Title: The Field Trip and a Secret Identity

Writer: bellakitty2003

Description: Danny's class goes to a week long trip into the ghost zone. Why? No one knows. Apparently Mayor Vlad Masters green lit it. 

But before that potential disaster starts, Mr Lancer sees Danny transform into his alter ego. If this makes things easier or worse, no one knows.

Grammar and Writing: All in all, pretty solid. Nothing mind blowing, but not bad. Not even mk
ediocre. I just noted some typos and spelling errors, nothing was a bit of editing could fix. 

While the prose was good for the most part, I think there were too many snarky snippits, forth wall breaking jokes, that kind of deal. This could have been saved if done more consistently. Consistence is something Bella struggles, other examples coming later.

I thought for a hot minute that the fic was narrated by the Ghost Writer, party due to the wall breaking snippets. But that was just my brain seeing something not there. 

Like I said, editing would have done a lot. There is an ice dog, called Little Bob, later Small Bob. Bella accidentally switched names and didn't bother to edit the chapters with the wrong names, reread old chapters or seemingly no notes. 

The fic also had a very inconsistent chapter length. Some chapters were just six hundred words long, others one thousand and five hundred words long. It was very notable that she (assuming based on the name Bella used to refer to the author in the notes) posted as she wrote. Because chapters are short with inconsistant lengths, it is save to assume that she didn't keep them as drafts for multiple days to add more to them.  While this practice of posting as someone goes isn't bad by default, common flaws of it are notable.

Like I mentioned, the author referred to themselves as Bella in the author's notes. Said notes were far too frequent. But I do not recall that single chapters were just notes. 

Story: While at first glance the fic may appear as very cliché, it is a field trip in the zone story after all, it surprisingly wasn't. First of all, Lancer was in the know. While a bit underutilized, it was a nice fresh of air. While the fic is somewhat short, it wasn't rushed. Well, the end was, but the rest was not. 

While a good chunk of plot points were nicely foreshadowed, there was one point regarding a government experiment that was just thrown in at random, just to be igored and not really concluded. Unless there is a sequel I am unaware of. There were some other plot points, most smaller, were this is the case. I assume Bella didn't outline either?

Dani had a presence in the fic. Not a big one, but for once I wasn't annoyed by Dani. Normally I am very annoyed with Dani. I even dropped fics because she was in it. Mainly ones in which she refers to Danny as 'daddy'. 

All in all, I give this fic 6,5 out of 10 points. 6,5 is not bad. It just means mediocre on the better side. Anything under 4 or 5 is where I start to call something bad. I would bump the points up, if Bella would just edit the fic.

6.5/10