From:raygotlost

At first the idea of being locked inside his office didn't sound bad at all, it even sounded fun!

He'd be able to do some random paperwork that he needs to get done while also being able to play Valorant whenever he wanted to and hey, he had enough to eat and drink and sleeping on his desk didn't sound too bad either.

And like expected, the first day was infact pretty nice, pretty chill, he didn't have to think much about anything really and ended up falling asleep on one of his report books.

It turns out though that being stuck in an office alone with no one around and no one to listen to or to distract you, after a bad dream, actually really fucking sucks.

He wouldn't have been able to stop his thoughts, even if he tried, they just wouldn't go away.

Neither paperwork nor Valorant were able to interest him enough to the point that it'd actually distract him.

Guess it was just his luck that he had to have a dream about his family in the first place.

The dream started of quiet happy, it was a nice dream but of course it had to end with Vegetta leaving Foolish and Foolish not being able to move to go after his Lover.

With Leo getting kidnaped and taken away right infront of him, with her screams for her father to help her ringing in his ears, while again, Foolish was just frozen to the floor, not being able to move once again to help her.

With Cellbit and Roier happily walking past Foolish together, leaving him behind without even glancing back at him once.

He knew it was just a dream, that it wasn't real, that it didn't actually happen.

That didn't change the fact though, that it hurt like hell.

It also didn't change how he couldn't stop all those damn thoughts from coming back out of the deepest and darkest corners of his mind.

Thoughts he had locked away for several months.

He misses Vegetta. He has no clue where he went, hell, he doesn't even know if he's still alive. Foolish of course knows that his boyfriend is really strong and the best warrior he knows but... it has been so many months. And there hasn't even been a single sign of him.

No letter, no message, nothing.

No trace that would give him a hint of his boyfriends whereabouts or on how he could be doing.

Of course there was Lobo Nocto but Foolish didn't really know if he could trust his words, saying that he is supposed to wait a bit more for Vegetta.

Said man could have died months ago and Foolish could still be waiting for him to come back.

Of course he normally doesn't think so pessimistic about that whole situation, that's not the cheerful, always happy, silly Foolish that everyone knows.

And no matter what Foolish WILL keep waiting for Vegetta... but that doesn't take aways all those small doubts that have been growing and growing each passing day that goes by on which he has to live without his boyfriend by his side.

He misses him. So much.

He wishes Leo was here.

He could show her that he actually did became employee of the month, she'd be so excited to hear about that.

e could show her his office, which she'd absolutely love, the capy kingdom, she'd be so excited to find out that her father really is King Of Capybaras now, she loves them just as much as he does after all.

He could show her his mini-me, that she'd most likely be jealous of at first but after some time she'd most likely end up growing fond of it. And maybe Foolish could introduce her to Mr 24 and Agent 18.

She'd love the workers, they're really nice.

He misses Leo, she was one of, if not the only thing that kept him going through the day after Vegettas dissapearance and with all the abuse the islanders put him through, literally using him as their punching bag on a daily basis.

And now?

Now she is gone and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Hell, he didn't even see her last before she disappeared. He should've been there.

And it's been so incredibly hard without her.

He misses her.

He misses her so much that it physically hurts.

Foolish has always had a hard time with his feelings and emotions, he's bad at identifying what exactly he's feeling, how to cope with most emotions besides positive ones and he's even worse at talking about them with someone or opening up to others.

Because of that he always tries to remember the phrase "conseal, don't feel, don't let them know".

He knows that that's maybe not all that healthy but what else is he supposed to do?

And besides never trying to feel any of his actual emotions, he never felt physical consequences because of not letting himself feel.

Until now.

It doesn't make sense. It shouldn't make sense.

Why does it feel like his heart is being squeezed by an invisible hand, so hard, he thinks it might explode.

And why does he feel like all the air in his lungs is being punched out of him everytime he thinks a bit too hard about his family.

And why are his cheeks suddenly wet.

...

Tears?

Wow. It's pathetic, really, THE Foolish, immortal, shark-totem hybrid, totem of death Foolish is sitting in his office, locked in, crying and on the verge of completely breaking down.

It hurts.

Sliding down his chair, onto the floor and pulling his knees to his chest, trying to curl in on himself, back now pressed against the wall behind his desk, he was not able to control the sobs that followed.

