Not mine

"And, Mr Garry said I wasn't working as hard as some of the other students! That's so not true!" Said Paige.

Emily and Paige were on their way to the courtyard to meet up with Hanna, Spencer and Aria. Well, Paige was dropping Emily off then heading to the guidance councilor.

Emily wasn't really paying attention to what her girlfriend was saying, she was thinking. Weren't you supposed to be over the moon, extremely happy to be with your significant other? That's how she used to feel with Maya... With Paige, it wasn't a bad feeling necessarily, she just felt numb; like how you feel in a routine.

Emily used to be so in love with Paige, at least she thought she was, but now she just feels like she's lying, to herself and to Paige.

So yes, she was ignoring her girlfriend, and she felt bad for it. After all, Emily was the "nice one".

"... don't you agree, Em?" Paige asked.

Great, thought Emily, I have no idea what I'm agreeing to but, "Yeah, totally," and now, she's lying even more.

Paige laughed softly, "What's wrong?"

"What are you talking about?" Wondered Emily, although she knew what her girlfriend meant.

Paige smiled, and wrapped an arm around Emily's shoulders, "You've been deep in thought for a while, what are you thinking about?"

Emily shrugged, "I have the swim meet tomorrow... I'm a little nervous," more lying, Em.

By now, they'd reached the courtyard and they saw the three girls they're meeting waving at them.

Paige turned Emily to face her, "Em, you're an amazing swimmer, you'll do fine. No need to worry."

Surprisingly, that didn't help soothe Emily at all. If anything, it made her feel so guilty, she couldn't take it, so she pulled Paige close to her, and kissed her.

Spencer was watching the two girls talking and she saw Emily look nervous, worried and guilty.

Then she saw them kiss. Spencer could safely say she'd never, ever felt as much pain as she felt when she saw Emily and Paige kissing.

And if Spencer was actually honest with herself, she'd admit to being in love with Emily. But alas, Spencer was currently lying to everybody, herself included. And Spencer was jealous. If you knew Spencer, even if only a little, you'd know that Jealous Spencer was a bad, bad thing. She'd say and do things that she would later regret.

Emily finally detached herself from Paige, said a quick goodbye and headed to her friend's table.

"Hey," she said, sitting down.

Hanna and Aria greeted her back, with a "Hi," but Spencer remained silent, barely looking up at her.

Emily was confused, "Spence?" She asked kindly.

Spencer sighed, but didn't reply.

"Spence? You okay?" Emily persisted.

Spencer finally looked up, anger evident on her face, "No, Emily, I'm not okay. Not that it's any of your business anyway."

"What..." Emily started, but she didn't get her question out, Spencer had stood up and muttered an "Excuse me" and left. Leaving the three girls beyond confused.

Emily turned to Hanna and Aria, "What did I do?"

Unfortunately, her friends knew about as much as she did. "You did nothing wrong, Em..." Aria said.

"I just asked if she was okay..." Emily said, more to herself than the other two.

Hanna nodded, "It's probably her time of the month," she shrugged.

"Hanna!" Aria exclaimed, then sighed and said to Emily, "She's probably worried about a test or something, don't worry," Aria smiled reassuringly at her friend.

Emily tried to smile back, "I hope so."

___________________________

Spencer was home alone that day, after school. And she was beating herself up for losing it at lunch. But mostly, she was angry. She was angry at Emily, at Paige and at herself.

It wasn't Emily's fault Spencer was too much of a coward to admit her feelings for her best friend. It wasn't Emily's fault that she probably doesn't feel the same for Spencer as Spencer feels for her. It wasn't Emily's fault that she was so nice that she forgave the girl who tried to drown her. It wasn't Emily's fault that Spencer couldn't hide her feelings well. It wasn't.

Spencer was done lying to herself, she was ready to finally come out and say "I'm in love with Emily Fields!"

.... Well, she was coming out and saying that privately, to herself.

Spencer was sitting on her bed, feeling sorry for herself when she heard the doorbell ring. So, she got up and went to answer it, even though she was contemplating letting whoever was outside think the house was empty.

But, she answered and sighed when she saw Aria.

She left the door open and headed back upstairs, knowing Aria was going to follow her.

Aria closed the door, shook her head and followed the girl to her bedroom.

Spencer was lying in bed, looking miserable.

Aria smiled softly and laid down next to her friend, "So."

"So," repeated Spencer.

"What happened today?" Asked Aria.

Spencer shrugged, "I was angry and took it out on Em."

Aria chuckled, "Right. I'm so gonna believe that."

