[No Man's Land - Day 100.2]

There are moments when your world begins losing its speed, slowing down until you can't keep track of time. Every minute feels like an eternity within the confines of your own mind, lost in your own thoughts and insecurities. You become fused with the silence, loving it but also hating how alone you can be.

I miss being a child.

When I was a little girl, I was a ball of spastic happiness, giggling until my belly hurt, even if nothing but barbarity surrounded me. I had always been afraid of my father, but there were moments when I could forget and pull myself out of that agonizing zone. My curiosity was my private space. My mood was fast to change; I experienced pure euphoria over the slightest things. Time never happened to me; it happened to those around me. In the times when I didn't fully understand the gravity of my situation, the antidote to my damaged heart was a simple game of hide-and-seek.

But I genuinely feel sorry for that sweet, starry-eyed little girl because even if she is submerged in bliss, the most important years of her life are tainted with malice and darkness... and she doesn't even see it yet. A story I know all too well. I've walked in her shoes and have walked on the territories she's yet to touch. She'll finally feel time, it'll come in long, excruciating lapses while she lays in bed, unable to differentiate between minutes and hours, days even. Inner demons feasting on her pure heart. Voices who claim to be her own. She'll spend most of her teenage years running from the wolves, and the ones she loves the most are just in disguise.

I wish my first love was still a million years away.

Longing to be charmed and wooed is dreamier than reality - the one you love can disappear from your life just as easily as they walked into it. In my imagination, he never does. There, we live in the clouds, and I'm so in love; my mind is so entranced that I cannot even envision my life with anyone else. I'm never alone.

Where I exist, Jerome charmed me. He handled my heart with care, kissed the jagged edges carelessly... and then left me alone.

Here, moving on is becoming the dead-end I keep encountering. Just as I can breathe effortlessly again, the brick wall is placed in front of me, and I throw myself against it, trying to break it down. It never budges.

I had begun envisioning my life with Jeremiah, imagining the multitude of kisses and mornings, and now he was letting go of the rope. He decided to take everything from me, wringing the love out of me to make himself feel safe. I'm certain when he's done, and this crazy theatric he built around us falls, the only one left will be me. Mangled up, watching the dust settle, left to splint my broken bones. I can already feel my mind begin to slip, so who truly knows if anything of me will be left.

"It's all wrong." I heard her mumble beside me, but I didn't even bother to look at her at the moment. She breathed deep before standing up. "I can't believe this... Actually, I can. That's the most pathetic part of this." She paced in front of me nonstop, seeming tired. It surprised me to see her so bitter. I guess all this up and down in my emotions was tearing her apart. She shot me a hateful glare. "You should have stayed away."

I glanced into her eyes, "I know." I whispered, swallowing back my tears.

"Do you know, Reese?" She turned around defensively, hands balled into fists at her side, and screamed. "How? How did we let this happen again?"

"Don't you think I'm just as pissed as you?" I snapped.

She clenched her jaw, "I see a weak girl trying to crawl away from her reality yet again. Reese, we are not the underdog. Either you get with the program and join him, or it's time to go. I'm getting bored of the emotional bullshit."

"Fuck you." I glared.

"I am tired, Reese. Tired!" She screamed like a crazy woman.

"Will you calm down?" A voice interrupted our argument. Our gazes shifted toward its direction, my heart swelling. The fantasized young man had his back turned to us while he stared out the window, arms crossed in discontent. He turned around, his emeralds connecting with mine, but looked visibly tired too. "It's just what happens, isn't it? You fall in love, you try, you get hurt. A vicious cycle that continues on and on."

My eyes narrowed, "You would know."

"Reese -" His eyes shut momentarily.

"I don't know what to do anymore," I confessed, pressing a hand over my chest, the air in my lungs was struggling to stay. It felt like they were constricting more and more with every passing second. It hurt to breathe. "It's gonna happen again. It can't happen again. It - cannot - happen - again."

I smacked my hand against the mattress before standing up and walking toward a table at the corner of the room where a small carafe with water was sitting. I poured some into a glass.

Jerome walked toward her, "I wish I could take the pain away."

I turned around, and by now, she had disappeared. All I could see was him. "Do you?"

"Doll -"

"Don't." I pointed at him accusingly, "Why didn't you talk to me? Why did it have to come to you dying?" I demanded, taking a sip from the warm water as I waited for something to come from him.

He didn't say anything, instead expressed guilt.

"Why would you do this to me? Huh?" I sneered. Rage filled the inside of my body as I inched closer toward the ginger who had stranded me. My hands clenched. "How? How could you be so cruel?" I screamed, swinging my arm to hit him, but my heart deflated when it met nothing but cold air. Jerome was missing. Sobs choked their way out of me as my knees collided with the ground. An unbearable silence engulfed my ears. "You broke my heart, J. You broke it first."

Now I was about to be abandoned again.

The cup in my hand was chucked with a desperate scream, my eyes not looking where the object was thrown. "I hate you. I fucking hate you!"

"Oh, my dear child."

My teary sight remained on the ground for a second, not knowing if what I had heard was even real. Curiously, I lifted my gaze. I was surprised to see that this wasn't in my imagination - Jervis Tetch was at the doorway.

I shut my still leaking eyes, letting my head drop with defeat and shame, trying to breathe. It was difficult to regain composure. "Please go away, Tetch."

But he didn't leave, his footsteps grew closer until he was right in front of me. He lowered himself to my size, and I couldn't help but flinch when his cold fingers touched my chin, lifting my face. There was a glimpse of pity in his gaze. "I understand." I didn't speak back and just continued to stare, trying to control my breathing. "I understand what it's like to lose the person you love the most. It becomes impossible to put the pieces back together."

He wasn't wrong.

