"How was it?" I asked her when she came into the room, she was in all her ballet gear and her duffle bag on her shoulder. "Okay." She said dumping her bag on the desk chair. I was still in her room, I haven't even gotten dressed I was still wrapped in the bedsheets. I had been in and out of sleep all day in between facetime calls with Rose. She wants to come to London to where we are. She's been trying to convince her dad to bring her all day. She wants to visit the farm. I tried to explain to her I wasn't going to the farm but she wouldn't listen to me.

"You're being quiet," I observed sitting up slightly holding onto the sheet. "Just tired. It's been a long day. Probably should have listened to Taylor." She shrugged talking her hair out of the tight bun. "You sure that's it?" "Yeah." "Um. I'm going to shower, wash the hair spray out of my hair." "I could join you?" I offered. "I'm not really in the mood." "I could wash your hair for you." She nodded. I smiled and followed her into the bathroom, I held the sheet whilst I adjusted the water temperature, she undressed completely in silence.

We got in the shower together, I washed her hair like I said I would once the conditioner was rinsed out she turned to face me. "You miss him?" She nodded. "Hit me when I was dancing to this dance from swan lake. Grams and he used to play it all the time in the house. Act 2 Pas de deux." She told me. Normally it would be a total turn of hearing her speak french, it just did something to me but I knew she was sad and it wasn't the time. "And I just felt this wave of sadness." I wiped her tears away and pecked her forehead. "I think I'm going to skip out on the farm... Go back to Roberts." "You can stay with Rose and me," I tell her not wanting to be away from her. "We'll see, don't want to rush this." She tells me. I pecked her lips showing her I'd do whatever she wanted.

She brushed her hands through my hair, I held our bodies close. "I'm so incredibly in love with you," I tell her. "Me too." She said back tearily. "I'm here." I held her close to me and she ducked her head down hiding it in the crook of my neck. "Dinner in bed? Movies and Ice-cream?" I asked her. "Yes please." "What do you want?" I asked helping her out and handing her a towel. "Something with lots of carbs." She had been eating clean for about a month to get ready for her audition. "Pizza, burgers and fries it is." She tried to smile.

I changed quickly and ordered room service, Lottie sat on the floor in front of the mirror doing her hair like she did every time she washed it, she'd brush it out, put hair oil in it, then a heat protectant before blowdrying and straightening it. It was the same every time. Only this time she decided to braid it back.

"Food should be about 20 minutes," I tell her when I hung up the phone. "Thanks." "So how do you want to spend our last two days in London?" I asked her. "With you." "That's a given," I tell her sitting beside her on the floor. I borrow her brush and comb through my hair. "I'll braid it for you if you want?" She offered. "Thanks." She knelt behind me and did her thing.

"What's next for us?" She asked not looking up from my hair. I admire her work. "Well, when we're ready for it hopefully a house," I say. "What about if we get work in different cities? Countries even?" "We've made it work so far." "Because I was coming back to you for half the week." She told me still not looking up, I continued to watch her through the mirror. "We'll make it work." She nodded. "You got the part in the new Disney movie." She tells me casually. I frowned. "How do you know?" "Overheard a conversation." She shrugged. "And you got the part in the Westend?" She nodded. "So London and LA." "Yeah, I haven't given them an answer yet." "Why not?" "Because I also got a part in a film with Florence. Still in London. But it's filming at the same time as the shows." "Florence?" She nodded looking at me through the mirror.

"When did you audition for that?" "I didn't they called my manager, heard good things from Roberts wife who produce the marvel film and they offered me the part." I nodded. "That's good. You wanted to do more films." "Yeah, but the thing is... I'll have to kiss Florence. So If you're not comfortable with that, I'll turn it down and take the west end gig." She told me, we both moved to face each other. "I trust you," I tell her meaning it. "You do what's best for you." I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't do what she wanted because of my insecurities. She nodded.

Our dinner came and we put a movie on and snuggled in bed eating. I kept kissing her head and making sure she was okay. She tried to stay strong she hated showing her feelings and being vulnerable so it was harder to keep an eye on her than most.

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We hadn't spoken anymore about our future not our projects not what we wanted to do. It was now the end of the summer and after spending a few weeks with Rose, some with just me and Rose and others with the three of us, we were in London dropping her back at the boarding school.

It was a tearful goodbye on my part. Rose was just excited to be back with her friends. Charlotte stayed at her apartment to go through some of Eddie's boxes, she finally felt ready to do so which was a positive note. I don't know if it was because some more of Eddie's things needed to be moved from the farmhouse so it could be renovated. Lottie was redoing a few of the rooms, still keeping a lot of the old framework and accents that make it their home but she's modernising it making it ready for the next generation of Kloss' to fill it and take over.

She's having the main kitchen redone. She showed me the plans the other day, it's got a breakfast nook and a baking bench. (A two-level island counter) A large one, she said it was so she could bake with the kids and they'll be able to reach without having to climb up. She was thinking about her future, about children.

It reinforced the idea of us having children in the future and she isn't just telling me what I want to hear to make us work. She was genuinely thinking about it. I think Rose telling her she was a good mummy helped her come to a conclusion. Consolidating that she wasn't her mum and never will be. That she was doing a good job.

