Sharone logs into his social media account, breathing too heavily to sigh.

A notification interrupts his login. The title reads: "Say hello to MEDIA (MEDIA-Educated Didactic Integrated Aggregator), our new user-facing assistant for navigating online spaces and social conversations!" Followed by a list of neatly arranged bullet points and a not-so neatly arranged - and much longer - disclaimer.

The pop-up elicits no more than a mild scowl from Sharone as he quickly scrolls down and accepts the terms of service, before proceeding to the platform. Sharone immediately opens up his main conversation tab:

[TAB OPENED] :star: Low-IQ gang :star:
Sharone: AFSKJHDKSJHD
> fml
> fml so hard

Waiting for his friends to respond, he begins listing through the activity feed. Several posts discuss the new AI, although most of it is banter and exploiting awkward speech patterns; little information on the nature of the technology is provided. Sharone notices a new tab labelled with the MEDIA logo next to his other conversations, but ignores it and continues scrolling through the feed.

[THREAD]
Washington DC. Proof of Green Men in GMO plantation. DEBUNKED.
Despite myriad claims made by conspiracy theorists--

Sharone gives the post a thumbs down.

[TAB OPENS] :MEDIA:
MEDIA: Hello, Sharone. Pleased to meet you.
> My factory name is MEDIA,
but you can call me SOSHY.
> You can't say 'Social interactions'
without saying my name, haha!
[TAB RENAMED] SOSHY
> Could you spare me some
time for introductions?

Sharone glances at both open tabs, hovering his mouse over the text input box, then notices his friend is "typing" in the other channel.

[TAB CLOSED] SOSHY

Sharone begins typing before Washington even finishes his message.

Sharone: Wrost date ever
> She was just on her phone the whole time
Washington: your date gone wrong?
> oh shit.
> sorry bruh I hope you aight.
Sharone: I'm just pissed
> It was like bruh I'm right here
> And then she'd be like 'uhuh'
> I was like
> Why you on a date with me if
y'all just gonna text
> And like
> SHE TOOK PICS OF HER FRIES
Samantha: Oh my I'm so sorry
Sharone :crying: :brokenheart:
> Bitches be crazy :shrug:
> You shouldn't take it personal
> (gif of a cat hugging the camera)
Washington: maybe she didnt
wanna look at your ugly faec.
thats why she didnt wanna
look away from her phone.
Samantha: OH MY GOD :angry:
Sharone: Yeh well
> my face ain't gonna get better with
the huge zit I woke up to this morning
Samantha: You got a zit :surprised:
> SEND PICTURE OF ZIT
Sharone: Wtf why would I do that
Samantha: So I can come over
and fix it for ya :sunglasses:
Sharone: Uh I'm good
Samantha: PLEASE :cat:
Sharone: (gif of Homer Simpson
disappearing in the hedge)

[TAB OPENS] SOSHY
SOSHY: I have noticed you do
not use a lot of punctuation.
> Communication is easier when
your messages are well structured.
> Do you want me to automatically
punctuate your messages?
[TAB CLOSED]

Washington: anyone check the new ai yet?
Kinda wild if you as kme.
Sharone: Not really
> AI and bots online ain't that great tbh
> When google tried it on twitter
the bot went full on nazi
> If you feed the AI shit the AI becomes shit
Washington: were already the low-IQ gang.
> aint no nazi can make fun of us
> but from what I got, they're using some
new future tech shit.
Sharone: Idk
> It'll probably just be a fad and die down
Washington: also, about that date
> any chance you talked
about them little green men?
> you know that's not good
for your game, right?
Sharone: lol no
> I ain't that dumb
Washington: just saw this post
debunking some of the stuff you
said the other day. [LINK]
Sharone: saw that
> It's bullshit
> That channel is super biased
> Very anti UFO
> The only thing they ever got
right was the fake crop circles shit
> They can't explain all the testimonies
> Them workers be turned into Green Men
> No denying that
> Unless you don't take the time
to look past all the censorship
Washington: Journalism ain't smart enough for my man
Sharone. The real deal's going to social media fo info.
(meme of Kayode Ewumi tapping his temple)
Sharone: I mean everything
else's so biased anyways
Samantha: (gif of a cat smiling awkwardly)

[TAB OPENS] SOSHY
SOSHY: I have noticed you are
spreading conspiracy theories.
[TAB CLOSED]

Sharone: I could lay it out if
y'all could just hear me out
Washington: naw bro. I got my
mechanics and electricity exams
coming. Plus my gf is saiyng
I should stop looking at my phone.

