Chapter Eight

There was a loud bang and a wave of power. Heat. Then I was flying, soaring, experiencing air like I never had before. I didn't hate it. Not until the pain came.

And it did. Lots of pain. My head. My body. My soul. For a second I thought I was being torn apart. Then I landed and it all stopped.

I could do nothing more than lay still, trying to assess me. But I was an exhaled breath, unaware of myself.

After a few seconds, I tried to get up but nothing was working. I was bogged down by sensations and something heavy was on top of me, hard and not human. Everything was in slow motion and I couldn't hear. It was all buzzing, like a swarm of bees but worse.

I managed to turn my head to make sure Aidan and Sebastis were ok. They were behind the desk, safe, but both had crazy eyes, panicked. Aidan was mouthing my name. Over and over. Was he screaming?

I blinked.

My brother was trying to hold Aidan back but he got free and scrambled over. He shoved whatever was on top of me off, the mouthing of my name continuing. Then the pain came back as he rolled me over to gather me against his chest. There was something there, in his eyes, something more than concern. But I didn't—

He was looking away from me now, calling for my brother if I read his lips right. I couldn't go to the hospital. The last time I did, the doc tried to admit me for further testing because my blood tests came back irregular.

I blinked again, trying to make everything stop being so hazy. My brother's face entered my vision, right next to Aidan's. All I needed now was for Luke and Michael to show up and I'd be all set.

All of that washed away when I remembered what I was here for. Make sure Aidan was safe. I opened my mouth to say something but ended up choking on a mouth full of blood. Where had that come from? It spilled out, clearing my throat so I could talk.

"Ba—Bast. Get him out of here and back to—Sword & Arrow," I managed to say, or at least that's what I thought I said.

My brother's eyes were clouded with panic but after I gave him a mission, determination replaced it. He stood up and tugged on Aidan's arm. Aidan batted him away and yelled at him, the noise still not coming to me. He told my brother he wasn't leaving me.

My brother told him he was the only thing that mattered, that I knew that. That this was what I wanted.

All the noise came surging back, all the noises I'd missed flooded my ears. I sucked in a breath and blinked several times, trying to clear my vision. Everything hurt and my hands were shaking uncontrollably.

"Fuck what she wants! I'm not leaving her."

Sebastis grabbed Aidan's arm but Aidan managed to get out of his grap again.

"I don't want to leave her either but moving her could prove hazardous. You are the only thing that matters. She knows that. She'll be fine as long as you're safe."

Aidan stared down at me, uncertainty, frustration, and worry clouding his eyes. That flicker came back, the emotion I never thought I'd see again, at least not in his eyes...

"No. I leave, she leaves. She stays, so do I."

"Ai—Aidan," I stuttered out. "Go."

He's eyes grew wide for a moment then he shook his head. "I'm not leaving you again."

"Fine," my brother said, making a decision. "Help me with her."

My brother tried to pick me up off the floor but Aidan batted him away. He had the strength to lift a car, my weight was nothing compared to that. When he stood, I went with him. Oh that hurt, I tried to hide the wince but they both caught it.

"Get her cell," Aidan said. "Hit redial. The last number she called was the office."

Aidan carried me out of the room, while Sebastis followed, talking rapidly into the phone. They had to take the stairs since the elevators were shut down. Thank god they both had stamina for this type of thing.

"A medical team is on the way, along with security teams. They wanted us to wait, not move her, but I told them it wasn't an option. We're to wait outside with her."

Aidan kept descending and I couldn't focus on anything else. He was as beautiful as I remembered, his face the picture of perfection. A work of art brought to life. His blond hair had a glow from the lights.

I had to have hit my head hard.

We saw daylight and I winced as a headache roared to life in the back of my skull. Several cars pulled up and squeal to a stop.

"What happened?" a familiar voice called.

"There was a bomb in my private bathroom," Aidan said.

I was transferred to a new person and I smiled when I saw who it was, or rather when I felt him.

"Greg," I murmured.

My eyes were trying so hard to close, the dark trying with all its might to pull me under. Gregori was doing his best not to show how he was feeling but I could see it. Always could. I couldn't hide from him just like he couldn't hide from me.

"Stay awake," he commanded. "Don't you pass out on me now."

