* I apologize if you can't read the chapter title, in case you can't it says "Talk To Me Please". *

ᖶᕼᓰᖇᕲ ᕵᘿᖇSᓍᘉ ᕵᓍᐺ:

That morning Kaito woke them all up early, claiming they had a nice activity planned for the day. Kuroo had gotten used to these spontaneous getaways from the Kozumes, it was kind of their thing. 

Akaashi and Bokuto both had their hair spiked up in ways that almost competed with Kuroo's own hair, and Akaashi had the cutest sleepy face ever.

"Where are we going?" Asked Bokuto, pausing to yawn. 

"Well, there's a venue by the beach about twenty minutes from here and...well my dance team is competing there." Kaito said, cringing a little towards the end. "You don't have to go Ken, you and your friends can stay, but I kinda need to go."

"Nah it's uh, fine. I haven't seen the guys in a few years."

"I know, but Ken there's a reason why you haven't seen them-"

"I know, dad. Believe me, I can handle it. If it gets bad, I can just leave."

"Are you sure?" Cut in Anzu, grabbing her son's hands, which were bony and freezing. 

"Yeah." There was a look in Kenma's eyes, a look Anzu hadn't seen in some time. That cold and calculating determination that had been her son's signature look.

"Okay." She believed him, but she didn't trust those snakes that infested Kaito's team. The environment could turn so toxic at times, it worried her.  And she couldn't say anything, she couldn't ask for them to get kicked out, she couldn't stop them, even as an adult, as a mother, she felt useless. 

She was useless. 

Seeing her son like that, all rocky and beat by a sickness as dangerous as anorexia, it broke her. If she could swap places with him, she wouldn't hesitate and spare him. He'd been through enough of it. 

But she couldn't do that.

She could only watch from afar as her son slowly got thinner and thinner, less and less healthy by the second, and the only she could do was offer support and as much help as she could. But that was about it. 

She couldn't force him to do anything, she had sent him to clinics before and the only thing he got out of them was trauma, and she was sure she wasn't willing to put him through that again. 

But she was strong. She took a deep breath and nodded.

"Let's get ready then."

Kenma and the guys walked back to the room, throwing on whatever clothes looked the fanciest. 

"Damn I feel like people are gonna laugh at us, we're so underdressed..." Sighed Bokuto looking through the clothes he brought, which consisted of mainly T-Shirts, tank tops and shorts.

"I have this extra one you can borrow." Offered Kuroo, throwing a dark green button-up at him.

"Why do you have this?" 

"Well, I know the Kozumes, these guys were always doing spontaneous shit so I got used to always bringing at least one outfit for every occasion." Shrugged Kuroo as he put on the shirt he was going to use, a wine colored shirt that had white buttons.

"Could've given us a heads up, you fucker." Hissed Akaashi he was trying to put on a pair of skinny jeans with as much dignity as possible. 

"Hey! You didn't ask so I didn't say."

"Guys stop." Groaned Kenma, who was starting to get a headache by their bickering, nowadays anything was possible of giving him a headache.

Kenma got into the very corner and slyly took his shirt off, shuffling two feet to pick up the other one he was going to wear, he had his back turned to the three of them, but he could feel their eyes on him.

Kuroo could only see bones. 

That was it, the skinniest he had ever seen Kenma, he looked so small, so frail, that even the small blow of the wind looked able to break him. 

He could see every movement he made under his skin, the way his joints moved, his bones twisting and turning around each other to allow movement. He saw it all.

They all did. 

And that's when they all finally realized that it was officially time to get him help, he needed it, he looked ready to die but they were all sure he wasn't ready to die, not like this...Not looking like the sickness had won. 

Bokuto wanted to touch him, for some reason he craved the feeling of being able to feel Kenma's heartbeat under his palm, a small part of him couldn't believe he was alive, he looked like a walking corpse, ready to collapse at any given second and just turn to dust before he even touched the ground. 

He needed the reassure that there was still a beating heart under that skin, a pale and sickly-looking one, he needed to make sure that Kenma was still there...

Akaashi wanted to cry. He hadn't had this overwhelming feeling of the need to cry in an uncertain amount of time, but he could already feel his face getting hot and a lump in his throat form. How had he not noticed the gravity of it, how had he allowed this?

He needed to know what was wrong, could he help fix this? There must be a way, there needed to be a way, this wasn't defeat, they would find a way. They needed to. 

It felt like hours but it was only seconds, and once again Kenma's body was out of sight, swallowed by a pinkish piece of cloth that seemed about four sizes too big on him.

