It's generally difficult for me to stay asleep, so I was partly there when I heard the titanic brat begin to wake up. Ugh, please no, please no.

The heavy consideration of getting up and sneaking back into the house was pounding in my mind, but I already heard the concrete steps come over towards this table. Too late, dammit.

Julien was definitely giving me false hope when he gave me a simple glance and a smile, "Good morning, Ernest." Before tapping harshly on the roof of the house. Wait for it. I sighed when his fingers grasped at the top of the hammock I was resting on. "Why're you sleeping outside today?"

I need an alone time breather.

"C'mon, it's time to get up." His hand comes over, and thankfully, doesn't grab onto me instantly. Rather, it pinches at the strings of the hammock. It was purposeful false hope yet again, of course, because a second after I calm down, he pinches me at my sides. Instantly, I bite down on my tongue to avoid screaming out in the painful shock.

My stomach turns, heart dropping when he lifts me up just a bit, only to topple me over to the top of the table. I roll over with a grunt, not bothering to get up once I'm in a still position.

"I said come on!"

Groaning, I move over to lie on my back, wrist going over my eyes.

Julien pauses, deciding on the torment. Satisfied then, his hands clasp on the table as he hovers over me, "Why are you so lazy?" He asks. I can already feel and, horridly, smell the gust of his breath. Wincing, I turn over slightly. It only determines him more as he hovers closer and closer, "Why are you so lazy, Ernest?"

"Stop it!" I cry out, moving my hands over my face, "Ugh, you didn't brush your teeth yet. I told you not to show me your morning breath!"

Dammit, I should not have said that.

Julien does lean back a bit, blinking at me with those stupid Heide eyes (Why do the dumb kids have those eyes?). It takes a second or two of his staring to let a grin morph onto his face. Dammit, dammit, dammit!

His hand clasps right over me, locking me right onto the ground of the table. Even still, I'm trying to sit up and pull myself out from his grip, but his other hand moves over behind me.

"As if you're supposed to tell me what to do." He says under his breath. Stupid ass kid can really hold a grudge. I sneer as he hunches over, looming close above me. Draping over the table, it allows him to open his mouth right in front of me.

"Oh, Gods..." I grimace, trying to turn my head away, but the fingers at the side of my head make it difficult.

"You think..." His grip tightens on me as he snickers, "You're supposed to tell me what to do?" He asks, and I simply close my breath and squeeze my eyes shut as he presses closer and closer. "Hey, dipshit, open your eyes."

I do so, but only in a nervous squint.

As soon as he sees some opening from my eyelids, he opens his mouth wide. I'm really starting to suffocate here with my holding my breath, but I don't want to breathe in when he's like this.

His grip tightens each time I look away or close my eyes, so I just keep painfully squinting into that treacherous cave he calls a mouth. The saliva covering everything from his gums, teeth, and tongue, it's revolting. His breath must be a hundred times worse, especially in the morning and after he's ate - I hate it. I just pray that he won't actually put me in there this month.

"You hate it, don't you?" He asks the obvious question, and the ends of his lips curl into a smile. It's difficult to make out his words, since he's trying to keep his salivating mouth wide open for presentation. "Then I'll bet you'll hate it even more if I put you in here."

"Ye-Yeah..." I just mutter, but instantly shut my mouth upon catching a whiff.

"I'll put you in there." On cue, a drip of his saliva falls atop of me, catching me on the collar of my shirt. I cringe, shuddering at the sensation. "I'll roll you around, I'll suck on you, I'll bite you. Until your skin comes off, until your limbs rip."

"Please don't." I mutter again, more annoyed than frightened. He says this all the time, and though, as I said, he does partly act out on it, I doubt he'd do it in the morning when he has to get ready for school.

"I'll swallow you." He continues, more saliva pooling around in his mouth. This time I cry out when it dribbles onto me. I just took a shower an hour ago, goddammit! He stifles back a chuckle. "You'll slide down my throat and in my stomach, and then-"

"Julien!"

His face falls, another drip of his spit falling onto me when Irene calls out from the door of the dollhouse. Blinking, he raises his head and looks over to her.

