Crowley was taking a walk in St James's Park. He had been doing that quite often lately, usually with Aziraphale, but this time he was alone. Or, at least he thought he was alone.

He had been walking along when he smelled something awful. His gaze moved to the right to see Hastur lounging smugly on a bench. His and Aziraphale's bench, mind you. Rage boiled inside him, but he didn't act upon it. There was also a small bit of fear bubbling in his throat, enough to make him act rationally.

"Well if it isn't the flash bastard Crowley," Hastur sneered at him, fully spread out on the bench, legs apart, arms stretched over the backrest.

"Hastur! What the heaven are you doing, showing your wretched face here?" Crowley feigned a polite tone. He topped it off with the fakest smile the universe had ever seen.

"We are here because zzomeone has done something very... bad," Crowley turned to see Beelzebub. They stood in front of a handful of other demons standing in an awkward, evil clump.

"And what exactly is the problem with that? I thought demons were meant to do bad!" Crowley was surprised to see them here, but he hid it quite well. He wondered what could have possibly happened that was important enough to bring a horde of demons to Earth.

"Not like thizz," Beezlebub said stiffly, voice teetering with... emotion? What in the...?

Crowley's silent question was answered as he saw their boil-covered hand motion to a body laying on the ground. The form appeared to be male, wearing very posh-looking, all-grey clothes. "Gabriel," he was, quite frankly astounded. Though, he had to admit, he did not see this as a tragedy. But he was fully aware (as was most of hell (he was unsure about heaven), although they didn't speak of it) that Beezlebub and the archangel had a certain... connection.

"It was discorporation due to hellfire burns. One of you numbskullzz did this and I am going to find out who it wazz," Beezlebub said threateningly. Crowley's eyebrows flew up above his sunglasses. This situation was getting crazier and crazier! Demons come to earth, an archangel dead, killed by hellfire, Crowley was not expecting any of this.

"I can assure you it weren't me ma'am-" with a straight face, Beezlebub snapped and the demon who had spoken was discorporated in addition. Crowley winced. He did not miss any of the demons. He was done here. He turned and started towards his flat.

"Crowley?!" Hastur called after him. "You can't just leave!"

Crowley held up a middle finger and continued on his way.

"Oh, that serpent! He is going to regret that-"

"Let him go," Crowley heard Beezlebub's drawling voice as he continued sauntering away from the mess of demons. "He hasn't been to hell, where would he have gotten the hellfire? It wazzn't him," Crowley was surprised he got let off the hook so easily, especially because their reasoning didn't make sense. He could conjure up hellfire! But Beezlebub was right, it wasn't him. And he wasn't going to inquire about why they let him go.

But... he was surprised by a lot of things, actually. How had he missed the demons? And Gabriel's body? And more importantly, what were the humans going to do about this? Crowley thought about going back to prevent fights that were bound to break out involving humans, but decided against it. The demons were not his problem anymore.

When he finally opened the door to his flat he was surprised to find Aziraphale sitting in his throne-like chair, with his back to him.

"Aziraphale?" Crowley inquired softly. "What are you doing here?" he asked curiously, not impolitely.

"Hello, dear!" Aziraphale turned to look at Crowley, "I'm just waiting here to go to my doctor's appointment," he smiled at him.

"Oh," Crowley said, as though that was a normal occurrence. "Well I just saw a bunch of demons in St James's Park," he stated nonchalantly. Truly, he was feeling strangely calm.

"Oh, really?" Aziraphale was also strangely undisturbed. "What were they doing?"

"Investigating the death of an archangel," he said as though he was commenting on the weather.

Aziraphale gasped. "Really? Who?"

"Gabriel," Crowley said matter-of-factly.

"Oh," all of Aziraphale's previous surprise disappeared from his voice. He looked away from Crowley meaningfully. He was never good at hiding things...

"Aziraphale?" the angel looked back at him. "You don't mean...? Did you...?"

Aziraphale just shrugged, a tiny, sheepish smile curving his lips.

Crowley gasped. "But they said it was death by hellfire!? How did you-"

Aziraphale stood up and put a finger to his lips. "You don't need to worry about that, my dear," Crowley once again felt a rather inappropriate (considering the situation) wave of calm wash over him. "I need to go to my doctor's appointment," Aziraphale said, reaching down to grasp both of Crowley's hands in his.

"What are you going to the doctor for?" Crowley finally inquired.

"Oh, Crowley," Aziraphale's eyes welled with tears and Crowley felt his stomach drop.

"Are you ok?" he asked, suddenly terrified.