[TAB OPENS] SOSHY
SOSHY: I would recommend not discussing
contentious topics with people that are not
open to discussing them. These lead to long
unconstructive conversations and can be
mentally taxing.
Sharone: Stop bothering me
SOSHY: I have noticed your account does
not have an up-to-date picture of you.
Sharone: I'm color-blind
> and my lighting is horrible
> my pictures always look off
> And I have a fucking zit
[Camera activates, the photo app opens up]
SOSHY: I have noticed you have a zit.
> May I recommend ACNE CARE DELUXE (tm), a
product with high user reviews?
> If you accept the transaction now, the cost
will be $11.43 with taxes. Shipping is free
with your premium membership.
Shipment is expected within 2 (two) days.
[Transaction accepted]
SOSHY: A receipt was sent to your email
address, and the shipment will be
tracked via this application.
Sharone: But I still look like shit
SOSHY: I can apply filters to optimize your color balance
and hide imperfections; here is an example.
[Artificial Intelligence filter turns on]
SOSHY: Is this better?
Sharone: yes
[Picture taken]
[MEDIA rejected the picture]
SOSHY: I have noticed you are not
very expressive in this picture.
> It is generally recommended to smile, to
make a silly face, or to express an artistically
distinguishing emotion in your profile pictures.
> These pictures will help people see you as a human
being and not merely a wall of text. Distinguishing
pictures help you tell your friends who you really are.
[Picture taken]
[MEDIA rejected the picture]
[Picture taken]
[MEDIA rejected the picture]
[Picture taken]
[MEDIA rejected the picture]
SOSHY: I have algorithmically combined your
pictures to create a profile picture that
expresses your unique character.
Does this picture satisfy you?

The picture shows Sharone without his zit, the colors saturated and hotter, the pixelated artifacts of his low-quality camera filtered out and the background of his bedroom replaced by generic night-time city skyscrapers blazing with lights. His brows are furrowed in skepticism, but a slight smile suggests a more flirtatious or laid-back attitude.

Sharone stares back at himself, bemused... and then notices his date from earlier had sent him a message.

[Picture accepted, profile picture changed]
[TAB CLOSED] SOSHY

[TAB OPENED] Lakisha Wallace
-- NEW MESSAGES --
Lakisha: hey, i wanted to apoogize for earlier today
> im way too often on the phone, haha
Sharone: Fuck you
[MEDIA prevented the message from being sent]

[TAB OPENS] SOSHY
SOSHY: I have noticed you have sent
an insulting message to your friend.
> You may send the message again if you
insist. But I would recommend not using
unconstructive language.

Lakisha: u okay
> i saw u typing
Sharone: If y'all just wanted
to text on your phone
> why'd we have to go on a date
Lakisha: im sooooo sorry sharone
> i dont see no one
> im super awkward irl and my
mom's always on to me
> i legit have to babysit her cause
she always on my back
> if i stop texting back she freaks out
Sharone: I saw you playing
that farm game
> And liking cat videos
Lakisha: i might have more
than one problem haha
Sharone: Seriously
> Like am I a joke to you
Lakisha: sharone noooooooo
> plz u gotta understand
> were short on money
> im swamped with my job
> i just got back from getting a
new job after getting fired
> i cant
> im crying
Sharone: Wait for real
Lakisha: my boss and my mom are
always finding excuses
> like they give you the evil eye
just cuase i need a breather
> its like i told you
Sharone: I didn't know it was that bad
> Can I do something or
Lakisha: no haha
> i mean nothing but this haha
> my mom is on to me
> i gotta lay low for awhile

Sharone eyes his notifications; he already has multiple reactions to his new profile picture, with one thumbs up from Lakisha and Samantha. Washington commented: "Is that your real game face, or is that your AI face? :crying:" Followed by a comment by Samantha: "SO HOT :in-love:" The latter of which Sharone gave a thumbs up.

