Jisung imagined all kinds of ways to confess to the school's new starboy. Like walking up to his locker and introducing himself without any fear:

"i'm jisung and i like you !there i've said it. "

Jaemin would then reply with that magical smile of his."Ah, yes. From grade 11....i've been waiting for you..."

Of course that was way too perfect of a scenario. The two times they made eye contact was probably not enough to be ingrained in the boy's memory or fall in love.

So instead he thought about maybe becoming his #1 fanboy and cheering him on during basketball tournaments ...But that would yield him as desperate and he wanted a good impression. Plus, other students already beat him to the punch, there was a grade Niner who already included him in this week's editorial. Apparently she was able to secure some kind of interview to answer everyone's burning questions about the mysterious new kid. This would be abnormal but Dream High rarely invited new students in, so Jaemin was a bit of a spectacle.

Really, Jisung just hoped for another opportunity to meet him. And he promised not to be a coward if given another chance.

***

It was already October, and Jisung's father was still not happy with his grades. So Wednesday afternoon, Jisung recognized his crazy hair being escorted past the lunchroom and knew he was here to make some demands. He tried to hide there in his seat but his father didn't seem to be searching for him. Instead he was led to the principal's office. He waited for his name to be called over the intercom and was surprised to not hear anything for the next two hours. Then during the last period, he was called to meet with the counselor Mrs.Han. Before, Jisung begged his father to have Chenle tutor him but he quickly shut it down, stating that they would lollygag. He must have wanted someone more legit for his "rebellious child".

While waiting in the office to meet his new tutor he doodled on a piece of paper that laid on the desk in front of him. After some time, he heard the bell jingle as the door opened and in walked a face he recognized right away.

His eyes immediately darted to the counselor and gave her a paranoid look. She brushed off his wild eyes and invited the boy over. Then came her plastic smile in which she greeted the stellar student. Jisung was still avoiding eye contact as if this meeting had nothing to do with him then he heard Mrs.Han clear her throat in which he mustered the courage to look to his left and rise from his chair.

A soft crisp voice sang the words, "Hi, I'm Jaemin. Na Jae-min."

Jisung stood weakly on one foot and spoke back in the quietest voice. "Park Jisung."

He could see Jaemin's head almost lean in to make out the inaudible words. Surprisingly he was able to catch it, "Ji-sung? Ah, Park Jisung."

As they sat down, Jisung lowered his face stiffly to see that their elbows were almost touching there in the chairs. He sort of blushed at the realization, not paying attention much to what was being said. Eventually he realized he was supposed to sign some form and printed his name on the dotted line below. Shortly after, Jaemin did the same. His handwriting was so...neat.

Apparently this would be a three month arrangement, and Jaemin would be earning credits. Suddenly Jisung realized that Jaemin was indeed a senior and that he would be graduating at the end of the year. that made him feel a bit gloomy and the reality of the situation hit him. This was his only chance to get to know him and he could use it to his advantage.

"Nice meeting you, see you soon..." Jaemin said softly before reaching out for a handshake. Jisung jumped at the opportunity to shake his hand so much that he replayed the moment in his head immediately afterwards feeling that he was giving himself away.

Jaemin exchanged his goodbyes with the counselor who demanded that he be escorted to the door so that she could flatter him a bit more and pry into his life. Even two other staff members came by to smile in awe.

But Jisung couldn't help but stick around and watch the chaotic scene. He noticed that the boy had a good way of avoiding topics while maintaining openness. Mrs. Han asked about his previous school (their competitor) and he stated in a cool manner, "oh, I'd rather not involve myself into school politics...I'm just glad to be here." Even this answer earned him sounds of approval as the teachers hummed in satisfaction.

Jisung couldn't tell if he was that well-mannered or just really good at pretending to be. But then again, what adolescent korean boy says pardon? and speaks this way. What also stood out was his dialect. Jisung couldn't quite make out where it could be from so he was intrigued. He felt like a dud while being next to him but in a weird way inspired to be just like him.

After they finally released their prey, Jisung prepared himself to leave but he was instantly seated back down by the counselor.

Mrs.Han was actually his father's sister in law. She was originally from China and met his uncle during some conference and they fell in love, blah blah–Jisung never cared to learn the full story. He felt this was their plan from the beginning, his father was waiting for him to mess up so that he could make use of the family professional. Mrs.Han scoffed under her breath while swirling momentarily in her seat.

"Why him???" Jisung cried. He threw a little fit there in the chair like a toddler as if Mrs.Han was supposed to know about his puppy love.

"That student was top in his old school. We're actually very lucky to have him here."

Why? Jisung thought. He speculated that the school's obsession with ranking amongst the top 5 was the reason he was always in trouble...here he was making average grades and everyone treated him like a failure.

She continued to explain why it was a good idea but Jisung tuned her out. He couldn't believe he needed a tutor with only one C grade. He wanted to run away but he couldn't. His father was a hawk, and he was trapped into this arrangement or his aunt would snitch.

Jisung walked with a slump back out of the office. He hiked to the closest water fountain and after a few sips his mouth became less dry. Debating was pointless, even though he hated the idea of tutoring he loved the idea of being tutored by someone he was infatuated with. It was like some anime scene too good to be true and his heart was beating a million times per second just thinking about meeting with Jaemin next week for their first tutoring session.

He skipped out on lunch and headed for the foyer where he found his poetry book in the front flap of his bag. He'd always been good at poetry in middle school. He felt bad for abandoning his hobby but with no passion in his heart and no subject to engross in, he lost his inspiration to write. He wasn't good at sports so joining one was far from his mind, instead he would focus more and more on his craft in hopes to one day impress Jaemin. In this way, he would be able to reach him in a way no one else could.

Suddenly, his pen began writing as if he never stopped....

✐

my heart is so heavy i can't understand why

if i can just have courage it may work

but why am i like this

its so pathetic

or i'm pathetic for choosing you