Anyway, Eddie's and her dad's things were still filling up a lot of the rooms that needed redoing so she had brought some boxes to the apartment and she was going through it getting rid of some things putting others in storage keeping some at the apartment. So she stayed back at the apartment to do that. Rose and she said goodbye beforehand.

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"How did she go in?" Lottie asked standing up from the floor of the spear room walking over to me as I leant against the doorway. "Fine, it was me who called her back three times." She chuckled. "How are you getting on?" "One box left and then I can go pick some more up." "Why don't you sort it out at the farm instead of going back and forth." "I can't be there." "Okay." I tucked her hair behind her ear. It's been nearly a year since she had it cut on set, and it was already growing back.

She finished up the last box and loaded the car. I stayed home and made us dinner whilst she was out dropping the boxes to the storage unit, she'd be home soon, as long as she doesn't get the urge to drive all the way to the farm to get more boxes. I'm hoping she doesn't do that because dinner was nearly ready. She'd have called if she did.

She came in and pecked my cheek. "I picked us up desert." She places the boxes on the counter. "Ooh, what did you get?" "A few pieces of cake from the bakery down the street." She shrugs. "Dinner smells amazing." She compliments trying some of the sauce I made for the chicken. "You've been doing a lot of the cooking." "Well we've had Rose, I know you like to spend as much time with her as you can." "You're so thoughtful." I pecked her cheek.

We sat down at the small dining table and ate together.

"Have you decided what you're doing about work?" I asked her she hadn't mentioned what she decided since the night in the Hotel. "Yeah, yeah I did." I nodded, do I ask what she decided, or do I just leave it. "So?" I pushed. "I'm not working." She tells me, spooning more food into her mouth. "What?" "I'm having time off work. So I can get my... My life together." "Your life is together Lots." She pulled a face and laughed sarcastically. "What aren't you telling me?" "I'm struggling... A lot. But don't worry. Okay. I'll deal with it." She says forcing a smile at me.

"Lottie I'm your girlfriend this is the type of stuff you talk to me about." "You have Rose to worry about." "If you're struggling baby." "I'm fine." She said forcing a smile. "You're not. You just told me that. And you've been working since you were 16, none stop since you were 18. For you not to be in a show that tells me something is wrong." I tell her.

"How about that cake." She stood up taking away my empty dish and putting it in the sink. "Charlotte talk to me," I tell her, standing up and going to the island where she was standing. "What do you want me to tell you? That I am so full of grief I don't want to get up in the morning? Or the fact that I feel painfully alone all the time. Or that I'm barely hanging on? That I no longer think of what my brother did as selfish if he was in this much fucking pain? You want me to tell you that?" She asked tears rushing down both our faces. "I'm dealing with. I will be fine." "You're always fine," I say slightly annoyed at her. "That's just who I am. Take it or leave it." She walked to the bedroom. I followed her. "I'm not letting you do this." "Do what?" "Push me away." "I'm not." "You're not? Lottie, you've been lying to me and yourself for months." "I didn't take the job so I could be with you. Because I am happy when I'm with you. I'm not pushing you away." She explained. "You need to talk to me." "I don't want to put on you." "You're not. You're not." I assured.

"Just how I deal with it." She says shrugging. "I'm just going to take a minute and we'll eat the cake." She smiled going into the bathroom. I had no clue she was hurting that bad. I accepted it, I was waiting for the day she snapped, but I didn't think it was this bad. She has been dealing with it all on herself along with the media and the backlash from our relationship. Everyone was trashing her saying she wasn't good enough for me and I belong with Colin. Little did they know she saved me from Colin. And I wasn't good enough for her. And I had no clue she was this bad. In this much pain.

I put the cakes on a dish and set it on the table she come out with a fresh face and in sweats. I smiled at her. "This is why I didn't tell you." She says. "What?" "That look in your eyes. I don't need your pity. I'm fine." She warns me. "Okay. I'm sorry. I just, I wish you could talk to me. Like before." "I talk to you." She says picking a piece of cake. "You told me about Eddie a week into knowing you." "If you keep talking I'm going to have to kiss you to shut you up."

"Please do." I teased. She kicked my chair out from under the table from her seat. "Come here." She told me, I listened and straddled her lap. "I'll be okay." She promised me. "I have you." She pecked my lips and pulled away so I pulled her back in. I wrapped my arms around her neck tangling my fingers in her long thick hair. Her hands trailed the sides of my body before resting on my waist. She kissed down my neck and I tugged her hair slightly which caused her to moan against my skin.

"Bedroom?" I nodded and she picked me up and kissed me as we made our way to the bedroom. She laid me on the bed and as we kissed I pulled her dress down before feeling something under me. I reached under and pulled it out. She smiled at the object in my hand. "She left us, Ronnie." She said still smiling at the stuffed animal, Rose's favourite. "She's a sweet girl," I say looking at the stuffie. I tossed it aside and pulled her back down so I could kiss her again, she giggled. "Someone's eager tonight." She mumbled. "You'd be too if you had a girlfriend as hot as mine," I told her flipping us over so I was straddling her. "I have one even hotter." She said pulling my top off and reaching around to undo my bra. "Not possible," I say helping her get it off.