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to judge and not to tell," Spencer said and turned to her side.

Aria copied her best friend and looked her in the eye before saying, "I promise."

Spencer closed her eyes and sighed, "I love Emily."

Aria was quiet for a while, "You're in love with Emily," then she smiled, "And that makes you angry because...?"

Spencer opened her eyes and exclaimed, "Because it's very much one sided!"

Spencer got up off the bed, and started pacing, "Aria, I saw Emily and Paige kissing today and... I snapped."

Aria stayed silent, knowing her friend needed to get a lot off her chest.

"I didn't plan on falling for her, god that sounds cliche, but I didn't! And I tried to stop myself from falling, but it's Emily!" Spencer threw her hands in the air, "It's near impossible for anyone not to fall in love with her! She's incredible!"

Aria smiled so big, she was so happy for her friends, but then she thought about it, and what if Emily didn't feel the same? Spencer would be devastated!

".... and she agreed! And then she goes and forgives that psycho! She tried to drown her, Aria!"

Knowing her friend was nearing hysterics, Aria spoke up, "Spence!"

Spencer stopped her pacing and ranting and looked at her friend, "What do I do?"

Smiling sadly, Aria patted the spot next to her, "Sit down," and waited 'till her friend did as told, "I love you, and I don't feel any differently now that you're in love with Emily," Spencer smiled a little.

"And as for Emily not feeling the same.. Spence, there's always that chance that your romantic interest might reject you, but you know, if you did confess to Em, and she did reject you, she's not rejecting you as a friend, you'll always be best friends. I can't guarantee that Em'll want to be with you in that sense, but you'll never lose her," Aria smiled, seeing Spencer watching and listening intently, "that's what you're afraid of, isn't it? Losing her?"

Spencer nodded, "Yeah... But I still can't tell her," she was shaking her head.

Aria shrugged, "It's not up to me, but if it were, I'd tell her."

Spencer sighs and drops back on her bed, Aria following, "I hate this..."

They didn't say anything for a long while, each lost in thoughts that were interrupted when Spencer's phone rang.

Spencer reached for her phone and groaned when she saw who was calling her.

Aria was confused and intrigued when Spencer ignored the call, "Who was it?"

"Emily," Spencer sighed the name more than said it, "She's been calling all day since lunch."

Aria frowned, "Why are you ignoring her?"

Spencer looked at her friend with a raised eyebrow, "Because I'm not ready to talk to her."

"Why not?" asked Aria, "She's most likely blaming herself for your little outburst!"

Spencer's phone rang again, "But what am I supposed to tell her?"

"Lie if you have to, just don't ignore her!"

Sighing, Spencer took the call, "Hey, Em," she stood up, glaring at Aria.

"Everything's fine..." Spencer was feeling guilty, "No, school has me stressed, I'm sorry I took it out on you today.."

Spencer suddenly froze and looked at Aria pleadingly, "What? When?"

Aria sat up quickly, worried. She mouthed "What?"

"Right.. Can you wait a sec, Em?" Spencer asked, then took the phone off her ear.

"Aria, this is all your fault!"

Aria's eyes widened, "What did I do?"

"Emily wants me to go to dinner with her and Paige, because she feels we need to 'get to know each other better'" Spencer said the last part sarcasticly, "It's your fault, you told me to take the call!" She was whisper-shouting.

"Oh..." Aria said.

Spencer kept glaring at her, "Yeah."

Clearing her throat, Spencer got back on the phone, "Em... I don't think it's a good idea, you should be alone with your girlfriend.... Fine. Yeah. Tomorrow. Bye," Spencer calmly placed her phone on her desk and sat down next to Aria.

Aria was staring at her for a few seconds before she asked, "So? What happened?"

"She said 'please'."

Aria smiled, amused because Spencer was so obviously whipped, "And?"

Spencer looked at her, "You're going with me."

"What? Why?"

"Because you got me into this mess!" Spencer said, "I'm telling you to go with me, I'm not even asking."

Aria nodded, "Okay..."

___________________________

The next day at school, Hanna hears about the dinner, and demands to go. Of course, Spencer was more than happy to agree, and so was Emily.

Emily was just excited her friends and her girlfriend were finally spending time together.

And Spencer just wanted as many people to distract the "happy couple" as she could get.

___________________________

Hanna, Aria, Spencer, Emily and Paige are all sitting in a restaurant chosen by Paige. Emily's actually happy, but not because she's out with her girlfriend; she's happy because her three best friends are there. Paige never did like Emily's friends, but she was trying to be friendly. Hanna had always been with Spencer on the fact that Paige is psychotic, so she was starting to feel stupid for coming. Aria was trying to stop Paige and Emily from being couply, which was angering Spencer, and distracting Spencer. Spencer herself was fed up with the couple, it was torture for her being there.

