[conversation between adrian and aunt anita. and irtza. dude, khaled hosseini is bae.]

"adrian, is she dating anyone?"

"ira? i hope not. erm, i meant, no. n o , she is not dating anyone."

"mommy-slash-daddy issues?"

"yeah, especially mommy issues. big time. other than that, her internet history is full of daddy kink, if that's what you're trying to find out."

"that girl needs to lay off the whole sex-after-marriage thing.  anyway, is she a lesbian?"

"wait, what? she is going to wait to have sex until she turns...what? twenty two? twenty five?"

"according to her, yes. answer my question, lover boy."

"no, she doesn't swing that way. unless you count an eighth grade sleepover kiss."

"then why in the world aren't you dating her?

"w-what? i-i don't know. i guess i never thought about her that way."

"that cow feeds me more bullshit than you. she doesn't have a clue but you're heads over heels, no. heads-over-stilettoes in love with her."

"..."

"bad pun. also, incorrect use of the term 'heel'."

"..."

"but seriously, you better make your move, sweetheart. before anyone else does."

"o-okay, aunt anita."

"buh-bye."