♡

"I like you," Kuroo's sly smile was back again and charming women - Specifically, a Biomed student named Melony. Sweet but with just enough confidence to make it appealing, a carefully crafted smirk that fit perfectly across his lips and was the cornerstone of Kuroo's preferred method of flirtation. And currently, it seemed to be working as he leaned on the table across from, might I say, a very attractive woman. She was slender and tall with high cheekbones and dark eyes. Kuroo wasn't really a fan of frosted tips but it worked so well on her black hair that fell around her face, framing angled features.

Okay, was it bad that Kuroo had been on a long string of one night stands to avoid the world-shattering truth that he was in love with his best friend since middle school? Yes, it was very bad. Did it mean he was going to stop and risk either losing Kenma Kozume or spiraling into a deep dark hole of sadness over the fact that the love of his life would never requite that feeling? No. He wasn't. So here he was, leaning across a beer-stained table in a frat house trying to pick up yet another girl he probably wouldn't remember the name of in the morning because it was so fucking easy. There was very little effort required in charming most women, especially girls who hooked up with random dudes at frat parties.

"Oh, I know. But you don't want me," Kuroo's eyes snapped to her, bringing about the sudden awareness that he hadn't actually been looking at her. He raised a questioning eyebrow because, well, that was a new one. Usually, when Kuroo told a girl he liked her, she either blushed and giggled or suggested they go somewhere more private. Was this some new creative way of turning him down (also a non-existent occurrence, by the way. The only time he'd ever been turned down by a girl since his second year of high school was the time he accidentally hit on a girl who didn't really swing in his direction.)?

"What?" Kuroo shook his head as if that would suddenly force her words to make sense. It didn't. Instead, she just rolled her eyes as if he was forcing her to spell it out for him. But even so, the former Nekoma captain couldn't help but eagerly await her answer. For the first time that night, he was actually interested in what she had to say, not just waiting for her to attempt to get in his pants. If it was as easy as him just suggesting they go fuck in a frat house bathroom, Kuroo wouldn't even be here right now.

"I mean, obviously you like me. I'm a fucking snack, a straight-A Biomed student, and my personality is straight fire. But you want the guy getting his lipgloss done by my sister's best friend," Kuroo's eyes instinctively flicked over to Kenma, who wore an only mildly annoyed expression as a girl with platinum blonde hair applied shimmering pink lip gloss to those puffy, pouty lips of his. Kuroo heaved an unintentional sigh. Damn. Was he really that easy to read? Was he really that fucking obvious?

Kenma hadn't exactly wanted to come along with Kuroo that night, but the alternative was spending a night at the dorm complex with Bokuto and Akaashi who would most likely be making out on the couch all night while they paid no attention to a movie they'd seen a million times. So this seemed like a more preferable option. Plus, at least at a frat party he could curl up in a dark corner and play his games until Kuroo, smelling strongly of vanilla perfume and sex, found him and suggested they go home. The smaller boy knew he was only setting himself up for another bout of burning jealousy, but he would rather not spend his free time watching Bokuto stick his tongue down Akaashi's throat.

"That obvious?" Kuroo could only mutter as he buried his face in his arms and laid his head down on the table, instantly turning from a charming fuckboy into a lovesick dork in the span of a few seconds. Melony giggled and patted him on the head comfortingly. "How did you know? And why did you keep flirting with me if you knew?" 

"Well, for one thing, you keep looking at him. Have been all night. It's really not that hard to figure out...but, I also minor in psych so I guess you could say I have a bit of a leg up," She downed the rest of the alcohol in her red solo cup (red is superior, don't lie to yourself), inhaling a sharp breath at the burn of it sliding down her throat. Honestly, this was a first for her. She wasn't really a party girl, and this experience just proved it to her. "For another thing, you keep twisting the ring around your finger. I thought it was a marriage ring at first, but it's on your right hand and, upon closer inspection, it's pink and made of plastic," She laughed out a grin and Kuroo actually chuckled with her.

"Yeah, it was at the bottom of a cereal box when we were fifteen and he gave it to me, said it was my prize for remembering to eat breakfast every morning for a week," The middle-blocker scoffed, twisting the hot-pink ring around his middle finger as the memory of the chilly December morning filled his brain. Kuroo had never been the best with a regular eating schedule, and Kenma was the one who helped him with it. Just the universe giving him another damn reason to fall in love with Kenma Kozume, as if there weren't enough to screw him over for a lifetime already. "Okay, but why did you string me along if you already...knew?"