I can't see her due to Julien's wall of a hand, but I hear the sternness of her voice, which, for once, I'm happy to hear. "You need to hurry and get ready. You have practice today."

"Well, ah..." His grip loosens, "It's after school."

"That just means you have to have a better breakfast. You should go make it now."

"Yeah," I add, snickering, "And since we're already awake, you should share."

He stares at Irene for a few more seconds, before finally lifting off of me. I sit up with a relived sigh, still disgusted over the brat's saliva all over my top half. "R-Right. You're right." It takes another second for his smile to return, "Okay, I'll have breakfast out in a bit!" Before turning and making his leave out of the room.

I'm all smugly relieved, until I hear Irene clear her throat.

Shit.

Looking down nervously, I stifle an uncomfortable chuckle, "Ah... It's... Ah..." Shit, shit, shit. Forcing a more firm smile, I look up, "So about-"

Nope, she already went back inside the house.

Son of a...

By the time I went inside, expecting another awkward situation with Irene, she was already with Kyle in his room, I noted with a flushing scowl.

Heide was groveling on the couch, blanket pulled over her as she kept groaning. Julien was persistent on keeping her with him all day yesterday, so she was probably sore all over.

As I made my way to my room to change my shirt, I knocked harshly on Carmen's partially opened door. Irene or Heide must have tried to wake her up, but the girl's always bent on staying in bed.

Even when I was in a different change of clothes and returned to the hallway, she was still in bed. "Hey, hey," I entered and tugged at her covers, to which she groaned and pulled them back over to her. "Good morning to you too. It's time to get up."

"This is stupid." She grumbled.

"I know. Trust me, I know. If it makes you feel any better, I had zero sleep last night, I spent the entire night outside." I couldn't help but shake my head annoyingly at the last word. Outside.

She stopped squirming, "... Why?"

I shrugged, "Just needed to do some thinking." It seemed to do the trick, because after a brief silence, she began getting up out of bed.

When I made my way downstairs, Kyle was already out and talking with Irene, Heide just starting to get off the couch. Or falling off, whatever.

The second that Irene turned and gave Heide her attention, I took the opportunity to rush over to Kyle and lean towards him, ruffling his hair a bit, "Mornin', soldier."

He simply frowned, "What do you want?"

"How cruel." I kept leaning closer and closer to him, knowing this would piss him off. "You remember what we talked about yesterday, right? If you annoy him when I'm around..."

"Okay, okay." He scowled, shaking and moving free of me.

Irene shoots at me as soon as she notices, "Leave him alone, for fu - Christ sakes."

I stepped back, raising my hands in mock surrender, "I was just reminding him!"

For breakfast today, we have clumps of scrambled egg. We go out to eat as the titanic brat gets ready. I notice Kyle's grimace upon the first taste, and I shoot him a curious look, "What is it?" He's way too picky, food is food.

"Too buttery." It probably hit him a bit personally (that guy could get sensitive over everything), since he commonly helped Julien in his cooking. Another failed lesson. When he glanced back, I was quick to move closer.

"Don't tell him." I hiss.

"Why not? It's-"

"Remember our promise!" We weren't sure if Julien was open to criticism right now. Kyle frowned stubbornly, but didn't say anything about the excessive butter when Julien neared.

Even in the morning, only still adjusting his collar and running his hands through his massive bedhead, Julien leans over to the table to talk to Heide about what he expects his day to be like. "Those guys in lunch keep pissing me off. If they talk to Gale and Tiff one more time, I swear..."

She shot the words he always said to her, over at him, "Calm yourself!"

He ignores her, biting his lip, "I got three options. One, I can beat the shit out of them-"

Kyle and Irene both say it together, "Don't do that."

"No, no, let him do it." I struggle to swallow down the food, and the two shoot glares at me. "You heard it, Jules, beat them up."

He stops running his hand through his hair, biting his lip. "What do you think?" He asks, eyes directing over to Carmen, who's oblivious. When she keeps chewing on her food, he frowns, "Carm." She visibly stiffens in a freeze when he says her nickname. "What do you think?"

"... I don't know." And then she goes back to chewing.

