To answer this question, I gave a survey to a thousand high school and college girls. Two of the four questions I asked were "What do you want in a man?" and "If you wanted guys to know one thing, what would it be?"

Here's what they said:

The quality they most wanted in a man was that he be faithful and honest. In a close second, they wanted him to be respectful. Other common responses were that the man be loving, caring, pure, and close to God. Together, these six virtues accounted for about 90 percent of the votes. Attractiveness, athletic ability, and wealth were not the first concerns.

When asked about the one thing they wanted men to know, some of the ladies offered pearls of wisdom such as "Don't be stupid" and "Never say, 'She looks fat in that dress.'" Fortunately, most of the girls gave more substantial answers about what they like guys to know.

Some suggested, "Take a chance," when it comes to relationships, or "Be the person you want to marry." A large number of young women said, "Be yourself, and don't let your friends pressure you into becoming anyone else." Some said, "Love God more than me."

Other girls expressed their hurts and insecurities. They wanted guys to know "We're fragile," "Never hurt me," or "If I could take back one night, I would." These answers conveyed a sense that many girls had been manipulated and used and few had been guarded in love or pursued with sincerity. Many seemed to doubt that they're worth fighting for.

Purity was a common theme in 20 percent of the responses, with girls saying things like "Never pressure a girl," "It's more hot to wait until you're married," and "I am waiting for you, and when I find you some day I'll give you all of myself because I've saved myself for you. I love you wherever you are and whoever you are!" One girl addressed purity of speech, saying, "Don't say perverted things to girls. It's degrading and scary." Another girl said, "If you're trying to be pure and you see a girl dressed modestly, tell her you appreciate her modesty."

But the top response by a landslide—representing 429 of 1,000 answers—was that the girls wanted a man to know how to treat her like a lady. They expressed the hope that guys would respect women and not use them, and "Love me for who I am, not just my body." The girls also asked not to be treated like "one of the guys." In the words of one girl, "All that girls want is a gentleman." By gentleman she did not mean a sweet and thoughtful boy but rather a man who knows how to honor a woman properly.

Knowing this, it's reasonable to ask why girls date jerks if they really want gentlemen. Or why they dress like they want their bodies to get all the attention if they really want guys to be interested in their personalities.

One young woman answered these objections best when she wrote, "Some of us don't know how we should be treated." Sometimes girls are willing to forget their dignity and their deepest longings for the sake of feeling desirable to a man. In a similar way, we may forget our desire to be gentlemen for the sake of receiving pleasure.