"Well, I didn't really know until now," Kuroo silently cursed himself for not even trying to deny it. But what could he say? Kenma was just so distracting. "But I had a feeling. I mean, you're obviously a little into girls because your posture and demeanor suggest that you fully intend to  have a meaningless one night stand with me after which you'll probably forget my name if I let you-"

"I still would."

"That's not healthy," She chided only half-jokingly and Kuroo rolled his eyes. It was true. Meaningless fucking and really strong alcohol were the two easiest ways to forget you were hopelessly pining for your best friend. "Also, I'm not really a one-night girl," Kuroo couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt at that. He really could like her - Could being the operative word in that sentence. "Plus, your pattern of behavior suggests you're running away from him. Why?"

Kuroo froze, searching his brain for the right words to describe the situation he was in and coming up empty-handed. Sure, it seemed simple from the outside, but there were a lot of things that were a lot more complicated about his and Kenma's relationship. Things like how much they trusted each other. Things like how they were best friends. Things like how Kenma relied on him. The middle-blocker breathed in a sigh.

"What is it? Tell me the story," Melony prompted gently. Kuroo knew it should feel weird that he was perfectly comfortable with the fact that he was getting a makeshift therapy session from a psych minor in a frat house where he could barely hear himself think, but it didn't. It wasn't like he had the courage to tell Bokuto or Akaashi about it. He knew they would be supportive, but he also knew that Bokuto couldn't keep a secret to save his life and Akaashi was far from an expert at love. Maybe telling a stranger about it was what he needed.

"Okay, so I met him like, a fuck-long time ago when we were both really young, right?" Melony nodded in confirmation and Kuroo set down his beer, leaning on the edge of the table so he could look out at the pool lit by neon lights. "And so when we were in middle school he was like, my best friend - I mean, he still is, but just like, now..." Kuroo's words became breathy as he thought about how their relationship had changed. But that's the thing, their relationship hadn't changed. The change was all Kuroo. The change was that he was realizing that Kenma was fucking adorable when he slept, that his body got hot when Kenma touched him. The change was Kuroo being a fucking idiot.

"When did you fall in love with him?" Kuroo faltered at her question. It was strange. He could pinpoint the exact moment he identified what he was feeling as love, but the actual process of his eventual downfall was made up of a bunch of little moments. Little moments like when Kenma first agreed to play volleyball with him. Like when Kenma got his highlights. When Kenma first fell asleep in his lap on a long bus ride in middle school. When Kenma gave him his cereal ring. When he and Kenma moved into a dorm together. When Kenma Kozume did fucking anything.

"If you're looking for a specific moment...I...I don't really have an answer for you," Kuroo sighed out lowly. Because he didn't. He knew that the moment he'd first silently put a name to the feeling was during a training camp when Kenma sat in front of a fan with his tongue out, letting his hair get blown back. But all of the moments in between were what really mattered. Melony just let out a high whistle and Kuroo turned to her. "What?"

"For a guy who hits on chicks at frat parties, that was pretty deep," She mused with a smile and Kuroo let his eyes drag back in his head and a scoff leave his lips. But her expression quickly turned serious, dark eyes pooling with sincerity as she asked, "So why haven't you told him yet?"

She said it like it was an assured statement, like things would go the way he wanted if he just admitted it to the rest of the world. She said it like it was simple, like Kuroo could just walk up to his best friend in the entire world and say, "I'm in love with you," and it would all be okay. But the real world didn't work like that. In the real world, when people told their best friends they were deeply, madly, truly in love with them, their best friends let them down gently, with a smile and a hand on their shoulder. Then their best friends suggested they hang out less to preserve their friendship. Then they stopped hanging out entirely because it was awkward. And then they ceased to be best friends at all...And Kuroo really, really couldn't handle that possibility.

"Because it's just that easy," Kuroo scoffed, a sarcastic edge lacing his voice. He really didn't mean to sound as rude as he did, but the words rolled off his tongue in a sour way, causing Melony to raise an eyebrow at his sudden shift in attitude. "Sorry..." He quickly apologized, scrubbing a calloused hand over his face as if that would make all his heartache disappear. "I just...I've been trying okay. But I don't want to... lose him?"

The admission felt salty and sad on his tongue, pathetic.

"I mean, I get it...but...well, okay, do you trust him?" She asked him earnestly and Kuroo couldn't fathom what she possibly meant by that. Of course, Kuroo trusted Kenma. Kuroo had trusted Kenma with every secret he'd ever had. He'd trusted Kenma when he got into a fight at school and didn't want his parents to know. He'd trusted Kenma when he'd had sex for the first time and couldn't tell his "save yourself for marriage" parents. Fuck, he'd trusted Kenma when he realized he liked guys.

