Boston is an amazing city. No doubt about it.

The architecture of the pre-war brownstones and churches combined with the timeless cobblestone streets could transport you to different eras and centuries. The North End was overflowing with the most delicious Italian food anyone had ever tasted. The people in the city were always too focused on moving from one place to another than to bother you or make small talk, a particular pet peeve of yours. On the off chance that anyone ever did come up to you all you had to do was send them a simple "fuck the Patriots" or "go Yankees" and they would cuss you out then leave you alone. God bless New England sports fans.

While all of those things made the city favorable, the best thing about Boston was that it was exactly two hundred and seventeen miles from the man who broke your heart.

Three weeks had passed since you had last seen him. You still weren't allowing yourself to say or even think his name. Was this a valid coping mechanism? Not really, but you didn't care. It was keeping you from falling apart completely at the moment. You needed to keep you-know-who at a distance physically and mentally for the time being, wanting to stay as stress free as possible for your baby's sake.

As a result you had spent the last twenty or so days doing everything you could to prevent he-who-must-not-be-named from figuring out where you were. You weren't stupid enough to think he wouldn't come after you or that you'd be able to hide from him forever. You were pregnant with his child so seeing him again was an inevitable, inescapable truth. But you weren't ready for that day yet, so you were using every possible tool at your disposal to prolong that day as much as possible.

The fact was you had lived at Stark Tower long enough and overheard enough of the team's strategy meetings to learn some basic things about how to avoid being found. That was why you had left your phone at your mom's apartment. That was also why you had been relying solely on emergency stashes of cash and not touching your credit cards. While those were useful, albeit somewhat obvious, things to do when trying to stay hidden there was one factor that had truly helped you to learn not just how to hide, but to disappear altogether. One person who had taught you everything you needed to know about not just going off the grid, but erasing yourself from it completely.

About two months ago the team had a huge scare. You didn't know that many of the details other than the fact that someone dangerous had tried to go after somebody that was close to Clint. Everything had turned out fine but it seemed to shake Nat up especially hard. As a result, she had taken it upon herself to teach you how to avoid being found if you, god forbid, ever found yourself in a similar situation. She had made it clear that it was very unlikely somebody would come after you but it gave her peace of mind to know you wouldn't be completely helpless if something did happen.

At the time Nat said to keep this between the two of you. When you asked her why she had said Steve- shoot, no... she had said that the annoyingly attractive star spangled man wanted to keep you completely separated from that aspect of his life. He hadn't wanted you to be exposed to anything having to do with his work, which you had understood but in the end agreed with Nat that it was important to be able to protect yourself should the worst happen.

You were sure that by now Nat would have come clean about the things she had taught you but here you were three weeks later successfully hiding from some of the most powerful people in America. Maybe she was trying to help give you the space you so desperately needed or maybe she was just scared of how you-know-who would react to learning the truth. In either case, you were extremely grateful.

She had taught you everything about how to avoid being seen on CCTV's or other street cameras, explained the importance of a burner phone, and even taught you how to scramble the IP address on your computer to make any location someone might be able to determine from there essentially untraceable. To be safe, you hadn't used your computer at all but it was nice to know you had the option if you really needed it.

While normally you did your best to not accept large favors from anyone, you had to make an exception for this whole thing to work. Your mother had been surprisingly helpful, lending you and old phone of hers from years ago and setting up the small house in Boston you had been staying in. It was apparently one of the secretary of state's private residences, who had been a family friend of yours for as long as you could remember. He had always kept the place off the books as a sort of safe house which he had told your mother you could use as long as you liked. You had been waiting for the "I told you so" that you were sure would be coming from your mother's lips but it never did. She just sent you on your way with a hug, promising to not tell anyone where you were as long as you continuously checked in using the phone she had given you.

Remembering that you hadn't checked in with her yet today, you pulled the phone out of your back pocket beginning to type out a message. Big mistake. Your doctor had long since mentioned that it was still important to be active while pregnant. As such, you had been taking daily walks around the neighborhood on a route that you had triple checked did not have any street cameras. It was an extremely windy day so you tightened your windbreaker with your free hand in an attempt to stay warm. In the process your right elbow bumped into your left hand sending your phone flying across the street and skidding through a large puddle. Shit.