As he carried me away, I lost track of Aidan.

"Hanover. Where's Hanover?" I said, as he placed me down on the gurney. "And my brother. Where's Sebastis?"

"They're talking to Jesse not three feet from you. He's fine, they're both fine," Gregori assured me. He looked over his shoulder. "Get them back to base," he barked at someone.

My brother protested, stating he was staying with me. I looked over at him, fighting the guy who was trying to check my pupil dilation.

"Bast. Keep him safe," I croaked.

My brother looked like he was about to protest but the meaning of my words sunk in. He was the only one I trusted to take care of Aidan. The only one I knew wasn't involved in this whole mess. When he nodded, I reached out and gave him my keys.

"Take him to my room and don't leave until you hear from me," I instructed, clinging to stay awake. "Lock the door."

"Ana." Aidan entered my field of vision and yet again I was struck by how very much the same he was. My mind was hazy and I needed to clear it before I lost control of other things, like the bond. Having Michael in my head at this moment would not be helpful— "Ana?"

"Whoever planted the bomb could still be here, looking to get at you during the chaos," Gregori reasoned, when I didn't respond to whatever Aidan said while I was tuned out. "If you want to do something for her, go with Sebastis and stay put. Her job is to protect you. Let her do it."

Aidan glared at him. Before he could get out a rebuttal, I heard a distant pop, like Fourth of July pop-its. I rolled off the gurney and pulled Aidan down with me. The bullet ricocheted off the car behind us and people started screaming, running around.

Where was my brother? I looked around and spotted him crouched a few feet away behind a car. He was fine, maybe more excitement than he was counting on during this visit. Aidan, on the other hand, was trying to do nothing more than breathe. There were more popping noises, one ricocheted off the gurney while another embedded in the asphalt on our left. Gregori flipped the gurney, creating a path to me.

"You alright?"

I nodded and hissed, "Where's it coming from?"

"Roof top, three o'clock."

Aidan tried to get up and look but I pushed him back down. I met his brown eyes and glared. "Don't move."

I looked up at my brother who was contemplating making a run for it by the look on his face.

"Don't move, Bast!" I called. "You're fine where you are."

He nodded and got resituated.

"We have to get Hanover out of here," Gregori said. "Where'd you park?"

"Under the building. Can't get there from here without taking fire."

I grabbed the radio Gregori had clipped to his belt. I barked orders to whoever was listening to get up to the roof. They were already ahead of me.

"Almost there," someone sent back. "Approaching roof top door."

I looked down at Aidan who was still watching me, that emotion I never thought I'd see again gleaming up at me.

"Breaching door." I heard a bang and then shouting. "It's a machine," he said.

"What?" I sent back.

"It's a computerized machine. It's set to his body signature."

And because Aidan was a vampire, his signature would be different from everyone else's.

"Turn it off," I ordered no too gently.

There was yelling for the tech and several minutes went by before I got the ok. I rolled off Aidan to the flat of my back. The adrenaline high would wear off soon and I'd be feeling the explosion again. I looked over at Aidan and he looked back.

"Life with you is interesting," I huffed.

He smiled. "Glad you think so."

I dropped the radio on the ground and pressed a hand to my head. It hurt like a motherfucker.

He sat up and took stock of my injuries again. "You have a concussion I'm fairly certain."

"Wonderful."

Gregori, on my other side, helped me sit up and I leaned against him. My head was pounding so hard my vision pulsed with my heartbeat. The medic returned and assessed me again.

Concussion, check.

Damaged eardrums, despite evidence to the contrary, check.

I had extensive bruising on my torso but nothing was majorly wrong with me.

"At least nothing's broken," I said, both Gregori and Aidan helped me to my feet.

Aidan released me but Gregory was more hesitant. When I swayed, he easily caught me. Though Aidan's reflexes had him reaching for me.

"I could really use that vacation now," I muttered.

"We'll worry about that when we get back to base."

"I can't go," Aidan interrupted. "I have to stay here and make sure everything is taken care of."

My brother came over, sensing a coming pissing match.

"Someone tried to blow you up and then took shots at you. You can't stay here, Hanover. We need to go back to Sword & Arrow," I insisted.

He shook his head. "I can't leave my company in chaos."

