NORMA

I stopped keeping track of the time after the first night. We spent the night watching movies, and Pen had bought me all my favorite candies. It felt like being back at our apartment, which I missed so much. There was nothing more I wanted than to be back under the same roof as him. Seeing him every day was something I took for granted, because when he wasn't there anymore, I felt like I was missing a part of me. Pen was my routine for so long, and it shifted my whole world leaving him behind.

Now I was waking up next to him in a hotel bed, and everything felt more right than before. I cuddled into his bare chest and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder to hold me. Although I started out on the bed alone, I ended up having a nightmare and Pen insisted on sleeping with me thereafter. The wasn't much of a fight I could put up after he started holding me--I didn't want him to stop. I felt the world's problems melt away in his arms.

Kissing his right pectoral, I smiled when I felt him kiss the top of my head at the same time. I pulled away to look up at him, and his dark irises stared back at me. Using my elbow, I propped myself up and he rolled over to his back.

"You're pretty in the morning," I said, moving hair from his face.

"You're pretty all the time," he replied.

Pen placed his arm around my waist, then pulled me on top of his body. I giggled as he settled me on his chest, resting his hands on my lower back. His body was warm. Nuzzling my face into his neck, I caressed his cheek as I kissed the spot behind his jawbone. A low groan resonated from his throat and I could feel it against my lips.

"I think I found your spot," I whispered, tracing the tattoo on his chest.

"Norma-Jean, my whole body's a spot when it comes to you," he said, digging his fingertips into my back.

That opened a world of possibilities. I inched my hand down his torso until I reached the blanket that covered his lower half. Before I could go any lower, Pen grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the back of it, resting back on his chest.

"I have a question," he said, tilting my head up by my chin.

"Ask it."

"When you got here, you said you were nervous, did you think we were going to have sex?"

I buried my face into his chest farther, then reached to pull the blanket over my head. Why did he have to ask? Did I have to answer? The bed should just swallow me whole.

The cover got removed from over my head, and he made me look at him again. Pen's face was serious as he stared at me, which was a lot more than intimidating. His 'I mean business' face was kind of scary. I've stared war criminals in the face without fear, but this was different somehow.

"I did," I said, biting my lip.

"Have you had sex before?"

Another question I, one hundred percent, did not want to answer. My focus in high school was my training, and boys became intimidated with me after awhile. The boys my age in the infantry weren't attracted to me either, and the older men steered clear of me all together. Sex wasn't a priority for me.

"No, is that bad?"

"Of course not, but this leads to my next question. Two actually."

I had enough of his questions. I hate feeling embarrassed and that's exactly what was happening. Once again, I pulled the cover over my head and rolled off of him. He couldn't ask me anything if he couldn't see me. My flawed logic didn't get a chance to be proven as he stripped the cover away, then pinned me to the bed by moving on top of me. The position was something I had only dreamed about, and now I was in it under much different circumstances.

Pen stared down at me, the crease between his eyebrows deep. I wasn't getting out of this anytime soon. He had questions and he was going to get the answers one way or another.

"I need you to be honest with me, okay?"

I nodded my head as he moved his hand from my wrist to twine his fingers with mine. There was comfort in the gesture.

"Is having sex with me something you, want?"

He sounded unsure of his question, like it didn't sound right coming from him. I was starting to think holding my hand was more comfort for him than me. Glancing down, I saw the way his chest rose and fell a little faster than normal. His grip on my other wrist had loosened, so I tugged it free and caressed his cheek. Pen's eyes closed as he leaned into my touch.

"It is, you're something I want."

I guided his face down to mine and kissed his lips. Pen tightened his hand in mine, resting more of his body weight on me as he pressed harder against me. As he moved to kiss my neck, I combed my fingers through the hair at the back of his head. Soft moans left me as he sucked on my skin, and I inadvertently pulled his hair. Hearing him moan made my toes curl.

Feeling his hands slide underneath my shirt was a pleasant sensation. My skin was burning beneath his touch, and I felt ready to combust. My eyes widened when something hard rubbed against my thigh and I pushed Pen by his shoulders. He lifted himself up, looking down at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"What, is that," I asked, bringing my leg up to rub against him.

"It's my-" he began but I cut him off.

"I KNOW WHAT IT IS. That, that is not going inside of me, Narcissus."

Somehow the crease deepened between his eyebrows. He sat up on his heels then looked down at his sweatpants. The prominent tent stared back at both of us.

"What's the problem?" 

"What's the- Are you trying to tear me if half?! I'm a virgin and you're trying to put something that's the length of my forearm inside of me."

Pen roared with laughter at my statement. Laying on top of me again, he wrapped his arms around me as he buried his head between my neck and shoulder. I could feel his whole body shake as he laughed but I didn't find the situation funny at all. How was I supposed to handle all of that? Using the wrong tampon size hurt, so I knew that python wasn't going to be as accommodating.