"Yeah, of course."

"With what?" She asked him simply. Everything. His brain spoke for him. Because he did. He trusted Kenma with his life. He doubted there were any secrets (other than the obvious one) that he had from his best friend. Kenma Kozume was Kuroo's escape. He was the only person Kuroo had ever felt so safe confiding in and he would probably be that person for the rest of their lives. Which is why he was finally able to answer, "With everything."

"Then can't you trust him with this too? Don't you trust him not to leave?" He was cornered. On the one hand, Kuroo trusted Kenma blindly. He would follow that boy into the fucking abyss if Kenma asked him too and he would do it with a smile on his face because it would be an adventure, one they were on together. But on the other hand... On the other hand, Kuroo could stand to lose the one person who meant everything to him and the idea of that even being a possibility was so fucking terrifying that it was hard to even want to think about love. At his silence, Melony worried she'd broken him. "Look, you don't have to answer. I just...Okay, you have the perfect love story here and I think it would be a shame to waste it is all..."

"So then what do you propose I do?" His words held no edge and the stare he gave her was something akin to pleading. Another glance to the pudding-haired boy who was trying to figure out how to open his mouth correctly so Melony's sister's best friend could smear his lips in pretty pink lip gloss, golden eyes still stuck to his game. Goddamn, he had no right to be so perfect, and yet there he was, a fucking angel on earth.

"Well... I can't tell you to do anything. What I can tell you is that if you take the emergency stairs to the roof, it'll be really quiet," She might as well have written out instructions for him because even emotionally stupid Tetsuro Kuroo could figure out what that meant. Tell him. And if Kuroo had half a brain, he would thank her for the therapy session and walk away and go home with Kenma and pretend none of this ever happened. But he didn't. So, he just nodded on a sigh before peeling away from her, but not before he had the chance to say,

"Thanks, Melony."

"Hey, you remembered my name," She beamed and he winked. That was as much of a thank you as anything else Kuroo could do. And that's how they left it, a strange goodbye between unique strangers.

☾

It didn't take long for Kuroo to find Kenma, because Kenma stood out amongst nameless people like the North Star against the backdrop of an endless galaxy. His two-toned hair was tied half-up above his head in a sloppy bun and his lips shimmered with a thick layer of pink lipgloss. And when his golden eyes actually looked up from the screen of his phone to take in Kuroo's put-together, non-disheveled, actually completely presentable appearance, Kuroo forgot all the words he wanted to say, forcing him to swallow them in favor of silence.

"Tetsu-?" Kuroo snatched the phone from his hands, eliciting a displeased whine from the smaller boy. But Kenma didn't have a chance to physically react before Kuroo was replacing the phone with his own hand, tangling their fingers at a slightly awkward angle in order to drag Kenma to his feet.

Kenma could only pout as he followed Kuroo, a little less reluctantly than he wanted, I might add. Because, though he wanted to question the man (and get his phone back), he didn't want the Kuroo to let go of his hand. It was really a damning loop because Kenma couldn't get his phone back without letting Kuroo's hand go but he didn't want to untangle their fingers because his hand was so warm. Kenma's hands were always cold. Once September rolled around, all bets were off regarding his body heat.

"Where are we going?" The smaller boy questioned as they shuffled through a crowd that ignored them. He would have to settle for a mobile interrogation, Kenma guessed. But Kuroo didn't say anything, instead choosing to pull on him more insistently as an answer, not even looking back at the former Nekoma setter. "Alright alright, I'm coming. You know, some of us aren't like, seven feet tall," It was actually rather counterintuitive because, despite Kuroo still being taller than Kenma at 6,2, the former setter had grown. However, that still didn't change the fact that at 5,9, Kenma was still having trouble matching Kuroo's strides.

"Drama queen, I'm six-two," The scoff Kuroo provided him with sounded much less self-assured than Kenma was used to, but he let it go for the moment because the obstacle of a door had suddenly come up in front of him. Kenma ducked through it, almost tripping over the first step of the staircase he hadn't realized until a few seconds ago was supposed to be for "emergencies only." God, one day, Kenma swore, Kuroo was going to send them both to jail.

"I'm ninety percent sure we're not supposed to be here, Tetsuro," His warning fell on deaf ears as the taller of the two used his shoulder to push open the door and plunge them into the crisp midnight air (it was probably somewhere closer to half-past one, but midnight is far more romantic if you think about it).

