That afternoon was gloomy. The sun decided to veil itself early. The train that I always used was still always crowded like it had been, and will always be. I rode from the very last station, lucky me, I got a seat to sit.

I had a long day. I worked from 6-6, M-M, that means, I started my day at 6am, ended it at 6pm from Monday to Monday. That is right. No rest. I closed my eyes promptly until the whistle of the controller screamed so loudly that I jolted from my precious sleep.

I spent the time staring blankly through the windows. Finally, I arrived. I walked slowly from the train station, smiling at the thought,"how nice it is to be a student, free of fears, free of concern." That day was Thursday. Kids in my area are famous for being party goers, they go drinking on that day for Thursday was the prelude to the weekend. 'TGIF' in my area comes early. I never know how it felt to have that 'happy Thursday'. Is it really a 'happy' Thursday?

I smiled at the lady guard of my school"Where are you going?" She asked me gently, since it was pretty late for me to come into the school. "Just to the chapel, ate." I replied in Tagalog. She smiled and let me in.

I kneeled in silence, staring at the image of various saints and icons. My lips trembled,"...Lord...." I could not bring myself to say anything further"...Lord...." my tears rolled down "...I am terribly scared. My future seems bleak. My mind was tearing me apart, I am torn between two decisions. I am thankful that You gave me talents for music, but...I think I cannot continue..." I sobbed and dried my face with my sleeve. "If that pleases You, Lord, I shall stake this with faith..."

I prayed that day if I should purchased ticket to Singapore for an open day of an aviation company--or not. I was by then a musician, with dream of studying in Germany or Japan. My dreams...nevermind them. I shattered my dreams to pieces. The weight of having to finish graduation recital, pay bills, pay rent, pay this ticket, decide if I want to be musician--or cabin crew, was very heavy.

I purchased the ticket.

I took a shuttle to this certain mall, and bought the ticket to Singapore. It was a leap of faith. I staked 1/3 of my savings that time on that. I cried the night away thinking about the loss if I don't make it. I screamed into my pillow that was already wet with my tears. To make it short, I passed the interview, and without realizing it, I am now in the aviation company that I applied to. It has been years and I bravely say : I AM GRATEFUL. I can now eat good food. I sleep in a comfortable bed. I have airconditioner to cool me down on hot days. My fridge is never empty.

The peaceful years have now almost come to an end : I am now faced with another dilemma. It is the biggest question for everyone : What do I want to be in this life? What is my purpose? The sand of time runs fast, it waits for nobody. "What do I want?"

I want to ensure happiness for people who work under my care, I want to contribute to the organization that I will work in, I want to make the world a better place where people work with smile. I want to bring reward and justice justly. I want everyone to have opportunities to be educated and to be a better person. I want to have happy family--happier than what I had. I want my children to grow with so much love. I have so much love. I have so much care. I am eager to give it away.

"Can I?""Is it too big?""Is it too good?""Is it too perfect?" "Is it too beautiful?"

I realize that I am afraid to dream. I shattered my dreams once, now am too scared to have another one. That day when I played my last note, and bowed my last bow to the audience in my last recital, I said my farewell unapologetically. I held my tears, and said goodbye quietly. I left the Philippines quietly. I did not tell anyone. I was a man with no dream. Now that life challenges me to dream again. "Dare you?"

"Dare I?"

"What is my purpose in life?" will be the question I ask when I pray. May The Providence bring forth the answer. I shall then wait patiently with great anticipation. As they say : "Surprise me."