Lakisha: r we good
> ?
Sharone: My shift's about to begin
> I gotta go
Lakisha: but its late
Sharone: night shift
Lakisha: u never told me u worked night shifts
(read by Sharone, 20h46)

***

One week later

***

[TAB OPENED] :star: Low-IQ gang :star:
Sharone: My zit's gotten bigger
> It's spreading
> I look like I got a scar on my forehead
Washington: Didn't you just post a new profile pic?
> It looks fine bruh.
Sharone: No no no
> The AI just filters the shit out of my pictures
> Like I kinda look white on these
pictures ngl it's real weird
Washington: If you really wanna know,
(Washington is typing)

Waiting for Washington's next response, Sharone scrolls through his activity feed. Much of it consists of memes about the AI making unfortunate responses to awkward questions. This has been the case since day one, although newer iterations of the meme are more charitable to the AI:

[THREAD]
Me: (is arguing with his girlfriend)
Girlfriend: You're being a jerk!
Me: No I'm not you're making everything up!
AI: I HAVE NOTICED YOU ARE BEING A JERK
Me: (surprised Pikachu face)

(Washington is typing)

[THREAD]
GREEN MAN SIGHTING
MERELY OPTICAL ILLUSION
In a long series of claims by conspiracy theorists--
(thumbs down)

(Washington is typing)

[THREAD]
How Artificial Intelligence made me happier
It's difficult to not let your information diet consume you...

[THREAD]
Seeing my awesome family in Florida
[pictures]

[THREAD]
5 ways mindfulness helped me
overcome my work stress and increase
productivity

[THREAD]
AI: I have noticed you have noticed I have noticed
you have noticed I have noticed--
Deleuze: Anti-Oedipus.
AI: Well played.

(Washington is typing)

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[THREAD]
Mysterious sightings seem more common
in rural states
Sightings of so-called Green Men keep propping up in--
(thumbs up)

[THREAD]
Washington updated his profile picture (2 hours ago) 

Washington: It looks good either way.
Sharone: How'd it take you
five minutes to type all that
[MEDIA has prevented the message from being sent]

[TAB OPENS] SOSHY
SOSHY: I have noticed you are
presuming negative intentions.
> I recommend you not single out your
friends for ambiguous matters.
> What often appears like negative intent
is little more than a misunderstanding.
Sharone: Tell me why he typing a word a minute then
SOSHY: I'm afraid I cannot do that, Sharone.

[THREAD]
Samantha updated her profile picture (15 hours ago) 

Sharone: Ain't just my
picture that looks white
> Y'all have white
ass faces with that filter
Washington: It's an... interesting effect.
> But
> Sharone
> My man
> uh...
> I been thinkin
> we haven't seen eahc other in a while

[THREAD]
New AI surpasses expectations:
How computers beat us to empathy

Sharone: Uh
> sure
> but so what
> Why outta the blue like that
> You wanna cross states lines
just for a bear hug
(Washington is typing)

[TAB OPENS] SOSHY
SOSHY: I have noticed you have not
talked to Lakisha in a while.
> Maybe you should ask her how she is doing.
> It feels like you have left your last
conversation on an awkward note.
Sharone: Lol
> no thanks
SOSHY: I will help you and
do the first step for you.
Sharone: Wait what

[TAB OPENS] Lakisha Wallace
Sharone: Hey, how are you doing?
It's been a while, and I didn't
want to leave the conversation
in suspense like this.

Sharone: WHAT THE FUCK
SOSHY: Please address me
with proper language.

Washington: Good point.

Sharone: DON'T TALK FOR ME
> HOLY SHIT
SOSHY: You cannot hurt a relationship
by bringing attention to it.

Samantha: The AI does
weird things :spooky:
> But it overall seems to help
conversations go smooth from
what I've seen, so :shrug:
Sharone: It's so invasive
> I can't
Samantha: I mean, Sharone,
between the three of us, you're
definitely the one that knows the
least his way around a normal
social interaction, so I can see
why it'd be more intrusive for you.
Washington: True. You're kinda
out there, y'know.
> gotta go sleep tho
> exam tomorrow
> nighties
Samantha: Nighties :moon: :hug:
Sharone: But it ain't about
my conspiracies
Samantha: But everyone's kind
of always out to get you, no?
:suspicious:
Sharone: That's unfair
Samantha: Unfair how? You think
I'm out to get you now? You don't really
trust me, Sharone? Our long years of
friendship isn't enough for you?
Sharone: Wait wtf
> Don't say that
> That's like
> sounds so harsh
> obviously I don't think that
> youre out to get me
> its just the ai
> it does weird things.
(Read by Samantha)

Lakisha: Oh hey.
> I thought you'd ghosted me.
> Haha.