Julien pauses, before shaking his head and muttering, "You just don't care about anything, do you?" Normally, questions like this are a jab, some sort of way to get us riled up, but the blank tone he uses implies nothing on his part. "Not a single fucking thing-"

"Jules!" Heide gasps over dramatically. "You said a-"

His hand slams on the edge of the table, and we all jump. Julien stands up from his chair and turns, walking out the door, "I need to finish getting ready."

I prefer his bad moods to be tied with reclusive behavior, than aggressive.

Even when he makes his leave for school, I remain outside, lying atop of the hammock that I had to set up and fix. I just wave off Irene's glare as she goes back inside. We'll discuss more later. I was too stressed out, I didn't trust any of my actions, so I might as well just rest.

I expected Heide to go play her dumb little games with Irene and Kyle, but after just a few minutes, she came outside and stood next to me. When she stepped out, I thought she was just gonna get something from the shed at the other side of the house, but she stood right beside me.

After a pause, I gave her my attention, "What?"

She held out her notebook to me, and I still confusedly blinked, "I'm bored."

Furrowing a brow, I began to sit up, "Can't you get Kyle or Irene to play with you?"

"Kyle's really, really tired, and Irene's feeling sick again." She said, and I looked away instantly. I can sense the stubborn pout on her face, what with her sudden tone change, "She never plays with me in the morning anymore."

"Why can't you just go back to sleep? Or," I looked over at the soccer goal, "Play soccer, or something?"

"I don't feel good." She dragged over a chair and sat in front of me. I looked over at her, and once having my attention, she rubs her shoulder, "I'm bruised all over this time."

Julien, I swear to God...

"You shouldn't be out here when Julien gets home," I tell her, "He likes picking up and messing with you the most, and when you're out here, he's gonna take the chance to do just that. When he gets home, you should just stay in the house, and don't come out."

She sits back, scratching her cheek, "But then Jules gets all moody."

Moody, again, it all varies. He'll mostly get scared if he pissed the target off beyond reason. His reaction to that feeling really depends, I don't know on what. The kid is unpredictable.

I dare say it, "That doesn't matter. Just rest off your body, okay?"

"I get bored, though."

Gods, does that really matter? "One of us will sit with you and play any board game you want." I say, and that gets her. Smiling, she sits up and begins drawing the hanged man set up, before handing me the notebook and pencil.

We play and talk for around two hours before she grows cold. The heater is kicking in today, but it's still rather cold for us. "Going inside," She stood up and collected her things. I lied back on the hammock and wove to her, but she didn't leave. "Come on," She frowned down at me, "All of us were scared because you spent all night out here."

"Even Irene?" I ask, for shame.

"No, everyone but her."

Need I repeat, for shame.

Sighing, I cross my arms under the back of my head, "Sorry, I want to rest out here."

"No." She says it loudly, and I groan as she grabs at my arm, forcing it alongside with her as she tugs. In the end she's no match for me, so she huffs and heads towards the door, "I'm telling Irene you're being mean-!"

"Okay, okay!" Crying out, I sit up, "I'm going."

Though Heide seemed mildly disappointed that the rest of us simply talked about the upcoming escape plan. She doesn't have the tough exterior to take this stuff seriously.

She kept leaning farther onto me, mumbling, "Why're you guys so desperate this time around?" Every few minutes. At this point, I knew she didn't mean it in the way I first insinuated years ago. She was just stupid. Really stupid.

Of course, there was always that desperation. Even after the countless tries and fails of escape attempts, the years passing by, there was always those layers of hope. Still, I always told myself, Heide will NOT spend a tenth year here. She's already been through seven, all of us agreed that it would be horrid for her to spend half her life like this.

It's just that the... Situation... That Irene and I talked about last night. It gave us more desperation - no, determination.

"We shouldn't need a huge distraction for the rope gimmick." Carmen says, "We could do it when he's at school. Why would he suddenly come here during second period?"

"So, right when he leaves-"

She sighs, "No. With that, there's still a chance that he could come back. He could enter the room again, come back to his wing again, drive back to the house. Hell, he could even come pick up something before or at homeroom if he wanted to. We should wait by the time it's eight, I doubt he'd come home after classes start."