"Guys, let's go!" Exclaimed Kaito from the porch. They all hurried to finish getting dressed and all clamored outside, looking casual at best. 

"Well don't you all look dandy, into the car we go, amigos." They crammed into the car, their knees touching almost an uncomfortable amount as Kaito drove to what looked like a fancy-looking venue. 

"Well, here we are. I need to go straight backstage but if you guys feel like looking around go ahead, Ken, Cruz came to visit and she's gonna perform today if you're interested in seeing her."

"Cruz is here?!" Exclaimed Kuroo, his eyes sparkling. 

"Oh, yeah...Cruz." Sighed Kenma, already picturing the energetic little girl. "How old is she now? Nine, ten?"

"Sixteen."

"Sixte- Oh fuck." Now Kenma felt like an asshole. Cruz was his little cousin, one he hadn't seen in years, hence the age confusion. 

And with that, Kaito ran off, disappearing within the growing crowd.

Anzu sighed and turned to the boys, Kenma had a slight blanked-out look on his face while the other three took everything in, this was in fact a very nice venue. 

"Well, what do you want to do first?"

The four of them shrugged. Kenma wasn't sure of what he wanted to do, anytime he came to these types of events he was always performing, it was weird being here without the nerves and the anxiety that came with having to present. 

He didn't know what it felt like being on the other side of the curtain, not on the stage but in front of it. It was definitely weird. 

He thought volleyball would take away his passion for dance, and in some cases it did, it showed him that he was capable of other things, but he never really detached himself from it, he could never detach himself from something so dear to him, something that meant so much, but his relationship with dance was toxic, and so many people had recommended he didn't go back to it.

But would it be so bad?

He knew the answer, and it would be yes, all those childhood memories would come back to haunt him, every step he took the shadows of all that trauma and abuse would be right behind him. He wasn't safe from it. 

They started walking around, seeing all those people, some of them wearing sweatshirts or sweaters over their dance attire, warming up in the hallways or helping each other get ready, it brought him back.

It wasn't to happy memories, not really, but it brought him back. And hell, not all of it was bad.

Dance had its beauty, its grace, its strength. You had to look beautiful while performing excruciatingly complicated moves, moves that took up strength, that pushed you to your limits. It made him feel strong, it made him feel beautiful. But oh how quickly those feelings were stripped from him. 

All those hours of training, of stretching, of pushing his body over his limits, hours of memorizing the routines, all of it to waste. 

He was tapped on the shoulder, making him whip his head to the left.

"Kenma!"

"Cruz!" 

He was happy to see her. She looked so grown now, especially wearing all that makeup, but he could still see her young features under it. Those big, yellowish eyes, the long black hair. And that crazed look on her face, yep, definitely Cruz. 

"Haven't seen you in ages, oh my gosh, you asshole why haven't you messaged me!" She exclaimed, playfully punching him on the arm. 

"I'm sorry!" Laughed Kenma "I've just been busy." 

"Yeah, seems you've forgotten about me, I'm insulted." Stated Cruz with fake dramatism. 

"Yeah, yeah. So what're you performing?" 

"Ah thank you for asking, I am doing a jazz/modern dance mix."

"Interesting, music?"

"Stray Kids."

"You're joking."

"AM NOT! And you're gonna shut up and love it, I don't know what's your obsession with dancing to classical music, no wonder you only stuck to boring ballet. Live a little, shake what your momma gave you."

"The only thing my mother gave me was bad hearing."

"And a bad attitude apparently, come on, Ken, groooooove it!" She said while making exaggerated groovy moves and pressing up against Kenma in a teasing way. 

"There's nothing wrong with ballet, plus, I also learned other things." Kenma whipped Cruz around and grabbed her gently by the hands, making her twirl and step back, Cruz quickly caught on and followed his steps, smiling as they danced in a circle, in perfect coordination. 

"Yeah you can waltz, but can you tango?" A mischievous smile crossed Cruz's features as she suddenly raised the pace, this time she taking the lead. Tango wasn't Kenma's forte, but he was good at it. 

Without missing a beat, Kenma followed, taking wide steps and dragging his feet, his hands landed themselves on her waist to be able to twirl her. They kept eye contact, which was the part he hated the most about tango, you HAD to keep eye contact with your partner. 

"Come on, Ken, eyes on me." Chastised Cruz, hell this kid...always so demanding.

"Fuck off."  He raised his hands and grabbed one of hers and the other one behind her shoulder, their feet in perfect coordination. 

They kept at it for a few more seconds until Kenma had enough of Tango, he really didn't enjoy it, mostly because of the eye contact, at least they didn't have to breathe the same air thanks to the masks. 