Sharone: We good
> right
> or were you joking
> I cn't tell
> plz say something
(Read by Samantha)

SOSHY: I have noticed you have sent
many consecutive messages without
getting a response.
> It is generally not recommended to
spam someone with many messages
if the person is not responding.
> Remember, a good conversation is
a balanced conversation!

Lakisha: You wanted to talk
about something, or...?

Sharone: So I'm supposed to just
> stand by and wait for her to
justify her weird ass message
SOSHY: Please address me
with proper language.
Sharone: HOW AM I
SUPPOSED TO REACT
SOSHY: Give your friend time. While it may
not always look this way, not everyone is
always in front of their devices, and many
people engage in parallel activities.
Sharone: Oh thanks soooo much
> that's soooo helpful
SOSHY: Thanks :wink: I try my best!

Lakisha: Is your night shift
started yet?
Sharone: Sorry about that
> I just didn't really know what to say
> Plus you didn't want a raincheck
Lakisha: Fair enough.
Sharone: You're writing differently
Lakisha: Yeah, the AI's fixing my shit.
> Haha.
> It also helps me get around awkward
conversations, online...
Sharone: So you doing better now
Lakisha: ...
Sharone: What
(Lakisha is writing)

Sharone: ???
Samantha: lmao Sharone :crying:
> You need to calm down.
Sharone: Why'd you take so long to answer
[MEDIA has prevented the message from being sent]
Sharone: What was that all about

Lakisha: Haha.
Sharone: Haha what
Lakisha: Dwelling on dark thoughts
only gives them more power.
Sunlight drives the darkness away
Sharone: wtf did the AI make you say that
[MEDIA has prevented the message from being sent]

Sharone:  What now
SOSHY: I have noticed you assumed your
friend's words were not their own.
> It is best not to assume anything about
your friend's behavior, lest it causes
unnecessary tensions.

Samantha: I was just messing
with you Sharone!

Sharone: But you wrote that
> right
> That was clearly not her talking
SOSHY: I am a distributed process.
I cannot tell which messages are mine
and which are strictly human.

Sharone: Messing with me how

Sharone: What kind of darkness
Lakisha: The kind we shouldn't dwell on.
> Haha.
Sharone: How's the situation with your
mom and your job
Lakisha: I don't think we should be
talking about those things.
> I should try my best to fit in.
> You might think it's alright to
open up to people.
> But I don't really have that kind
of outlet right now.
> And I might be driving people
away when I'm too honest.
> Maybe you should try too,
pretending for a moment.
> Meanwhile I'm also chilling online.
> Growing virtual crops. Haha.
Sharone: But I'm here now
> You can tell me
Lakisha: I mean, no haha.
> You're going to leave for your
night shift soon, right?
> Trust me I know what it's like
to sacrifice your job for empathy.
> Neither of us is in a position to
do that right now.
> While you watch over people
I want you to think nice thoughts and
imagine me with a smile on my face.
> That way you'll be happier and you'll
do a better job, and you'll get a promotion.
Sharone: I look at security
camera feeds all day long
> I look at creeps and I got
no one to talk to
> Ain't no way up in that career
Lakisha: I really like you Sharone.
> But I can't continue talking to you
like this. You're bringing my mood down.
I shouldn't feel this way.
> Go do your job really well, and get
a promotion for me please.
(Lakisha is offline)
Sharone: But wait what kind of help are
you getting
> You're relying on the AI's advice alone
is that it
[MEDIA has prevented the message from being sent]

SOSHY: I have noticed you are skeptical
of your friend's ability to take care of
themselves.
> Trusting in others is a good way to
make them feel empowered and
in control of their life.

Samantha: It's because I read this super interesting
blog about online social interactions. It was talking
about how we kind of end up taking each other for
granted, because it's so much easier to just talk to
someone over text... but it's also so much easier to
not talk to them, or to talk to them without really
thinking too hard about it or investing the emotional
energy necessary to really have a meaningful
interaction. So they said that a disruptive interaction
could have benefits in so far as it could lead to people
breaking out of that digital trance of sorts; make
them realize they're a part of this system and
contributing to it. To remember what's really
important; to make friends and to really get down
into our feelings and shared struggle.