The roof was actually a nice atmosphere without all the people dancing. Fairylights were strung up around outdoor seating spaces and a pool (the funding for which came from a place that would forever remain a mystery. Kuroo suspected the rich parents of one of the frat guys bought it, but that was more of a conspiracy theory than anything else) sat in the corner of the flat rooftop. Kenma could only guess that more people would be out here if it weren't for the fact that it was late October. The air held a special kind of chill that wasn't biting like winter, but couldn't be described as pleasant. Maybe aching was the right word.

"Tetsu, why are we up here? Shouldn't you be like...having sex in a bathroom or something?" The grumpy pout that settled itself on Kenma's lips was directly a result that Kuroo had released his hands, forcing him to stuff them in the pocket of his hoodie. The middle-blocker had his back to Kenma, but he turned his head over his shoulder to send him a characteristically sarcastic smile.

"I'm flattered by your high opinion of me."

"Well, that's what happens every time we go to one of these things. Can you blame me?" Kenma could only hope that the bitterness in his voice wasn't too apparent. He could handle being bored at a frat party for a few hours but he wouldn't know how to explain that it made his stomach do flip flops with jealousy every time had had to watch Kuroo flirt with a pretty girl. Change the subject, Kenma. "What happened to the girl you were talking to? It looked like you liked her."

"I did," The words came out as more of a burdened groan than anything else and Kenma could only wonder. Kuroo basically never got shot down. Was that what this was about? Was Miss No-Makeup-Frosted-Tips the one woman on earth he couldn't charm into sleeping with him? But Kenma kept these questions to himself as he said,

"My point exactly. So...what happened?" Should he be acutally a little happy that Kuroo wasn't having a good time with a pretty girl who could end up being his soulmate? No. He should be trying to facilitate his best friend finding love. But did it make him feel a little special that he was the one taking up Tetsuro Kuroo's precious time? Yes. Absolutely it did.

"Nothing happened!"

"Evidently," Kenma scoffed as he took a few short strides to stand next to his best-friend-roommate-maybe-possibly-the-man-he-was-in-love-with. Kenma didn't really know anymore. Emotions had a way of dismantling titles. He dared a glance upward at Kuroo with those honey-golden eyes of his, catching sight of something that made his sarcasm melt into concern. "Seriously, why are we up here?" Gentle, his words were gentle because, for once, Kuroo wasn't wearing a fuckboy grin or a sly smile. Instead, his eyes were cast out over the sleepy campus, his lips pressed into an almost melancholy line. God, even when he was off he looked like a fucking model bathed in the warm glow of fairy lights.

"I gotta tell you something," Kuroo could hear the unspoken question in the silence that followed his statement. And, in all honesty, he probably could've answered it right then and there. But he was a coward as usual, an idiot thinking that time would somehow make him braver. So he waited for Kenma's verbal confirmation that he was, in fact, waiting for Kuroo to continue.

"Yeah?"

Silence engulfed them again as Kuroo tried to think of all the ways he could play this off, break this moment and shatter the idea of ever having Kenma Kozume. Because humans were, at heart, self-destructive little monsters, always finding it easier to back out, blow up any possibility of a future, demolish the past and run like hell, than actually face it head-on. I mean, if Kuroo was being honest with himself, it was much harder to admit to unrequited love than it was to live with the dull ache. Because at least if he lived with it, Kenma would be there to numb it a little bit.

And Kuroo stared at Kenma, maybe longer than he should have, taking in everything about him. His hair had grown out a little bit, his dark roots had overtaken the majority of his hair. His jawline was sharper, stronger, his cheekbones were more pronounced. He had ear piercings and slightly broader shoulders than he did in high school. He looked more mature, more adult. But that wasn't even the part Kuroo liked most. The part Kuroo liked most was the fact that he was still wearing an over-sized black hoodie (one that actually belonged to Kuroo, though they had silently agreed to mutually ignore that fact), that he still hated socializing with anyone other than his closest friends, that his golden eyes were still syrupy and beautiful. He liked the face that Kenma was still Kenma. He loved it.

And Kuroo decided, in that moment, that he didn't really want numb.

"I am...in love with you," A bittersweet admission.

"What?" There was the bitter.

