Chapter 18: More Than You Can Handle

I woke up alone in bed. Charlie, true to his word, had slept on the couch the after our fight the previous night. Really, it wasn't much of a fight. I just talked at him for a few minutes while he listened, looking very similar to a wounded puppy.

I felt a little bad about taking my frustration out on him, but I hoped that it would at least open up the air for a conversation about the job offer from Dmitri. Charlie's opinion about the job meant a lot to me, and I didn't want to do anything without consulting with him first about what taking the job would mean. Of course, if he wasn't on board with me taking the job, that didn't necessarily equate to me turning the job down, but I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to be making a big decision without at least talking to him.

I cracked the door open and quietly made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and situate myself. Then, I went to the living room. Charlie was still asleep, hunched up on the couch in his clothes from the day before.

I shook my head at the sorry sight of him and grabbed a blanket from the bedroom, covering him up. It was a Sunday, so we both had the day off.

I began to brew some tea and fished through the cabinets for something for breakfast, settling on oatmeal with banana, one of Charlie's favorites. Once it was finished, I carried a bowl over to the couch and nudged his foot.

"Hey," he mumbled sleepily as he awoke, his eyelids fluttering to block out the sunshine that streamed through the window.

"I made you breakfast," I said and held the bowl out to him. He blinked up at me. "Oatmeal," I told him.

With a stretch, Charlie sat up and accepted the bowl, looking around tiredly. He had dark bags under his eyes, which were sliding shut slowly as he fought off sleep.

"Didn't sleep well?" I asked, rubbing my upper arms awkwardly.

"No," he responded groggily, jolting at the sound of my voice. "You?"

"No."

"When was the last time we didn't share a bed?" he asked, rubbing his eyes, cradling the bowl of oatmeal in his lap.

"When I was visiting Sirius."

"One night," he said.

"Before that... probably before we shared a cabin," I said, flattening an invisible fold in the rug by the couch with my foot.

"Not a big fan of it," he said and swirled his spoon through the oatmeal, his eyes cast down.

"Me neither. I'm sorry I got mad."

"No, I'm sorry. I interrupt you a lot and I get distracted easily. I've been so inconsiderate lately. It's like Bill used to say; I don't listen sometimes, I just wait until it's my turn to talk," he said and ran a hand through his flaming hair.

"But I've been so nervous that I really haven't been trying all that hard to share the news," I said and shrugged my shoulders. "We've both been a little out of line."

"That doesn't excuse my behavior." He paused. "Is it true? That you don't like my frog shirt?" he asked.

"I think it's tacky," I said. He nodded and looked at the ground.

"Tell me about the job offer," he said suddenly and turned toward me as I sat down beside him on the couch.

"You should eat your oatmeal before it solidifies," I said and gestured to the bowl of oatmeal that was getting cold.

"You've waited long enough to share the news," he said, "and I want to know."

"Alright... Well, Dmitri has been doing work on the side, I guess, and he wants me to be his apprentice or whatever," I said.

"And?" he probed.

"And he says that I would be able to do work beyond the stuff I do here. There's never much of anything that happens here and when shit does happen, it's all accidents or, now, attacks. This would be actual medical training for illnesses and stuff."

"So you'd be where?"

"Well, I don't know. I could just stay here and I could go and do private shit wherever."

"The sanctuary doesn't house anyone who doesn't work here," he said. "If you do this, we'd have to find somewhere else to live."

"Or I could do both, like Dmitri does," I said. "I could do all of my normal shifts and then do other work on the side. Dmitri thinks it would be a good idea just in case this doesn't work out."

"In case what doesn't work out?" he asked, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

"This," I said gesturing around me. "What I'm doing now. It's like a backup plan."

"Do you think you need a backup plan?"

"I don't know. That's why it's a backup plan, just in case something goes wrong."

"If anything goes wrong, we'll work through it together, just like we always have," he said, setting the bowl of oatmeal on the coffee table and turning toward me. "You don't have to have a backup plan."

"I'm not saying that I feel like I need one, I just think it would be nice to have, you know? So I wouldn't have to worry about it?"

"You shouldn't ever worry about it," he said, furrowing his eyebrows. "You have a job, you have a home, you have family, you have everything you need."

"I don't have security. Look at what's been happening; I'm already on probation. I think it's a good idea."

"Well, I..." he trailed off with a sigh.

"Say it. Whatever it is you're thinking, just say it," I said.

"I don't want you to think I'm trying to discourage you." I was silent. "I just don't know if this is the right move."

"You don't?"

"I don't."

"Why not?"

"Because it feels rushed. We've discussed this. You're not actually on probation. Cristian is just trying to keep order the best he can. Your position is secure. You're indispensable here. I think you're latching onto the first opportunity that you can find because of the probation when you don't have to be worried."

"I am actually on probation. Whether it's for show or not, I am on probation and I can get fired. What if I screw up while on this ersatz probation? Is that going to stop Cristian from firing me? What if Hana makes a big deal over it and he fires me to keep order?"

"He would never do that," Charlie said.

"You don't know that. Your logic is that Cristian thinks like you and that's not true."

"Come on, Y/N," he said, beginning to grow irritated.

"You can't be sure of his motives," I argued. "I don't know whether to be flattered or annoyed that you won't accept that someone would fire me."

"The possibility of you being fired doesn't mean that you have to run away."

"Run away?"

"Yes, run away. I don't think you should give up on your job here because there's a possibility that you could be fired."

"I'm not running away, Charlie. I don't have to go halfway across the world to do private work, and, as I said, I can do both. I'm not running away from here," I said.

"And if you do decide to just do private work?"

"I would never do that without consulting you, and we would figure it out. You know that. What's the real issue here?"

"I'm scared for you. I'm scared of you going out and taking on something that you can't handle."

"You don't think I can handle it?"

"That's not what I'm saying," he sighed. "I just think that this is a huge leap, going from working in a hospital to doing private medical work, and I don't want you trying to take it on and to have it not work out for you. You say you want security. You have more of that here than you would have doing private medical work with no skill."

oh shit

things were smoothed over for a moment there and then charlie may have just said something that may have been a little bit, maybe a tad bit, out of line. maybe.

how do you think y/n is going to handle this? you'll see next week

^me waiting to see y'all's reaction to charlie's last line