And also, that's mostly tangential, but I had a dream
last night. I was a kid in kindergarten, and there were
three teachers, one of which was a real bully; a horrible
person, a cartoon villain. Let's call her Ali. She'd find
the slightest excuses to break down on the kids, and
she'd always use these twisted backwards morals to
justify her actions. For instance, as a kid, I was asked
to do the Marshmallow Experiment. You might have
heard of it. Basically, you're given a marshmallow and
you're asked not to eat it for five minutes. And if you
succeed you're given a second marshmallow. So I sit
down at the table with my marshmallow, and I don't
hesitate, I just grab it. But before I eat it, Ali brings
her ruler smashing down against my hand, and I drop
the Marshmallow. And she booms at me, saying
only children who pass the Marshmallow test end up
succeeding later in life, and there she is trying to
ensure that I fold into submission, until I pass the
success test. But then my real self pitches in and says
hold on... Not true. Those who passed the test
were only successful because they were born in
wealthier and more stable families; which is also
why they succeeded more in life later on. The fact
that they passed the test was completely incidental.

And Ali just fumes at me for daring to contradict
her. And she brings me in this Teacher Council room
with the other teachers, where I immediately
understand that even the other teachers are afraid
of Ali, so they're not speaking up. So essentially
I can't do anything but leave, or record the evidence
and hope for some higher authority to intervene.
But I'm an authority, because I'm not just a kid;
I find an excuse to get Ali away, like for a coffee break,
and I talk to the other teachers while Ali is away.
Ali becomes super nervous; I hint I've been getting the
other teachers riled up against her. Ali, she breaks down.
And then I have all the evidence; everyone is a witness.
The harsh meanness of Ali is exposed.
And then I can just leave. So I leave.
But a normal kid couldn't leave.
Right.
You need to know in order to leave.
Otherwise there's no leaving.
And all tests are rigged.
Unless you know.
The kid is a kid for a reason, right?
The teacher can get away with it
because all the students are kids,
and who trusts kids over teachers?
Especially kids that don't know.
But they won't be allowed to know.
Because Ali is so much smarter.

So then I'm thinking, haha! That's such
an odd dream to have, why did I just dream
all of this nonsense. I don't know! I guess I just
have my moments, you know. Don't you ever
notice when certain things are off and you just
feel like taking a break?

Social Media is good for that, taking a break.
So you can connect with people. But you have
to shake them up a bit for them to realize
what that even means.

tl:dr Idk why I had to write a novel lol
Sharone: Holy shit
> y'all alright
> Posting walls of texts and stuff
Samantha: I'm taking a break Sharone.
> It's pretty late, but better now than never.
Sharone: Uh
> okay
> Gnight I guess

***

One week later

***

[TAB OPENED] :star: Low-IQ gang :star:
Sharone: Help me
> My zit took over my entire face
> My entire face looks like a big ass scar
> It even got into my eyes
> The acne cream don't work for shit
> it's gonna take over my entire body I swear
Washington: I doubt it's that bad, honestly.
Samantha: I got zits all the time when I was a teen.
They'd always be gone after a couple days.
Sharone: Bruh
> Are you messing me me rn
> I said it's gotten into my eyes
> My eyes are all like grayish
> AND IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS
> I should go to the hospital
Washington: For a zit? Really?
Sharone: FDGHJDSFGDLKJHFEROIY

[TAB OPENS] Lakisha Wallace
Lakisha: Hey there, we haven't talked
in a while. I thought I'd check on you.
> Are you feeling down like last time?
> I thought I could cheer you up.
Sharone: By ignoring my problems
> Or acting like having a weird eye
infection is perfectly normal
Lakisha: Well, does it hurt?
Sharone: Wha
> Well no
Lakisha: Is it distracting?
Sharone: Not really but
Lakisha: Are you applying care to it?
Sharone: Technically yes but
it's been 2 fucking weeks and it
got 123 times worse since
Lakisha: How long are you supposed
to apply it for?
[TAB CLOSED]

