Dalia gripped the metal railing until her knuckles were white. She moved one foot in front of another, walking down the concrete steps that led to the patch of lawn with Scarborough Beach in view. With each step, the sick feeling in her stomach grew.

"Can I really do this?" she asked herself, fear rising within her although she was unsure of what she was afraid she would learn.

"I'll never know the truth until I face this," she said under her breath, her voice coloured with conviction.

Back on level ground, still holding tightly onto the cold metal to maintain her balance, Dalia looked around her. On her left was a kid's playground with a unique jungle-gym in the shape of a whale. The sound of children's laughter that wafted over momentarily settled her.

But when she saw the barbecue area on her right, the queasiness in her stomach returned.

'My dream,' she remembered, mustering the courage to move closer, taking slow steps over the gravel that crunched beneath her sneakers.

A lifetime later, she reached one of the two wooden picnic tables on either side of the barbecue machine, all shaded from the elements. She took a break on a bench, resting her palms on the rough surface.

"Oh God," she said, her heart constricted, her head throbbing as if it was being compressed. She shut her eyes, her teeth clenched, fighting the inclination to run.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, her gaze resting on the grey, rectangular barbecue machine a few feet away. She clutched her forehead, her head heavy from an onslaught of images.

She was there—this was the exact barbecue she had been at with Mikaal, just like in her dream. There was more; she needed to get closer to remember.

"I'll never know the truth until I face this," she repeated like a mantra, drawing on the strength in these words to force herself back up on her feet in spite of her limp legs. One step after another, she walked towards the barbecue then used the metal plate to keep her balance. Dalia shivered. It was cold to touch, while the wind howled and swirled around her and the waves roared in the background.

It was then that images flooded her brain as if she was watching a movie being replayed.

-.-.-

"Mmm, smells good," Dalia said, standing in front of the barbecue, the boisterous waves of Scarborough Beach a backdrop.

"Me or the steak?" Mikaal's green eyes had their usual teasing glint in them.

She rolled her eyes. "You just can't help yourself, can you?"

He laughed before flipping each piece with his tongs. "I'm addicted to that expression of yours," he said with a lazy smile.

She shook her head, but she came around to his side, put her arm around his waist and pulled him into a small embrace. "Thank you," she said.

Mikaal shrugged but his face beamed.

Dalia peered at the four chunks of meat on the stainless steel barbecue tray, still on the bone. Only one side was cooked but each sizzled loudly. "So..." her voice trailed off as she looked up into his warm eyes with a questioning look. "This surprise of yours. When does it start?"

"You're not happy with all this," he said, gesturing with his hands towards all the food he had organised, including a chocolate mud-cake decorated with a personalised birthday message. "You know, I marinated this steak for days so it would be perfect and full of flavour, and the—"

"Mikaal!" she shoved him playfully. "I don't need to wear bathers for a barbecue."

His eyes glazed over and they turned mischievous. "Maybe that's just for my benefit."

She shoved him again, harder, breaking into laughter with him before he pulled her close with his free arm.

-.-.-

Dalia sniffed, a tear running down her cheek. The playfulness, the warmth, the deep emotions between them were still so raw as if she was reliving the scene that very moment. She wiped her cheek, took a deep breath and looked into the distance.

The sick feeling that had momentarily subsided returned with more fervour at the sight of the ocean, large and threatening on this cold winter day. Did something happen there that she was afraid to remember?

"I'll never know the truth until I face this," she said again to herself, pushing aside her growing fear.

Focussing on these words that she repeated over and over under her breath, there was renewed strength in her weak legs. She forced one foot in front of another towards the sandy path that led to the ocean. The uneven surface was bordered by wooden poles, wires tied between them to form a fence.

Dalia's throat tightened and her breathing laboured as the sound of the crashing waves grew more and more deafening. She staggered, her mind fighting the blackness that threatened to overcome her once again. She grabbed onto the nearest pole, breathed in deeply then willed her senses to return to calm as she repeated her mantra over and over. She had to keep pushing—she was so close. She could feel the answer she was seeking at the edge of her mind, just within reach.

Although a mere fifteen or so metres, it felt like the longest walk of Dalia's life, each step harder than the last. Her head was heavy like lead and her heart beat wildly erratic.

When she finally reached the opening where the ocean greeted her, her legs gave way and sank into the cold sand. Her body shook, both from the cold, icy wind that whipped against her face—and from fear.

Repeating her mantra, she forced herself to look up, facing the place where it must have all happened—whatever it was. The waves were large and looming, their voices thundering, causing Dalia's nausea to return. She clutched her stomach, turned her head to the side and threw up onto the earth.

Again, the repeated mantra, like a song she was glad was stuck in her head, helped her clutch onto the remnants of consciousness.

And then the images came to her, teetering between blackness, one picture after another, wave after wave.

---

:-) Sorry... until next week ;-)

Won't say much more... Back to writing for me so I don't disappoint you :-*

But a huge thank you for your continued support, comments, votes!

-Noelle