When they got back from their college visits Bucky had gone straight to Ella's and they stayed up late into the night with Steve discussing their options. Bucky's second day in New York had made him warm up to the idea of it a little, and Ella decided she wanted to go for herself. Steve's rave reviews of the Boston colleges they visited also convinced Bucky that it was worth him looking at some backups there, so the two of them penciled in a trip to go and have a look around together, Ella just kept her fingers crossed it would be less dramatic than their last tour.

It was late when they all went to bed and they fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. They didn't stir until the following morning. Bucky rolled over, his eyes were half-closed as he searched for Ella in the bed and he woke her with a kiss on the forehead.

"Morning, beautiful," he said softly, his eyes now open and gazing at Ella.

"Hey, handsome," Ella replied. She didn't stir except to smile, "I can see why everyone hates us, we're so gross."

"I prefer cute," Bucky corrected as he rolled out of bed.

He was comfortable in the Rogers' house now, having spent countless nights there, and was planning on staying for the next day or two as his mom had taken his sister back to Indiana to visit their father. Unsurprisingly, he'd turned that trip down. It had only been a year since he'd left and it still wasn't enough time to come around to the idea of seeing his dad again. His mom and sister had put up a protest, but so far he was standing his ground.

Bucky headed downstairs, putting a coffee on to brew and pacing around the kitchen as he waited. As he walked his eyes landed on the family calendar, and he noticed something scrawled on tomorrow's date. One of the words looked suspiciously like 'birthday' and Bucky had a moment of panic before he remembered Steve and Ella's birthday wasn't until September. He stepped closer and realized it said Laura's 21st birthday. He tried frantically to think if Ella had mentioned it, but he was pretty sure she hadn't.

He collected two mugs from the cabinet and poured their drinks before heading back upstairs. Ella was still half-asleep, but she perked up at the smell of coffee. She held out her hands and accepted the drink.

"You didn't have to do this," she said with a smile, grateful that he had because she didn't want to peel herself from her very cozy bed just yet.

"I saw the calendar, tomorrow is Laura's birthday?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, it is," she replied, leaning against his shoulder.

Ella wanted to pretend she hadn't been thinking about it, but the day loomed over her like a thunder cloud, it was impossible to forget. It was impossible not to count down the day until the next birthday her sister was going to miss.

The whole family was subdued that day, all weighed down by the oppressiveness of the grief that consumed them around days such as Laura's birthday.

Bucky disappeared during the middle of the day for a couple of hours under the excuse of needing to pick up some fresh clothes from home, but when he returned, he had three bouquets of flowers in hand, one each for Ella and Sarah and one to take to the cemetery the following day. Ella nearly cried when she realized, she probably would've if she weren't so determined to make it through the day without shedding a tear. She knew the following day that would be near impossible.

Bucky asked Ella if her family were okay with him being there, he wasn't sure if they would want privacy or company. But when Ella's big blue eyes welled up as she begged "please stay," he planted himself firmly on the couch next to her, sticking by her side for the rest of the afternoon and evening. For the entire day, he was touching her somehow, holding her hand, or running his fingers up and down her back when they lay in bed.

That night, Ella tossed and turned, never quite falling asleep. She laid there with her eyes closed, waiting to drift off. Bucky could feel Ella's every move beside him, and at one point he woke enough to reach out for her hand.

"Silly question, but are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"I can't sleep," Ella whispered in reply.

Ella shuffled down the bed, tucking herself under Bucky's open arm and resting her head on his chest. She snuggled in as Bucky wrapped his arm around her, enveloping her in his body heat.

"Tell me about her," he said gently. In the near year they'd known each other, Ella had never told him much. He'd noticed though that she mentioned Laura much more casually now. She was slipped into conversations and instead of shying away from it, they talked and laughed and the air of sorrow that used to cloud their conversations had eased. But still, Bucky knew very little, and he wanted to know more. He wanted to know more about the girl who'd had such a hand in shaping his favorite person.