"Excuse me for a sec, I need to go to the bathroom," Spencer said, getting up and heading to the bathroom where she tried to calm herself down. It wasn't working.

After seeing her best friend leave the table, Aria excused herself and followed her. She was glad she'd done so, seeing Spencer leaning forward on one of the sinks, with her eyes closed.

"Spence...." Aria sighed out the name, and rushed over to hug Spencer.

"I'm really trying, Aria..." Whispered Spencer, "I'm trying really hard..."

Nodding, Aria said, "I know you are, I know, it's okay."

___________________________

Hanna wasn't an idiot, no matter what anyone thought. And she knew her friends like nobody else. So when Spencer had lashed out at Emily, she got a feeling, a hunch. And her opportunity to see if she was right presented herself in the form of Aria telling her about the dinner they were going to. So, of course she wanted to go. And she was proven right when Spencer left to go to the bathroom and Aria followed.

And what else was she supposed to do other than follow the two, burst into the bathroom, and yell out, "You like Emily! Oh my god!"

___________________________

Aria and Spencer sprung apart, shushing Hanna and closing the door.

"Shut up, Hanna!" Spencer said, "Do you want Em to hear you? God!"

Hanna glared at her, but lowered her voice before asking, "So I'm right!"

"Yes, Han..." Spencer said, running her hands through her hair, "But I don't want Em to know!"

"Yeah, I'm not stupid, I won't tell her," Hanna rolled her eyes, "Besides, I never liked that crazy bitch anyway."

"Hanna!" exclaims Aria.

Hanna throws her hands in the air, "What? She tried to drown Em, and now she's stealing Em from one of my best friends!"

Spencer smiled and hugged Hanna, "Thank you!"

Hanna hugged her back, biting back a smile, "For calling Paige a crazy bitch?"

"No," Spencer chuckled, "For being my friend, for not saying I should feel differently because she's my friend and because she has a girlfriend..."

"Of course," Hanna broke the hug, crossing her arms, "Aria knew before me?"

Aria laughed, "Only because I asked her when she was hysterical."

Spencer shook her head, "Come on, we've been gone a while, let's get back out there."

"All at the same time?" Asked Hanna.

"No, I'll go first, Aria five minutes after me, then you, Han," Spencer stopped when she reached the door, "And, Han? Don't do anything."

Hanna put on her best innocent face, "Like what?"

Spencer wasn't looking impressed, "Like make Paige or Emily uncomfortable, okay?"

"You're no fun," said Hanna, "Okay..."

And with that, the girls got back to their table. One by one.

But, apparently, the more that knew about Spencer's feelings, the more awkward their dinner was.

Emily tried to engage, "Spence, what's been stressing you about school?"

"Oh, you know... Exams... I have two quizzes this week...."

Emily smiles and answers Aria's question about swimming. While Spencer was trying to silently, with her eyes, tell Hanna to stop glaring at Paige.

"Han, what is wrong with you?" Spencer whispers to Hanna.

Hanna whispers back, "She's ruining my best friend's lives!"

When Spencer heard the barely uttered whisper, she leaned back and hid a smile. She was wondering what she did to deserve friends like these.

The dinner went as smoothly as possible, with Hanna covertly glaring and Aria trying to start conversations.

And after the girls walked out of the restraunt, they were saying their goodbyes when Hanna spoke, "Hey, Spence, is it okay if Aria and I sleep over tonight?"

Emily took her hand out of Paige's and listened.

Aria nodded, "Yeah, that'd be great. What do you think Spence?"

Spencer shrugged, "That'd be amazing actually; my parents and Melissa are away for the weekend and I don't really want to be alone."

Paige glanced at her girlfriend before suggesting, "Em, you wanna go sleep at Spencer's?"

"No," Emily started, even though she very much wanted to, "We agreed to have the weekend to ourselves."

Paige smiled, "If you're sure..?"

"I am." Emily said before hugging the other three girls and getting in the car with Paige.

Hanna rolled her eyes, watching the car drive off, "Let's go."

The weekend was spent with Emily convincing herself she was happy, Paige trying to pretend not to notice her girlfriend's behavior, and Aria, Spencer and Hanna spent their weekend laughing at Hanna badmouthing Paige. Though if you asked them, Aria and Spencer tried to tell Hanna to stop.