Kyle frowns, always wary of how this stuff turns out, "So, who's gonna go down it?" He asks, and Heide raises her hand with a grin, though everyone else looks at me.

"You guys always make me do everything." I say, and Kyle is already sneering.

"It's better for you." Irene frowns, "You're quicker and stronger. Like Carmen says, he shouldn't be back for hours. It'll give you enough time to get somewhere else so if he does come back, you're not there for him to abuse for information."

"But say he does find me..." I suggest, furrowing a brow, "Hmm?"

"Well, you better hope he doesn't."

And she's the nice one. Well, one of them. Remembering that, I look at Kyle, "But say he does find me-"

"I don't know." He looks to the side, biting his lip. "I just... Okay, for whoever's going down, what exactly is the plan from there? It's not like you'll be able to reach anything to contact anyone with."

Carmen nods, "You'll probably be hiding and roaming around this wing alone for days before you could find something."

Heide begins groaning louder, forcing herself on my shoulder and beginning to stomp her feet on the couch. I can only assume this means she's trying to think.

"This one's tricky..." I hang my head, my hands grabbing onto one another. "We should think up for that other one."

"Already?" Irene speaks quickly, shaking her head, "No."

"But-"

"We have to think of possibilities for this one before-"

"Possibilities?" I almost laugh. "Like, what? Me running around in this wing, always having to hide and look up at computers and phones on desks that I'll never be able to reach?"

"Ern-"

"So Julien could realize I'm gone and question you guys? Most likely shoving more bruises onto Heide in some interrogation?"

Now it's Kyle, "Stop-"

"So Julien could search around the house day in night to find me, so he could squeeze out my guts and eyes and-"

"Ernest," Heide's actually the one to stop me. I grunt out when she slaps the back of her hand on my face, and just as I'm straightening up with a blushing snarl, she tells me, "You're being scary. I promise I won't let Jules do any of that."

I begin to groan, "Oh shut-" But the second I reopen my eyes, I see the dark stares of everyone else. Well then. Stammering, I look down and flush, "Th... Thanks... A-Anyway," I cough to clear the air, "Unless there's someway for his phone or something to be on the floor while being opened up, we have to think of something else, that we'll be able to pull off... I say we drug Kyle again-"

He groans instantly, "Why I am always your go to?"

"Wait," Carmen looks between the two of us, "Again?"

Irene shakes her head, "It was a stupid idea, and we couldn't get it to work."

Heide raises her hand, "We were close, though!"

"It's almost been two years," I noted, and already Kyle is scowling at what I'm insinuating, "We could try it again, his suspicion could be delayed-"

"Again," Frowns Kyle, "Why am I always your go to?"

"Because he spoils you the most-!"

"Then that's too obvious."

We keep going back and forth for about half an hour, and by then, I'm angry with exhaustion. I'm the first one to waltz up and leave, with Heide calling after me. As per usual, everyone keeps discussing until one by one, they quickly give up. Guess we'll leave the discussion for a better time.

Much later, Heide goes outside and I hear the occasional hit from the metal joints of the soccer goal. Rolling my eyes, I get up from the table and go see her, "Heide," I call, and she barely glances at me before going back to retrieve the ball. "I thought we told you to rest of your bruises."

She responds by pointing to the other end of the room, "Jules is gonna come home soon!"

"Exactly. You shouldn't be out here." She doesn't deter from kicking into the goal, so I move over and grab at her arms, pulling her back. "Stay in the house all day."

"But what about-?"

"You can do that real quick, but when he comes out, avoid him." Too late. Heide has a scarily amazing accuracy of Julien's schedule, honestly. Grabbing on tightly on the girl's arm, I suspiciously look over at Julien as I step back closer to the house.

His eyes look over at us only at a glance, and then he allows himself to sigh, dropping his backpack on the floor, "Good evening." Before flopping right on his bed. Practice usually leaves him tired and annoyed.

"Good evening." Heide mutters, looking at him, waiting. He doesn't do anything, just keeps lying down with the occasional loud sigh. "I'm hungry." She whispers, before catching the paper bag he left on one of his desks. "Hey, Jules-!"

