30.

FOR THE FIRST TIME in a long time, I spent the entire next day in bed.

Sure, I'd spent a lot of days beneath my covers before, hiding from the world. But not when I had commitments. Places to be. Facades to uphold.

I had skipped work, refusing to so much as move after I'd woken up late this morning.

My eyes were red and swollen from a day of rubbing at tears. I sagged into my mattress, trying to ease the tension that had built up in my shoulders and neck.

I was tired. Tired of smiling. Tired of drifting through my routines, pretending everything was normal. It was bound to happen at some point. I just hadn't expected it to be so soon.

And if my mother had noticed, she certainly didn't say anything about it.

I buried my face deeper into my pillow, my chest aching. I couldn't stop thinking about my mom.

I was a disappointment to her. I would never be enough, no matter how many smiles I forced, how many volunteer jobs I took on, how many awful school days I made myself sit through. I'd never be normal to her.

She wanted her little girl back, but the old Jasmine had died in that twisted metal alongside Amber.

And Amber.

I missed her. I always missed her. Except now, I thought more about Amber before the accident. I thought about when I used to fight with my parents. Back then, it was about their strict rules.

Once, my mom and I had a big fight over a crop top I wanted to wear. She'd yelled at me to put on something more appropriate. I'd shouted that I was almost an adult and two inches of skin wasn't a big deal.

Amber had stepped in with that usual charismatic smile of hers. She'd brushed her hair over her shoulder, taken my mother's hand into hers, and said, "Mrs Ali, it's only two fingers worth of skin. Besides, she'll be wearing a jacket over it. That's fine, right?"

And just like that, my mother had melted, and the fight was over.

I wished Amber was still here. She'd know what to do.

She'd probably diffuse the whole situation in two minutes then go out for coffee with my mother the next morning. I snorted, picturing it. That was exactly what would happen.

My phone buzzed on the mattress beside me and I stilled beneath the covers, waiting.

A second later, it buzzed again, shooting nerves up from the base of my spine. I sucked in a deep breath, grabbing my phone and squinting through the bright light that flooded my room from its screen.

It was a text from Jace.

My heart pinched in my chest. I hadn't spoken to him since yesterday – since he'd driven me to visit Amber.

Since he'd asked me to go out with him.

Blood rushed in my ears and I felt my face warm as I tapped onto his text.

From: Jace

Where are u?

You didn't come to physio today?

I blinked at the screen. I'd forgotten to tell him. I glanced at the time – it was just past ten, meaning he must have just finished his class for the day. My phone buzzed again in my hands.

Are you ok?

I swallowed a deep breath and replied.

To: Jace

fine, sorry

fought with my mom

staying home

I sighed, staring at the three dots that appeared immediately, showing Jace was typing. A second later, I received a reply.

From: Jace

I'll be there soon

I read his text. Then read it another three times before my eyes widened in realisation. He was coming here.

My first thought was I really hope my mom's not home.

My second thought was to text him and tell him he didn't have to. Surely, he was busy with other things today. And he must've been tired after his physiotherapy session. His leg must've been sore.

I didn't want to be a burden on another person.

But, really, I wanted him here. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to talk to him, and see his goofy grin, and kiss him. God, I wanted to kiss him.

And I deserved to be a little selfish, right?

So, I shot him a quick okay and turned my phone off, tossing it back across the mattress. I groaned, shoving my face back into my pillow. My heart pounded in my chest and I listened silently – waiting to hear if anyone was home.

It was Saturday, so both my parents had the day off. The question was, did they go out? Normally my mom did some grocery shopping while my dad lazed around the house, but after our fight yesterday – I wasn't sure.

I shut my eyes, trying to concentrate on the noise downstairs. Listening to the quiet hum of the TV. So, someone was definitely home. I strained my ears, trying to figure out what was playing – whether it was my mother's Arabic dramas or my father's news channels.

It was quiet.

Outside, cars drove past, their wheels churning against the tarmac and drowning out the sound of the television downstairs. Bird whistled nearby. A tree knocked against my window, branches scraping against glass.

My eyes felt heavy, and my pillow felt soft, and before I knew it, I'd fallen asleep.

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔

I woke up to fingers in my hair, pulling strands from my forehead. My eyes fluttered open to find Jace sitting at the edge of the mattress.

"Morning," he teased, his voice gruff.

"Jace," I muttered drowsily, blinking slowly to clear my vision. "What time is it?"

"Nearly eleven," he replied.

"Oh, God," I groaned, moving to sit up, but Jace stopped me, his hand moving from my hair to gently push at my shoulder.