"Okay! This has been fun, but that's enough, Cruz. Shouldn't you be warming up?" 

"You're always ruining the fun, but yeah, I should be, but I wanted to be nice and say hi, party pooper."

"Well you said hi, now go."

"I didn't say hi to everyone, geez, so hasty." 

Kenma groaned internally. He watched as Cruz walked over, walking directly to Kuroo and wrapping him into a hug. Kuroo accepted the hug gratefully and patted her head.

"Hi! I'm Cruz, Kenma's cousin, who are you?" With her thick Italian accent it was hard to understand her sometimes, and clearly both Bokuto and Akaashi didn't understand jack shit. 

"She says hi." Translated Kenma.

"Non parlare per me, Kenma!"

"Loro non ti capiscono."

Cruz made a dejected face and turned back to Bokuto and Akaashi.

"Cruz!" She said while pointing to herself.

"Akaashi."

"Bokuto." 

"You have beautiful names! Or those your given names or your last names? You Japanese people are so funny, I never know if those are your names or your last names."

"Last names."

"Ah! Mine's Romano-"

"Cruz! Cruz. Where is that girl! Ah there you are, I've been looking for you everywhere, Mio dio." A lady came and grabbed her by the arm, not using any brute force but just enough to drag her away, as she was dragged away Cruz waved goodbye with a bright smile.

Just as she left someone bumped into Kenma's side.

"Ah excuse me! Wait...Kozume?" Kenma looked up and to his horror there he was, Jupei, his ex-classmate. 

"Jupei, ha...Nice seeing you." He remembered him, all the things he said, all the things he did, it all came back. He could hear all of it, all the times he had cried because of him, all the times he had purged himself of food because of him, all the things he made him do...

He couldn't do this, he wasn't strong enough, if he could barely handle seeing just one of his classmates, how did he think he'd be able to handle all of them, no, he couldn't.

You're too fat.

Damn, you're ugly. 

You'll never be good enough.

Were those comments  his or just his imagination? Were those things actually said to him or  was it all his brain in its try to sabotage his whole life?

No, it was real. He remembered it too vividly. 

All those times he worked his ass off to try and be the best he could be, to live up to his potential, and all he got in return were nasty looks and hurtful comments from his teammates. All that work, gone to waste. 

He remembered it all. 

It was overwhelming, how it all came back. How all those memories suddenly flowed inside his head and all he could do was look at the guy that had once tormented him to the brink of insanity, to the guy who was one of the leaders of the group that made him feel miserable, unloved and most of all ugly beyond recognition. 

The guy who was now smiling down at him, showcasing his teeth but that smile had no sympathy in it, no remorse for what he did. He knew what he did, it was obvious, and yet Kenma knew he wasn't getting a sorry anytime soon. 

So he just stood there, frozen, unable to utter a word because he knew that if he tried, he wouldn't be able to formulate any sentence and just break down and leave. 

He wanted to leave. 

He had tricked himself, he wasn't strong enough, he never was and he probably never would be. How stupid of him to think that he'd be able to go back and just pretend like none of the things that happened actually happened. 

He was naïve. He didn't consider the consequences it would bring. 

He couldn't breathe, Jupei was talking to him, he could see his lips moving but everything was distorted, was he insulting him? Or was it just a plain old greeting. 

What was happening?

Bokuto didn't know how to react. The guy had just bumped into Kenma, said a small apology and all of a sudden Kenma was frozen. 

He could see his hands starting to shake, he could see how his eyes started to water. He could practically see the fear and anxiety rolling off of the smaller male. Who was this guy? And why did his presence disturb Kenma this much?

Did he need to interfere? Was Kenma in danger?

Kenma spoke, but it didn't sound like actual words, more like a rushed-out, slur excuse of a sentence, one that clearly meant that Kenma would rather be talking to anyone else. 

Seriously, who was this guy? 

Bokuto didn't like him, everything about him just felt...off. The way he smiled at Kenma, that smile just conveyed the message 'I'm better than you, what're you doing here?' Which pissed off Bokuto at a severe degree.

Lately, he'd been having a hard time controlling his anger, and he had spoken to his doctor about it, thinking it could be a side-effect of the pills he was now taking, but turns out that it wasn't, and they weren't very sure as to why he suddenly couldn't keep his anger in check, or his impulsiveness. 

It was weird. He felt weird. 

But he also felt very fucking angry, it was obvious he was disturbing Kenma, and he suddenly had an urge to punch the guy. 

But he couldn't do that, unless he wanted to stir up some serious issues. So he had to breathe, do what he psychologist told him to do. 

Breathe.

Count to ten. 

