Oh there are so many things Ritsu would love to say to his very own 'brother' at this very moment. The thoughts had started building up ever since that day. Ever since he had heard that one sentence out of Ann's mouth...

"I mean... For a little while... Liking Rei–San—"

Yeah, he had not been mistaken. She liked him. She liked Anija. 'Only a little while' they claimed. A little while... Right, a little while. Apparently it was just that... Ugh, he hated repeating it in his head. The thought of it made him sick, the thought of this option having even existed. He was just... He had no words to be honest. His stomach turned just being reminded of it. And all it usually took was just her face.

Ritsu really tried to not let it get to him, he really tried. After all, he didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to distance himself at all. He would never, he could never. And yet he was forced to, somewhat. He just couldn't stand it, in any sense of the word. It was just painful, way too painful. Every. Single. Time.

It felt like a punch in the gut. It was no different than any magazine, any article he had read. It was the exact same feeling, the exact same thing... Except worse. After all, this was not some journalist, some person with no face. If that had been the case Ritsu would have already forgotten all about it and be unbothered, at least somewhat. But this was personal. This was not just someone, this was someone he felt very, very close to! He couldn't just swallow that and accept it as if nothing was going on, as if everything was fine, as if he had forgotten!

It was literally a feeling tearing him apart after all! Being known as 'Rei Skauma's younger brother' was bad enough. But being picked because he was the next best thing apparently, compared to his brother!? Is that what is going on!? Because he is 'Rei Sauma's little brother'!? Then what if he wasn't!? Would she still be interested!? If he wasn't related to Anija? If she had never liked him to begin with? Would it still be the same?

Hah... Honestly, deep down he knew the answer. Or did he? It was a weird feeling, a confusing one. But if it was confusing... Maybe the answer had not been that clear to him? Was he in doubt? Scared? Afraid? The thought of having someone stolen, right then and there. Just because you are not him.

After all, who is to say that Anija wouldn't barge in? It was— No, he wasn't that awful. And yet, it was a lingering fear. Ritsu Sakuma, the one living in Rei Sakuma's shadow. Who is to say that he wasn't plan b in all of this? It was a possibility. And even if he refused to admit to it... It was there, lingering, all this time. He couldn't deny that at the very least. He had this feeling creeping up and it was only getting worse and worse.

Ritsu shouldn't think that way. He shouldn't even consider this option. But it got out of hand eventually. He felt dizzy just thinking about it... And yet he couldn't just leave it either. He was unsure. There was no clarity. He didn't know and had not asked. Only once did Ann try to explain yet he ran out on her, not wanting to hear it.

Because what if this is true? What if this was actually the case? What if she was interested in Ritsu solely because of one thing – His brother? His stupid, older brother! If, if, if. Yes, it was all an 'if'. But could he be blamed!? If this was the answer then maybe he would be better off not hearing it! Maybe he would be better off just sitting in the dark about it! Ignorance was bliss! That's how this saying goes! Yeah, bliss! This state is a bliss! It has to be! It should be! If he ignores it then surely it will go away! Surely he will be able to... To...

And yet, he couldn't agree to that. He tried to ignore it. He tried to push it aside. He tried to sweep it under the rock. But nothing. It always got worse. He didn't even sleep properly, not during the day and not during the night. It was eating him up, he felt too exhausted just thinking about it. It was just... Too much. Laying awake in fear... Dreading to hear those words from her mouth one day.

"Sorry... You reminded me of Rei–San so much, I just..." or "I... It's true.... I... Was first interested because you and Rei–San are brothers."

He really didn't want to hear it. Just thinking about it made him wish that he was deaf altogether, then he would have at least an excuse to never hear it. He would never have to hear it and learn the truth. But this wasn't so simple.

The truth is scary. Not knowing what the truth will be is scary. But was it better than not knowing at all, allowing himself to be eaten up like this? Well, if he had to pick between one or the other...

Yeah, he would rather want to know. He wanted to know if Anija could turn into a thief anytime or not... Take away yet someone else important to him... Ritsu had to know, one way or another. So, even if it breaks him... At least it will break him quicker than make him decay slowly.