"It's alright," he said, tugging the blanket back over my chest. I complied, pulling my arms over the covers. "Rest. You must be tired."

"Do I look that bad?" I asked, imagining blood shot eyes, dark bags lining them.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "I just figured it's the first day you've been able to sleep in for a long time."

He paused, his fingers trailing over my jaw and up to my lips. My heart pounded in my chest as he traced his thumb over my bottom lip, before swiping at the corner.

"And," he teased, holding his hand out for me to see. "You drooled a bit."

"Oh my God." I spun on my mattress, burying my face into my pillow. "Leave me here to rot in my own embarrassment."

"Jasmine, we have literally exchanged saliva."

"It's different," I mumbled, my voice muffled by my pillow.

"Well, I thought it was cute.

"Liar."

"It was," he said, pulling on my shoulder. "Come on, Jas. I didn't come all the way here to stare at the back of your head."

I waited a moment, torturing him with my silence before coyly turning around to meet his eyes.

"Were you waiting long?" I asked.

"No," he said, shaking his head frantically. "I just got here." He paused, his smile turning sly. "Had a chat with your dad downstairs."

I winced. "Oh, no."

"He's really nice." He toyed with a strand of my hair, twirling it between a finger and thumb.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing. Typical dad talk, you know? Asked me about my grades. Future prospects."

"And what did you say?"

"I was completely honest," he said, shrugging. "Failing all my classes because I tried to off myself some months ago. Didn't expect to survive, so my future's looking pretty unplanned."

He sent me a teasing smirk and I groaned. "Jace!"

"I'm kidding," he laughed. His hand moved to take mine, our fingers intertwining. "He actually said that he's glad we met. He thinks you've been happier since we started hanging out. Pretty much sent me straight to your room, which was... weird."

"No kidding," I muttered.

My dad had always been pretty strict, up until I became a void of my past self. He'd changed then, and I knew all he wanted to see was me smile again – a genuine one.

It didn't matter if my jokes were different than a year ago, or if I couldn't watch the same movies we used to, full of car chases and bloodshed. It didn't matter if I locked myself in my room more often now. He just wanted me to be happy.

"Your mom's not home," Jace continued cautiously. His smile had vanished. "She's out running errands."

"Thank God," I sighed.

Jace squeezed my fingers. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"I just –" I released a tight breath – "I snapped. I shouldn't have, I know, but she was yelling at me, and it was so dumb, and it was Amber's birthday, you know? So, I couldn't help it. I yelled. And then she was shouting back, and I was storming off, and –"

My voice cracked and I realised my eyes had begun to water. I blinked hard, sitting up to meet Jace's eyes.

"I disappoint her."

Jace opened his mouth, starting to speak, but I cut him off.

"No. I know I do. She looks at me with these sad eyes," I continued, shaking my head. I shifted on the mattress, matching Jace's stare. "You know, once she told me she always wanted a daughter. I was getting ready for my first high school party and she was straightening my hair.

"She said she prayed every night for a daughter when she was pregnant. She wanted a girl to bond with. A girl to gossip about boys with, and do makeup with, and go on shopping trips with. And we did do all that, you know? And I loved it.

"But then, Amber died. And I couldn't walk for weeks. And I didn't care about shopping anymore. I didn't bother to do my makeup because I had no energy. And she tried so hard to help me. She sacrificed everything. Her job. Her own mental health. Her free time."

Tears were flowing freely now. I was crying because it was all true. My mother meant the world to me, no matter how much we fought or disagreed. She'd always put me first; in the best way she knew.

"And then –" my voice cracked with a sob and I swallowed hard, forcing myself to continue. "And then, I never got better. I could walk, but I didn't have all my old friends anymore. They felt weird around me. Conversations died when I was around. I didn't go to parties. I didn't get out of bed for months.

"And then my mother found me in the dark of my bedroom, blood on my wrists. And I swore to quit, but even then, a few weeks later, I heard her. It was the middle of the night. She was in the kitchen with my dad, and she was crying. She was crying because I'd never get better."

I was crying hard. Salty tears slipped into my mouth and I swiped at my eyes. I remembered it all. The night my mother – my mother who had stayed strong for months, who hadn't even cried at the funeral – had fallen into my father's arms, sobbing.

And it was my fault.

I hiccupped and Jace traced patterns over my hand. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing air into my lungs, forcing myself to stay grounded.

"That was when it started, I think," I said finally, my voice gritty from crying. "The avoiding Amber. The busy routines. Trying to act normal. I just – I didn't want to disappoint her again."