You ran across the road, quickly pulling the phone out of the water but it was too late, the damage had already been done. A long crack had appeared on the screen of the phone. You pressed the power button, and the screen lit up for a moment flashed an array of colors and blurry letters. You felt the phone grow hot in your hand for a moment as it began to whir and make strange noises before the screen went completely black. Damn it. You pulled the SIM card out of the phone but it was ruined too. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

You shoved the phone into your pocket, quickly turning around to head back home, thinking over your options. The spare phone you had been using was clearly a goner so you were going to have to find some other way to get in touch with your mom. You could try and find a payphone, but you figured the majority of those would have cameras inside or at least nearby. You could also try and buy a new phone but that would also pose a similar issue. No, you only had one option and it wasn't one you were thrilled about.

Walking up the front steps, you shoved the key in the door, kicking off your shoes and pulling off your jacket. You turned the corner, heading down the hallway that led to the guest room, pulling out the suitcase you had stashed in the closet. On top was a navy sweatshirt that you pulled over your head instinctively, still cold from your walk. Below was your laptop, which seemed to rest there ominously, taunting you to do what you had so far been too afraid to try.

Nat had told you that you had about forty-five seconds to scramble the IP address of any computer before it's location would become traceable. The process was actually relatively simple but tech wasn't really your thing and you weren't one hundred percent positive that you could do it in that amount of time under pressure. On the other hand, you knew you needed to get in touch with your mom or else she would freak out that something had happened to you and send some of the secretary's men to come get you or worse come herself, leading you-know-who straight to you.

Sighing, resigned to your fate you picked up the laptop and carried it to the bed plopping down. You ran through all of the steps in your head three times and setting up a timer on the clock on your night stand just to be sure. Taking one final breath, you opened the laptop and began typing furiously. You typed and typed and typed seeing the timer continue to tick out of the corner of your eye until finally you were done. The timer continued to run and when you went to stop it there was now fifty-three seconds showing. If you had done the work right, your computer was now set up so that the location would change to a random place every five minutes. If anyone was looking they wouldn't be able to make heads or tails of where you were. You sighed, feeling momentary relief in knowing you had been successful but you were soon met with a whole new wave of nausea as you looked at your desktop.

The screen was working overtime as a rush of delayed notifications were now loading onto the refreshed screen. You shut your eyes tight, not wanting to see whatever was being sent your way. You already knew what it would be but that didn't mean you wanted to see it. Or maybe some small part of you did. You cracked one eye open, peering curiously at the screen. 

While your mind was telling you to run as far as you could from the tower that had been full of disappointments, your heart hadn't caught up yet. You were still furious about everything that had happened. All of the lies and secrets were constantly at the front of your mind. You were trying your best to heal but it was hard. It hurt to know that the man you had started to fall for thought you were using him for money. It hurt that he had promised you he trusted you only to keep the contract behind your back in case of emergency. It hurt that despite your better judgement you had let yourself trust people only to be let down again.

All of those things were true, but none of them stopped you from missing him. You missed the way he would laugh at all your jokes, even the ones that weren't funny. You missed the way he would play with your hair until you fell asleep. You missed those moments when everything felt simple and safe. You had sworn to yourself that you wouldn't let anyone into your heart but you had and even though you thought you would have hated it, you didn't. Being with and confiding in those people had brought so much color into your life. You had felt happy, excited, and alive. Each day without them you felt the vibrance begin to fade, leaving you alone in a world of grays. You knew you shouldn't look at what anyone had sent you, it would only bring you more pain but you couldn't stop yourself, all of a sudden needing to know what they had to say and feel connected to them one last time. With a heavy and lonely heart, you opened up your missed messages and began to read.

Sam Wilson

hey there baby momma, come home soon so we can celebrate your graduation, it's time to get our party on. Also I'm sorry, I broke your lamp by accident, don't hate me.