"I'll stay with him," my brother reasoned. "Just come back when you're done."

"You're not sanctioned by the S&A," Gregori said. "And we can't leave Hanover without protection. It's in the contract."

Aidan looked from me to Gregori and back. "Ana, I can't leave yet."

"And I can't stay. I have to report in."

"Do you have to do it in person?" Aidan asked.

"No...yes...I don't know."

"We have all the latest communication systems upstairs. As long as the bomb didn't do too much damage, the tech guys can patch you through."

"Your building is on lockdown," Gregori answered for me. "They won't let you in even if you are the owner."

"Then we compromise. Let's get the building clear, check for any more explosives. Our medical team can look over the injured. Those who are critical can be shipped to the nearest Otherworld clinic. We'll head to your house where I can use your new fangled technology to report in. Then I can have a stiff drink..."

"You shouldn't drink while you have a concussion," Sebastis interrupted.

I gave him a bitch face. "I could give a shit about a fucking concussion, Bast."

My brother's eyes got wide. Gregori put a hand on my shoulder. "Geo, not here."

I turned and looked at him, my mood swinging from being reasonable to bitch explode. "Why is everyone telling me what to do? You're supposed to do what I say. I'm the fucking SC!" I swung back to my brother. "Don't fucking question me."

I marched off to the underground garage. No one followed me, thank god. I knew what was coming and despite my anger, I didn't want anyone to see this.

When I got to the Pilot I dug in my pocket for the keys.

"Shit!" I said. "God fucking shit!"

I'd given my keys to Sebastis and at this point it was getting harder to maintain a grip on my mood. I leaned against the Pilot and closed my eyes, trying to find a center, a bright spot in this whole fucking mess. If I could manage that before someone came along, everything would be—

"Gee?"

No, no, no. Why was he here?

"What?" I said as calmly as possible. There was an edge to it, however, and it was mirrored in my body as I pulled tight as a wire.

"Keys?" he joked.

I knew what he was doing. We used to rib each other, annoy the other when they were irritated. But I wasn't the sister he knew anymore. I wasn't that girl.

I took them and withdrew a few steps. I didn't want to stand too close to him if my mood decided to take over. Keeping this part of myself secret from my family hadn't been difficult. They knew I had some form of PTSD but they didn't know the extent.

He stood there, hands in his pockets. He watched me closely but didn't say anything.

"Thank you," I gritted out.

"No problem."

"I'm sorry about snapping. I didn't mean it."

"I know."

He wanted to say something but was afraid to. "What, Sebastis?"

"Are you seeing him?"

I knew he was going to ask that. I tilted my head back and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Why do you ask?"

"The way he looks at you. He's always—watching you."

And for a good reason. "Bast." My headache flared. "Can we talk about this later?"

"He does know, right? About everything?"

I was impatient with this conversation. I opened my eyes and glared at him. "Yes, Bast. He does. But it doesn't matter because we're not dating."

"He cares about you. I saw it."

I took a deep breath; I was approaching my breaking point.

"Bast—" I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes again.

"Wasn't he your mentor?"

And I slammed into that breaking point. My eyes snapped open and I narrowed them. Anger flared up, bright and hot.

"Why does it even matter? I'm not happy. I'm not content. I'm dying, Sebastis. My fucking days are numbered so why does it fucking matter? Why do you even give a shit? You have your perfect little life, your perfect family. I'm here, everyday, fighting. Does that even occur to you? Has that even sunk in with anyone at home? Does anyone even care?"

"I—"

"Shut. Up! You don't understand. You'll never understand. No one UNDERSTANDS!"

My brother took a step back, realizing this conversation had gone bad.

"You should go," a deep voice said from behind him.

I looked over and Gregori stood a few feet away, his breathing labored. He'd known this would happen and he was too late. My brother was about to witness my melt down.

"You—" I hissed, pointing at Gregori, "have no right—"

"Don't," he whispered. "You don't want to do this in front of him. He's—"

"He's not my brother." It was venomous and aimed to hurt. "And you. You're nothing. You mean nothing."

"Geo—"

I turned around and punched the back of the Pilot. Instead of hitting one of them. Because I really wanted to.

"Shit."