"Her favorite food was birthday cake," Ella started. It was one of the things she found most amusing about Laura. "Not cake. Birthday cake. Me and mom have baked one every year since. The first time I'm not even sure we realized, it just kind of happened."

Bucky nodded, he immediately felt as though he knew her better.

"She also couldn't cook to save her life, she would drive 10-hour round trips home from college just to have home-cooked food. And then she'd get here, eat enough food to last a month, like 5 of mom's pies to herself in one weekend, and then we wouldn't see her until she got hungry again," she said, laughing at the memories.

They lay there in the dark together for a few minutes, Bucky traced circles on Ella's arm as he waited for her to say whatever it was she wanted to tell him. He could hear the smile on her face as she was speaking, and he wanted her to continue if she wanted.

But Ella's eyes had teared up. Not because she was talking about Laura, but because she wanted to tell Bucky something she'd never told anyone. Something she wanted to say out loud, to get off her chest.

"I hated her," she whispered. "That was the first thing I felt. I just couldn't believe she could be so stupid to get in that car. And it wasn't just a fleeting moment of annoyance, it was days and days of just...rage."

Bucky's finger never broke its pattern of movement on her arm. He gently pressed a kiss to her forehead, knowing that she had just bared her deepest, darkest secret to him.

"I'm sorry," she sighed, "that was a lot."

"No," Bucky quickly replied. "Thank you for telling me. I love you."

"I love you too," she said without missing a beat.

She felt lighter, she felt as though she could breathe deeper as though she could finally get enough air into her lungs for the first time in three years.

Ella stayed where she was, tucked under Bucky's arm, it was the safest place in the world. She drifted back off to sleep, and she didn't stir again until the sun came up.

Every day, Ella has a few seconds first thing in the morning when she isn't grieving. Her sister is asleep in her bed down the hall, waiting until the last possible second before she needs to get up. Some days she's lucky, her alarm wakes her from a deep sleep, and she fumbles around to find the snooze button and she gets five, maybe ten seconds. But sometimes it sets in before she's even fully awake. It's the very first thing that happens. In a split second, her world comes crashing down again. There are two days a year, however, when the realization sets in before she's awake at all. Her birthday, and her death day. On these days, Laura's death works its way into her dreams. And Ella has to relive it all over again before she's even conscious.

That morning, Ella woke in a cold sweat. The same rage that she'd felt when her mom broke the news to her and Steve in their front room was coursing through her veins. She panted, trying to catch her breath. It was almost as though she'd stopped breathing in her dream. Her lungs burned. Maybe she had stopped breathing. Maybe in her dream, she was with Laura, but not here on Earth. She would never know though because the dream slipped away through her fingers tips until there was nothing to remember.

Bucky didn't stir, so she gently moved his arm, lifting it off of her chest, and she headed down the hall. She intentionally stepped on the creaky floorboard to give Steve a warning that she was coming in.

As she opened the door, Steve rolled over, squinting at her. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. He sat up in bed and patted the quilt next to him, inviting Ella to sit down. She did just that, carefully scooting up the bed and leaning against the headboard.

"It shouldn't be like this," she whispered. She'd thought about it a lot. She'd thought about how there were so, so many things that Laura should've been there for. How many things there were still to come. Graduations, love stories, weddings, Thanksgivings, Christmases. Their dad's BBQs, their mom's pies, movie nights. The big stuff, and the little stuff. She was missing out on all of it.

"But this is how it is," he replied quietly.

Ella let her head fall onto Steve's shoulder and they stayed like that until they heard their parents wake up. At some point they had started crying, tears falling silently down their cheeks, turning Steve's baby blue sheets navy.

There was a soft knock on the door as Sarah poked her head in. Ella spotted Bucky just over her shoulder, a lost and pained look on his face.

"Morning guys, dad's making breakfast," she said softly.

Ella gave Steve a sad smile before getting up. She head back to her bedroom and collapsed into Bucky's waiting arms. He stroked her hair, letting her have a minute to collect herself.