You chuckled lightly and a little nervously, scrolling to the next message.

Natasha Romanoff

I'm beginning to regret teaching you all that stuff missy, get your ass back home.

The third message was from Peter, only it was a voice memo instead of a written message. You clicked play hesitantly, your curiosity getting the better of you.

"Hey (Y/n),"

You sucked in your breath sharply at the sound of your best friend's voice. 

"This is voice text number forty-six of your dumb ass of a best friend trying to apologize for what an idiot he's been. It's been too long since anyone has kicked my ass in Call of Duty, which means it's definitely time for you to come home."

You were torn between wanting to laugh and needing to cry, feeling your breaths get shorter and quicker. Focusing on the sound of Peter's voice, you tried to concentrate on slowing your breathing.

"I hope you're doing okay. I hope that you're safe and happy,"  he continued. "I've been missing you a lot. The tower feels so big and quiet... guess I've never really noticed that before."

Your eyes began to water as you heard the brokenness of his voice, knowing you needed to stop listening but at the same time not being able to stop. Your heart rate was beating in overdrive as you heard Peter sniffle slightly through the recording. You could almost picture him while talking, running his hand through his hair and pulling at his brown curls the way he always did when he was stressed or upset.

"I know you don't like promises and wouldn't even believe me if I tried so I'm just going to tell you this."

You moved the mouse so it was hovering over the button to your mother's contact. You weren't sure how much more of this you could listen to and needed to just message her and close your laptop. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it. Why couldn't you do it?

"I'll always be here for you. I was there for you when you found out you were pregnant. I was there for you when it was all just too much. And when you're ready to come home, I'll be there for you then too. No matter how you feel about me right now, you're still my best friend, and that's for always."

That was all it took. Those few words and you were pushed over the edge. Tears spilled over, running down your cheeks and onto your sweatshirt. Peter's voice started coming through your laptop again but this time you didn't listen. You clicked on your mother's contact, sent a brief message that you were okay before quickly shutting the screen and pushing it to the other side of the bed, as if that would protect you from and erase the pain you were currently feeling.

You crawled on your bed as far as you could away from the computer, letting your head fall into your hand. Wiping at your face, you tried to stop the tears from overflowing with the sleeves of your sweatshirt but it was pointless. As the tears continued to fall you became overcome by the emotion of it all. When did you become this person? You usually never cried but these days it seemed like you had cried so much you were shocked you had any water left in your body. Maybe it was the baby hormones messing with you or maybe you were just getting more sensitive with age but you were so tired of all the damn waterworks. It was infuriating. Your tears began to slow steadily, as you reached the point where you had cried all the hurt and betrayal out of your system leaving something much worse in its wake.

While Peter's message had clearly triggered something in you, you were glad you had listened to it. It was exactly what you had needed to hear. For a second, you had thought just maybe you could go back to New York. That maybe there was some way you could work all this out. But Peter's message had reminded you that the tower that you missed and the home you had made wasn't really there anymore. Peter's voice didn't sound the same. It didn't bring you the comfort it used to, it just felt different and wrong.

The once happy memories that you had made with those people weren't anything but illusions. The creation of a girl who had actually thought she could mean as much to people as they had meant to her. You had thought that they might be your forever but they had been just like everyone else, secret-keepers and promise-breakers. You had wasted so much time and effort breaking down your walls and for what? For people that had sworn you could trust them only to break your heart? For people who had walls up of their own, built up in a foundation of lies and self-centered ambitions?

Maybe it was finally time to let yourself be self-centered too. Your loneliness had gotten the better of you but you wouldn't let it happen again. Your tears had stopped completely now, your face hardening into a firm and icy expression as you stared out your window. It was a look so cold and so dark that it could only have been produced by a girl who's heart had been truly and completely shattered. A girl who had completely given up on those around her. A girl so shadowed and trapped in clouds of darkness that this time, even the strongest rays of sun may not be able to bring her back into the light.