A/N: I SWEAR I HAD A GOOD REASON FOR NOT UPLOADING! My phone completely broke down, like I literally didn't have a phone for 24 hours and that's what I always write on so as much as I wanted to write, I literally couldn't. See? Ha! I had a very valid reason.

Ok but bc if that I got a new phone and I loveeeeee it :)

This will probably be a long chapter so buckle up:
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I step out of the car with Aiden.

We drove together to the party since that was the only logical thing to do since we lived together.

I'm wearing a long sleeve, ivory dress with sparkles. I did not have much room to breathe but it was ok since I had practice with sucking in.

(See the dress at the beginning of the chapter)

I had been too lazy to shower so I twisted my hair into a low bun.

Wearing platform combat boots because there was no way in hell I was going to wear heels and utterly embarrass myself by tripping.

Music blasting, we walk inside.

Kai spots us and starts walking over, excusing himself from a conversation he was having with 4 people I don't know so well.

I don't usually drink.

Parties aren't necessarily what I get PTSD from so I'm fine going to them.

However, I don't like the thought of not being in a mental state that I can control around people I don't trust.

It seems irrational to be absolutely shit faced and unable to control anything you say or do around a bunch of strangers.

The people that Kai was talking to before follow him over to us.

We chat a little before Leila and Kailey come together. I walk over to them and separate myself from the group I was just talking to.

"I'm totally ready to get drunk, what about you?" Leila grins at us, then feels the need to clarify:

"Not you Liv, you don't like getting drunk so you can be the supervisor so we don't kill ourselves." She smiled at me and I internally laugh.

"Of course I'm ready to get drunk." Kailey answers Lay's original question and then smile knowingly at each other.

Oh no.

I walk back to Kai, I will not be going with them into the kitchen to down an immense amount of alcohol.

"You wanna get a drink?" He asks me.

"I don't usually drink. I like being fully aware of my senses when I the majority of people I am around are strangers." I state.

"That sounds so much more reasonable when you say it.. I'm already regretting downing a beer." Kai states, sounding a lot like he just downed a beer.

"Not judging you if you want to get drunk though." I bump his shoulder. "I do sometimes too, it just depends where I am." I am rarely a reasonable person and drinking is one of the things I'm reasonable about.

"That's reasonable." See?

"Hey, don't worry, Ashypoo will be here soon. He is just a slowpoke at showering."

"Ok." I say, I take his hand and lead him to the dance floor.

We start dancing; vibing to the music that's playing.

He starts laughing. For no apparent reason whatsoever. Well the reason would be because he's drunk.

For some reason I start laughing too. I don't know why, maybe his laugh is just contagious.

We end up sitting on the floor, cackling. People are giving us weird looks but we don't care.

"Are you sure you aren't drunk?" He says to be in between laughs.

I nod while still acting like a hyena.

At some point, after at least 10 minutes of laughing, her gets up, saying he's getting a drink.

I decide I should probably get up. Good choice.

I walk into the kitchen. I'm bored of, what I assume is, the living room.

I see food.

No.

I shouldn't.

I want to.

I shouldn't.

I want to.

I didn't eat anything today yet, I'm eating these.

They're brownies and probably have an insane amount of calories.

Fuck it.

I grab one, and take a small nibble.

Wow, this is really good.

Is this what I've been missing out on?

I stuff the rest of it in my mouth, and grab another one.

I don't know how many I eat. They're just so delicious. I only stop eating because I hear someone yell my name.

Shit I'm probably in trouble for eating when I shouldnt be.

I turn around to see pretty boy standing there looking like he's regretting his entire life existence.

"Oh fuck. How many did you eat?" I just shrug. I have no idea.

"I know I shouldn't be eating anything because I already had food yesterday but they were such yummy brownies and I just couldn't resist. I didn't mean to." I rush this all out, my thoughts are weirdly jumbled right now. I give him my best pouty face so he doesn't get mad.

"There's a reason you couldn't resist." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You just had drugs." I give him a confused face.

I probably look like a rat with disabilities.

"Am i high?" I ask. He nods. "Ooh! That's so fun, I've never been high before. Will I start to see ghosts? God, can you hear me? I want to see ghosts!"

