***

HIM.

***

I'll repeat how my manager described my situation right now.

"Go do a small performance at the hospital. I'll invite reporters and that'll bring your reputation up. The patients will also spread the word of your good deed"

She was right when she called this charity, but she was so wrong about my life.

"You're being so-" I started, till I saw a small black object through the window. My eyes widened, I grabbed the curtains and yanked it across the window. Then my gaze sped towards the door.

Fuck.

I yanked the girl towards me and spun us behind the hospital privacy bed curtains.

"What the f-"

I put a finger to her lips, staring into her eyes as if to tell her to shut up. I just made a rookie mistake. Media, paparazzi, reports, it was always them. They could ruin my life with one single two sentence article and a photo.

My heart was racing. I don't know how long that camera has been there for and I don't know how many people saw us together, but I was so fucked if anything is let out.

"Please" I pleaded, murmuring under my breath as I heard whispered echo from the corridor.

"Why do I have to-" Her volume rose.

"Please" I gritted my teeth, as if I was screaming from the bottom of my stomach "I don't know what your name is but please for the love of god..."

From her gaze, I could tell she was surprised to say the least. Her eyes were widened, round like the eyes of a deer. It was the first time she seemed so innocent.

We stayed like that for a bit, her in my embrace and our eyes stuck to each other. Not in a romantic way, no, but in a way that if I were to let go, my world would crash on me. I held her gently by the waist, my fingers helplessly not knowing where to be placed. If I was honest, this was the first time I've been such close proximity with a girl.

"I think they're-" She tried to speak again, but the creek of the door shocked me. I clammed my hand over her mouth as my body catapulted forward in fear and shock.

My hand hit the wall and so did her back. My lips pressed against the back of my hand. Everything in my body froze, eyebrows shooting up in complete surprise.

I wouldnt call this a kiss, but if my hand weren't there, I would've just had my first kiss.

Her hands were on my chest, her fingers curling around the fabric of my shirt.

One second, two seconds.

It was dead silent.

The footsteps diminished. The lights dimmed at the lack of movement and me and this girl sat in soft blanket of yellow light. It felt like the sun had just rose, and the sun took a paint brush and painted the land scrape with brushes of a soft yellow and orange.

Something within us just snapped. I wasnt sure what it was, but her usual pessimistic aura evaporated.

Suddenly, the lights flickered back open and her hands that were on my chest pushed against me. I stumbled backwards, my hand scratching against the back of my head.

"Sorry I had to- there were cam-"

"It's Haewon, by the way"

"Huh?"

"My name. Haewon"

***

"Hae..." I stared at the ceiling "...won"

I replayed the scene in my head over and over again. Maybe it was just because I've never properly interacted with the opposite gender. That must be it. I cant be getting ahead of myself.

"Haewon?" Jisung sat next to me, phone in hand and earphones in ear. I jolted up, banging my head on the bottom do the top bunk bed.

"Shouldn't you be in the dance..."

"Shouldn't you be in the recording studio yet you're here repeating some girl's name?" Jisung fired back, rising his eyebrow.

"It's just...my cousin's...dog's name" I don't know why that was the first thing that.

"Your cousin's dog's?" Jisung couldn't help but laugh. He elbowed me in the side, chuckling "Is she pretty? Your cousin's dog?"

Yes, she is.

"No" I shook my head "Kids shouldn't be thinking about these things" I swatted him across the head.

It was snowing outside again. My eyes graced each snowflake as it gently hit the ground to mould into a big galaxy of white petals.

"Have you ever played with snow Jisung?" I asked, staring out the window.

"Not really" Jisung shrugged "You know us. We're idols. We don't get time to play"

That's true. Even if I thought Haewon was the prettiest girl I've ever met, even if it was snowing the prettiest snow outside, even if I find the prettiest flower bloom, I don't have the chance to talk, to pick, to smell the prettiest of things in the world.

Pretty things were always out of reach because in the eyes of others, we had to be those prettiest things.

I had to remind myself that even if I knew that her name was Haewon, that it would all be meaningless to me after all.