The waves crashed to the shore. I watched as how it seem to be mad. The moon is glowing weak tonight. Slowly losing it’s brightness. I feel the roughness of the sand on my feet. I came close to the shore.

It feels like it’s calling me. As I walk,I slowly lose my sanity. The voices in my head are getting loud. Telling me that I should give up. What should I do? I’m trapped inside my body and there’s nowhere to go. Nowhere.

I felt my knees tremble as I came closer. Here it is. The cold water is slowly touching my bare feet. Things are getting worse. I can’t just be numb. I looked again at the dark ocean in front of me.

I painfully smiled as how it reminds me of my dark thoughts. The night is darker than the usual. Just like my everyday life. It’s fun to think how sunlight touches my skin but couldn’t even brighten up my dark soul.

Suddenly, I felt my chest getting wet from the water and my breath is getting heavy too. I'm slowly drowning in this dark ocean as I drown with my dark thoughts.

"Rene!" I heard someone called my name. Who is it? For the last time, I looked back. Then-- I saw them. My family,friends,loved ones. Why are they here? Are they looking for me? I never knew they care. I never felt it. I smiled and waved my hands at them. As I let myself drown.

***

"I'm drowning! I'm drowning! Help!" My screams filled this empty plain white room. Full of loneliness but lack of freedom. Suddenly, A nurse showed up.

"Hey dear,please calm down. It's time to take your medicine,Rene." She softly said.

"F-for what?" I asked,confused.

"For your nightmares and hallucinations." She answered. I took the pills and drink it. I sat on my bed and look around this plain room. I think I've been here for almost a month already. The nurse sat beside me and gently caress my hair.

"You know dear, There is no absolute cure for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. But you will get through this. Okay?" My eyes widened as the nurse suddenly turned into a headless woman filled with so much blood. I'm so terrified.

She tried to come close to me so I immediately get the scissors from the table and stab her. Her blood dissipated on my face. And filled my hands. Finally, She's dead. No one will going to hurt me again.

I must defend myself all the time. No one will ever do it for me. A doctor with some nurses quickly got into my room and they were all shocked. I smirked at them,I just killed a monster. I should be proud.

"That monster, can't you see it? I just killed a mon--" I was cut off when I felt the stinging pain of a syringe pricked my neck. Until everything turns to black.

I woke up in the same old room again. A nurse is beside me preparing my food and medicine. I tried to move my arms but a rope tied in my hands stopped me.

"Why did you tied me?" I asked. They shouldn't do this to me!
"You just killed another nurse! For the second time,Rene! And that's my best friend! Did you know that she's the only one here who believes and cares for you?! Yet you killed her! You are really a merciless, crazy killer!" The nurse shouted. She's in tears. But-- I didn't killed a monster? She's... I... I just killed someone who cares for me? I hold my chest as my breath gets heavy and tears flowed from my eyes.

This can't be.

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