"Saying goodbye was never easy ,not when we each parted way to our own dorm , and not when he parted this life leaving me alone, this time not even getting a chance to say goodbye"
                                                               -Delilah

Delilah sat at the kitchen island, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She had barely slept in the past week, and it showed. Her eyes were rimmed with dark circles, and her skin was pale and drawn.

She had barely eaten anything, too. The sight of food made her stomach turn, and she had no appetite. All she could think about was Nathen, and how much she missed him.

Everywhere she looked, she saw him. In the empty chair across from her, in the bedroom they used to share, in the photos on the wall. It was like he was haunting her, a constant reminder of what she had lost.

Delilah picked up the glass of water on the counter and took a sip. The cool liquid felt good on her parched throat, but it didn't do anything to ease the pain in her heart.

She wondered how she was ever going to get through this. Nathen had been her whole world, and now he was gone. She felt lost and alone, adrift in a sea of grief.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Delilah groaned inwardly. She didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to deal with anyone's well-meaning condolences.

But she dragged herself to her feet and went to answer the door anyway. When she opened it, she saw that it was her friend Rachel.

"Hey," Rachel said, giving Delilah a sympathetic smile. "I just wanted to check on you. How are you doing?"

Delilah shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm not doing well," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Rachel stepped inside and hugged Delilah tightly. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. But I'm here for you, okay? Whatever you need."

Delilah felt a small glimmer of hope. Maybe she didn't have to go through this alone after all. Maybe there were people who didn't blame her who cared about her and wanted to help her.

Her mind soon drifter off else where as she heard the voice once again oh how she Wished she could bang her head a million times on the island counter till the voices disappeared into the back of her mind she was Enervated she wanted to just disappear to be buried by the love of her life .. and be side by side forever how they were meant to be ...

"Delilah?" Rachel called out her face showing how worried she was as she looked start at her
Best friend.

Delilah's eyes soon took in her surroundings once again as she realized they were still at the front door staring at each other "sorry I just zoned out" she said as she led Rachel in

"Thank you," she said, her voice breaking. "I really appreciate it that you came over I really need you right now" Delilah tried so hard not break down right then and there in her best friend's arms ..

Rachel squeezed her hand. "Let's sit down and talk," she said. "I brought your favorite coffee"

Delilah smiled weakly towards her not feeling it in her feeling like she doesn't deserve to smile not after what she had done ..not after him .

As she sat there eyeing the paper cup filed with the untouched coffee lost in her own mind not paying any mind to her friend across from her , she didn't speak anyway or did she ? Delilah didn't know all she could hear was him.. she was scared that if she moved it'll really be the last time she hears him , but it was a week ago..  the last time she heard his voice so who was calling out to her ? Him? But how-?

"DELILAH?!"

Her eyes shot up looking at the source of the voice there sat Rachel once again her face had a remorseful look to it .. she hated it

Making other worry for her she didn't deserve it they should be mad it was her fault he died it was her fault he was no longer here , she felt the tears slowly swelling up her vision getting blurry it was then she felt his arms around her pulling her close telling her " it was okay" but it wasn't his voice ..it was Rachel's how could it be his voice he was gone... and it was her fault.

Everything around her went silent..peaceful her sight taken away from her as she fell out of consciousness.

Delilah slowly opened her eyes, her head pounding feeling like she actually did bang her head on the kitchen island, She tried to sit up, but a wave of dizziness washed over her, her eyes felt like they had tears but no ..her eyes were dry , too dry ,  she laid back down. All that her memory has provided her was her sitting and across from her was Nathen- no... across from her was Rachel , Delilah pulled herself to sit on her bed resting her head on the headboard looking besides her was a glass of water sitting on her bedside table , only then she noticed how dry her throat felt millions of ropes scratching on the surface of her inner throat not seen by anyone ...not even her but she could feel it , preventing her from breathing from talking as she normally would.

She didn't find enough strength in her arms to reach out and grab the glass of water her eyes then focused on the Nicely laid piece of paper beside the water , as if her arms suddenly got the strength to reach out but not for the glass but for the piece of paper pulling it to eye view so she could read what was written ,

Her mind telling her it was a love letter from Nathen how he always left her ones everywhere,  on her bedside table , the kitchen counter , her bicycle's front basket or placed on top of the bouquet of flowers he always got her  ..  not listening when his mother told him it was a waste of money ... especially for her ,

But as her eyes scanned the words written the thought of it being a love letter from Nathen was pushed aside. Because he was gone 

It was Rachel's hand writing, she tried to convince her mind , as she began silently reading what Rachel has left her .

"Dear ,Delilah
        I'm sorry I had to leave you alone but I had something come up and had to get going and I'll come around later tonight you should get your mind off things, oh and make sure to drink the glass of water on the bedside table
I also made you some soup and laid some bread for you in the kitchen, you better eat it you need to keep that pretty face of yours pretty!! Anyway I hope you're okay !!!
  Love you Xx
                               -Rachel

A smile crept onto Delilah's face though it was weak ... slowly she forced  her self to sit on the edge of her bed reaching her hand towards the glass of water grabbing the glass in her hands before she felt the cool water wash away the dryness in her throat as if she was reborn once again.. after she finished she was once reminded of the feeling that haunts her ...

As she made her way towards to door she grabbed her pj robe and threw it on tying it just around her waist before leaving her bedroom making her way to the kitchen .

As she sat at the kitchen island taking small Spoon fulls of soup cutting some bread once in a while just eating ... it was quite only the sounds of passing cars on the street,

"Delilah?"
She raised her gaze to meet his stoping the spoon mid way he held his gaze towards her spreading his mouth into a heart warming smile that always managed to make her feel butterflies flying around in her tummy but now all she felt was a dark whole swallowing the butterflies..it felt awfully uncomfortable.

She kept looking at him till he broke the silence one more

" Delilah dear you look awfully fatigued "
Nathan's face softened as he looked at Delilah, his eyes filled with concern. His brows furrowed slightly and his lips turned down in a slight frown .

He made his way towards her placing his hands on her shoulder ,
It took everything in Delilah not to break down and just let him hold her till she was no more ,

Though she knew the version of him her mind played won't be able to hold her she would just fall through him , he was gone ...
        " Delilah please take care of yourself "
He said once again ... before she could answer him a loud ringing dragged her attention to the source of the sound ... the weight of Nathan's hand that was once placed on her should was no more it it vanished into thin air .

She grabbed her phone to see who could possibly be calling her ..

it was Victoria...

She shut her eye lifting her head towards the ceiling mentally preparing herself ..

Her thumbs hovered over the green button for a sec before she swiped and lifted the phone to her ears .

" hello?" Delilah greeted as she focused her eyes on the half finished bowl of soup in front of her

" yes , Delilah it me Victoria "

" I know " Delilah replied

" don't you get all sassy with me ! You have no right to even be speaking to me " Victoria replied back her voice filled with disgust

" yes Victoria what did you need"

" today the hernandez are coming over today since they couldn't make it to the wake last weak I expected you to be there and don't you dare mess anything up and anything that is said between this family you don't open your mouth about"

" Victoria I'm not sure I can make it.." Delilah replied barely above a whisper

" they expect to see my daughter in law and my Nathan's wife , at least have a little ownership it's your fault I lost my son!"

Delilah's chest tightened the hole in her stomach just growing as she felt tears welling up her eyes

" ok I'll be there" it was only seconds till Victoria hung sip after she agreed to make it.

Delilah was not ready for the night ahead of her .. just like she wasn't ready for life after him.