Try to not flip out. 

Which on paper sounds hella easy, but having to actually do that was harder than pushing a car uphill. 

He would very much rather have to push up the car uphill than have to deal with this honestly. 

He aws Kenma take a step back, but the guy just took a step forward. 

"Kozume, it's nice seeing you, how you've been? It's been a few years, wow you look different! Still could do a little something about it, but hey, don't we all? I'm assuming you came here with your father, nice guy by the way, he supports our group very much ever since you left, we've been on so many competitions it's crazy, we even left Japan several times! I heard you turned to volleyball, which honestly I thought they were joking at first because...like, look at you, you shouldn't do sports at all honestly."

Bokuto couldn't believe it, now he was seriously going to punch that guy.

He was about to start walking towards them when he felt a small yet thin hand on his arm, gently pulling him back.

It was Akaashi. 

Akaashi didn't know what to do, Bokuto looked like he was about to flip his shit, and Kenma looked on the verge of having a panic attack. He shot Kuroo a look and grabbed Bokuto, silently signaling that he could deal with the silver-haired boy while Kuroo went and dealt with the asshole. 

Which, yeah, Akaashi would've dealt with him perfectly himself, but he was more concerned about Kenma and Bokuto than having to verbally beat the shit out of a cocky, blond dude. 

Plus, he'd have a jolly time watching Kuroo mouth him off. 

Kuroo was taller, bigger and just overall scarier looking than the guy, and it was almost comical how Kuroo's shadow suddenly covered the guy, who's eyes slowly shot up to meet Kuroo's, who looked absolutely livid. 

"Hey man..." 

"Don't 'Hey man' me, who the fuck are you?" He snapped. 

"I'm just...Kozume's old teammate, we were just catching up, nothing harmful."

"Yeah right, go away. Isn't it obvious that he doesn't want you here?"

"If he doesn't want me here than he can say it himself."

"Go away." Whispered Kenma, shaking like a leaf, his eyes filled with tears "Get the fuck away from me." 

For a moment, the guy looked slightly taken aback, as if he weren't used to having someone like Kenma standing up to him, but his demeanor darkened a little as he stepped back and walked away. 

Kuroo's breathing was slightly altered, he could hear his own heartbeat and he was clutching his fists as tight as they'd go, he knew who that guy was, he didn't remember his name but he knew what he did. 

And that was enough to make him want to stab somebody. 

In a moment of blurriness, he turned around and Kenma suddenly wasn't there anymore, and Akaashi was seen running down a hall, he assumed after Kenma.

Bokuto and Kuroo shot each other a small look before following after, power-walking around the people and trying not to accidentally push somebody out of their way. 

The place was confusing, filled with corridors and stairs and twists and turns. But eventually they caught up to Akaashi and Kenma, who were sitting at the bottom of the stairs under the staircase, Kenma curled up in a corner, his knees to his chest as he hugged them, crying and coughing. 

Akaashi was kneeling in front of him, trying to get him to talk, asking if he could touch him, looking very much frustrated himself. 

Kuroo and Bokuto took a small moment to compose themselves but eventually sat at either side of Kenma, a cautious amount of space away from him so he didn't feel overwhelmed. 

They all stayed in silence for a while, the three of them just allowing Kenma to cry as much as he needed to. 

"Baby what's wrong, talk to me please..." Pleaded Akaashi, who was slowly itching closer and closer to him, anxious out of his mind. 

"It's just that...I don't like it here..." Cried Kenma, wiping away his tears. "It brings bad memories that I don't think I'm ready to bring back." He let out a single ironic laugh and went back to crying. 

"Is there anything we can do?" Asked Kuroo, looking at Kenma with pain in his eyes. 

"Come closer, I feel...alone." He didn't want to admit it, but all those days he had locked himself in his room so he could starve alone and in peace, he had missed them, a lot. He needed them, he couldn't handle his own thoughts, he hated them, he wanted those disgusting thoughts gone. 

It was almost immediate, suddenly three warm bodies were curled up around him, embracing him as tight as they possibly could. 

For once he didn't feel like pushing them away, to just scream at them to leave him alone, he just accepted the affection, warm and nice as it came. 

He wasn't okay, and he probably wouldn't be for a long time, but he had them and that's what mattered. 

At least for now. 

⚫  ⚫  ⚫

Hey there! I'm not dead, still alive and kicking. Can y'all believe it's September already??? Like goddamn where'd the year go? Well anygays, how have you guys been? I hope you all have a nice day/night, drink water, eat, sleep (Because I know at least half of y'all are severely sleep deprived). 

I love you guys <3

~Tobi <3