the chest and she burst into a million pieces.

"Who's the idiot now, Morina?" I asked the dead goat.

"Darling that was incredible!" Froggy said.

"Red, you're a genius!" Conner said.

"How did you know the mirror would reflect her magic?" Bree asked.

"Glamorous Magazine," I explained with a shrug not knowing how they didn't already know or hadn't figured it out yet. (Froggy just told me it really was genius, so, maybe I shouldn't have expected them to know.) "I read this wonderful article on the plane that said, 'If a woman wants to be saved, she'll find her greatest saviour in the mirror.' I don't know who they were talking about, but they certainly saved me."

I then climbed up the ladder and cut Froggy loose. We helped each other to the ground and just being with Froggy made me realize that we needed to get married, now.

I told him that, and though he was persistent otherwise, he still agreed. We got Mother Goose to do the ceremony, and we got married. Though everything else around us was in shambles, our marriage was binding. (Yes, I know, dear, very poetic words.)

So, that's the story of how we got married. It was all very romantic and lovely. Thinking about that day makes me realize how lucky we were to have Mother Goose with us. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been a legit wedding. But that brings up another question. How is Mother Goose qualified to do that type of stuff? (Froggy, are we really married?!?)

Well, thank you for reading my story, but I must go! I have an important question to ask Mother Goose!