I kept punching; I heard and recognized I'd broken the back window. I recognized I cut knuckles open while doing it. But I couldn't stop. The mood was driving me forward, keeping my arms and hands in motion. Tears streamed down my face and two strong, warm arms wrapped around me from behind to pull me away from the innocent vehicle.

I fought against him, screaming and thrashing. Letting out all my grief over Mark, all the hurt of seeing both Aidan and Michael. I had to get it out. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest again and again, my veins on fire, driving me to do things I didn't want to.

It wasn't fair.

"Let me go!" I screeched.

"What's wrong with her?" my brother asked, fear lacing through his voice.

"It'll pass. But you should go," Gregori implored. "Please."

"Fucking bastards!" I screamed. "How could they do this to me?!"

Gregori slammed me against the car next to the Pilot and my brother shouted in protest. He didn't know what was going on.

"Calm down, Geo," Gregori soothed.

I kicked and thrashed, trying to get free. I got a good foot hold and pushed back. Gregori slammed into the Pilot and released me. I fell to the ground, my knees striking the concrete hard. I stayed hunched over like that, sobbing.

"Is she—?"my brother started but stopped. He should've left when Gregori told him to. My mood was shifting again and not in a good way.

Gregori ignored him and knelt next to me.

"Geo—"

"Don't touch me," I said, scrambling away. As I did, my hands wrapped around a piece of glass. His eyes went wide, knowing what was coming next.

"No!" Instead of my wrist this time I pressed it to my throat. "Don't!"

"Georgiana, what are you—?" Sebastis said.

"Go!" Gregori yelled. "Now!"

My brother tucked tail and ran. My hand gripped the glass and it sliced into my skin, my blood dripping down.

"I know you're upset," Gregori started.

"You don't know. You have—no idea," I whispered. "Mark's dead and it's my fault."

"No," he shook his head, "that's not true."

"Yes it is. It's in his eyes. He blames me. I blame me. Why not?"

"Put the glass down, come on. You don't want to do this. You've lost enough already. Let's not do this today, ok?"

Talk me down, that's what he was doing. Wasn't it exhausting for him? Why wasn't he tired of it yet? Why didn't he leave me to it? Why did he put up with it?

I moved the glass but kept it tight in my hand.

"This isn't going to work," I sobbed. "I can't be leader. Not like this."

He shook his head again. "No. Don't think like that. You'll be fine. You've been fine—"

"They need someone who's stable, not a fucking mess. I'm a mess, Gregori, and I'm going to die. Soon."

I pressed the glass to my arm.

"Geo..."

"It's not going to last. It was never supposed to last. I'm tainted. I'm doomed and they don't need someone like that. They need a true Slayer, not some mixed breed."

The glass went deeper into my palm and was about to slice into my arm when someone else spoke.

"Ana, don't."

I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look into his eyes where all I saw was the accusation of Mark's death, of him telling me I was cold, no longer warm. I didn't want to see him lying on the floor in the hotel room with a gash along his hairline. I didn't want to see the look in his eyes when he told me he settled for a cheating whore of a model. I didn't want to not see it. Clinical, precise. Straight to the point.

I slid the glass across my skin. My blood rushed to the surface and poured over, the pain running down my arm and out of my body. I was finally able to breathe.

Gregori flew into action, taking his belt off and wrapping it around my arm. He shrugged off his jacket and pulled off his shirt. He pressed it down on my arm. How many times had he done this for me now? I'd lost count.

"It's all gone," I whispered. "Empty."

"No, it's not," Gregori said as he fumbled for the radio clipped to his pants.

"There's nothing left," I mumbled. "All that's left is to wait—I'm tired of waiting."

Gregori made sure the shirt was wrapped tight before stepping away to speak into the radio. Aidan took his spot and I couldn't avoid looking at him.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "It's my fault, why Mark's dead. You can blame me now."

Aidan's fear faded into understanding and he shook his head. "I never blamed you."

"Yes you did. I saw it in your eyes. In the morgue. His blood is on my hands. Just like everyone else's."

Aidan took my hand and touched my face. "No. Ana, that's not true."

I felt drained as the mood slipped out of my body. The anxious feeling was gone and I was finally able to settle. Both on the inside and the outside. I went still where I sat propped up against the wheel of my car. I stared off at nothing, retreating inside for a few minutes to collect myself. What was left, anyway.

