❝And when he looks at me, I swear I can't breathe.❞

❄❄

I was still feeling the exuberance and the calamity, both so keenly. My new things were stuffed into my small closet and what couldn't fit there was stacked in my bathroom cabinet. Not a respectful place for expensive stuff, but it wasn't up to me.

And it was so funny how, when my doorbell rung, the first person on my mind was him. As if Christian didn't own the apartment or maybe Jonathan wasn't coming to take my miserable ass out for dinner.

My visitor was neither, though. Dressed in leggings and sports bra, Perry Sullivan looked nothing like the limp, sweaty person she should be. Dare I admit, she was radiating. It didn't need much thinking to find out why.

She was holding a bottle of water in one hand, the other clutching takeout bags. "Let me in?" Her eyes were wide and pleading in a poor puppy-eyed impression.

Wryly, I invited her in. This was her apology; food was all it took to make me happy. Especially Chinese.

She settled on my little, worn out couch with a sigh, chugging water from her bottle. Her cheeks were red from exertion, her toned body nothing like my soft, lithe one. It was a miracle I didn't put on all the weight I deserved. For someone who almost did nothing all day and ate ravenously, I was lucky enough to sport only a fat ass. And thighs.

I was still defensive and slightly exasperated, so I didn't join her right away. To her credit, she was right; few were lucky to find what we'd presumably found. I still felt it, though, the suspicion. It would be too good to be true. There was always a catch.

"I'm sorry, Em," She mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in her seat when I just eyed her. "I shouldn't have... I was a bitch."

My lips curved. "I was out with Brett two days ago."

"I know." She wasn't even surprised. Had it really been that much of a foregone conclusion?

And then it hit me... "Austin." 

Her cheeks reddened again, for entirely different reasons now. "I felt terrible when he told me. He'd been texting Brett and I spied on the whole thing. I can't say I felt good about it--you with Brett, I mean." 

The smile I shot her so was derisive it was downright a sneer. 

"I know it makes me a hypocrite," She confessed, sewing her teeth over her lips in one of her common nervous habits. "That's why I came to my senses. I'm really sorry, Naomi." 

Perry never used my full name, not even when she was being bitter days ago. The fact that she used it only affirmed her sincerity...which I'm aware makes no sense. 

"For what it's worth, you were right," I admitted, joining her. "It does feel good being indulged and taken care of." If only I could kiss him...

If only I could stop thinking that! 

Her gaze was assessing. "You like him?" 

So conspicuous a thing, it needed no corroboration. "I do." My eyes brimmed with tears of frustration. This thing had me in knots and it hasn't got anywhere at all. "But I'm not sure I like it." 

Perry's grimace was heavy with concern. "You need to stop worrying about them hurting us, Em. Many girls have come and gone through their lives and no one turned up dead, for heaven's sake! You're really giving this too much thinking you can hardly see how good you're feeling." 

The mention of death froze my blood. "Peep..."

"I know what they do, okay?" Her jaw was tight with determination. "Not in details, but I get it. I get why you wanted out so badly. But don't you think being on their side means you'll never be hurt, not the other way around?"

My arms rose in the air, my astonishment at her ease making me want to cry. "I don't fucking know, Perry. I'm pretty sure Brett had killed at least dozens of people in his life. How he lives his life so normally, is beyond my little mind. So forgive me if I'm torn." 

"They don't kill anyone," She retorted calmly. "They simply...give warnings. In fact, Austin told me--" 

"Austin can lie, Perry!" I snapped. "He's not a damned saint." 

Her eyes narrowed, and then she sighed. "Can we just eat and forget this for a while? I don't want to leave Austin; I like his company. He's charming and--" 

I grunted. 

"Okay, okay." She snapped her mouth shut for a brief, wonderful moment. "Do you want to come with me tonight?" 

Glaring at her, I shoved a big bite of food into my mouth, allowing the holiness to erase my memory of this conversation, if only for a while. 

It felt as if everyone but me agreed on tumbling me into the addictive, troubling world of the Aces. Being dragged into that bar again seemed only to distress me; Perry was hyperventilating, as ebullient as I'd ever seen her. Some of it had a lot to do with seeing her crush, and part of it had to do with curiosity over what I'd wear tonight. 

I had to give it to him, though; the dress he chose was the most splendid thing I'd ever seen. Maybe because I haven't seen much, but that was a me problem. 

"Oh my god," Perry was, by some definition, screaming. "This dress is so fucking gorgeous!"

My lips curved. That was exactly what I'd say, if I wasn't stupefied by how beautiful it made me feel. 