Everything he has been trying so desperately to ignore these past few months, all the emotional and physical hurt, everything, just came crashing down on him.

The ground under his feet just got swept away and with that, he's falling.

And now no one was there to catch him. To soften his fall.

He wanted to scream.

Scream at every single islander for hurting him one way or the other, scream at Vegetta for leaving in the first place, scream at Cellbit for not trying to understand him and not trusting him at all, scream at Cucurucho, the Federation for taking away his freedom on this damn island, scream at everyone.

Scream at the univers and cursing it for giving him the best family he could ask for, just to take everything and everyone that was so important to him away.

For ripping his one and only daughter away from him with no trace of where she is, where she could be, no clue if she's actually alive.

It was not fair.

He was completely spiraling now, his thoughts just repeating over and over again, telling him how Vegetta and Leo are both surely dead.

He wasn't thinking rationally and in the back of his mind he lowkey knew that, but he just couldn't shake any of those thoughts off, thus believing them more and more by the second.

At this point it hurt to simply breathe, it hurt to think, to see, to hear.

It hurt to exist.

He whished Roier or Cellbit were here. He never needed a hug as much as he did in that moment.

But he also knew that that won't ever happen.

Roier has his own stuff to care about, he's griefing over Leos and Richalysons dissapearance after all himself and so does Cellbit, who doesn't even trust him anymore and neither have ever seen Foolish actually drop his mask of happiness and silliness.

Cellbit would surely be disgusted by what he'd see if he was here.

He was so overwhelmed by everything, the hurt of missing his family, of the possibility of them being dead and the anger at everyone including himself that he just couldn't suppress the urge to scream.

So he did.

No words came out, instead all he could do was let out one heart wrenching scream.

It absolutely burned his throat but it felt good all the same.

Not for long though because afterwards he just felt even more overwhelmed by his emotions while also just feeling incredibly numb.

Empty.

Without noticing it his hands have found his shoulders, half hugging himself while also applying so much pressure to his skin with his nails, that he drew blood.

He didn't even notice the blood at all, all he felt was the burning sensation, the burning pain tingling in his upper arms and he quickly took notice of how much better that felt than the hurt inside of him in that moment.

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When Cellbit teleported to the Federation office he did not expect to find anyone there, he just went to grab a book he forgot the day before.

While walking past a few offices he noticed that one office had some more buttons than the others.

Looking inside he didn't see anyone, just a room that was a lot more decorated than any other office. By the pictures on the wall he didn't even have to guess whose office this was.

Foolishes.

It's been kinda weird between Foolish and Cellbit.

Even though Cellbit doesn't really trust Foolish as much as he used to, he still does trust him to an extent and he still likes him. Foolish was his father-in-law after all.

He also really appreciated that Foolish checked in on him so much these past few days.

Reading that book at the castle, after a stressfully long day out, was really nice.

He didn't wanna think much more about it though, he had to get back to what he was doing before he got to the office.

Moving on, he did not expect to hear what he did just a few seconds after passing Foolishes office door.

And he never wants to hear anything like that ever again.

A scream that made him stop dead in his tracks. That voice just screamed pure hurt.

And even though it took him a second to figure it out, of he knew exactly who's voice that was. Foolish.

After a few seconds of being wide eyed frozen in place he quickly got his shit together, turned around and ran to that one office door, to Foolishes office door.

As soon he got there he looked through the window to search for the shark hybrid and there after just a few seconds of searching, he could see him, a ball of what normally is a very happy, energetic and confident totem-shark hybrid that now just looked so impossiblely small.

Completely alone he just sat there, on the floor behind his desk, (which was also the reason why Cellbit didn't see him at first) a strongly hyperventilating and shaking mess of a human being.

Without thinking much more, Cellbit tried to open the door to get inside but he quickly realized, it was locked.

What the fuck happened to him? What was rhat scream? Why is he in here in the first place? And why is the door locked?

Why is Foolish having a mental breakdown, alone, locked in his federation office?

Cellbit didn't understand, not at all, but he didn't have the time to think about it right now, he had to get in there and help Foolish. Quickly.

So after thinking for a second about how to get in there, he got a bike out of his inventory to glitch his way through the door.

It worked, first try, and without wasting any more time, bike just being thrown to the side, he ran over to Foolish.

As soon as he got closer to the shark-totem hybrid, he quickly noticed the way he was scratching himself so hard he was bleeding gold.

