Dark.

That's all it is. Dark. Quiet. I can't see anything, not even my hand in front of my face. The only sound is my breathing picking up slowly. Where am I? What's going on? The last thing I remember was going to bed after packing for school. Am I awake? Or is this a dream? I don't know, but I don't like it.

Suddenly, I hear a voice.

"Virgil!"

What? I don't recognize that voice. I don't know who that is! How do they know my name? I haven't told anyone yet!

"Virgil! Are you there?"

Unfamiliar, and yet... I want to get closer. I want to know that voice. I want to know who it belongs to. It sounds so... sweet. Kind. Safe... I haven't felt safe in so long...

I see a light far away; the voice seems to be coming from there. If I can just get there, maybe I can see them! Maybe I can be safe with them! I try to get up but I am pushed back down. Confused, I try again. I manage to stand up straight this time, but am pushed down so forcefully my head hits the ground painfully. I cry out, tears filling my eyes. What is happening!?

"ALLISON!!"

Dread fills me. That voice I recognize. My "father". He sounds so angry. Oh, what did I do this time? I can't remember doing anything that would upset him! I haven't even seen him in months! How is he here? He can't be here!!

"Oh Allison, you've been a very bad girl haven't you? You disobeyed me, you good for nothing little sh**! I should have gotten rid of you a long time ago!"

I start to shake, I hear his voice all around me, but I don't see him. Suddenly, a new voice.

"Allison, stop it with this nonsense. You are a girl! I know my own daughter, I don't have a son!"

My mother... I haven't seen her in years... She used to be so sweet to me, but now all I hear is anger and dissapointment in her voice.

"You are worth nothing more than the dirt on my shoe! I did not raise you this way! We are taking you to see Father Flaherty, now! Maybe he can get whatever demon has possessed you out!"

I cower in fear. I remember when she took me to see Flaherty, he told them to send me away to conversion camp, said it would make me better. Set my head straight. I hated it there, it was terrifying...

"Move it you dirty fa****s! I don't get paid enough to deal with you all! You! Why aren't you cleaning! I gave you one job and you couldn't even do it! Guess it's time for a little... punishment, hm? Oh, yes, I think so. BO! I got a pretty one over here for you, needs a little bit of an... attitude adjustment. Needs to be shown who's in charge around here I think, she doesn't seem to quite get it yet."

No, no, no, no! Not again! I'm sorry, I'll be better, I'll get it done, please!

"NO, PLEASE!"

I yell, and bolt straight up, panting harshly, tears streaming down my face. It... it was just a dream? It felt so real... I can still feel their hands on me, the pain in my hips, welts on my head and back from my father... I get up shakily, almost collapse to my bedroom floor. I haven't had such a bad nightmare in so long. But... who was the voice at the start of it? That's never happened before... I don't know anybody who would be nice to me, no one ever is, so why was it in my dream? I suppose that is exactly why, isn't it; it was a dream. I dreamt of someone being nice to me, feeling safe... because there's no way it could happen in the real world, not in my real world at least. I get up and get a glass of water, calming myself down. I don't want to go back to sleep, I'm afraid, but I need to sleep at least a little more, I have a long drive to school tomorrow. It's my first day of college, need my beauty sleep I guess.

I slip back beneath my covers, trying to think of happy things, but nothing comes to mind. I eventually slip back to sleep again.

"Virgil! There you are! Come on love, everyone is waiting! It's your birthday, come on we are going to celebrate!"

I look back up and see the light again. I want to be there so badly, it sound so kind, and feels so warm and safe. I get up and start running, feeling hands pulling and pushing me away. But I know if I can just make it to the light, I'll be safe from them forever. The voice! They will keep me safe! I run faster, harder, desperate to make it, to break through the ghosts of my past. Finally, finally, I made it! I burst away from the cold hands and collapse into a pair of warm strong arms, my face buried in someone's chest, a man's I think. I look up, wanting to see who my rescuer was, this person who was so warm and comforting, but their face is blurred.

"I love you. Happy birthday Virgil." The stranger leans down and I feel lips connect with mine. I've never felt such tenderness before, it was so full of love. "Virgil, sweetheart, let's go, the others are waiting in the car downstairs."

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I groan and roll over, grab my phone to turn the alarm off. I get up rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I sit there a moment, thinking about my dream just now. Certainly a nice way to wake up I suppose... but also bittersweet in a sense. I get up and go into the bathroom to shower, taking my shirt off. After all, it's not like that could ever become my reality. Me, having friends? Never. Someone actually loving me? Definitely impossible. I look down at my body. Wrong. I look at my scarred wrists, my abdomen, my back. My fat stomach, chubby thighs. Ugly. There's no way someone could ever love me. I'm too

Broken.

AN- So here's the first chapter of Is It Really Ok? (That title is definitely up for changing btw, I don't really like it but it also fits with the story and makes sense later on.) But yeah, this is the prologue, anyone who read the AN in my oneshots book will know what is going on with all my stories. But, this is one of the ideas. I wanted to ask you guys which ones you want me to put priority into writing, son I will be posting the first chapter of several different stories I have started, and waiting to hear what you guys want me to prioritize writing! I have been inactive for a while because school sucks, but with summer starting in a couple of week I should be writing much more often very soon. Let me know what you guys think of this chapter and if you want more! Thanks for reading!