"I love you. Like a lot," Why did he say it again? Why was he doing this to himself? "What?" was not really the ideal response to that statement and Kuroo could already see that this was going to be a trainwreck but he couldn't stop himself. Why? Was he some sort of masochist? Some sort of self-sadist determined to torture himself until the day he died? He must be, because he kept talking despite the shocked look on Kenma's face. Just stop. Fucking. Talking. But of course, he didn't follow his own advice. "But not the "I love you dude," kind of love. Like, the I want to non-platonically cuddle you and kiss you all the time and do stupid domestic stuff like making breakfast for you and going grocery shopping together kind of I love you," He clarified helpfully. "And you're not really saying anything and it's freaking me out because this is sort of friendship ruining stuff and I would ask you if it's getting hot in here but we're outside and it's fucking freezing and-"

Kenma's lips sealed away the countless number of unsaid words he still had left to vocalize as he captured Kuroo in a bruising kiss, hands cupping his jawline to drag the middle-blocker down to his height. And it was hard for Kuroo to know how to react at first because this wasn't really happening, right? But then Kenma murmured, "Kiss me back you idiot," flush against his lips and Kuroo decided, for once in his life, not to overthink this one. Because he didn't want to, not when Kenma's lips tasted like cotton candy and something else sickly sweet like the golden honey of Kenma's eyes.

One, hand tugged Kenma closer by the waist while the pulled gently at the scrunchie holding his hair in place, causing it to fall around his face. And the cold surrounding them that now seemed biting against the almost burning warmth of Kenma's lips combined with the intense sweetness of the moment was almost overwhelming, but Kuroo didn't want to forget any of this. Not the way the chill of the late-night air numbed his fingertips, not the way stardust was left lingering where Kenma touched him, and definitely not the feeling of Kenma exploring his mouth and tangling his dexterous fingers in Kuroo's hair.

They parted for a breath of icy air, and Kuroo could feel his cheeks flushed red with the cold. But the bite of the October air was quickly remedied by Kenma placing another sweet kiss to his lips, almost in apology before he dipped his head into the crook of Kuroo's neck and released a contented sigh.

"I love you too, Tetsuro," The words were said solidly and decisively against the sensitive skin of Kuroo's jawline so he could feel every syllable as Kenma wrapped himself in the taller boy's arms, using him as a human heater. Kuroo didn't mind. It felt too perfect for him to put up any sort of fight.

"Wait, really?" The disbelief in Kuroo's expression was almost wholesome, such an innocent and genuine form of shock that made Kenma's heart ache as he pulled back to take in Kuroo's expression. So confident and sly, even slightly entitled, already knowing that the rest of the world found him attractive, but somehow disbelieving of the fact that Kenma Kozume loved him. He knew girls thought he was a fine piece of ass, but somehow, Kenma admitting to it sent a bright cherry blush across his features.

"No, I was totally lying to you and that kiss was a joke," The sarcasm in his tone was so thick that he was almost sure Kuroo couldn't possibly take his words seriously, but the look of sheer panic that crossed the taller boy's face made Kenma reevaluate. The former setter quickly brought his hands back up to cradle Kuroo's face, thumbs stroking his cheekbones in a sweet, soothing motion as he confirmed Kuroo's words. "Yes, really, Tetsu. I wouldn't lie to you." And he wouldn't, especially not about this. "I love you. So much."

He placed a slow, deep kiss to Kuroo's lips, chaste but perfect. And Kuroo couldn't help but lean into the contact, new but familiar. They moved like they already knew each other inside and out - because truly, they did. It was an unbreakable connection formed by years of inseparability. Like two puzzle pieces slotted together, they fit perfectly.

"You taste like cotton candy," The middle blocker hummed against Kenma's lips, adoration causing his voice to become thick and syrupy. It was more of a passing thought than anything else, but it made Kenma's cheeks flush the prettiest shade of pink so Kuroo could only assume he liked the praise. Which was all the more reason for him to let the adoring words spill from his tongue. "So sweet." And Kuroo couldn't help the perfect smile that spread across his lips as Kenma ducked his head into the crook of his neck with a bashful huff.

"It's just the lipgloss, stupid," A half-hearted whisper that held no edge to it. And if Kenma could hear Kuroo's heart beating out of his chest, he didn't mention it. But Kuroo couldn't even bring himself to feel embarrassed about how his genuine affection for the former setter showed through in the bright blush on his cheeks or the beating of his heart or the way he maybe clung to Kenma a little too tightly. Because the moment was oh so irreproachable.

"No, I don't think it is."

☾ ⋆*·ﾟ:⋆*·ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:·ﾟ .: ⋆*·ﾟ: .⋆