"It's so hot..." He sighs it at first, before letting out a groan, "So hot..." And then he pulls himself out of bed. My eyes go narrow when he reached over for the AC.

"H-Hey, wait!" I practically drop Heide, "Don't turn it on, we're cold and-!"

He probably didn't hear me, he turns it on anyway. As soon as I hear the buzzing of the cold artificial air, I tense up and back up to the house.

"Don't go in," He says, and I freeze. "I brought you guys..." Kid keeps sighing. "Food today..."

Sure enough, when he calls us out, we just take whatever we want and go inside. He wouldn't notice, since he simply went back to resting on his bed. It was way too cold, so we wanted to at least try to have some cover from it.

Irene and Heide already went outside more than once without so much as a word from Julien, (Only a "Shut up" to Heide since she kept screaming for his attention) so I assumed I was fine to go out as well. Bad timing, he was just finishing up putting his books away.

"Ernest!" He cries, and I resist groaning. My body tenses up for any preparation to be plucked up, but he just moves his seat over to sit next to me. "I did what you said."

I probably can't just walk back in the house, so I sit down at one of the benches, "Yeah."

He pauses, and then reaches for me. He picks me up solely to drop me back on the middle of the table, and I wince, rubbing at my thigh. "I said," He looks like he's trying not to shout. "I did what you said."

"Really?" I don't remember what I said. "And what happened?"

"I...! Or... I tried to... But anyway!" He jumps, and I wish he was back to tiredly grouchy. "Hugo caught me. He literally caught me as I corned one of those guys into the storage room and...!" Wait a second.

"Oh, no, no, no..." I lower my head, rubbing them with my hands, "Julien, why'd you do that?"

"What? You told me to!"

"But Irene and Kyle said no." Before he could protest, I ask, "And what did the Coach do?" That would explain his grouchy mood.

"It was the most awkward, humiliating thing ever. He dragged me out and started yelling at me in front of everybody! And then Talbot was right there and then they started talking about what I - aka Tiff - did yesterday, and they just kept making fun of me. And everyone was crowding around like it was some show!"

"What'd you get? Like, detention or...?"

"Let's just say that I have to cancel my plans on Friday. Oh, and they called Alan again. Two days in a row, this is stupid."

"What about practice? He was harder on you, huh?"

"Yeah, and it was...!" He says, but then suddenly steers to a stop. Confused, I look up at him, and pale instantly at that glint that appears in his eyes. An idea. Shit.

I try getting up to my feet, "I-I gotta go in-"

He doesn't grab at me, not at first, instead, he just plants his palm right on top of me, sending me back into a painful lying position. "You know what you should do?"

"What?" My voice comes out muffled, and I have to kick my knee up at his palm three times for him to move away, though his fingers pull themselves behind me anyway.

"Come on, let's go." As if I have a say in it. Stiffening with closing eyes, I just brace myself for the quick walking Julien does, and by the different changes in his footsteps, I can only assume he left his bedroom.

After almost a minute of the dizzying movements, I'm finally set roughly down on a table. I sit up, rubbing my side with a groan as Julien goes under the desk to pull out the small compartment drawers. Wincing slightly, I look up to see where we're at. His study.

"What're you doing?" I ask as Julien sets down a bunch of stuff beside me. Frowning, I look over to them, paling when I notice the dominoes. "Julien, come on, please-"

"Quiet." He continues setting them all on the table. He shoves his palm over to me, pushing me to the farther end of the desk. I only keep grumbling curses as he sets up each domino to stand, siding in a long path.

Julien continues to set it up, even going back to stack up books to the right height of the top of the little trail trap. He looks over his work for a second, before smiling in prideful excitement. "Okay, Ernest, it's done!"

I scoot back, "Leave me alone."

He leans over to pick me up, setting me on my feet atop of the books. I stumble a bit, and his hand yet again goes behind me to prevent a rougher fall. "Okay, you know how it goes." He moves over to the other side of the table, placing his palm a bit alongside the last domino, "Make it over here, you got five seconds."