"Yes, I'm alright, it's just..." Aziraphale hesitated for a moment, looking away, before finally blurting, "I'm pregnant."

~×~

Crowley sat bolt upright, banging his head on something and hearing a clacking sound, like teeth against teeth.

"Gahh!" Aziraphale cried in pain, rubbing his chin.

"Aziraphale!!" Crowley exclaimed, grabbing the angel's face. The pair stared at each other, equal amounts of bewilderment etched across their faces.

"Goodness gracious! Are you alright, dear boy?" Aziraphale asked, concerned by the sudden movement and exclamation on Crowley's part.

"You- you-!" Crowley sighed, stroking Aziraphale's cheeks with his thumbs. "You're so beautiful," he smiled softly at him.

"I- you- er- what?" Aziraphale's face was flushed and he looked even more concerned now, thinking Crowley might've hit his head quite hard when he sat up into Aziraphale's chin.

"But wait!" Crowley exclaimed, Aziraphale froze, wide-eyed. "You need to go to the doctor!" Crowley stood up, grabbing Aziraphale's hands and trying to pull him up off the couch.

"Crowley, Crowley," Aziraphale gently but sternly tried to reason, pulling on the demon to get him back on the couch. Once he plopped down all his attention was on the angel. Aziraphale rubbed the back of his hand gently and asked, "Why on earth would I have a need to visit a physician?"

"Because you're pregnant!" Crowley exclaimed, looking at Aziraphale as though it was common knowledge.

"I'm-! I'm what?! Dearest, you know when we've... er-" cough "I've always used male parts..." he looked at Crowley as though he was a crazy toddler who he was trying to talk some sense into.

Crowley glared at him, "Well I know that but-" he interrupted his own sentence when he realized they were sitting on an overstuffed sofa with a blanket draped over the two of them. In the bookshop. Not his flat. "Wait. How the Heaven did we get here?"

Aziraphale looked more concerned than he'd been in a long time. "We've been here for about six hours, love," Crowley looked at him in disbelief. "Don't you remember? You stopped by to bring me some devil's food cake- which was scrumptious, despite your jokes, thank you, my dear-, we had a few drinks, then you drifted off in my lap, and I sobered up after a while and read... Ring any bells?" Crowley's eyebrows were flying high on his forehead.

"That was today?" Crowley asked incredulously, his golden eyes filled with disbelief.

"Yes!" Aziraphale laughed, "I'm glad you're caught up," he squeezed his beloved's hand, still giggling slightly.

"But- but I thought-" Crowley glanced down to Aziraphale's abdomen.

"Whatever happened was a dream, my dear. I am most certainly not pregnant," Aziraphale said with a toothy grin, barely containing his laughter.

Crowley had finally reclaimed his grasp on reality. "So you didn't kill the archangel Gabriel with hellfire, either?" Crowley asked sarcastically, a smile stretched across his lips as he leaned closer to his angel.

"You- I- what?! No!! Most definitely not!!!" Aziraphale went pale at just the thought.

Now it was Crowley's turn to laugh. "Of course, angel. If one of us was going to kill Gabriel it would be me!" he leaned into Aziraphale's face growling in a teasing manner.

Aziraphale giggled breathlessly, reaching up to run his fingers through Crowley's firey hair before the demon captured his smiling lips in a kiss.

He tasted of chocolate cake, wine, and his usual ineffably sweet flavour.

Crowley tasted of sleep, the same wine, and a smoky sort of flavour that could only be described as snakey.

When they broke apart Crowley leaned his forehead against Aziraphale's. He felt the angel's calmly inquisitive gaze resetting on his eyes. He didn't return the look, however. He was staring at the blanket the angel had draped over his apparently sleeping body. He felt a tightening in his chest, almost like he was going to cry. But he wasn't. Definitely not.

"My dear..." Aziraphale's quiet voice broke the silence. Crowley's slightly teary amber eyes met the angel's pale blue eyes.

"I'm- I'm so lucky to have you, angel," Crowley's sounded slightly constricted and hoarse.

"Oh, darling!" Aziraphale's fingers tightened slightly at the back of Crowley's neck, "I believe," he gently scratched his way up Crowley's scalp, giving the demon gooseflesh, "I'm, in fact, the lucky one," his hand was fully immersed in Crowley's hair, and he only had to make the slightest of movements to connect their lips once more. 

~!~

I hope you liked that!! It was based on a dream I had XD it was super weird and I thought it would go hilariously with Crowley :) Please vote and comment if you enjoyed it!! Thanks for reading <3