Why was his blood gold? ...Nevermind-

His eyes were completely dazed over like he wasn't actually there, which would explain why he didn't notice Cellbit, until he softly touched Foolishes hands to stop him from hurting himself anymore.

The extrem flinch he got from the other man in response just made Cellbit even more determined to comfort his friend.

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The soft touch on his hands wasn't something Foolish was expecting, which is why it made him flinch so hard.

And just like that, that touch was gone again.

And even though he was still spiraling it helped grounding hum for a moment, which made him snap out of it, focusing back on reality and he quickly looked up.

...

"...Cellbit?"

A soft but still worrying smile spread across said mans face. "Hey there buddy."

"W- what are you-"

Foolishes whole body but especially his hands were still shaking, his speeding thoughts still not having slowed down.

"shh you don't need to speak right now. You need to breathe, slowly."

"I- I can't- Cell- Cellbit I can't I-"

"Hey, hey you're ok, you're not alone, I'm here and we'll get you through this ok? Can I touch you?"

Cellbit gets a shaky nod in response and with that he gently takes one of Foolishes hands again and places it on his chest.

"Breath with me ok? Slowly in, hold, and out."

Trying to match but failing miserably, after several attempts Foolish whimpers and shakes his head.

"It hurts- I- I can't I- please make it stop. Please-"

Another tear of many rolls down his face, brows furrowed in panic and pain.

"Hey. Foosh. You can do it. I know you can. Come on, try one more time"

And so he tries again. And after a few more failed attempts he finally manages a deeper breath in and out, helping a lot to finally calm his breathing down a bit.

Cellbit smile turns from worry to a more relieved one.

"There we go."

It didn't stop most of Foolishes still racing thoughts and his tears though.

He felt like once he let them out he wouldn't be able to stop them until he's completely and utterly exhausted and done.

Foolish didn't know what to say. Being like this, this vurnable infront of anyone, made him feel so incredibly embarrassed and self conscious.

He felt so stupid for letting anyone see him like this.

Now he was still overwhelmed but instead of the panic it was the anxiety of Cellbit finding him in a state like this. Only remembering his own thoughts from earlier...

Cellbit would surely be disgusted by what he'd see if he was here.

"I'm sorry."

Cellbits face turned from relieved to confused.

"Why are you apologizing?"

A sniffle. Another sob.

"You shouldn't have to- you shouldn't see me like... like this. I- It's fine, thank you for your help, everything is fine now, you can go... you don't need to be here anymore."

Confusion turns into surprise, surprise turns into sadness and sadness turns into determination.

Cellbit frown.

"Do not say that. I can clearly see that nothing is fine. And I will surely not leave you alone in a state like this.

Why do you even think I'd just leave you here in the first place?"

"Why wouldn't you?

And that- what a question that was. Why would he ever just abandoned Foolish, his friend, his family, when he so clearly needed someone?

"I betrayed you. Didn't I? I joined the federation, knowing it could end up hurting you and the others.

So why would you even want to be here right now with a pathetic excuse of a friend instead of doing literally anything else?"

It hurt to say those words, knowing very well that he had no other choice, really, than to accept his position in the federation if he ever wanted to be free.

But he knew they were always listening. He won't ever be able to actually open completely up even if he wanted to. He'd get himself and his family killed.

He couldn't do that. He had to protect them.

But even while knowing all of that, he still couldn't stop more tears from wetting his checks again and he also couldn't stop it when another sob escaped him.

Cellbit was shocked. Never in his life would he have thought he'd hear Foolish say such words. And it made his guts churn painfully for his father-in-law.

"Foolish. Listen to me. You are family to me. You maybe made some questionable choices that I wouldn't agree with but that does not change the fact that you still are my friend, my family, my father-in-law.

You joining the federation won't change any of that."

Foolish was confused.

He didn't get it.

He thought Cellbit was for sure done with him, never to be associated with Foolish again. Let alone consider him family.

He didn't feel like he deserved Cellbits kindness, his help nor his comfort, even though every fiber in his body was screaming at him to just fall in Cellbits arms and get the comfort he so desperately needed, has needed for months now.

He shakes his head another sob wrecking through his body.

"How- no- but I don't understand- you shouldn't- I don't deserve this- I don't deserve your kindness."