Jace was quiet for a moment. He studied me, his golden-brown eyes narrowing as he took it all in.

"Parents can be tough," he said finally.

I laughed. "That's an understatement."

There was a stinted silence. He took one of my fingers between his index and thumb. He lifted it, tracing my nail bed, before sliding up to tangle our fingers together.

"My mom's the same," he said. "When I woke up in the hospital, my parents were there. They didn't realise I was awake at first, so they kept talking."

His stare wavered and I squeezed his fingers. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly before continuing.

"My mom was crying. She said she had no idea I was depressed. She asked my dad – 'Why would he do this?' They had their theories. School bullies. Trauma. Went through a list of babysitters I'd had as a child."

His voice had turned bitter and he took a deep breath, turning to me.

"You know what the worst part was?" He frowned, his stare wavering but remaining sharp on me. "There was no reason. I was never traumatised. I wasn't exactly picked on at school. I just – I didn't want to be alive."

He paused, shaking his head and finally glancing away.

"I don't mean that everything was perfect. Yeah, people teased me, but it's high school. I guess I could see... objectively, how their jokes were funny, if you weren't the one being teased," he said it so nonchalantly, like he'd become numb to the memory. "I had a few friends. They seemed to vanish after my attempt. Probably didn't want to be associated with the local nutcase that leapt off a building.

"My family – we were never close, but I was never beaten or anything. We just lived our separate lives in the same house. I guess –" he sucked in a deep breath – "I guess I became lonely at some point. I became sick of the teasing, sick of coming home to a dark and silent house. Or maybe my brain just never worked right, and it was only a matter of time before I snapped."

"Jace," I muttered, my jaw slack. "I'm so sorry. I don't – I'm sorry you went through all that."

He shrugged. "It's in the past now. I just – the point is, I felt – feel – guilty, I guess. There's people who have been through so much worse than me, people who have no option to live, and I just – I just threw my life away for no good reason.

"And now, suddenly, my mom – she's given up everything for me. She quit her job, left her friends and husband behind – all for me." He released a short laugh of disbelief, but I noticed the shine in his eyes, a gleam of tears. "And now I feel like no matter what I do, I can never live up to it. I can never make up for it."

"Jace," I said, because I didn't know what to say.

We were twin flames. Somehow, in some way, whether it be a force of the universe or an enormous coincidence, we'd found ourselves in the same situations, meeting in a tiny town, in a tinier high school, in the middle of nowhere.

And although everyone tried to understand – although Piper texted me daily, and walked me to class, and although my dad hugged me when I was down and kissed me good night every day – no one could really get. Not unless they'd been through it themselves.

And sometimes, I needed to talk to someone who got it. I needed to know that I wasn't alone.

And Jace was that for me.

"Jace," I repeated. "You don't need a 'good' reason. You don't have to suffer trauma or go through difficult experiences to be sad. Sometimes you just are, and sometimes you act on those feelings. You don't need a reason to excuse yourself. You don't need to – to explain how you feel to people – to your parents."

He blinked at me, his brows lifting, so quickly it seemed like a twitch, before his face was softening, and he was running his thumb over the back of my hand.

"Parents, huh?" A short chuckle burst from his lips.

I reached forward, grabbing his face in my hands. His cheeks were wet from tears and I laughed, dragging him closer.

"Parents," I agreed, pressing a quick peck to his lips. He stared at me, unblinking, his pupils blown large as his breath hit my cheeks.

"What was that for?" he asked, leaning in again.

I laughed, letting him go and pulling away. He pouted, my hand falling into his, and he squeezed my fingers.

"For always knowing what to say," I said simply.

"All I did was talk about myself," he replied smarmily, narrowing his eyes.

"It's what you do best." I grinned. "Besides, you made me realise. Our parents – they're just doing what they think is right. We all are. I'm going to –" I sucked in a deep breath – "I'm going to talk to my mom. Properly this time."

Jace's lips twitched before spreading into a wide smile. "I'm glad I'm such an inspirational figure to you, Ali."

"Oh, please," I shot back, lifting a joking brow. "All you did was cry and make it about yourself."

He laughed and leaned forward, taking me into his arms. I rested my head against his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart, and he brushed my hair back, his fingers massaging my scalp.

"Like you said," he replied easily, his chest reverberating with his voice. "It's what I do best."

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hi everyone! I hope you had a great week and enjoyed this chapter! I think it was pretty cute hehe! Also we only have 10 chapters to go omg!! Let me know your thoughts, predictions, hopes - I'm still writing it so maybe you'll inspire me to add some scenes!

See you soon!