A cap sleeve mini dress, with a deep V neckline and a skater cut. Red rosy patterns swirled and cascaded over a black bodice, creating an image of deep fire in the darkest night. It went well with my dark hair, and for the first time in ages, a voluptuous creature stared back at me with a confident smirk. If only my thighs didn't have stretch marks...but it didn't concern me, not at the moment.

"I can't get over how sexy this dress is," Perry muttered, jumping up and down, an evident dichotomy in her attitude. Thrilled and bummed at the same time, my friend was one hell of a psycho, but I loved her to death. "Oh, what about the shoes? And the makeup? Em, you're disrespecting this dress!"

 Full of mirth and lightheartedness, I let her fuss over my makeup, declining almost everything she wanted to do, but still managing to look 'worthy' of the dress. I'd forced her to make the makeup light and to the point, covering flaws without making my face feel ten times heavier. We argued over lipstick, and reluctantly I let her paint my lips fire red. 

"Since your lips are red, your heels should be pitch black," She said. 

I groaned. "Heels? Fuck, Perry, I hate heels." 

"Shut up." She scowled. "I'm sure he picked somethi--oh! that's perfect."

"I'm not going to wear heels." I almost stomped my feet. 

She wasn't even listening. "They're wedges! Black, velvet cute wedges. And the height is little so you should be fine." 

Defeated, I succumbed to her relentlessness.  

"Come on." She looked at me playfully. "You've got to be excited to see him!"

And scared, but that wasn't something for her to know. 

We arrived exactly twenty minutes later. Cool and collected, my friend pushed the door open and looked at me expectantly. "You gotta step in first. He's going to have a hard time articulating words."

I was sure he'd seen sexier, but then again, that was also a me problem.

Eager to see him, my wedges thudded inaudiably as my feet led me to where he was sitting. My breath caught. Dressed in all black, he was as formidable and searingly delicious as the first time I lied eyes on him. Surrounded by his friends, he was the only one I had eyes for.

And same could be said for him, too, because he was staring at me. My feet trembled lightly, the fire in his eyes reaching me in licking flames. Ever so slowly, his lips parted, body pivoting to an angle where he wasn't straining to watch me. I was steps away from reaching him, and felt dizzy for reasons which have nothing to do with my health condition.

I was faintly aware of Perry greeting Austin in an indecent way, of William catcalling. But my entire being held its breath when Brett stood to greet me, and I prayed he would finally give me a taste of his lips.

Still denying me and fueling the fire in my veins, he put his hand around my waist and smiled a full, teasing smile that liquefied my insides. "You look amazing, Plum."

Color rushed to my cheeks, my throat too dry to help me enunciate a reply. Aware of his ability to render me speechless, he simply scooted over to let me sit down. Our thighs touched, and my skin tingled at the feeling of denim against the sensitivity of it. 

The fourth friend, the one I'd only taken a good look at tonight, nodded at me, his face devoid of any expressions or emotions. With a scar marring his jaw and bulging build, he looked deadlier than a shark, lethal and virulent. 

Seeing my wariness, Brett murmured in my ear. "Don't mind him; Marcus is a man of few words." 

Pulling my eyes away from the unreachable Marcus, my sense were filled with Brett. The scent of virility and smoke was strikingly an euphoric mix. It hinted at his strength and pure maleness. Gradually, I was becoming a licentious teenager around him. And he was still depraving me from a simple kiss. 

"You're coming with me tonight." His eyes darkened. 

"Where to?" I tried to keep the ire out of my voice. Not another shopping trip, for heaven's sake. 

With a flare of challenge in his eyes, he said, "My place, Naomi." 

Oh.

Oh.

Was he testing me? If I said no, would he deny me for longer? What if I said yes and he still denied me? My reluctance wasn't something going away any time soon. It was so hard to shut my thoughts off and shove them in the back of my mind. I was entitled to it, being a girl and being a scared, anxious person by nature. 

But my chin lifted, the smile gracing my lips subtle and unwavering. "Fine." 

The narrowing of his eyes was too imperceptible, but I caught it, realizing I'd made the right choice. A distinctive kind of tension filled me: what did the dark, sturdy sex god have in wait for me tonight? 

..

I'd ended up being slightly drunk and in a much better mood by the time Brett told me we're leaving. Perry had winked at me, assuring me she would go home and stay out of trouble. Dubiously, I'd let it slide, and even ignored Austin's lewd eyes on her boobs all night. If anything happened to her--badass or not--I would kick his ass into the afterlife. 

Besides, I don't think there would be space for them in my mind. 

..

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