"Oh god, maybe you should lay down. Just rest a bit. Will you let me take you home?" He question being so considerate.

"You're so cute, do you know that?"

"So? Will you let me take you home?"

"NO! Aidennnnnn!" I call my brothers name.

Within 30 seconds, he has rushed into the room.

"Are you ok? Is someone..." he trails off when he sees it's just me and Asb.

"I want you to know you're the bestest brother ever! I have things I didn't tell you though..I should probably get that off my chest.." I giggle at the memory of Andre my beach buddy, I don't know why I just remembered him.

"Did she take something?" Aiden aims the question at Ashton.

"I'm high!" I exclaim.

"Oh shit. How did this happen?" He again aims the question towards Ashton again.

"I ate some yummy brownies because I was just starving. They weren't actually that filling.. Ugh! I just ate so much—would it be many? I don't know. But that's so many calories for nothing!" I cross my arms and pout.

"Hey, you should eat whatever you want to eat. Fuck calories. You're beautiful just the way you are."

"Ha! Tell that to—" Kai bursts through the doors.

"HEY MOTHERFUCKERS!" He exclaims, cutting me off.

I burst out of the kitchen doors, all of a sudden getting the urge to talk to Kailey.

Ashton grabs my arm before I can get far.

"You're not walking around alone while high at a party." He says.

"I'm not! I'm going to find Kailey!" I protest.

"I'll help."

"The more the merrier! Plus you're hot. Like hot hot. Like really really really hot. So it's nice to be around you."

"Do you want to say that again into my phone, so I can record it?" He asks.

"Sure!" I repeat what I says and he smirks at me.

"Ooh! K!" I yell, seeing her dancing with Lay.

"Lee-lee, JJ, you two dance so you're not alone. Kailey, come with meeeeeee! I want to talk!" I give her the biggest smile ever.

She follows my to a couch that was pushed towards the side. I sit down in the middle, with Kailey on one side and Ashton on the other.

"K I'm sad." I tell Kailey. She's a good listener.

"Why are you sad? What happened?" I giggle. I don't know why.

"I'm not sad right now, just generally. I don't have control over anything I feel. I hate it. I'm always sad or stressed." I furrow my eyebrows confusing myself.

She gives me a hug.

I'm in it for a minute.

And now two.

And now five.

"You guys going to stop hugging?" Ashton asks us.

"No." I say.

"I love you, Liv. You. Your truest parts. I love them all. Remember that. Now you should probably go home, seeing as your insanely high."

"Ok if you insist."

"I'll drive you home." Ashton says, taking my hand

"I love you too. Kailey!" I yell as I'm leaving the house.

We getting into his car.

"You have such a colorful car! Why are there so many patterrrrnsss??" I question Ashton, running my index finger against the dashboard.

"It's not. It's almost all black. You're just high." He states, bluntly.

"Mmm I'm tired." I snuggle into the seat, starting to drift off.

Right before I'm actually about fall asleep, Ashton tells me we're at my house.

"Mmm." I don't want to talk.

He comes around to my door and opens it, carrying me.

He has nice muscles. I love his arms. They're sexy.

"Are they?" He has an amused look on his face.

"I said that out loud?" I muse.

I look at his face.

Uh oh.

I have an overwhelming urge to kiss him. I can't help it.

I lean my face upwards and press my lips against his. He looks shocked, but within seconds has melted into me.

I feel like my veins are being shocked. It's this pulsing that I feel like I've been waiting for my entire life. An electric feeling that just leaves me wanting more.

Before I can do anything, he pulls away. His eyes trail to the scar by my collarbone, currently exposed. I cover it up with my dress and frown.

"Why don't you want to kiss me?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"I do. Fuck, of course I do. Just not when your high as a kite. Your not even going to remember this in the morning. I'm not going to take advantage of you. Ever."

This feels amazing to hear. I've been taken advantage of way to many times.

I pout, before nuzzling my head into his chest.

I pass out almost immediately.
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A/N: FIRST OF ALL BITCH WHEN DID WE GET 14 CHAPTERS IN!!

Ok this chapter is fucking amazing and so long so I'm super excited about that but it's 1 am bc that's become my schedule to write at 1 am so I'll be going to sleep now.

Sorry this is unedited so apologies for any mistakes.

kisses 💋
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