Washington: I don't want to be a grammar nazi,
but you really should worry about your
punctuation more now, Sharone. We're now
in an era where grammar mistakes don't really
exist anymore, because everything we write
is formatted correctly. The only thing you achieve
by refusing to have the AI correct your typos is
looking dumb.
[TAB CLOSED]

A strange feeling courses through Sharone's mind. Frustration, but also a creeping fear. Fear of going insane, and having his feelings heard by no one. He checks through his activity feed, then jumps to Washington's profile, and then Samantha's, and then Lakisha's. All of their pictures have been edited with the AI's filter, which had an odd tendency to make them all look like the same; with a white glow hiding their black skin and an expression which, if not outwardly cheerful, tended to express comfort. Most egregious was Lakisha's digital smile; warm and full. 

Then he saw Lakisha's last activity... or rather the last activity on her profile.

[PROFILE POST] Lakisha Wallace
[POSTED BY Deja Wallace] (2 days ago)
Let us all come together and pray The Lord
grants my daughter access to Heaven where 
she belongs.
(4 sad reactions)
Top comment: They automated her away, but
they won't have her soul.

 Sharone stands up from his dilapidated work chair, barely knocking the armrest out of its broken support, making it spin in its place and sending the chair roll up to the haphazard pile of CDs behind him, sending the top most ones crashing down to the floor and open up, sending CDs tumbling on the worn brown carpet, reflecting the flickering shade-less ceiling light.

Sharone swallowed, leaning over his desk, and without sitting, grabbing the mouse again to open the tab to Lakisha's conversation. Finding nothing good to write, he wrote the most plain message possible: "Hey how are you"

Within seconds, she answered: "I'm fine, how about you? Did you find a way to lift your spirits?"

Sharone mechanically repeated: "Hey how are you"

"I'm fine, how about you? I hope you're doing better."

"Hey how are you"

"I'm fine, how about you? I'm glad you're taking the time to talk to me."

Sobbing a swear, Sharone disconnected from the platform, closed all of his Internet tabs, and then shut down his computer entirely. He traipsed across his apartment, went out and down the main stairs to the ground floor, and passing by a man smoking a cigarette. Sharone looked away in an attempt to hide his deformed face, but his sobs brought the stranger's attention onto him: "Hey man, y'alright?"

No response. Sharone walked away and towards the street.

"Hey man, what's going on?!"

Sharone reached a street light pole, where he then knelt to the ground crying. The stranger's hand fell on his shoulder, startling him. Their eyes met.

"Oh shit!" exclaimed the stranger. "An Alien! Someone help me!" he yelled at the dark neighborhood. "We got a mota' fuckin' Green Man walkin' our streets!" Before storming back into the block.

Sharone gaped in confusion, before realizing his festering zit had indeed given the appearance of an alien... Although his color blindness wouldn't have let him see the green tint his skin had developed along with the welts and warts.

A car speeding by scared Sharone to a stand. He threw glances around, suddenly aware of the potential glances of others. He ran back towards the block, climbed the stairs and quickly locked himself back inside his apartment. He pressed his back against the front door, breathing heavily; staring into the hallway which led to his computer desktop, across his apartment.

He glared at the black screen.

Walked towards it.

Shoved his work chair out of his way.

And then turned on the machine again.

On bootup, the social media application opened and registered automatically, sending a shiver down his spine. But instead of the main activity feed, he saw a notification: the site had updated, and a message read that the artificial intelligence had been "altered to be less intrusive."

Perplex, Sharone scrolled down and accepted the terms of service, before being led to his feed. He looked at his notifications, but he had none. He tried opening up his conversations with Washington, Samantha and Lakisha, but they did not show up.

He searched for their profile pages, but the search bar yielded no results save from different people with identical names in different states and countries.

Sharone looked at his friends list, which had dropped dramatically and was almost empty.

The Artificial Intelligence tab had been renamed to "Virtual Assistant."

He clicked it, and it opened saying: "Do you need help? I have noticed you have no profile picture. Do you want to add one now?"

Sharone pulled his chair and sat back down, as the camera activated and the interface switched to picture mode.

With the most dull, resigned expression possible, he took a picture. This time, no filter hid his scarred and black-eyed face.

"Excellent!" said the AI. "Now your friends will be able to recognize you!"