It's been about a week since I slept with Carina and I can't stop thinking about her. I went into work and had a big case, which I was excited about. A giant brain tumor. It was resectable for the most part, and the rest would be fixed with radiation. Brain tumors are my favorite surgeries to do, rather they are small or large I just love it. That may just be because I had a brain tumor myself. The case came in, a 28 year old female. She came in with her husband and seemed really excited to be getting it removed. I took her into surgery, got scrubbed in, and was ready to start. I got to work and it was going very well, I love it when tumors are easily removable. I was getting ready make the last cut when I noticed blood, not in the brain but on the table and the floor. None of the machines had gone off, her vitals were stable, I started to panicking because I had no idea where the blood was coming from. I put my scalpel down and started looking around to find the source of the blood, that's when I noticed. There was a huge blood stain on her gown by her genitals, I lifted up her gown and noticed that she was bleeding out of her vagina and no it wasn't her period. She wasn't pregnant, not that we knew of but we had to call Carina. Great. The last thing I needed today was to work on a case with her. We immediately paged her and I finished cutting out the tumor and closed up. She came in and asked if the patient was safe for transport, I told her yes and she rushed off. She didn't seem too bothered by what happened last week, but I sure was. I scrubbed out and went to get some lunch. I went and sat down by Maggie, I think it was time I ask her for advice. "Hey" I said as I sat down next to her with my tray. "Hey, what's up?" She replied after taking a huge drink of soda. "So I need your help, well more like advice on something." I said calmly even though I was very nervous to be talking about these feelings. "I've been having feelings for someone lately. It's very complicated because I can't be with them, it would be a huge change but I also can't just keep ignoring the feelings."  " Your right you can't just ignore the feelings. if you like someone that's a big deal, you can't just ignore that. Why can't you be with them?" Maggie said confidently. "Well because..... I like a girl" I said, my heart racing. Feeling it was bad enough but saying it gave me chills. Maggie looked shocked, she put her food down and looked me in the eyes, "You like a girl?!" she said kind of loud. "Shhh" I replied, "No one knows yet." Maggie gave me a hug but then gained a look of confusion, "Wait, you can't be with her because she's a girl? That doesn't make much sense." "I'm straight Maggie, I always have been. That can't just suddenly change." I replied. " Actually it can. Straight is the default sexuality but if you ever feel like you aren't straight you can change. It's not wrong or bad but people always see it as such. I mean look at Callie, she was straight her whole life until she met Erika, then she wasn't. It's all about accepting yourself for who you are and not letting others determine things for you." she said still keeping eye contact. " But I've never felt attracted to girls before, what changed?" I asked confused. Maggie took a sip of her drink and then said " A lot of things can change. Think of it like a candle, it's not lit until someone lights it. You're a candle who's never been lit, but whoever you're attracted to  was the lighter that lit the candle and now there is a flame. Some people can go years and years before discovering their true sexuality. A change can be unpredictable but you have to follow you're heart." Her words were really inspiring to me, they always were. Just then I saw her, Carina. She was walking towards be with a sad look on her face, I knew the news wasn't going to be good. She walked up and let out a sigh before saying " The mom was pregnant, neither her or her husband knew. She had a miscarriage." Carina loved working on OB but when babies died it was hard for her, she told me that last week. I rubbed her back and told her that i'm sorry. She thanked me an left because she had another surgery. Her walk, her voice, her smile, her eyes, her personality, everything was perfect. Maggie's words ran through my brain again, i knew what I had to do.