She appreciated this more than she could put into words. She needed the pillar of strength Bucky was providing. Someone who wasn't grieving and who could take some of the weight to make the day a little more bearable. She'd never had that with Christian. He'd been nice, sent flowers to her and her family, but he kept his distance. In hindsight she was glad, she didn't want him tangled up in these difficult moments and memories, but at the time she'd just wanted someone to catch her as she fell.

"I love you," she said into Bucky's shoulder.

"I love you too, Ella," he replied, holding her close. "I'm here for you, whatever you need."

Bucky held her as tight as he could, scared that if he didn't she would fall apart. But when Joe hollered from downstairs he had to let go so they could head to breakfast.

The day started off with the family sharing their favorite stories about Laura over pancakes, they all hung around the table long after they'd finished eating, laughing and crying bittersweet tears. Once they'd tidied up, Sarah and Ella fell into their routine of baking Laura's birthday cake, they'd been out a few days before to buy everything they needed. 21 was a big birthday, so this cake needed to be extra special. As they worked away in the kitchen they had a string of visitors, mostly family, all coming with bouquets of flowers. By mid-afternoon, the house resembled a florist shop.

Ella took the time to introduce Bucky to anyone he hadn't met before, of course, they all adored him. Despite the greyness that clouded the day, Ella's heart swelled as one-by-one her more distant family members whispered in her ear about just how great he was. She knew, of course, but she loved that everyone else could see it too.

The evening was centered around a trip to the cemetery, freshly decorated cake in hand. They laid out a blanket on the floor and huddled together, each digging into huge slices of red velvet cake. It was Laura's all-time favorite.

When they got back to the house, Bucky decided to head home to give the family some time to themselves. None of them said they needed it, but he could tell by Sarah and Joe's eyes that they especially just needed some time to grieve in private.

Ella walked Bucky to the door. "Thank you for being with me today," she said as she gripped his hand. "And last night, and every day. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Bucky brushed a strand of Ella's hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek. "I promise to never make you find out," he replied. He leaned forward and pressed a sweet kiss to her lips. 

However, their moment was interrupted as Sarah appeared, hovering in the hallway. Ella shot her mom a quizzical look, but Sarah's face remained unreadable. The woman was giving nothing away. Ella said her goodbyes to Bucky, keeping the PDA to a minimum in front of her mom.

"I'll walk you out, Bucky," Sarah announced.

Bucky nodded, a little thrown by Ella's mom. He couldn't figure out her intentions at all.

As they walked out, Sarah closed the door behind her, Ella was tempted to look through the peephole to try and gauge their conversation, but she refrained. Instead, she hung back in the hallway, waiting for her mom to reappear.

Outside, Sarah followed Bucky to his car, he dumped his bag in the trunk before heading back to the driver's side door.

"Thank you for having me, Mrs. Rogers," he said graciously.

"It's Sarah to you, you know that," she smiled. "Bucky, I need to thank you. You've been brilliant today, you're brilliant every day. And I hope Ella tells you that enough."

"She does," Bucky reassured her.

"Bucky you...I can't explain the impact you've had on my daughter. You didn't know her before so maybe you don't see it. But she's happy, happier than she's ever been when she's around you," Sarah said softly.

"Thank you," Bucky replied. "She makes me very happy too."

"I know," Sarah smiled, "she's very good at that."

With that, she held her arms open for a hug, and Bucky obliged. It was quick, but it told Bucky everything he needed to know about his place in the Rogers family.

After Bucky had left, Steve and Ella sat outside, Ella didn't ask what her mom had said to Bucky, that was between them. The two of them gazed up at the stars as Asleep by the Smiths played on Laura's record player in the kitchen, just loud enough for the two of them to hear. It was her favorite song on her favorite album, and it was the song they chose for her funeral.

"Do you think we'll ever see her again?" He asked.

"'Maybe. I don't know, I never believed in heaven before she died. I still don't. But now, I spend a lot of time hoping I'll be proved wrong," she answered, her eyes searching the stars.