Kissing my collar, Pen propped himself up on his elbows and smiled. I rolled my eyes at his goofy grin. I bet I boosted his ego. He was like a little kid, giddy for no apparent reason.

"Have I told you, I think you're beautiful," he said, tilting his head.

I tried not to smile as I shook my head no. Pen traced his finger along the curves and edges of my face down to my collar, then pulled the shirt down by the hem. He sucked hard on the now exposed skin, and my chest rose to meet his lips. My breath kept catching in the back of my throat as he repeated the action on various parts of my chest and stomach.

As he started kissing my inner thigh, I gripped the sheets as my eyes closed. I was reveling in the feeling of his tongue against my skin, ready for what I was sure to come next, when my phone started ringing. Pen gave me a flat look, and I hit the palm of my hand to my forehead

"Maybe now just isn't the time for us," Pen said, coming up to kiss my forehead.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"It's okay, I promise. There's no rush."

He kissed me again, then stood up from the bed. I sat up, feeling the shirt fall and pool around my waist. Wearing his shirts always made me feel so small.

As he left the room, I moved to answer my phone. I flung clothes around trying to find it buried underneath them. Once I found it, I swiped to answer and pressed the phone to my ear only to remove it.

"Norma-Jean Davidson, you have been gone for four days! Where are you," James screamed.

I held my blink until he was finished, then brought the phone back to my ear. This was going to be pleasant.

"I'm sorry, I should have called. Time just got past me, I'll be home soon."

Pen came back into the room with two bottles of water in his hand. He held one out to me and I accepted it as he kissed my cheek. Sitting behind me, his legs rested on either side of mine as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned my head back on his shoulder, and he tugged on the crest of my ear with his teeth.

"Who are you talking to," he asked.

"James," I huffed out.

"Yeah?" James answered, which brought me back to reality.

"I wasn't talking to you, sorry."

"Who were you talking to? Who are you with right now? Where are you?"

I felt Pen smile against my neck as he slipped his hand between my thighs. He parted my legs, then ran his finger up the inside of my left thigh. Rolling my lips between my teeth, I tried to suppress any sound that wanted to leave my throat. Pen was playing a dangerous game but I wasn't going to let him win. When he stopped the actions, I prepared myself to speak again until he started on the opposite side. The moan that left me was unstoppable.

"Norma-Jean, I swear to god if you're with that man, I'll kill him," James seethed, and I nodded as if he could see me.

"I- I'm not," I said.

"Dirty little secret," Pen whispered, nipping at my neck.

Closing my eyes, I let the sensation of his tongue on my body take over me. Maybe he would win this round.

"NORMA-JEAN. Are you listening to me?"

"S-sorry, what did you s-say?"

James sighed and I could imagine him shaking his head at me.

"Our brothers are coming."

My body froze on the spot. No amount of teasing Pen could do would pull me out of it. My older brothers were coming. Mi'chel and Junior, I hadn't seen them in nearly two years and I didn't know if I was ready for them. What if they wanted me to move with them? I wanted to stay here. More than anything, I wanted to be near Pen. He had become my person and I didn't want to leave him.

Pen rubbed my arms and I looked up at him. My mind had already set itself on never seeing his face again and had me ready to cry. Hanging up the phone, I let it drop to the carpet and turned around in his lap. My knees rested on the end of the bed between his legs and I locked my hands on the back of his neck. Staring at me, his hands dipped under my shirt as he held me by my waist. I liked the way his thumbs caressed my sides.

"Talk to me, Puddin," he said, touching his forehead to mine.

"My oldest brothers are coming to town. I'm not sure when they'll be here, but I know I won't be able to see you again." I tell him.

Lifting me by the backs of my thighs, he wrapped my legs around his waist. He guided my head to rest on his shoulder and he rubbed my back up and down. I closed my eyes as he comforted me, and hoping this wasn't the last time we would be like this.

"You worry too much," Pen whispered, kissing my forehead. "I think you always think of the worst case scenario and run with it. When James took you from me, you thought we'd never see each other again then too, yet here we are."

"A month later! Who knows how long this time could be!"

I sat up and looked him in the eyes as a frown set on my face. He gripped the back of my hair, knocking his forehead into mine lightly.

"Listen to me, sweetheart. There isn't a damn thing in this world I won't do to see you again. If that means traveling across this entire country, I will. I'll always find my way back to you."

My lip poked out in a pout as tears welled in my eyes. Who did this gorgeous, godsend of a man think he was making me cry like this?

"You mean it?"

"One hundred percent. I don't know how I lived without you before this, but I know I never want to do it again."

Oh fuck. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed his lips hard. Pen meant a lot to me, he made me the happiest I had been in a long time. Hearing him say he couldn't live without me, solidified that I didn't want to live without him either. I had never felt so cared for by anyone, so wanted. Pen wanted me and I wanted him. And I think, that's all I ever wanted.