Foolish knew he was being self-destructive, he knew it but at the idea of someone actually being there for him, seeing him like this and still wanting to comfort him?

He doesn't remember the last time anyone has done something like that for him.

Self-Isolation and self-destructive behavior has always been his go to when he was having bad and stressful days. It was familiar.

Comfort wasn't.

He felt so... broken.

His body was still hurting, his chest felt like he just ran a marathon, his limbs felt tingly from the lack of oxygen and the scratches that have stopped bleeding by now still burned a lot.

He didn't even remember when they started bleeding, he just figured the golden liquid on his own fingers and on Cellbits hands, after he let Foolishes hands go again, was pretty self-explanatory.

Cellbit studied Foolish.

He saw the man was hurting. And now that he took a much closer look at him than he normally would, he saw it oh so clearly.

He was hurting so much on the inside. How had he never noticed it before?

And it almost bought him to tears to see someone he actually did care so much for be in so much pain.

Just suffering on the inside while always putting on his mask of the 'happy-silly-chaotic-Foolish' on a daily basis, thinking he didn't deserve love and kindness.

How many times when everyone thought Foolish was happy or just being silly has he actually been suffering without telling anyone?

How much of it all has just been an act?

After a few more seconds of silence, the only noise being Foolishes occasionally sobs and still shaky breathing, and looking into each others eyes, Cellbit decided that talking alone certainly wouldn't do it.

So he leaned forward and pressed Foolishes head to his chest while wrapping his arms protectively around his trembling body.

"You deserve all the kindness in the world Foolish.

Every single of us has made mistakes, including me. You don't deserve to be excluded, hurt and abused by others just because you're patient instead of hitting back.

I know the others and even me sometimes have had a habit of taking advantage of that, while not thinking about the consequences it could bring.

I'm really sorry for that. I'm so sorry that you have had to suffer alone for so long and I'm so incredibly sorry that I didn't notice sooner.

You deserve people around you that are there for you, that shower you with kindness, people that love and support you instead of pushing you away or putting you down.

I'm so sorry I haven't been that person to you."

Such kind words, Foolish couldn't have dreamed of having anyone say something like that to him. Words that sounded so so gentle yet so incredibly honest. He couldn't find a single lie in them even after trying to.

Not even five seconds later and he's a sobbing mess in Cellbits arms, now also holding onto him for dear life.

Those were the words he didn't know he so desperately needed all this time. Not once has anyone ever genuinely apologized to him, no one besides Jaiden, even though she never had anything to be sorry for.

In all his time of being the islands punching bag has anyone ever apologized. So this was a new one.

Which was also the reason why he finally let himself fall completely, letting his fall be softened by Cellbits comfort and deep inside of him he knew exactly that Cellbit would not leave him.

Right now he was just there for him.

And Foolish was so so glad to finally have this.

"I'm sorry- I-I'm sorry, I never meant to betray anyone I- I just- I don't have a choice- I-" He cut himself off again, sobs making it harder for him to talk. But still, those whispers were only for Cellbit to hear.

Cellbits eyes widened upon hearing that and a deeper frown settled on his face, while his hand on Foolishes shoulder blades, which had been rubbing comforting circles on his back, stilled for a second before continuing the same motions as before.

What exactly did Foolish mean he didn't mean to do any of what has happened? What did he mean by he didn't have a choice?

Cellbit wasn't stupid, he was a smart guy. He knew he couldn't talk to Foolish about this in here so he just let it be for now.

He already knew where he'd take Foolish after he's a bit better. They could talk about it there.

For now he continued to rub circles over Foolishes tense back, shaking shoulders and neck while rocking them ever so slightly back and forth.

He didn't know how long they just sat there, no one uttering a lot of words besides Cellbits occasional "It's okay" "I'm here" or Foolishes "I'm sorry"s.

Foolish has finally calmed down, even more so than before his second breakdown.

He wasn't shaking anymore, his breathing evened out and he was just really exhausted. By everything.

When Cellbit noticed that Foolish has calmed down he gently pushed him slightly away from his chest to look him in the eyes.

"Hey there" A gentle smile.

"Hey" An exhaust but genuine chuckle.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" Another smile.

"Please" A slight grin.

Both get their warp stones out and after Cellbits "Let's go to my castle" both were quickly gone with only a bit of purple particle smoke being left where the two just sat.