"Jules," I'm not sure whether to put off a cringe or sneer. "I'm really not feeling-"

"Got give seconds before you go-" He points at his mouth, and that's when I put on my disgusted cringe. Groaning loudly in aggravation, I cringe down along the rows of domino sets, before shaking my head and carefully stepping onto the first one. Jules is already getting anxious, "What're you tip toeing for? Faster, run!"

"Jules-"

"Run!"

Clenching my teeth, I take another jump forward onto the other narrow platform. I did intend to move carefully, but when I hop over to the next one, I hear it. The tilting collapse, and my hair stands on end. There's a wobble on my platform, and I cry out and begin jumping next one to next one. The wobbling never ends as the dominoes fall behind me, going on and on.

I'm starting to lose my breath with all the panicked jumping. I did not want to fall, I've done that plenty of times before, and it ended in getting painfully crushed. One time, my leg got caught between the falling spaces, getting bent.

It's a painful run that I always feel I'm close to running, but I'm getting near the end. In my already blurry peripheral vision, I see Julien grin and bring his open palms together at the end, "Come on, I'll catch you!" Full of lies.

When I'm at the last domino as it tilts in a quick collapse, I jump forward, and Julien immediately moved his hands away, allowing me to painfully tumble on the table. I wheeze and rub my arm, trying to catch up with my breath and bring the feeling back into my body after that rough fall.

Julien claps in a laughing cheer, and I wince, covering my ears at the pounding noises. "Great job, you did it! Now," He leans over to set them up again, "For round two."

About ten minutes later, I was on round five, and I honestly felt I was gonna pass out. Without fail, at the end, Julien always promised to catch me, only to move his hands away and laugh gleefully at my fall. At the end of the fifth one, though, he didn't retreat.

I fell atop of his open palms in relief. Once hearing the final fall behind me, I sigh and allow myself to relax, breathing hitched.

"That's enough for today." He says, tilting me to lie on one palm as he cleans up the mess.

Oh, Gods, thank you.

When we go back in the room, as I'm wearily lying down, I spot two people on the table, and squint to catch it. Irene and Kyle, I notice with a flustered frown.  "Hey, Jules," I say, but I'm already being lowered to the table, "Why not take Kyle with you so you could make something to eat?" Both Kyle and Irene shoot their glares at me as I'm dropped clumsily onto the table as I stumble in a heap over to the two.

Julien sighs, "I don't think I want to eat anything today."

Irene speaks sharply, though instantly turns away as to not look at me, "Julien, you have to eat." I'd agree, solely because I'm hungry as well.

He whines, elbow propping on the table with his palm carrying up his head, "I'm so tired, though..."

"More of the reason you should eat."

His gaze moves to the side, "It's already late, too."

"It doesn't matter."

"I shouldn't be eating after seven..." At this point, I was certain he was only talking to hear the sound of Irene's voice. Sighing, he looked at Kyle, "What do you think I should make?" He asked. Kyle glances at Irene and I, and Julien's quick to notice, "I'm asking you, not them." I love meat, but I don't want meat today. What Heide said yesterday is still making me sick.

Kyle stammers, "I... I don't know. How about-?"

Julien's ringing cell jolts all of us, I was sure I was gonna fall on the spot. Julien flushes, immediately straightening up to look for it in his jacket pocket. He pulls it up to his face quickly, and I just silently plead for him to just silence it to spare us.

Just as soon as his eyes glaze over the cell, they narrow and point over at Kyle.

Oh.

Nervous, I look over to Kyle, whose face falls at the instant, clearly gut wrenching realization.

Julien bites his lip, looking back and forth between the rigid Kyle and his cell, and, I note with irritation, still hasn't silenced the shrill call. His temper seems to crack then, because he grimaces and slams his elbow against the side of the table harshly.

Then was when I fell back right onto the hard floor. The goal at the end of the table knocks over, as well as the hammock up on the patio. Irene only managed to catch herself by grabbing onto the edge of the patio beside her.

Inside the dollhouse, I heard a shattering noise. "NO!" Following it was the muffled, though loud scream of Heide. Even if it was mostly enclosed in the house, it shattered my ears just a bit. It was filled with so much agony and loss, which could only mean one thing.