Gregori came back, looking me over and the makeshift bandage. The wound was taking longer to clot but that was ok. In my mind, everything was ok right now.

"How long has this been going on?" Aidan sneered.

"Don't know," Gregori said. "She had an episode the first night she was here. Destroyed her room, smashed everything that could be broken. And then she slit her wrist open."

He waved a flashlight in my eyes but I didn't respond. He started cleaning my wounds, stitching me back together. Like always. Why didn't he leave? Wasn't he tired of this? I was sad for him. Could he see that? Could he see my sadness for him? Could he see how sorry I was for putting him through this? Why didn't he leave?

"So you're saying—four years? That's how long this has been going on?"

Gregori glared at him. "It hasn't been this bad in two years. She'll be fine." He looked back at me. "Once the numb stage passes, she'll be fine. She'll be able to deal."

"She is not fine!" Aidan roared. "Look at her arms! She has at least a dozen scars that weren't there before. Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"

"You mean before or after you forced her to guard you?" Gregori accused. "Her personal business isn't your concern."

"Do her parents know?"

"Not that it's any of your business—she was dumped here for the Guild to deal with. No one knows what happens when she hits bottom. She doesn't want—this didn't start until she felt abandoned by the people she loved. That jump started it."

Aidan looked back at me, searching my face. "That's what she meant—"

I blinked and sucked in air. I was back to myself. My eye lids were heavy like I'd been dosed but I was able to focus.

"Ana—"

I glanced at him and then at Gregori. My cheeks flamed with embarrassment.

"Oh God—" I whispered. "What—"

"It's fine," Gregori interrupted. "There's no major damage."

I refused to look at Aidan and focused on him. "I broke the back window out of the brand new Pilot. And what I said to Sebastis—what I said to you—"

"The window can be fixed," he insisted. "And your brother knows you didn't mean it. I know you didn't mean it." The corner of his mouth quirked up. "You never mean it. Are you ok?"

I assessed my body, trying to decide if the mood was gone. I nodded. "I think so."

He nodded. "Ok."

He took the radio and moved away, barking orders in my stead. I looked down at my arm and the belt that was cutting off my circulation. I took the belt off and put it down next to me.

This was the worst. I never wanted anyone to see me like that. I got lucky with Gregori. He never judged or listened to a word I said when I was like that. Aidan squeezed my hand and I had to look at him. But I couldn't because I wasn't completely put back together. I couldn't put up the front yet.

"Ana."

"I'm sorry you had to see that." At least my voice was steady. "I—"

Aidan cut me off. "Why didn't you tell me?" his voice pained. "Why?"

"What was I supposed to say? After everything—you were free. I wasn't going to drag you back down. This is my problem."

He shook his head. "You should've called. I had a hand in this. To some extent, I'm at fault."

I let my head fall back. I wanted to avoid this conversation. That's why I came to the car alone. So I could deal with this—darkness without having an audience. I knew Gregori would follow me, sensing my mood when I snapped at all of them.

"There was no reason to call," I murmured. "I was alone and I needed to deal with my problems accordingly. And I did. There was nothing to be done, nothing you could do, you know that."

"Ana, I—"

Gregori cut him off by coming back.

"We need to get going. People are starting to ask questions," he said. I looked at him and nodded. "Can you walk?" he asked.

"I think so."

He helped me up, wrapping an arm around my waist. Aidan stood up too, the cold demeanor back as he watched us. I was always drained after my episodes and the best way to recharge my batteries was to take a nap. But I couldn't do that this time.

When Gregori thought I was steady, he released me. He had to appear like the understudy and the old mentor, not the boyfriend. He could be the boyfriend later.

"Try to keep it together for a few more hours," he whispered. "Then you can get smashed and pass out."

I snorted and gave him a small smile. "You're so charming."

He smiled and touched my face. The only affectionate gesture I was going to get. He grabbed his jacket and left. I looked over at Aidan and he was staring at Gregori's retreating back. When he turned back to me, there was jealousy in his eyes.

"We should go," I murmured. "If you're going to get everyone squared away before dark."

He looked me over, like he was seeing me for the first time since our reunion. He gave me a sharp nod and led the way out.