___________________________

School the next day was quite an experience for our girls. Emily and Paige kept feeling weird because the other three were always so awkward around them. Hanna would either be glaring at Paige or sighing loudly and rolling her eyes. Aria was, like always, playing peacemaker. While Spencer counted away the seconds until the "happy couple" left.

Spencer never thought she'd ever be relieved to be away from Emily, the love of her life, but she couldn't handle seeing Emily and Paige together.

The five were currently standing in front of Hanna's locker. Discussing nothing in particular and to Spencer, it was the most awkward conversation ever.

Paige looked at her watch, "Dammit! I'm late!" she then turned to Emily, and Hanna, Aria and Spencer could swear the scene happened in slow motion; Emily and Paige moved closer to each other and moved in to kiss, when Hanna all but screamed, "Em!"

Emily and Paige jumped, "What?" asked a worried looking Emily.

"Um..." Hanna looked at Spencer and Aria, silently asking for assistance, which wasn't granted, "Do you have swim practice today..?"

Aria muttered an "Excuse me, class," and ran off, trying to hold in her laughter.

Spencer, knowing that Hanna only wanted to stop the couple from kissing, was red, extremely so. And, like at the horrible dinner, she was grateful for her amazing friends. But that didn't stop her from feeling embarrassment and the need to laugh. She really loved Hanna.

Paige was angry at Hanna, but she hid it well. While Emily frowned, confused, and a little worried, "No, it's Monday, Han, you know I don't have swim practice at Monday..." she took Hanna's hand, "Are you okay?"

Spencer couldn't take it any longer, either she leaves or she bursts out laughing.

So she grabbed Hanna's other hand, and said, "Hey, Han, we should go start on that project..."

Emily's eyes moved from one girl to the other.

"Wh.. Oh! Yeah, totally. Let's go," Hanna took her hand from Emily's and let Spencer drag her away.

Emily was getting scared. Her friends were pushing her away. She started feeling like she was losing her best friends.

Paige was just angry, so she shook her head and said a quick goodbye before leaving.

___________________________

Emily knew that on Mondays, Spencer has field hockey practice, and would be the last to leave the locker-room. So she made up her mind, and headed there, planning on asking Spencer to tell her what the hell was going on.

Entering the empty locker room, Emily take a deep breath, glad that it's empty apart from Spencer and her, and very nervous. She was just hoping the girls weren't excluding her on purpose.

Spotting Spencer at her gym locker, Emily bit her lip and went over.

"Hey, Spence."

Spencer jumped, "Emily! God, you scared me!"

Emily chuckled nervously, "Sorry, didn't mean to..."

Spencer was anxious, why was Emily there, "What are you doing here? I thought you didn't have practice, shouldn't you be home by now?"

Nodding, Emily moved closer, "Yeah, but I needed to talk to you."

Spencer waved her on, "Okay...?"

Taking a deep breath, Emily just asked her, "Why have you guys been weird lately?"

"What do you mean?" Spencer was playing dumb, "We haven't been weird..."

Emily sighed, "Yes, you have, and you know it! First with you at lunch last week, and then you ignore me, and I know you didn't have any quizzes last week," Emily just wanted to get it all out, "And then at dinner, at the restaurant where the three of you suddenly needed the bathroom, and when you came back you were all acting..." Emily seemed frustrated, "weird! And then Hanna was glaring at Paige, and today when she..."

"I'm in love with you." Spencer said.

Emily froze, "What?"

"I'm in love with you. Hanna and Aria know and that's why we've been acting weird lately," Spencer repeated calmly. At least, on the outside, on the inside, she was panicking.

Emily was standing there, shocked, eyes wide and silent.

"Em...?"

Emily finally looked at Spencer, "I need to think," and with that, she walked out of the locker room.

To put it simply, Spencer broke down. She didn't cry, she didn't scream, no, she just sat down, took out her phone and called Hanna and Aria. She called them and said, "I need you. I'm going home right now."

And Hanna and Aria were scared; Spencer sounded so monotone, almost robotic, numb. And they drove as fast as they could to the Hastings' home where their best friend needed them.

___________________________

The three were sitting in the Hastings' living room. Spencer had just told them what had happened.

"And she just left?" asked Hanna for the fifth time in ten minutes.

Aria glared at her and moved to sit next to Spencer, "It's okay, Spence, she said she needed time to think, she didn't say she didn't feel the same."

Hanna rolled her eyes at Aria's glaring, but still smiled sadly at Spencer, "Yeah, Spence, it's Em! She's not one to do something without thinking it through, you know her!"