"It can get hard to stop pretending you're in so much pain." His voice lowered, and his finger wiped away the tears under my eyes, making me recoil uncomfortably. But his voice was so soft, and I couldn't pull my eyes from his. He kept his on mine. "To remove those scary thoughts from your brain. The twisted lie can seem infinite."

"Yeah." I found myself whispering, furrowing my brows.

His eyes sparkled. "Let me help."

I didn't even comprehend what he was saying. "What?"

A golden sphere with lines and numbers in black entered my out-of-focus vision. "Let the ticking be the serenity inside your stormy mind and let it take any pain it could find." The sound of the slow, rhythmic ticking seeped in, and unwillingly, I felt a pendulum of calm sway through me. Like I was filled with air, a peace I hadn't experienced in a long time, if ever. I looked into the man's black eyes, slightly confused; he only smiled. "It's time to come out and play, my friend, White Rabbit."

It went dark.

- - 🐇 - -

Jeremiah spotted her the minute she entered the door across the room, his muscular figure clothed in a black Zorro ensemble. He was quick to detect the difference in the youthful woman as she strutted toward him; walking oddly, more dignified. Hips swaying. The bruises on her face and body weren't a weakness anymore, and her posture was straight; she did a great job masking the pain. Her gaze was filled with mischievousness, not an ounce of sadness. They remained trained on him as if he was her prey; he could feel the core of his stomach tighten the closer she inched.

"Darling?"

Instead of receiving a sweet response, he was met with a swinging fist. The impact was so hard it left him seeing tiny stars. His jawbone began burning up, stinging. A gasp came from his offended henchwoman. He held his jaw and turned to examine his lover with a hint of confusion but chose to express calm instead of anger.

Her visage remained stoic as she shoved right past him. "Hope that didn't hurt too much."

A quiet groan came as he pressed his fingers against the hurting area. He tried to keep his cool. "I know you're upset, honey -"

A tiny snort.

"Honey?" She repeated, raising an eyebrow while walking toward the tiny table that hosted a bottle with a little bit of scotch left inside. She figured Ecco had probably stolen it. Carelessly, she poured some into a glass and chugged the large amount, grimacing - It was strong. "Honey? Boy, she is down bad." She let out another giggle before finishing the cup and pouring herself another.

Jeremiah quirked an eyebrow at her retribution. "You're going to get drunk now?" He knew for a fact Reese didn't like to drink. Not once. He always guessed it wasn't a habit she had picked up, and now she had just swallowed a glass full of scotch in one sitting.

She fired a look, replying snarkily. "You're going to start getting on my case now?"

Her lover scoffed incredulously and practically stomped toward her, snatching the glass from her hand before grabbing her arm. "Let's go talk somewhere else, darling." He suggested through gritted teeth and tried to pull her along, but she wouldn't budge and tugged against him.

The woman smirked and shrugged mockingly, "And what are you gonna do, Valeska? Teach me a lesson? Am I being a bad girl?"

"Childish more like." He mocked her back with a sarcastic smile.

She leaned closer to him with an offended countenance, "Fuck you." Her voice sounded like she was challenging.

"Reese -" His voice growled in distaste as they glared at each other.

"Isn't she fascinating?" The couple and Ecco faced the entrance of the makeshift movie set to see a giddy Jervis Tetch.

Jeremiah glimpsed between the unstable hypnotist and the snarky woman that felt like his girlfriend but was nothing like her. His eyes narrowed as the puzzle pieces fell into place. "What did you do to her?"

Jervis cocked his head, "I simply brought out the best of her."

"The best?" The woman chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Why does everyone like to underestimate Reese."

Her lover eyed her curiously, understanding. In Reese's journal, he had read about the voice inside her head, who looked like her, but was different. "If you're not Reese, who are you?"

She shrugged and walked closer to him, smirking mischievously. "I'm still Reese Nygma, but the girl you see here; I'm just the devil that's haunting her mind at the moment." She admitted. Her tongue slowly swiped over her bottom lip, clearly skimming over his broad figure. As if she was planning to devour his flesh. "Why you wanted to give me a name, Jeremiah?" She purred seductively, her breath fanning over his face.

He would be lying if he said that tone didn't create goosebumps at the back of his neck.

But she could see it.

Her grin only grew, speaking to him quietly, "Are you nervous?" He didn't say anything, and his evident emotions only filled her with pride, "Good." She traced his face with a sneaky expression stopping with her finger on her lover's lips. "What kind of trouble are we getting into?"

"You're helping?" Jeremiah's eyebrows raised.

"You wanted Reese to be just as involved in your plans as you are. I'm gonna give you that." She whispered before staring deep into his eyes, and the look she had, amplified her own darkness. "But don't ask her to come back when you miss the softness she gave to you... because she won't."

Jeremiah gave her a dirty squint, "Don't act like this."

She scoffed, "I can act however I want, Jeremiah."

He gritted his teeth, his ears felt vacant, internally hating how she wasn't calling him by his nickname. There was no affection.

"This is my game now, Jeremiah. If you won't give Reese what she wants, I'm going to make you hurt when you can't ever have it." She mumbled before smirking. If there was one thing her lover wanted, it was to have everything under control. It's been this way since he was a child, and even when they were together, he disliked disarray. "That's if you manage to survive this stupid plan."

"Is that so?"

"I'm going to tear what's left of your heart apart."

As he stared into the woman's eyes, he noticed the same look he saw when he looked into the mirror. The same concealed anger was hidden behind her beautiful brown irises - still dreamy but now more calculating. She wasn't lying. She was determined to give him a piece of her mind, but she wasn't afraid this time.

Her demeanor changed to a much happier one, "So, can I play Lolita Quintero?"

- - ♡ - -

Hello! If you read this part, thank you for waiting :) Sending love!