The jar of sugar dropped.

Julien must have noted the scream too, for he sneers, eyes glazing over the dollhouse. Groaning lightly, he stands up and answers the phone, "Hell-" It didn't take long for the low volume, rushed questions to shoot from the cell.

Kyle's already sighing, moving past me to go back into the house.

"It wasn't my fault," Julien rapidly speaks into the cell, trying desperately to defend himself with the same exact words. "They just blew it out of proportion, it wasn't extreme at all and..."

Irene and I exchange looks, before hanging our heads and quietly going up to the porch to join Kyle and everyone else in the dollhouse.

"It wasn't my fault!" We hear Julien groan out again to Kyle's uncle on the phone.

------------

"We need to hold a memorial..." Heide was still tearily whining about the loss of her sugar. She was content with scooping it off the floor, but thankfully Carmen doesn't hate her that much to let her eat that tainted crap.

"Forget it." I frown, leaning further into the pillows of the couch. Heide just pouted at me, before resting her head on my shoulder. Carmen and Kyle already went off to bed, and Heide was most likely here just because Irene and I were.

Irene watched me silently from across the small living room for a few seconds, before she muttered, "I think, for starters, we have to get you on Julien's good side."

I inform her, "He didn't break anything of mine today, so I think we're good."

She scowls at me, "You know what I mean."

"Well, in that case, I don't know how I'm gonna do that." It's like Julien waits for me to do something out of line, since he's always so excited to break something of mine. Even with the situation this morning, today was a relatively good day, and I think it was because of how school turned out for him.

"You know we have to start now. We don't know when..."

"Yeah." I look down to Heide, who's pulling at the strands of her hair. I grab the side of her head, pushing her to the side and quickly speak to Irene as she squirms, "Have you told anyone?"

I can barely see her face as she leans back, "No."

"Not even Kyle?"

"... No."

"It'd be best-" I stop talking of it when Heide rips from my grasp.

Irene pauses, "Heide, I think it's time that you go to bed."

"What?" The girl rubs the top of her head, "But you guys are still up-"

"We're going to bed, too." She stands up, tone still empty. Her head directs over to me, and I nod solemnly, standing up as well.

-------------

Get on his good side.

What a load of shit.

What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to apologize for what's been bugging him for the past five years? "I'm sorry for yelling at you. You were just concerned, and I'm sorry I took it the wrong way and gave you mean treatment the rest of that school day."

How would he take that? It's not fair. He would never apologize for ruining my life just as it got better.

Hours after getting in bed, I still can't properly wrap my head around such a stupid idea. Ever since that fucking day, I've never been given a break.

Remembering that last phone call I had five years ago, I think to the phone call Julien had five hours ago.

Julien pities Kyle too much to bring up the guy's past, or worse, his uncle. Julien commonly rips into us emotionally as well, all of us but Kyle and Irene.

No one cared to make time for Heide. Carmen's family found her annoying. I was a low life who betrayed my older sister.

Shit.

I was never expecting Julien to know that much. Apparently, he talked to Luise whenever he was able when he spotted her at ceremonies or the office. It seemed he knew that very day we met that I was that bastard of a brother, because he brought it up right after I woke up.

Shit...

Before all this happened, Luise and I went on good terms. Hadn't we? We had! It's passed five years, broken record for the time we hadn't spoken to another. Of course, there wasn't really anyone who would care to search after I went missing. Huh, I can only imagine, "Have you seen Ernest? No? Haven't seen him for weeks. Huh." And that was that.

Not Luise. Please, God, not Luise.

We'd... Find it out. I swear. I swear, I swear. And then when we do, I can finally see her, finally talk to her, finally be siblings again.

I swear.

We can all get out of this and return to our lives, minus all the bullshit. Heide can start growing again, she can live a normal life. Irene can finish her classes and become a nurse. Kyle can get proper treatment and never have to worry intensely ever again. Carmen can go to college and have her friends with her.

And...

I ran my hands across my face, trembling.

A smirk fell on my face, and I chuckled anxiously at the realization.

We never got to eat dinner.