"I guess," Spencer said.

Aria glanced at Hanna and was surprised when she saw the anger in the blonde's eyes, "Han?"

Hanna hummed, letting her know she had her attention.

"You okay?" Aria was worried, Hanna looked really angry.

Hanna hummed again, "Yeah, fine."

Spencer finally stood up, smiled at the girls and said, "We have school tomorrow, go home. I'll be fine."

Aria stood reluctantly, "You sure?"

"Yeah, it's not necessary for all three of us to be tired tomorrow, just go."

Hanna didn't argue, she just hugged Spencer, told her to call if she needed anything and left.

Aria was confused at the blonde's behavior, but she still hugged Spencer and left.

___________________________

Hanna got home, still angry, and practically ran up the stairs to her room. Throwing the door open.

Emily was sitting on her bed, staring into space.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Hanna said angrily.

Emily jumped slightly, "What..?"

Hanna rolled her eyes, "Oh, please! Don't give me the ignorant act!"

Emily swallowed harshly, extremely hurt, "Han..."

Hanna wouldn't have it, "No, Em, just stop," she glared at her, "You broke Spencer. And I don't mean just her heart, she was so broken. How could you?"

Emily blinked back tears, "I..."

"You, what? Speak up Em!"

Emily closed her eyes and whispered, "I love her, I'm in love with her," then the tears she'd been holding started flowing.

Hanna was shocked, "You love her?" Emily nodded, "Then why didn't you tell her?"

Emily wiped her tears, but new ones followed, "After Alison... I promised myself to never, ever, even remotely like a friend like that. I couldn't bear to be hurt again,"

Hanna sat down next to Emily and let her continue, "But Spencer is so hard not to love, you know? And I tried to pretend that I was in love with Paige not Spencer, but it wasn't working," she swallowed, "and then you guys started drifting away, and... Spence told me she was in love with me and I don't..." she looked at the blonde next to her, "I don't want to be hurt, Hanna, I can't..."

Hanna sighed before holding one of her best friends close to her, whispering, "Spencer is nothing like Alison."
___________________________

School the next day was gloomy for the girls. And Spencer didn't want to face Emily or Paige. She shouldn't have worried, because neither girl showed up for school.

Hanna, Aria and Spencer were standing at their lockers. When Aria broke the silence, "Spence, it probably has nothing to do with you..."

Spencer chuckled dryly, "Yeah, I tell a girl I'm in love with her, and the next day she and her girlfriend don't show up, it has nothing to do with me, sure," she shook her head, "I gotta go."

Hanna and Aria were left standing together.

"Ar, do you think, is there any chance that they actually will stop being friends?"

Aria took Hanna's hand in her own, "No, I don't. And even if they did, they're still our friends, okay? We're going to be just fine."*

Hanna smiled and hugged her friend.

___________________________

That night, Spencer was sitting at the kitchen table, attempting to do homework, it always helped distract her. When she heard a knock.

So she got up to open the door, expecting it to be Hanna or Aria checking up on her. But it wasn't. She was shocked to see Emily standing in front of her.

"Em," That was all she could get out.

Emily smiled, "Can I come in?"

Not saying anything, Spencer moved out of the way to let her in.

Emily stood near where Spencer sat before, "We need to talk," after saying that, she felt stupid; those are the most horrible words ever.

Spencer nodded, "Do you want to sit down?"

Shaking her head, Emily said, "It's easier for me to say this standing up..."

"Okay... Why weren't you at school today?" asked Spencer.

"I had to talk to Paige," Emily simply said.

Spencer let out a shaky breath, "And?"

Emily smiled, "And we broke up."

"Was it because of what I said? Because I didn't..." Spencer started but was cut off.

"It was because of you, but not because Paige couldn't take it," Emily said, "I broke up with Paige, because, you see, I don't think it's very smart to date someone when you're in love with someone else, don't you agree?"

Spencer felt hope envelop her, "Totally. Who are you in love with?"

Smiling, Emily winked, "Guess."

"Hanna?"

Biting her lip to stop herself from laughing, "No."

"Aria?" Spencer was grinning.

"Nope,"

"Melissa?"

Emily chuckled, before rolling her eyes, "Close, but it's the wrong Hastings,"

Spencer feigned shock, "Jason? I thought you liked girls!"

Emily laughed before pulling Spencer to her and wrapping her arms around her neck, "Wrong again," then she kissed her.

Pulling back, Emily sighed, "I'm sorry I hurt you,"

Spencer shook her head, "It's okay, you're already making up for it."